模范贱兄弟 Role Models（2008）

等等 是这样
Wait. I know it.
等等 这样 等下
You know. wait. I know it. wait.
不对 是这样 没错
No. wait. oh, yeah, I got it.
音准了
This is it.
我觉得就是这样
I think that’s got it.
他妈的 罗尼
God damn it, ronnie!
干吗 我是黑人 所以你认为是我♥干♥的
What? ’cause I’m black, you think I did it?
不 因为本来就是你做的
No, ’cause you did it is why I think you did it.
我告诉你 我不是你搭档 我会揍你
Let me tell you something. I am not your big, and I’ll hit you.
我会打小孩
I will hit a child.
我从没打过 但我会
I’ve never done that before, but I will punch you in the face.
我们跳舞吧
Let’s dance, ben affleck!
罗尼 别惹他
Ronnie! leave him alone.
好吧
Fine!
但我会盯着你的 胆小鬼
But I’m watching you, daredevil.
看来你们需要帮忙啊
Looks like you guys could use a hand up here.
伙计 别这样 开心点
Come on, man! just having some fun.
我们去走走 谢谢
Let’s take a hike. thank you.
别担心 小孩睡着后
Don’t worry. once the little ones are asleep,
我会弄些刺♥激♥的
I’ll break out the pg stuff.
知道乘风之翼的歌♥吧
You don’t happen to know any wings, do you?
乘风之翼 知道呢
Wings? yeah.
爱 让我抓狂
Love, take me down to the streets
天 她胸部好大哦
Man! she got some boobies on her!
你肯定很喜欢看胸部啊 罗尼
You sure do like boobies, ronnie.
没错
I sure do.
有时我叫自己窥胸人
Sometimes I call myself the booby watcher.
就算是漫画书 也是窥胸之旅
Even got my own comic book. adventures of the booby watcher.
我有个关于胸部的理论
Okay. you know, I got a theory about boobies.
真的
Really? yeah.
地球上男人和女人都一样多
There are as many women as there are men on this planet.
没错
True that, true that.
大多数女人有两个乳♥房♥♥
And every woman has two boobs, for the most part.
所以 乳♥房♥♥数量就是人类的两倍
So therefore, there’s twice as many boobs as there are men.
我们数量太多了 过头了
We’re outnumbered, and it’s overwhelming.
我们很无能 但只能接受
We’re powerless. we have to accept it.
我喜欢你的理论
I like your take on boobies.
我也喜欢胸部
And I like boobies.
小孩 你要学的还很多
Kid, you got a lot to learn.
我知道我在干吗 -真的吗
I know what I’m doing. -oh,really?
那你知道你犯了窥胸新手
So you’re aware that you’ve committed one of the most
最常犯的错误么
Common rookie boob-watching errors?
什么意思
What you mean?
小孩 绝不盯着看
Never stare at the boobies, kid.
一旦被抓住 就没戏了
Yeah, once you get caught, the game’s over.
那怎么办 -得练
But how? -it’s called training.
不经意间去发现
You know, being aware without drawing attention.
你以为我没注意到我们左手边那个
You don’t think I’ve noticed the 34-c’s in the camouflage tank top
穿背心 34C杯 正支帐篷的女人吗
Setting up the tent directly to the left of us?
或者西边50码处
How about those twin cannons hiking
正爬山的双胞胎
Up the mountain ridge 50 yards due west?
或山本身
Or the ridge itself?
弧形的山势就像
Round mounds of grass shaped like…
女人的胸
Boobies!
别往那看 看这
Don’t look over there. look here.
看这 你会明白的
Yeah, focus. you’ll get it.
那老女人不能亲自来真太可惜了
Too bad old sweeny herself couldn’t come up here for this trip.
那肯定很好玩 对吧
That would have been fun, huh?
真正的狂欢哪
Yeah. a real blast.
但她得留守办公室呀
Yeah, she probably just had to hold down the fort.
你喜欢她吧 马丁
You got a thing for sweeny, martin?
她和我吗 你好冷啊
Sweeney? me? no. now that is a knee slapper.
你都兴奋了
Your erection is showing.
什么
What?
你没事吧
You okay?
自然啊
Nature.
