我很喜欢那些小香皂
l love those little soaps.
不行
No.
医生认为这样最好
The doctor thinks that it’s best.
要多久？
For how long?
不久，几天，也许一星期
Not long. A few days, maybe a week.
一星期？ 我不能待在这里一星期
A week? l can’t stay here for a week!
贾斯登，现在别跟我争
Augusten, don’t argue with me. Not now.
我会到梦里看你
l’ll visit you in my dreams.
你知道我会那样吗？
Did you know l can do that?
有一次我梦到我去墨西哥
Once, l had a dream l went to Mexico,
醒来时手中拿着墨西哥披索
and when l woke up there were pesos in my hand.
我要走了
l’m going to go now.
不会有事的
We’ll be okay.
有你的电♥话♥
Telephone call.
喂？
Hello?
你儿子贾斯登打来的对方付费电♥话♥
l have an emergency collect call from your son, Augusten.
亲爱的，日记一定要有人写下我的遭遇
Dearjournal, somebody has to write down what’s happening to me.
实在让人难以置信
lt’s not to be believed.
所以那个人就是我了
So l guess that person is me.
第七天还是没有我妈的消息
Day seven and still no sign of my mother.
这地方比疯人院还糟，真的
This place is worse than any loony bin. l’m not kidding.
屋里决定每件事都依靠…
Every decision in the house is made by something the Finches call…
圣经
Bible dipping.
这就像问神奇八号♥球问题 只不过你问的是上帝
lt’s like asking a Magic 8-ball a question, only you’re asking God.
贾斯登，问上帝一个问题
Ask God a question, Augusten.
我不知道
l don’t know.
拜托，贾斯登，没那么难
Oh, for goodness’ sakes, Augusten, it’s not that hard.
晚餐该吃炸鱼条吗？
Should we have fish sticks for dinner?
（唤醒）
“唤醒”
“Awakening.”
唤醒我们的味蕾
As in, awakening our taste buds.
太好了，上帝要我们吃炸鱼条
Super, God wants us to have fish sticks.
可恶，我超想吃麦当劳
Shit, l wanted McDonald’s so bad.
小荷是范奇医师最爱的女儿 我知道是因为…
Of the daughters, Hope is by far Finch’s favorite. l know this because…
小荷，你是我最爱的女儿
Hope, you are by far my favorite daughter.
不要跟我对抗，娜塔丽 别再把你的愤怒转到我身上
Stop antagonizing me, Natalie. Just stop transferring all of your anger onto me.
要见爸爸请预约
Please make an appointment to see Dad.
你的回避战略不会有用的
You know what? Your avoidance tactics aren’t gonna work, Miss Hope.
恨我的人是你，你要面对这一点
You’re the one that hates me and you’re gonna have to confront that.
这真的是我们的晚餐？
ls this really our dinner?
只有炸鱼条和葡萄，我不是女佣也不是大厨
Fish sticks and grapes, that’s all you get. l am not a maid and l’m not a chef.
娜塔丽，太挑嘴会拉不出来
You know, Natalie, you’re so oral you’ll never get to anal.
永远不会有屌♥插♥你♥的老屄♥♥，老处♥女♥
And you’re never gonna get a dick in your dried-out cunt, you old maid.
太棒了，娜塔丽，你的歇斯底里登峰造极
Excellent, Natalie, your hysteria is spectacular.
从肛♥门♥进步到阳♥具♥
You’re moving from the anal onto the phallic.
我非常骄傲
l’m very proud.
我提过小荷喜欢动物吗？ 她有只猫叫佛洛依德
Oh, did l mention that Hope is an animal lover? She has a cat named Freud…
-佛洛依德快死了 -…还会跟她说话
-Freud is dying. -…that speaks to her.
它透过喵喵叫告诉我的，我懂猫语
She told me through her purrs, which l can translate.
小荷，佛洛依德不是跟你说话 因为猫根本不会说话
Hope, Freud wasn’t talking to you, because fucking cats can’t talk.
这是虐待动物
This is animal abuse.
性感一点，让她们哈你
Augusten, be sexier. Make them want you.
它要我这样对它
She asked me to do this to her.
它在快速动眼睡眠时跟我联♥系♥
She contacted me during REM sleep
说它有办法就会上吊
and said that she’d hung on as long as she could.
它要我坐在它身边，免得它孤独死去
And she wants me to sit with her so she doesn’t die alone.
你们在这里干什么？
What are you all doing in here?
最好不是在吸毒
You better not be engaging in pot or other activities.
老太婆，少啰唆
Shut up, you hag. Leave us alone.
