抚养亚利桑纳

Give me that! That’s a $500 camel’s hair coat!
先生 你也许要洗下手
Sir, you might want to wash your hands.
该死的
God damn it!
没有线索 任何人都会留下蛛丝马迹
No leads? Everyone leaves microbes and whatnot.
那是你们的专长不是吗
That’s your forte, ain’t it?
追踪罪犯和共♥产♥党留下的痕迹
Trackin’ down microbes left by criminals and commies.
那就是你们存在的目的不是吗
That’s your whole goddamned raison d’etre, ain’t it?
没有线索 我只要朱尼尔能回来…
No leads? I want Nathan Junior back…
或者是该死的案犯被抓住
or whichever the hell one of ’em they took!
不管他逃到哪 总会有线索指向他
He’s out there somewhere. Something leads to him.
任何人都能明白线索
And anyone can find him knows the difference
和地面上的洞有什么不同
between a lead and a hole in the ground!
麦片太好吃了 麦克唐纳太太
Awful good cereal flakes, Miz McDunnough.
你为什么不喂他吃母乳
Why ain’t you breast-feedin’?
你看起来应该能行的
You appear to be capable.
管好你自己吧
Mind your own business.
夫人 你不喂他吃母乳…
Ma’am, you don’t breast-feed him…
以后他会为此恨你的
he’ll hate you for it later.
那就是我们会在监狱受苦的原因
That’s why we wound up in prison.
那是施瓦兹博士说的
That’s what Doc Schwartz says.
伙计们
Boys.
早 嗨
Mornin’, Hi.
嗨
Hi.
伙计们…
Uh…say, boys…
你们介不介意
you wouldn’t mind making
今天下午自己找地方躲几个钟头
yourself scarce for a couple of hours this afternoon, would you?
我们有些正派的朋友要来
We’re having some decent friends over.
艾德的意思是说…
What Ed means to say is…
你们两个家伙…
seein’ as you two boys are wanted…
肯定不想被人看到你们在这
wouldn’t exactly do to have folks seein’ you here.
这样就不会暴露你们
It’s for your own protection.
当然 H·I
Sure, H.I.
就照你说的办
Anything you say, Hi.
亲爱的 我想我就不参加这次聚会了
Honey, I think I’ll skip this get-together myself.
格伦不会介意的 我要和他们一起躲起来…
Glen won’t mind. I’ll duck out with the boys…
喝上几听可乐
knock back a couple of Coca-Colas.
当然 H·I
Sure, H.I.
很高兴你能陪我们 嗨
We’d love to have you, Hi.
也许这不是个好主意
Maybe that ain’t such a swell idea, either.
大多数社交聚会…
So many social engagements…
时间都不长
so little time.
那孩子在哪 他在哪
Where’s that baby Where’s he at?
去找他 亲爱的
Go find him, honey!
住手 格伦
Cut it out, Glen!
他正在睡觉呢
He’s asleep right now.
该死 希望我们没吵醒他
Shit! I hope we didn’t wake it.
我能偷偷看一眼吗
Can I sneak a peek-a-loo?
快来 孩子们
Come on, kids!
别碰麦克唐纳先生的车
Get away from Mr. McDunnough’s car!
他叫什么
What’s his name?
嗨…嗨…朱尼尔…
Uh, Hi…Junior…
暂时先这么叫吧
till we think of a better one.
为什么不叫他杰森
Well, why don’t you call him Jason?
我喜欢圣经上的名字…如果我再有个小男孩的话…
I just love biblical names. If I had another little boy…
我就叫他杰森·凯尔伯或泰伯
I’d name him Jason, Caleb, or Tab.
哦 他是个天使
[Gasps] Oh, he’s an angel!
他是从天堂来的天使
He’s an angel straight from heaven!
亲爱的 我找孩子可是吃足了苦头
Honey, I had my kids the hard way.
告诉我你是怎么找到这个小天使的
Tell me how you got this little angel?
他是从天堂直接飞下来的吗
Did he fly straight down from heaven?
你要送他去亚历桑那州
You’re gonna send him to Arizona State.
要啤酒吗 格伦
Need a beer, Glen?
教皇戴的帽子很可笑是吧
Does the Pope wear a funny hat?
是啊 我想是有点可笑
Yeah, I guess it is kind of funny.
说个笑话
Say, that reminds me.
多少个波兰人才能拧上一个灯泡
How many Polacks it take to screw up a light bulb?
