口袋里的小石头（2014）

在上流社会的聚光灯下发光发亮
that she had hoped her life would turn out
反而过着几年前她曾绝望逃离的那种 像农民一样的生活
she was living a life close to a peasant’s, something she had desperately escaped a few years ago.
就像我们不开心时所做的一样 她回去找她的父母
She went back to her parents, as we always do when we are not happy
怀着疯狂的想法认为 如果他们创造了我们
and have the crazy idea that if they created us,
那他们或许也可以使我们消失
they might be able to uncreate us,
消除掉这最近的两三年
unravel the last two or three years
让我们可以在事情变坏之前重新开始
so that we could start from the point where things went wrong.
一个想回到子♥宫♥里的懦弱梦想
A cowardly dream of going back into the womb.
他们这样对她说
That’s what they told her.
别当懦夫 坚持到底 安娜的妈妈说道
Don’t be a coward. Just bear it out.Anna’s mother said.
你作出了选择就要忠于它
You made a choice and you stick by it.
没有别的办法了
There are no other options.
她的父亲什么都没说
Her father didn’t say a word.
牺牲了钱和宝贵的希望
Sacrificing his money and the precious hope to educate
教育他前途光明的聪明女儿
his bright, clever daughter
现在看来却是没用又可笑的
now seemed futile and ridiculous.
她甚至不能嫁个好人家
She couldn’t even marry well!
教育就像牛奶泼进了河里
Education is milk spilled into the river.
于是安娜回到了丈夫身边 又给他生下了一个孩子
So Anna went back to her husband and born him another child.
然后又一个 又一个 又一个
And another. And another. And another.
经济大萧条严重打击了松脂生意
The Big Depression hit the turpentine business hard
因为它和其它受大萧条影响的产业密切相关
because it was connected to other businesses hit by the depression.
现在因杜利斯希望能做产奶或制干酪的生意
Now Indulis wished he was producing milk or cottage cheese.
而且还不算太晚
And it wasn’t too late.
他又多买♥♥了两头奶牛 然后为了省钱解雇了挤奶女工
He bought two more cows and, to save money, let the milkmaid go.
现在挤奶 牧草 喂食奶牛的工作都落到了安娜头上
Now it was Anna’s task to milk the cows,take them to the pasture and feed them.
为了茁壮成长 孩子们需要牛奶
Their children needed milk to grow strong.
他们的房♥子机智地建在了工厂旁
The house they lived in was cleverly built right by the factory,
但不够聪明的是 建在了一座沙土山上
but not so smartly on top of a sandy mountain.
沙地上没有办法在房♥子旁打井
There was no way to dig a well by the house in the sand.
一头奶牛每天需要十桶水 他们有四头奶牛
A cow needs 10 buckets of water a day. They had 4 cows.
意味着每天仅仅为了奶牛
It meant that 40 buckets of water just for the cows
就要从河边把四十桶水拎上陡峭的斜坡
had to be brought up the steep slope from where the river was.
每天如此
Every day.
而这个家中只有一个人
There was one person in the family,
够年轻够强壮来做这份工作
who was young and strong enough to be able to do it.
安娜每天都要去河边 装满四十个桶
Anna went to the river every day, filled the 40 buckets
憧憬地望着平静的水面
and looked with longing at the calm surface of the water.
死亡看起来那么甜蜜又吸引人
Death seemed appealing and sweet.
然后牛哞哞地叫声 孩子的哭闹声又提醒了她的责任
Then the cow mooed, a child screamed reminding her of her duties.
你作出了选择就要忠于它 没有别的办法
You made a choice and you stick by it. There are no other options.
住得远离他人的视线 并没有削弱因杜利斯的嫉妒
Living far away from other people’s eyes didn’t weaken Indulis’s jealousy.
安娜坐在水边 假装在向桶里灌水时
What was Anna looking at when she sat by the water,
到底在看什么呢
pretending to fill up the buckets?
难道河对岸有个男人躲在灌木丛里吗
Was there a man hiding in the bushes across the river?
因杜利斯坚持每天和安娜做♥爱♥
Indulis insisted on having sex with Anna every day
希望她至少能尖叫一次
hoping she would squeal at least once,
显示出她身体上的快♥感♥ 或她对他的爱
denoting her physical pleasure or her devotion to him.
但不管他在床上怎样努力 她的眼光始终略过他
But whatever he did in bed she still looked past him,
就好像在墙上
as if on the wall
有什么更有趣更迷人的东西
there was something more interesting, more enticing.
那种在高♥潮♥时合二为一的感觉 在哪里
That feeling of becoming one at the peak of lovemaking, where was it?
拉脱维亚的每一幢房♥子都有个名字
Every house in Latvia has a name,
因杜利斯把他们的房♥子命名为”盾”
so Indulis had named their house “Shields”,
认为它可以保护他们不受外界邪恶的骚扰
thinking it should shield them from the evils of the outside world.
但他现在觉得他自己的妻子有一个盾
But now he felt that his own wife had a shield
让他没有办法理解她
and there was no way he could get through to her.
是因为其他男人吗 还是因为她思念家人？
Was it another man? Or was it her family that she missed?
因杜利斯将妻子拥在怀中
Indulis was holding his wife in his arms,
但她总是从他身边溜走 难以接近 疏远 捉摸不透
but she was slipping away from him, unavailable, distant, elusive.
大多数时间他都没有想过
He didn’t consider that most of the time
他的妻子要么在怀孕 要么在哺乳期
his wife was either pregnant or breastfeeding.
他并没有察觉她投向虚空的空洞眼神
He didn’t think that her empty stare into space
是内心痛苦的迹象 是想脱离肉身的渴望
was a sign of inner pain, a longing to leave the physical self.