你得待在那篮子旁边多久？
So how long are you gonna be carrying around that basket?
到佛洛依德死为止
Until Freud dies.
应该是这星期过完
Which should be the end of the week.
小荷说佛洛依德死于猫咪白血病
According to Hope, Freud died of kitty leukemia.
我认为
According to me,
佛洛依德被困在洗衣篮里，不吃不喝才死的
Freud died of being trapped in a laundry basket for four days without food or water.
贾斯登，漉土
Augusten, pay your respects.
我可以回家了吗？
Am l coming home for good now?
不，只有周末
No, baby. Just a weekend visit.
（1979年）
你应该让我剪你的刘海
You should let me cut your bangs.
会很酷的
lt’d be really cool.
你想当美发师吗？
So is that what you wanna be? A hairdresser?
不要说美发师
Well, don’t say “hairdresser.”
是有执照的专业美容师
Say professional, licensed cosmetologist.
我真正的目标是拥有自己的美发王国
But what l really want is to own my own hair empire, you know?
就像维达沙宣
Like Vidal Sassoon.
怎样？
What?
你想当什么？
What do you wanna be?
她
Her.
男女合校，主修文学
Coed, majoring in literature.
你应该申请
You should apply.
他们不会让我入学的
They’d never let me in.
为什么？你很聪明啊
Why not? You’re smart.
可是我姓范奇
But l’m a Finch.
我是二手货
l’m used goods.
你能想像学校调查学生背景吗？
Besides, can you imagine the college background check?
他们会发现我家里的事，就像科学怪人
When they find out what goes on in that house, it’d be like Frankenstein,
村民包围城♥堡♥，把它烧成灰
when the villagers surround the castle and then burn it to the fucking ground.
我是同志
l’m gay.
又怎样
Big deal.
我知道
l know.
我的继弟也是同志
My adopted brother Neil’s gay too.
他住哪里？
Where does he live?
以前住在谷仓里
He used to live out back in the barn.
我爸不给他真正的房♥间，后来他抓狂
Then he got mad at my Dad because he wouldn’t give him a real room in the house,
搬到一个寄宿舍
so he moved to some boarding house.
他租了一个房♥间，算是临时歇脚的地方
He rents a single room out there. Kinda like a pied-脿-terre.
你们应该认识你们会很喜欢对方的
You two should meet. l think you’d really like each other.
两张票
Two, please.
谢谢
Thanks.
（惠特穆勒影展）
这导演烂透了
That director is fucked up.
这星期我看了四次
l’ve seen that like four times this week already.
我很喜欢法国片
l love French movies.
表兄妹谈恋爱 哭脸小丑出现时却拿刀互捅
First cousins fall in love and then stab each other as the weeping clown appears.
我不太懂哭脸小丑的部分
l don’t really understand the weeping clown part but…
那代表失去纯真
lt represents the loss of innocence.
想看看我的车吗？
Wanna check out my wheels?
-好 -来吧
-Sure. -Come on.
你会跟你妈碰面吗？
So do you see your mom at all?
有时候
Sometimes.
在周末
On the weekends.
妈妈生病不好过吧？
lt’s tough to have a sick mom, right?
我妈也奈何不了我，我爸也没办法
My mom couldn’t handle me either. Neither could my dad.
我爸也是，他根本不想见我
Yeah, mine too. He never wants to see me.
那你住在哪里？
Where does that leave you?
更疯狂的范奇医师家
At the crazy house of the even crazier Finch.
你觉得他疯了？
Do you think he’s crazy?
好的那种，我想他是天才
ln a good way. l think he’s a genius.
我在你这年纪抓狂的时候
Like when l was your age and l’d have a rage seizure,
他会放音乐来帮我降血压
he’d put on music to lower my blood pressure.
纳京高、星尘、革命性的音乐
Nat King Cole, Stardust, revolutionary sort of stuff, you know?
每次都奏效
Worked every time.
要是他没领养我，不知道我会干出什么事
lf he hadn’t adopted me, shit, l don’t know what l would’ve done.
就是这辆
Well, here she is.
你不能当他的病人就好吗？
But couldn’t you have just been his patient?
我不懂他何必收养你
l mean, l don’t understand why he had to adopt you.
范奇医师认为人在13岁成年
Well, Finch believes that a person becomes an adult at 1 3.
到了那年纪大人就不能指使他
At that age, no adult can tell them what to do.
他就能选择自己的父母，我就是那样
And they can choose their own parents. l did it.
娜塔丽也是
Natalie did it.
娜塔丽？