不对…不是那里 – 我不用坐车尾厢了？
Shotgun. – Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
坐前排 – 好耶…
Okay, okay. All right. – Well, at least I did it.
好啦… – 至少我办到了
Uh. You didn’t just do it, Annie. You crushed that audition.
你不只是办到了 安妮 你在海选大杀四方
Okay? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Just get in, get in.
好吗？很好，进去…
Wanna get your leg in? Okay, there we go. She’s in, she’s in.
把脚放进去，就是这样，她进去了
Not kidnapping her, are you? – Not anymore.
你不是在绑♥架♥她吧？ – 再也不绑了
(饭店入口)
（免费网络)
Surprising that you have Eggs Benedict here.
我很惊讶你们竟然有班尼迪克蛋
Yeah! Oh, yes! Pains me to serve a dish named after a traitor.
没错！出一道以叛徒命名的菜 让我很痛苦
Alas, it’s a popular item which the ignorant expect on every buffet.
唉 这道菜太受欢迎了 无知的人希望每个自助餐都有
And herein lies my conundrum.
这就是我的难题
Sounds like you might need to make a pro-con list.
听起来你需要写张利弊分♥析♥表
Oh! Look at you, Miss Yum.
瞧瞧你，阎小姐
You have read my 1772 letter to Joseph Priestly, have you not?
你读过我在1772年 写给约瑟夫·普利斯特里的信吧？
Well… – That’s wonderful.
这个嘛… – 非常好
Annie! – Uh-oh, the enemy.
安妮 – 敌人来了
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The Quiz just emailed.
天啊，问答节目寄电邮来了
They said to expect a call soon.
他们说很快会打电♥话♥来
Oh, my God, I can’t believe it.
天啊，真不敢相信
I’m… I’m… I’m gonna be on the show. – And you thought I could not be Oprah.
我要上节目了 – 你还以为我不能当欧普拉
Well, too bad the Choochie’s money isn’t real.
真可惜邱奇士餐厅的事不是真的
You’d be flying around the world like Mary Poppins
不然你就能像魔法保姆一样
with that gigantic unnecessary bag.
带着一个不必要的大袋子环游世界
Well… – What?
那个呀… – 怎么了？
Um. I lied about the Choochie’s money.
邱奇士餐厅的事我说谎了
Yeah, I know. – No, no, no.
我知道… – 不是，不是
I lied about lying about the Choochie’s money.
邱奇士餐厅的事是假的才是谎言
It’s totally real!
千真万确
I’m getting a giant check, just like on TV.
我会得到一大张支票，像电视上一样
I made them put that in the contract. – But…
我叫他们写进合约了 – 可是…
I’m sorry. Uh. Wh… what are you saying?
对不起，你在说什么？
Oh, I knew that the only way that you would do this is if you thought
我知道让你来的唯一办法 就是让你觉得
it was the only way.
只有这条路可走
Life coaching.
生活教练
Yeah, but we could’ve paid off the debt and I could have Linguini back.
但我们本可以还完欠款，救回小扁豆
Yeah, but I told you that the money hasn’t come in yet.
对，但我说过，钱还没进来
Oh, my God!
天啊！
Even your lies are lies. – I’m not lying.
连你的谎言都是谎言 – 我没说谎
You always do this.
你老是这样
You don’t think about the consequences of your actions.
不考虑行事后果
Mr. Linguini is everything to me, and to you, he’s just a pawn.
小扁豆先生是我的一切 但对你来说 它只是一枚棋子
I thought you were trying to help me. – I am.
我以为你是在帮我 – 我是
I’m helping you get him back while also seizing your destiny!
我在帮你救它回来 同时抓住你的宿命
Oh, my God, destiny isn’t real! – Yes, it is. We all have a purpose.
宿命不是真的 – 是真的，我们都有存在的意义
We just need to find it.
只需要找出它
No. See, that’s just a lie that you tell yourself
不对，那只是你自我欺骗的谎言
because you’re just chasing these stupid dreams,
因为你只是一直追逐愚蠢的梦想
then blaming whatever you can when they don’t work out.
然后失败之后，随便怪罪于人
But the truth is, it’s you. You’re selfish. You’re reckless.
但事实是，问题在你，你自私又鲁莽
You are just like Mom! – Don’t say that!
就跟妈一样 – 不准这么说
Just take some responsibility for your life.
对自己的人生负起一些责任吧
Stop being such a goddamn loser.
别再当可怜的废柴了
You’re the loser!
你才是废柴
Yes, I am lonely and currently unhoused…
对，我很孤独，目前无家可归
and my life hasn’t turned out exactly the way I wanted.
我的人生并没有完全如我所愿
Do you have any idea how hard it is to be an Asian woman in this country?
你知道这个国家的亚裔女性 活得多辛苦吗？
Oh, my God! – But at least I’ve lived!
