口袋里的小石头（2014）

口袋里的小石头
ROCKS IN MY POCKETS
1949年4月一个阴郁的晚上
One overcast late April day in 1949
一个偷猎者路过我爷爷奶奶家的房♥子
a poacher passing not far from my grandparent’s house
准备设陷阱去捕捉野兔海狸之类的小动物时
on his way to set traps to catch small animals like hare or beaver
注意到了我的奶奶安娜穿戴整齐
noticed my grandmother Anna fully clothed
正站在她家斜坡下面
standing in the middle of a smallish shallow river
一条浅窄的小河中♥央♥
down the slope from her house.
显然 她忘了 或根本没想到
Apparently, she forgot,or didn’t think of,
要溺死自己 还得在外衣口袋里装些石头
putting rocks in her coat pockets to do a good job of drowning herself.
如今 我已在纽约居住多年了
Now,I live in New York many years later,
我想我知道 如果我打算上吊
and I think I would know the right brand of rope
应该选什么牌子的绳子
if I decided to hang myself.
我会用一条肥皂摩擦绳子
I would know to rub the rope with a bar of soap
这样两股绳子之间的摩擦力最小
so that the friction of the separate strands would be minimal
绳子在活结中的滑动会收紧索套
and sliding of the rope through the slipknot tightening the noose
干净利落地就成功了
would be swift and successful.
我会考虑脱掉腰部以下的衣物
I would think of stripping from the waist down
因为我在哪儿读过
because I’ve read somewhere
突然猛烈的窒息会使肠道肌肉松驰
that sudden and violent strangling causes a person to piss and shit herself
从而导致大小便失禁
as the intestinal muscles go lax.
我不想发现我在卧室上吊的人
I wouldn’t want whoever discovered me hanging in my bedroom
还得清理我的排泄物
to have to clean the shit and piss off me.
看到我的尸体已经够心塞了
It would be hard enough on that person already seeing my dead body,
更别说还得清理发臭的废物
to clean the stinky stuff, too.
然而 我转念一想
But then,when I think of it,
如果我在上吊前脱掉衣物 屎尿就会掉在地上
if I stripped down before hanging myself, the shit and piss would be on the floor,
那也没好到哪儿去
that would be no good either.
人总得体贴邻里同胞
One has to be considered to one’s fellow citizens.
所以我会用成人纸尿裤
I’d use adult diapers.
我想你能看得出来
I think you can tell
这件事我考虑过很多次了
that this is a subject I have thought a lot about.
我很清楚具体要做些什么
It is very clear to me what exactly needs to be done
以及成功路上潜在的障碍
and what the potential obstacles are on my way to success.
所以 当我听了关于我的奶奶
So,hearing the story about my grandmother
站在一条浅浅的小河中♥央♥ 却没在口袋装石头的事
standing in the middle of a shallow river without rocks in her pockets
让我觉得她知道自己想要做什么
makes me think she had an idea of what she wanted to achieve
但她却没有一个明智的计划
but she didn’t have a clear intelligent plan.
这让我很惊讶
It surprises me，
因为在她出生的小镇上 她是最聪明的学生
because in the small town where she was from,she was the brightest student of them all
他的父亲从亲戚和镇上的大亨那里
and her father rallied the money of his relatives
筹到了钱
and money of some rich town folk
送安娜去了一所很好的寄宿学校
to have the funds to send Anna to a very good boarding school
就在大城市里加（拉脱维亚首都）
in the big city of Riga.
好好学习 他对她说
Study well.He told her.
知识会给你带来机遇
Education will bring you to the land of opportunity.
二十世纪二十年代 在拉脱维亚这样一个保守的国家
It was the 1920’s in the conservative country of Latvia
没人指望女人受到良好的教育
where women in general are not supposed to get good education.
女人就应当结婚
They were supposed to get married
撑着她们脆弱的身体 尽可能多的生孩子
and have as many children as their frail bodies could carry.
即使那些聪明的男孩也不能受到好的教育
Not even all the bright male children were able to get good education.
教育是很费钱财的投资
Education was a costly enterprise
需要所有关联其中的人作出牺牲
and it required sacrifices from all participating parties.
安娜学习很好
Anna studied well,
她知道别人为她作出的牺牲 和她肩上的责任
as she aware of the sacrifices had made, and the responsibility weighed on her.
毕业时
When she graduated,
她四处寻找机会
she looked around at what her options were.
二十世纪二十年代的拉脱维亚
there were not many opportunities in Latvia
没有那么多机遇
In the 1920’s
给一个受过良好基础教育 希望能有所成的女人
for a woman with a good basic education who wanted more.
她只能接受一份秘书的工作
She had to take a job as a secretary.
那时她二十岁 漂亮又聪明
She was 20,very pretty and intelligent.
很快她就在一个企业家身边找到了工作
In no time she found a position with an entrepreneur.
这个企业家经历过许多成功
This entrepreneur had a past of great ups
也遭受过更多的失败
and even greater downs.
他的确有进取精神和绝妙的创意
His enterprising spirit combined brilliant ideas
但缺少对细节的注意和更深入的知识
with a lack of attention to detail or thorough knowledge.