你知道秃鹰
Did you know that bald eagles are
的交♥配♥方法很诡异吗
Known to engage in a bizarre mating ritual
他们向上飞 相互扣住爪子
Where two eagles fly upwards, lock talons,
然后旋转着下落
Then fall towards the earth while rotating,
撞到地面的前一秒才分开
Separating moments before they crash into the ground,
除非他们完成了交♥配♥
If, and only if, they consummate their bird fuck?
否则他们情愿一起撞死
If they don’t, they’re willing to accept death by hard ground.
这是最激烈的与时间的赛跑
It’s the ultimate race against the clock.
你干吗告诉我这个
Why are you telling me this?
为什么不呢
Why would I not?
你好 丹尼
Hi, danny.
我忘了告诉你 他们待会
I forgot to tell you, they’ll be telling
会讲鬼故事
Ghost stories later.
你最好来看看
You should stop by.
偌大的房♥子 当门咯吱咯吱慢慢打开时
And as the barn door creaked open, ever so slowly,
他站在那 背对着月亮
Standing there with the moon at his back
手上提着
And holding the severed head
小儿科大夫他妈的脑袋
of the pediatrician’s mother in his hand,
那是菲利普
Was philip,
送匹萨的男孩
The pizza delivery boy
最开始他们叫了匹萨外卖♥♥
From when they ordered pizza at the beginning of the story!
不是吧 你们
Come on, you guys!
随便咯 -过来
All right. whatever! -hey, come here.
你们什么都不怕啊
You guys are unscareable.
你们谁讲个更好的 谁来 拜托啦
Think you can do better? who’s got a better story? come on.
你们这么聪明 肯定讲得比我好
You guys are so smart. who’s got a scarier story than me?
你想怎样
Yes? so what’s up?
不知道啊 你想怎样
I don’t know. what’s up with you?
我知道你订婚了 我记得的
I know you’re engaged. I haven’t forgotten.
那这是什么
So what’s this?
是我的生殖器啊
Those are my testicles.
我的确有未婚夫
Listen, I have an arrangement with my fianc?
在洛杉矶的范围内
I’m completely faithful to him within
我对他绝对忠贞
The area codes of greater los angeles.
而在这里 我不过是随时准备偷♥情♥的女人
Out here, I’m just another woman who’s ready to cheat.
等我两分钟
Give me two minutes.
你呢 丹尼尔 你能讲个更好的故事么
How about you, daniel? you think you can top it?
是丹尼
It’s danny.
大男孩丹尼哟 大男孩丹尼哟
Oh, danny boy the danny boys are danny boys
说嘛 我们迫不及待了 讲个故事
Come on, man! we’re on pins and needles. give us a story.
好 我有个真正惊悚的故事
Okay, I’ve got a really good horror story,
它很吓人是因为是个真实的故事
And it’s particularly terrifying because it’s true.
一个真实的故事啊
Oh, a true story!
在世界上所有的国家 包括我国
In countries all over the world, including our own,
小孩们 和你们一样差不多的
Children, many of them just like you,
被拐卖♥♥
Are abducted and sold
进行地下色情交易
Into the world of underground sex trafficking.
他说什么
What is he saying?
你不能往下说了 这真的很可怕
I’m gonna stop you there, danny boy. that is a scary story.
故事讲完了 大家都分好组吧
Story time is over! everybody, let’s break into our groups.
A组 和我一起进行午夜密游
Group a, come with me for martin’s midnight mystery hike.
B组 和多恩一起 多恩 你准备干吗
And group b, go with Duane. what you got on tap, duane?
我们准备用白巧克力做一些X
We are gonna make some s’mores using white chocolate.
我可能不大喜欢那个 但随他们去吧
Well, I’m not sure I agree with that, but to each their own.
这是你全部的安定啊
Hey, hey, danny. is this all your ambien?
对啊
Yeah.
我和康妮要吃一些
Okay, ’cause connie and I are gonna take some,
然后我们就尽可能熬夜
And then we’re gonna stay up as late as we can,
因为只要你不睡
Because if you fight the urge to go to sleep,
就会产生幻觉 然后我们就做♥爱♥
Things start to get all trippy, and then we’re gonna fuck.
订婚的康妮
Connie who’s engaged.
没错
Oh, yeah.
别担心
You know what? don’t worry about it.
我会给你留点
We’ll make do with three each.