不知道 一个
I don’t know. One?
不对 是三个
Nope, it takes three.
等等 不是 我说错了
Wait a minute. No, I told it wrong.
我重说一次
Here, I’m starting again.
为什么要三个波兰人才能拧上一个灯泡
How come it takes three Polacks to screw up a light bulb?
我不知道 格伦
I don’t know, Glen.
因为他们笨得可怜
‘Cause they’re so darn stupid!
伙计 你还没弄懂吗
Shit, man, listen up. Don’t you get it?
不 格伦 我确实没搞懂
No, Glen, I sure don’t.
所以这笑话被称为”回家路”
I guess that’s why they call it a way-homer.
为什么
Why?
你只有在回家的路上才能想明白
You only get it on the way home.
我本来就在家 格伦
I’m already home, Glen.
你尿裤子了 你尿裤子了
You wet yourself! You wet yourself!
麦克唐纳先生尿裤子了 爹地
Mr. McDunnough wet himself, Daddy!
你们怎么这么快就得到了那孩子
Say, how’d you get that kid so darn fast?
我和达特想去领养…
Me and Dot went in to adopt…
因为我的精♥液♥有问题
on account of something went wrong with my semen.
他们说要等上五年 才能有个健康的白种孩子
They said we had to wait five years for a healthy, white baby.
我说 “五年 你们有其他选择吗 ”
I said, “Five years? OK, what else you got?”
他们说有两个韩国的…
They said they got two Koreans…
和一个有先天性心脏病的黑孩子
and a Negro born with his heart on the outside.
这是个疯狂的世界
It’s a crazy world.
有人必须购票入场
Someone ought to sell tickets.
的确 我就买♥♥了一张
Sure, I’d buy one.
布福德很机灵
That Buford’s a sly one.
他已经能认识ABC了
He already knows his ABCs.
看着
Watch this.
接招 孩子
Hit the deck, boy!
你们怎么得到这个孩子的
But like I’m sayin’, how’d you get the kid?
完全是凭关系
This whole thing is just who knows who.
我们比较幸运
Then over here you have favoritism.
艾德有个朋友在一家代理机构
Ed has a friend at one of the agencies.
也许她能为我和达特帮上忙
Maybe she can do something for me and Dot.
我的精♥子♥有点问题
There’s something wrong with my semen.
差点忘了 他叫什么名字
That reminds me, what you gonna name it?
艾德 艾德·朱尼尔
Ed. Ed Junior.
他不是个男孩吗
But I thought you said it was a boy.
和”爱德华”一样 我们只是喜欢这个名字
As in “Edward.” We just like that name.
不错 是个好名字
Yeah, that’s a good one.
我不想再要孩子了…
I don’t need another kid…
但达特说这些她抱不动
but Dot says these are getting too big to cuddle.
哦 还有…
Say, that reminds me…
小心别伤到你自己 墨迪该
Mind you don’t cut yourself, Mordecai.
有白喉引起的颈肌痉挛
Then there’s the diphtheria-tetanus.
要每年给他们打预防针…
Get them dip-tet boosters yearly…
否则会发展成破伤风和夜盲症
or else they’ll develop lockjaw and night vision.
还有天花疫苗…
Then there’s the smallpox vaccine…
水痘和麻疹
chicken pox, and measles.
如果你的孩子有任何疑似症状…
If your kid’s anything like ours…
你们必须首先给自己注射…
you’ll have to get those shots yourself first…
在他感染之前
before he’ll ever take them.
你们的儿科医生是谁
Who’s your pediatrician, anyway?
我们还没有真正固定的医生是吧 嗨
We ain’t exactly fixed on one yet, have we, Hi?
不 我想我们还没有
No, I guess we don’t have one yet.
老天 你们应该马上找一个
Jesus! You got to have one this instant!
要是宝宝病了怎么办 亲爱的
What if the baby gets sick, honey?
就算他没病也要采取一些预防措施
Even if he don’t get sick, he’s got to have his dip-tet.
他必须打预防针 亲爱的
He’s got to have his dip-tet, honey.
你们给他开了银行帐号♥吗
Have you started his bank accounts yet?
我们有吗 我们得替他办 亲爱的
Have we done that? We got to do that, honey.
用来做什么
What’s that for?
作为他看牙医和上大学的基金
His orthodontia and his university.
没有牙医你们也许能想其他法子
Soak his thumb in iodine you might get by without orthodontia.
不上大学可就一事无成了