这么远吗？ – 一直往那边走
It’s far? -Straight that way.
操
Fuck.
真不敢相信这种事会发生在我头上
I can’t believe this is happening to me.
我滴个乖乖
Dear God.
真想不到我会沦落至此啊
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
我真是操了，哎哟
Oh, my fucking God. Jesus.
我的天呐，这…憋不住了，要出来了
Oh, my God. This… Okay, it’s happening. It’s happening.
要拉了，不！妈的！卧♥槽♥，这他妈太恶心了吧
It’s happening. No! Fuck! Oh, my… Fuck. Are you fucking kidding?
抱歉了克洛伊，我们得硬着头皮上了
I’m so sorry, Chloe. We gotta go.
噢，真的很对不起
Oh, I’m so sorry.
我们再也不出来约会了
We are never dating again.
哎哟
Holy crap.
你个小婊砸
所以他跟他的狗一样性感吗？
我真的把他给搞吐了…我们今晚还是出去玩吧
好了伙计，我们赶紧离开这吧
Okay, buddy, let’s get the hell out of here.
克洛伊，你看我拿了什么来
Chloe, look what I got.
你觉得咋样？试试看，感受一下
What do you think? Yeah, check it out. Check it out.
你喜欢吗？
Do you like it?
对，你可以在这里刨坑
Yes, this is where you can dig your hole.
请自便
Knock yourself out.
好啦
Okay.
好了钱宁，过来吧
Okay, Channing. Come here.
快来，好孩子，真乖
Come on. Good boy. Good boy.
这是一条小鱼
It’s a little fish.
对，口感很好吧？
Yeah. Good, huh?
这是你的呀，就是买♥♥给你的
That’s yours. It’s for you.
希德：
老兄，HR刚刚问我你还在不在这工作
“这是你的狗吗？”
我就应该在Crypt-Yo股价低的时候赶紧买♥♥入的
I should have invested in Crypt-Yo stock when it was cheap.
卧♥槽♥
Holy shit.
我的天呐
Oh, my God.
那是个啥？
What is that?
等等，这房♥间是专门用来放浴缸的？
Wait, is this a room just for a tub?
哇哦
Wow.
不管了
Fuck it.
噢，好爽
Oh, God. Ooh.
这大小刚刚好啊
Yep. Yes. This fits just right.
叮咚！ – 操
Ding dong! -Shit.
你一定就是妮可了
You must be Nicole.
嘿
Hey.
你好，我就是妮可
Hi, I’m Nicole. Hi.
有点小尴尬
Um… Oops.
我只是在…
I was just, uh,
感受一下这间房♥子
really getting a feel for the space.
没事没事，你继续，我尊重你的工作
Cool, cool. Do your thing. I respect your process.
只是想跟你打个招呼
Just wanted to say,
哟
yo.
哟
Yo.
我是亨特
I’m Hunter.
噢，是的…我猜到了
Oh, yeah. I… I figured.
想泡个澡吗？ – 不了不了，我这就出来
Want to take a bath? -No, no. I’m good. I’ll get out.
你确定吗？ – 非常确定
Are you sure? -Yeah, I’m sure.
因为我管这里叫“泡澡房♥”
Because I call this a room for a bath.
名副其实啊
Right. Of course.
你想参观一下其他地方吗？ – 好啊，麻烦你了
Did you want to see the rest? -Yes. Please.
我带你见识一下
I show you the world.
这个房♥间是拿来烹饪的
This is room for cook.
就是这样啦，这就是我大致的想法
So, yeah, that is what I’m thinking.
不得不说，你给我的感觉很好
I gotta say, I am vibing this.
好极了
Hard.
是嘛？ – 对！
Yeah? -Yeet!
就像佛教元素和韦恩庄园（蝙蝠侠）的结合，但更为本真
It’s the Dalai Lama meets Wayne Manor. But, like, in an authentic way.
这…这正是我想表现出的效果
That… That is exactly what I was going for.
嘿，我正打算在市中心投资一家餐厅
Hey, there’s this restaurant downtown I’m thinking of investing in.
它的设计灵感来源于ASMR（自发性知觉经络反应）
It’s completely inspired by ASMR.
用餐的时候会调用你所有的感官
You will eat with all your, uh, senses.
我…我很乐意带你去直观感受一下
I’d, uh… I’d love to take you there, get your feel on the flow.
哇哦
Oh, wow.
好啊，我…受宠若惊
Yes, I… I’m flattered.
极致的感官体验，很酷炫的
It’s the ultimate sensory experience. It’s rad.
嗯…听上去就很酷
Yeah. Um… It sounds rad.
嘿，小美女，怎么啦？
Hey, what’s going on, girl?
昨天你才吐过一次，今天还想再吐吗？
Yesterday you were throwing up. Now you want seconds?
