口袋里的小石头（2014）

有很多东西需要她背
She had a lot to cram in:
人体内有206块骨骼
there are 206 bones in the human body
而她需要知道每一块的拉丁语和拉脱维亚语的名字
and she had to know all the names both in Latin and Latvian.
人体还有6♥4♥0块骨骼肌
There are 6♥4♥0 skeletal muscles,
还有数不清的心肌以及平滑肌
and endless amounts of cardiac muscles and smooth muscles.
她必须都得认识
She had to know them all.
她的记忆系统一直在超时工作
Her memory was working overtime.
我在十一月底的一个晚上拜访了她
I visited her one late November evening.
来见一下我的“房♥客”伊瓦尔斯
Meet my “renter” Ivars.
她说“房♥客”这个词时还冲我挤眼
She actually winked when she said “renter”!
伊瓦尔斯是个很漂亮的小伙儿
Ivars was a nice looking fellow,
他有帅帅的金发 还难以置信地爱调情
handsomely blond and impossibly flirtatious,
也可能他的目的就是想跟每个人都合得来
or maybe his ambition was to get along with everybody.
不管怎么说 我们相处得很好
In any case, we hit it off.
我不确定在不冒犯琳达的情况下
Not sure how far I could take my own flirtations with Ivars
我自己对伊瓦尔斯的暧昧能到什么程度 万一他们之间是认真的呢
without offending Linda, in case something serious was going on.
我决定稍微刺探一下
I decided to poke around.
用一个非常单纯的问题
A very innocent question.
你们俩是怎么认识的？
How did you guys meet?
我需要房♥子 她出租♥房♥♥子 然后我就来了
I needed the room, she had the room, and here I am.
我们是在医学院的迎新会上认识的
We met at the orientation at the institute.
我立马就注意到了伊瓦尔斯
I noticed Ivars right away.
他也同样被我吸引了
He, too, was drawn to me.
迎新会结束后我们在公园聊了俩小时
we talked for two hours after the orientation in the park.
聊得很好 然后我就邀请他租我的空房♥子
It was wonderful! I offered to rent my free room,
而他为了离我近点 也爽快地接受了
and he kindly took it in order to be closer to me.
伊瓦尔斯来门口送我
Ivars saw me off at the door.
– 下次再来哦 – 或许吧
– Come and visit again. – Maybe.
– 我可以打给你吗? -干什么？
– Maybe I can call you? – What for?
我是个租客 你明白吗 不是她男朋友
I am a renter, understand,not a boyfriend.
我不太明白
It’s ambiguous to me.
我可明白得很 我没钱租别的房♥子
Not so ambiguous to me. I got no money to rent another place,
这里实在太便宜了 谁不租谁傻
this is dirt cheap. I’d be a fool to let it go.
她很漂亮哦
She is very pretty.
没有灵魂和幽默感的美貌
Beauty without a heart and sense of humor
交谈15分钟后就会失去吸引力
loses its appeal after 15 minutes of conversation.
救救我吧
Save me.
再见
Gotta go.
琳达要结婚了
Linda’s getting married!
几个月后我妈妈说
My mother said a few months later.
很显然 她的租客要么是求婚了 要么就是快了
Apparently, her renter either proposed or is about to.
听说她的租客叫停了婚约 她心都碎了
I heard her renter called it off. She is heartbroken.
但是他没有搬出去 所以她还有希望
But he hasn’t moved out, so she has hope.
婚期定在7月15日
The wedding is scheduled for July 15th.
都妥妥的了
It’s all set!
她将在五月通过最终考试
She’ll pass her final exams in May
然后开始认真为婚礼做准备
and start preparation for the wedding in earnest.
那女孩儿如饥似渴地学习
She studies like a devil, that girl,
不眠不休
with no sleep and no rest
直到记住每本书的每一页
till all the pages in the books are memorized.
七月 琳达穿上了她六周前买♥♥的婚纱
In July, Linda put on the wedding dress she had bought six weeks before,
戴上挂着披纱的花冠
put on a flower crown with the bridal veil attached
然后独自一人在花♥园♥里慢舞
and found in the garden slowly dancing alone.
她的租客叫了救护车
Her renter called the ambulance.
她激烈地反抗救护人员
She violently resisted the paramedics,
尖叫着说婚事都宣布了
screaming that the wedding has been announced
伊瓦尔斯却背弃了对她的诺言
and Ivars had betrayed his promise to her.
租客费了很大劲才说服医护人员相信
The renter had a hard time to convince the paramedics
他并没有与琳达订婚
that he was not engaged to Linda
这个从没有过的诺言只是她幻想出来的
and she was hallucinating about the promises that were never made.
琳达的父母也无法相信他
Linda’s parents, too, had a hard time believing him.
她告诉我们你承诺了要娶她
She told us you promised to marry her.
我只是个租客 我们从没有什么亲密关系
I am only a renter! We were never intimate!
而且我从没承诺过她任何事
And I’ve never promised her anything!
只是个租客？
Only a renter?
这么便宜的租金？你不至于这么傻吧
With the rent so cheap? You can’t be so stupid!
琳达出院后 回到了她的房♥子
When Linda got out of the mental hospital, she went back to her house.