1940年 前苏联非法吞并了拉脱维亚
In 1940 the Soviet Union illegally annexed Latvia
并在拉脱维亚领地上强制实行苏联政体
and enforced the Soviet system on Latvian territory.
私有财产被取缔
Private property was banned.
所有土地都是公有的
All land was nationalized.
因杜利斯的松脂工厂也被国有化了
Indulis’s turpentine factory was nationalized, too,
过去他是这座工厂的主人
and he became just another hired hand
现在却成了其中一个普通雇工
at the factory he used to own.
苏联没收了他家的两只奶牛
The Soviets confiscated two of the family’s cows
和一匹马
and one of the horses.
剩下的两只奶牛和另一匹马都是公有的
The other two cows and the horse that were left were nationalized,
意思是 这户人家负责喂养它们
meaning,the family had to take care of them
但一旦苏联政♥府♥需要奶牛或者马
but if a Soviet official needed a cow or a horse,
他们就要交公
they had to give it up.
这户人家成了自己家畜的佃户
The family had become renters of their own livestock.
因杜利斯的创业精神被摧毁了
Indulis’s enterprising spirit was crushed.
不仅如此 他倾注激♥情♥维护
Not only that, the political beliefs
甚至牺牲了他的小手指的政♥治♥信念
that he so passionately defended with his lost pinky were crushed too,
他的社♥会♥主♥义♥理想
His idealization of socialism
在苏联接管的几周内都化为泡影
evaporated just a few weeks after the Soviet take-over.
他决定针对苏联体制写一篇深入全面的批评
He decided to write a thorough critique of the Soviet system
这样勇敢的年轻人们就不会再
so that the young and brave wouldn’t be seduced ever again
被高唱的平等团结理念所迷惑
by the high sounding concepts of equality and solidarity.
然而 他还没来得及动笔
But, before he even could start,
纳粹德国就袭击了苏联 并侵略了拉脱维亚
Nazi Germany attacked Soviet Russia and invaded Latvia,
把它作为入侵俄♥国♥领土的敲门砖
using it as a doorway to Russian territories.
如今纳粹颁布了征收令
Now the Nazis imposed their order,
基于德国人的神圣权利
which was based on the idea of supernatural rights for Germans
他们可以取得所有非德国人的东西
to take anything that belonged to non-Germans.
他们夺走了因杜利斯剩下的两头牛和一匹马
They took Indulis’s remaining two cows and the horse.
一支抵抗纳粹的游击队在森林中组建
A Nazi resistance movement, partisans, formed in the forest.
一天晚上 一组游击队来到了因杜利斯的房♥子
A group of partisans came to Indulis’s house one night
问他们要肉 面包和伏特加
and demanded meat, bread and vodka.
如果你不每周供应我们食物 我们就烧了你的房♥子
We’ll burn your house if you don’t give us food every week.
他们威胁道
They threatened.
这支游击队主要由前苏联军官组成
The partisans mainly consisted of former Soviet officials,
而他们还保留着掌权时的态度
and they had preserved the attitude of men in power.
好吧 他们确实有权力
Well, they did have power.
他们有枪和火柴
They had guns and matches.
但这个家中所有生产食物的动物
But all the food-producing animals of the family
都已经被苏联和纳粹没收了
had already been confiscated by the Soviets and the Nazis!
安娜沿着河
Anna walked along the river
来到了一幢她知道有饲养兔子的房♥子
to a house that she knew bred rabbits.
在任何繁荣或低迷时期 兔子都被认为是穷♥人♥的食物
Rabbits in good times or bad were considered a poor man’s food.
她用便宜价格买♥♥了几只兔子
She got the rabbits for cheap.
安娜带着四只幼小的 还像蓬松毛球一样的兔子回家
Anna brought the 4 young, still puffy fur balls back to her house.
她没和兔子打过交道
She was inexperienced with rabbits,
不会辨别公兔和母兔
and couldn’t tell which was male, which female,
于是她把它们放在一起 直到他们的皮毛长得更光滑了
so she kept them together till their coats grew slick
然后其中一只开始骑在其他几只的身上
and one of them started to mount the others.
安娜便把三只母兔和一只公兔分开了
Anna then separated the three females from the male
然后看着他们如何在木箱小角落的干草中
and watched how they each made soft nests in the hay
搭建出柔软的巢穴
in the corners of their wooden boxes.
新出生的小兔子是她见过的最无助的生命
The newborn rabbits were the most helpless creatures she had ever seen.
三只兔子妈妈痴狂地照顾着她们的孩子
The three rabbit mothers obsessively cared for their young.
然后一天早上 安娜发现一个巢穴空了
Then one morning, Anna found one of the nests empty.
只有兔子妈妈在箱子里
Only the mother was in the box.
是有狐狸吗 安娜很疑惑
Was it a fox? Anna wondered.
但不是狐狸
But it wasn’t a fox.
安娜意识到兔子妈妈吃掉了她的孩子
Anna realized that the mother had eaten her children.
兔子看向安娜
The rabbit looked at Anna
眼神里没有负罪和懊悔
with eyes that denoted no guilt, no remorse.
她准备好再进行交♥配♥了
She was ready to mate again.
安娜也看着兔子妈妈 一种冷漠的恐惧感揪住了她的心
Anna stared back at the rabbit mother and cold apprehension grasped her heart.
如果你的孩子死去 你也就能解脱了
You can be free if you let your children die.
游击队在夜晚到来
The partisans arrived in the dark.
他们敲击卧室的窗户叫醒了安娜和因杜利斯
They woke Anna and Indulis by knocking on their bedroom window.