好吧，对不起，我们要准备出发了
Okay, I’m… I’m sorry, we gotta get ready.
是时候去看你的爷爷奶奶了，希望你别怪我
It’s time to meet Grandma and Grandpa. And try not to judge me.
我们没法选择自己的父母
We can’t choose our parents.
好了，我们到啦
Okay, here we are.
这就是他们家
This is the place.
我勒个操
Holy shit.
麦克斯，真没想到你会过来
I can’t believe you’re here, Max.
来吧亲爱的，吃块饼干 – 我不吃了，谢谢
Here, sweetie, have a cracker. -Oh, no, thanks.
来瓶啤酒吧 – 谢谢
There you go. -Thank you.
我好喜欢你们的布置
I love what you’ve done with the place.
改造尚未成功，我们仍需努力
It’s always a work in progress, yeah.
你看到外面的充气人偶了吗？ – 看到啦，挺…挺酷的
Did you see the wind man out front? -Uh-huh. Yeah, he… he’s cool.
麦克斯，你看上去心情不错啊
Max, you seem happy.
嗯嗯，我是挺开心的…
Yeah. Yeah, I am. I’m…
克洛伊对我的帮助很大，她真的很特别
I mean, Chloe’s been helping a lot. You know, she’s pretty special.
她可真是个小美女啊，儿子
Yeah, she’s a real beauty, Son.
她这小身板上的肉还挺多，跟她奶奶一样
She’s got a little meat on her bones too. Like her grandma.
别闹
Stop.
她看上去胖吗？这还挺奇怪的
Is she looking kind of heavy? It’s weird.
她一开始吃什么就吐什么
I mean, at first she couldn’t keep any food down,
最近又老是吃不够
and lately she can’t get enough.
让我来检查下，过来奶奶这吧，乖孙女
Well, let me take a look at her. Here, come to Mama, you sweet girl, yeah.
你瞧瞧你，可真漂亮啊
Look at you. You’re just so pretty.
亲爱的？ – 嗯？
Honey? -Hmm?
她有没有可能怀孕了？
Could she be pregnant?
不不，这不可能
No. No, that’s impossible.
那她绝育了吗？
So she’s been spayed?
不会吧
No fucking way.
好了，把她举起来，举到马桶上方
All right, pick her up and place her over the bowl,
但要让她摆出平时拉尿的蹲姿
but, like, in her normal squatting position.
我感觉不是这么测的吧，老兄
I don’t think this is how we do it, man.
就是这样，我了解过芬兰人就是这么干的
It is. I read this is how they do it in Finland.
啥？芬兰？
Finland? What?
对，我了解过的 好吗？
Yes. I read, okay?
别那么没文化，麦克斯，那样很讨人厌的
Don’t be uncultured, Max. It’s unattractive.
是你把我拖进药店的洗手间
You’re the one who dragged me to a drugstore bathroom
还要拿一根塑料棒对着我狗狗的阴…我都说不出口
to stick a piece of plastic under my dog’s vag… I can’t even say it.
我是想帮你和你那只未成年就怀孕的傻狗，好吗？
Look, I’m trying to help you with your 16 and Pregnant-ass dog, okay?
抱歉
I’m sorry.
你倒是可以向她取取经，人家第一次约会就上垒了
You could learn something from her. Gettin’ laid on the first date.
你能不能放尊重点？
Can you not be so disrespectful?
你真的是会拉低我的智商
I swear I get stupider just being around you.
等一下，我感觉到她的肌肉在动了，她应该要…
Hold on, I feel her muscles moving. I think she’s gonna…
噢，这也太粗鄙了！
Oh. Oh, that’s vile!
臭死了 – 没事的，克洛伊
Whew. -It’s okay. It’s okay, Chloe.
她可能就是太紧张了 – 这屁味也太持久了！
She’s probably just nervous. -It’s lingering!
没关系的，克洛伊 – 这味道散不掉啊
It’s okay, Chloe. -It’s lingering, dude.
再坚持一下
Hold on.
好了 – 她尿了 她尿了
Okay. -Oh, she’s weeing. She’s weeing.
尿了尿了 – 感谢老天爷
Oh, she’s weeing. She’s weeing. -Oh, thank God.
尿了，她在尿了
She’s weeing. She’s weeing.
都尿到我手指上了 – 尿到上面了吗？
It’s on my finger. -Did it get on the thing?
尿到了
It did. Ugh!
搞定 – 爸爸抱抱
Okay. -Here, girl.
对不起了 – 我来看看，好吧…
I’m sorry. -Okay, all right.
咋了？ – 有好消息也有坏消息
What? -I got good news and bad news.
那坏消息是什么？
Well, what’s the bad news?
其实好消息和坏消息是同一个，看不出结果
It’s the same news either way. It’s inconclusive.