她再也不能学习了 感情崩溃损伤了她的大脑
She couldn’t study anymore. Her brain was damaged by the breakdown.
但她还是坚持独自住在自己的房♥子里
Still, she insisted on living in the house alone.
我明年夏天会结婚的 你们等着吧
I’ll be getting married by next summer,you’ll see.
她邻居中有一个人 目睹了这个女人的绝望
There was a man in her neighborhood who saw the despair of the woman.
我不知道他是怎么想的
I don’t know what he thought.
在拉脱维亚 性关系有时被认为是有助于
In Latvia sexual relations are sometimes regarded
缓解女人压抑紧张的情绪的
as a cure for suppressed hysterical tensions in a woman.
也许他是想要帮忙
Maybe he wanted to help,
也许他只是发现了一个缓解自己压力的机会
maybe he saw an opportunity to release his own tensions.
他开始去琳达那孤单的大房♥子里做客
He started to visit Linda in her big lonely house
很明显他们发生了性关系
and apparently they had sexual relations
因为她怀孕了
because she got pregnant.
她开心得不得了
She was triumphant!
怀孕仍然是促使一个人娶你的最佳助推剂
Pregnancy was still a great lever to force someone to marry you.
结果却发现 这个男人已经有了妻子和两个女儿
But the man, it turned out, already had a wife and two daughters.
虽然不忠贞 但他对他的家庭还挺衷心
Though unfaithful, he was loyal to his family.
他绝不可能离婚
There was no way he would divorce.
但你必须 而且一定得离 我会让你离婚的
But you have to and you will. I’ll will you.
日日夜夜 琳达都全神贯注地坐在她的床上
Day and night Linda sat in her bed, concentrating.
她确定自己有神力 能让那个男人娶她
She was certain she had the power to make the man marry her.
她努力得满头是汗
Her forehead broke into sweat with the effort.
但是什么都没发生
But nothing happened.
于是她起来 去与男人的妻子对质
Then she got up and went to confront the man’s wife.
你必须放开他 我们是相爱的 而且我怀孕了
You have to let him go. We are in love and I am expecting.
我还怀孕了呢 妻子说完摔上了门
I am expecting too. The wife said and slammed the door.
琳达又穿上了她的白婚纱在花♥园♥中慢舞
Linda dressed in her white bridal dress and slowly danced in the garden.
一个苦恼的邻居叫来了救护车
A distressed neighbor called the ambulance.
当我再次见到琳达的时候 她女儿五岁了
When I saw Linda again, her daughter was five.
这个聪明的小家伙可以分辨出
A smart little thing who could tell
什么时候她母亲是还算正常的
when her mother’s judgment was somewhat sound
而什么时候又需要吃药
and when she was off her pills.
最重要的是 她懂得用叫救护车的威胁
Most importantly, she knew how to get what she wanted
来得到自己想要的东西
by threatening to call an ambulance.
琳达失去了美貌 她的脸失去了光泽
Linda had lost her beauty, the luster of her face gone.
她发现自己有时候分不清现实和幻觉
She was aware that sometimes she couldn’t tell fantasy from reality,
但是 我们谁又能真正分得清呢
but then, who of us really can?
她频繁地进出精神病院
She was constantly in and out of mental hospitals
她的生活完全依靠每天吃的一大把药
and her life depended on the pills she took,a handful a day.
愿望？梦想？
The aspirations? The dreams?
雄心勃勃的目标？
The ambitious goals?
都破灭了
All gone.
没有人真正知道我的堂妹伊尔贝
Nobody really knows
是什么时候开始听到那个“声音”的
when my younger cousin Irbe started hearing voices.
她很害羞 从不谈及自己
She was shy and didn’t talk about herself,
所以没人真正知道她的人生中 她的心里
so no one really knew what was going on in her life or in her heart,
或她的耳朵里 到底发生着什么
or in her ears, for that matter.
（第十二个孙女：伊尔贝）
伊尔贝学过音乐 虽然学得蛮不错
Irbe studied music and although she was quite good,
但她只在那个音乐学校待了两年
she only spent two years at the Conservatory
那里是年轻有天赋的孩子们 在进入专业领域前完善技艺的地方
where the young and talented refine their skills before entering the professional field.
她的辍学或许是经济原因
It may have been for economic reasons that she dropped out.
几年前苏联解体了
The Soviet Union had collapsed a few years before
然后学校就开始收学费了
and schools started to impose tuition fees.
伊尔贝的父母很难承担得起
Irbe’s parents couldn’t quite afford it
与其给他们紧巴巴的开支再加重负担
and rather than straining their meager budget,
伊尔贝决定自己教音乐挣钱
Irbe decided to earn money by teaching music.
或许她也经历过心碎吧
There may have been heartbreak too,
不然她怎么会离开自己深爱的城市里加
otherwise why did she have to move from Riga,
去到一个又小又丑的县城 去给高中孩子教音乐呢
the city she loved, to a small ugly town to teach music to high school kids.
关于“声音”这件事 是她跟年长很多
The business of voices slipped out by chance
很有保护欲的姐姐谈话时 偶然说出来的
in a conversation with her much older, protective sister
而姐姐就此抓住不放了
who was not going to drop the subject.
嗯 对啊
Well, yeah.
我每天都听从这声音的指引