又来了 – 至少我活过
What have you done with your life?
你的生活又做过什么？
I mean, you just, like, hide out in your robot house
你只会躲在你的机器人屋里
just while watching the Quiz, watching the Quiz.
一直看问答节目，没完没了
Yeah, and take care of Mom and lend you money, and support myself.
对，还有照顾老妈 借钱给你 养活自己
I am responsible for everything!
什么都是我负责
Excuse me, ladies, if you don’t mind… – Fuck off, Ben Franklin!
抱歉，小姐，如果不介意… – 滚开，本·富兰克林
I absolutely will.
乐意之至
You’re the older sister, you’re supposed to help me.
你是姐姐，你应该帮我
But you never have, you were never there. All you care about is yourself!
但你从没帮过我 没陪伴我 你只在乎自己
That is not true. I was always looking out for you.
那不是真的，我一直在照顾你
Yeah? When?
是吗，什么时候？
In Burbank! When you shit in the goddamn hole!
在伯班克，你大便在洞里的时候
You didn’t bury it deep enough.
你埋得不够深
So, the next day,
所以隔天
when So-Yung and Na-Yung and I got back from Starbucks…
当素英和娜英跟我从星巴克回来时
Appa said you can live with us
阿爸说你可以跟我们一起住
and you can come with me to UCLA next year!
上加州大学洛杉矶分校
And we can start our fashion line!
我们可以开始自己的时装品牌
Oh, my God! – Oh, Jenny!
天啊 – 珍妮
Uh. Guys.
几位
Come here. You gotta see this.
过来，你们得看一下这个
Cousin Jin found it.
金表哥发现了
Tiger, did you do this?
小虎，是你干的吗？
How could that come out of Tiger?
那怎么可能是小虎拉的？
Well, then who did it?
不然是谁？
I knew right away it was you.
我立刻就知道是你
And it was just a matter of time before they figured it out.
他们弄清楚也只是时间问题
So, I told them I did it.
所以我说是我♥干♥的
Uncle Joon was gonna let us live with them in Burbank
俊叔叔本来要让我们 跟他们一起住在伯班克
’cause Mom was, like, on a bender.
因为妈很失控
But everything changed after that.
但那件事之后一切都变了
I mean, do… do you know how insane an 18-year-old
你知道一个18岁的人
would have to be to shit in a hole?
要多精神错乱才会挖洞大便吗？
Why didn’t you tell me?
你为什么不告诉我？
Because you were eight.
因为你才八岁
Asshole!
混♥蛋♥
Anne, where is my 100 bucks?
安妮 我的100块呢？
Anne…
安妮
You… you… you… you wanna come in?
你…要进来坐吗？
Come on.
快来
Here.
给
I didn’t know you were a Pee-wee Herman fan.
我不知道你喜欢皮威·赫尔曼
Who the hell is Pee-wee Herman?
皮威·赫尔曼是谁？
P… Uh.
皮…
That’s Alan Cumming from The Good Wife. Such a wonderful actor.
那是来自《傲骨贤妻》的艾伦·卡明 他是很棒的演员
And that Scottish accent of his.
还有苏格兰口音又好听
That’s not Alan Cumming, that’s P… That’s Paul Reubens.
那不是艾伦·卡明，那是保罗·雷宾斯
He plays Pee-wee… Herman.
他演皮威·赫尔曼
I think I would know who my favorite actor is,
我想我认识自己最爱的演员是谁
thank you very much. That is Alan Cumming.
谢谢你哦 那是艾伦·卡明
(我心爱的帅哥)
So, what’s wrong with you?
所以你是怎么回事？
I just…
我…
I thought I was happy.
我以为自己很幸福
And maybe I wasn’t.
或许并没有
I’ve just been so scared.
我只是非常害怕
You know, scared of… of being judged, being laughed at.
害怕被人评判、被人嘲笑
When I was younger, I wasted so much energy
我年轻时，浪费很多精力
trying to get people to like me.
想让别人喜欢我
And for what? Hmm?
到底为了什么？
So, I could get invited to some potluck dinner party?
为了被邀请参加某个聚餐派对吗？
And terrible games of charades? – Ugh. I hate charades.
还有比手画脚这个烂游戏？ – 我讨厌比手画脚
Oh, I love charades. I am an excellent guesser.
我爱比手画脚，我很会猜
So long as the person who’s acting out the clues is not a total imbecile,
只要表演提示的人不是十足的白♥痴♥
which they usually are.
但通常是
I’ve been alive a long time.
我活很久了
I’ve met a lot of people.
遇见过很多人
I only liked one.
我只喜欢一个
Was it me?
是我吗？
No. You get too much mail.
不是，你的快递太多了
The point is… you don’t want to waste time
重点是… 别浪费时间
looking for happiness in other people…
在别人身上寻找幸福
because happiness…
因为幸福…