比如 1905年俄♥国♥
For example, when he meddled in politics
反对沙皇专♥制♥的革命失败之前 他还在从政
before the failed 1905 revolution against the Tsarist Regime,
他把自己关在华沙的一个秘密公♥寓♥内
he locked himself in a secret apartment in Warsaw,
整整两年都在画沙俄的一百块卢布钞票
and for two years painted Tsarist Russia’s one hundred rouble notes
为他的政党发动革命创造资金
to create funds for his party to stage a revolution,
最后却发现 这间被他画了满屋的钞票有个小小的错误
only to discover in the end that the room full of bills he produced,had a tiny mistake.
沙俄的双头鹰上多画了一片羽毛
There was one too many feathers on the Tsar’s double-headed eagle
政党不想冒着特工被抓的风险
The party didn’t want to risk agents being arrested
用明显伪造的钱去购买♥♥武器
when they were buying weapons with clearly counterfeit money,
于是他们把这两年的成果放进麻袋里
so they put the work of two years into burlap sacks
在偏僻的森林空地上 一把火烧了
and burned them in a remote forest clearing.
然后企业家改换了党派
Then the entrepreneur switched parties
同俄♥国♥♥军♥队进行短暂的合作
and briefly collaborated with random Russian forces,
他们想在1918年国家独♥立♥之后 接管拉脱维亚
they tried to take over Latvia after it got its independence in 1918.
然而 在一场血战之后
But then, after a ferocious fight,
一些投机的德国♥军♥队接管了这片有争议的领土
random opportunistic German forces took over the disputed territory
并将企业家看作他们敌人的勾结者
and recognized the entrepreneur as a collaborator of their enemies.
他被移送到一支行刑队等待枪决
He was handed over to a firing squad to be shot.
士兵们射杀了面前排成一排的五个人
The soldiers fired at the line of five men in front of them
他们都掉下了悬崖
who all fell over the precipice.
其中四个人死了 而企业家醒了过来
The entrepreneur regained consciousness among four dead bodies.
他发现奇迹发生了
He discovered that, miraculously,
子弹唯一打到的地方只有他的小指
the only body part a bullet had damaged was his pinky.
他的小指被打掉了
It was shot off.
他听到军官命令士兵
He heard the officers ordering the soldiers
检查五个人是不是都死了
to make sure all five men were dead.
天色渐黑 他感到机会来了
He sensed his opportunity, as it was getting dark.
他快速消失在旁边的沼泽地里
Swiftly, he disappeared into the nearby swamp and hid there
在德国♥军♥人正带着狗搜寻他的时候
while the Germans with their dogs searched for him.
这个企业家 因杜利斯 有一个儿子 一个女儿和一个妻子
The entrepreneur, Indulis, had a son, a daughter and a wife.
他的妻子像石头一样可靠
His wife was solid as a rock.
她一直不太情愿 却仍然支持他的一次次尝试
She’s been begrudgingly but still supported his endeavors,
尽管事实证明这个男人 她的丈夫
despite proof that the man,her husband,
在政♥治♥和商业方面的手段
had an erratic, adventurous and improvisational approach
都是冒险和不靠谱的一时兴起
to business and politics.
他曾经握有权力 然后失去权力且险些被杀
He was in a position of power.Then he was not and was almost shot.
他拥有过财富 也失去过财富
He got money. He lost money.
随后 在拉脱维亚取得民族独♥立♥后
Then, after Latvia gained national independence,
政♥治♥和经济状况稳固了下来
its political and economic situation stabilized.
他的妻子 埃尔莎 向她的父亲借钱
The wife, Elsa, borrowed money from her father
为她的丈夫开了一门低风险 收入稳定的生意
for her husband to open a low risk, stable income business
造船
of building ships.
她希望她的丈夫能安定于一件事
She wanted her husband to settle down to one thing,
一桩生意 一个政党
one business, one party.
这就是我的奶奶安娜走进的那间办公室
This was the entrepreneurial office my grandmother Anna entered.
她以前从未见过像她的新老板那样的男人
She had never seen a man like her new boss before.
他不是传统意义上那种帅
He was not conventionally handsome,
但有着深色的头发 深色的眼睛 奇怪的歪鼻子
but with his dark hair, dark eyes, strange crooked nose
与普通的金发拉脱维亚男人不同 他的长相简直令人惊异
he made an almost startling appearance next to an average blond Latvian male.
除了外表惊人
Besides his striking looks,
他精力旺盛 又对身边的东西很感兴趣
he was energetic and interested in things around him.
看 他甚至参加了歌♥剧演唱课 尽管他已经五十岁了
Look he even took opera singing lessons despite the fact that he was already 50!
他一点也不在乎别人的想法或嘲笑
He definitely didn’t care about other people’s opinions or ridicule,
这对于一个小镇女孩来说是一个全新的视野
a totally unusual sight for a girl from a small town
在她的家乡 所有人和事都遵照着”邻居们会怎么想”的观念
where everybody and everything operated on the notion of “what would the neighbors think”.
他在里加的上流社会有朋友和熟人
He had friends and acquaintances in Riga’s high society.
知名的作家 政客 拉脱维亚的商人
Well known writers, politicians, businessmen of Latvia
都会来造访他的办公室
would call in to his office.
安娜迷上了她的老板
Anna was fascinated by her boss.
她迫不及待地等着下一个工作日的来临
She couldn’t wait for the next workday to arrive.
很快她发现他也离不开她的工作
Soon she found that he couldn’t do without her services.
他不会打字 他的想法太快太狂野
He couldn’t type, his thoughts ran too fast and too wild
无法写成清晰连贯的商业信件
for writing coherent business letters.
他的德语和拉脱维亚语的拼写能力简直可怕
His spelling in German and Latvian was horrendous.