嘿，我们有时间应该一起出来玩
Hey, we should do a playdate.
噢…
Oh, um…
行啊，拜拜
Okay, bye.
走吧，草莓！
Come on, Strawberry!
克洛伊，再也不要这么做了，好吗？
Chloe, never do that again, okay?
你听见了吗？我刚刚为了你 都被侵犯了
Do you hear me? I was just violated for you.
注：Canva是一款非常出名的在线设计工具
你用Canva做的这个演示文档看着很酷啊
Your Canva presentation looks pretty dope.
尽力而为吧
Well, I’m trying.
我真的很想给这人留下个好印象
I really have to impress this guy.
你接下来该设计寻狗启示了
Next, maybe you should make lost dog posters.
你觉得会有人来认领他吗？
Do you think someone’s gonna claim him?
说不定他已经找到自己的归宿了，你家就像个垃圾场一样
I mean, maybe he’s already home. Your place is a dumpster.
我家才不是垃圾场，这叫乱中有序
My place is not a dumpster. It’s organized chaos.
嗯哼
Mm-hmm.
噢，你的狗 – 嘿！不行，不可以！
Oh, your dog. -Hey! Oh! No, no! No, boy.
噢….
Oh.
行吧，我认了，我出去遛遛他吧
All right. Fine, I will take him out.
看上去你找了个女朋友呀
Looks like you got a girlfriend.
也许是有点像
Maybe a little.
嗯…但也不能算是女朋友吧
Yeah… But no, you know, not really.
也许是是时候给自己找个真女朋友了？
Maybe it’s time for a real one?
不了吧，我也拿不准
Oh, no. I mean, I don’t know.
我…我还有条狗呢，所以…
I… I got a dog, so…
为什么？因为你是个丑陋的屌♥丝？
Why? Because you’re an ugly loser?
好吧，我们能不能别再“镜映”了？
Okay, can we maybe stop with the mirroring?
有点扎心了
It kind of hurts my feelings.
试着出去来场随性的约会
Let’s just try going out on a random date.
把它看作是一次克服焦虑的实验
Think of it as an experiment in conquering your anxiety.
反正约会结束就老死不相往来了
You never need to see them again.
这就是下一步的方案
This is the next step.
说不定克洛伊还能对你的约会档案有所帮助
Maybe Chloe can help you with your dating profile.
老娘回归情场啦
Back on the prowl.
你同意不？
Ah! Do you approve?
那我就当你同意啦
I’m gonna take that as a yes.
添加新照片
Add new photo.
你觉得咋样？还不错吧？
What do you think? Not bad, right?
发挥你的魔力吧，Bumble（约会软件）
Do your magic, Bumble.
好了，现在我们就静候佳音吧
Okay. Now we wait.
人很好，爱干净
Nice. Neat.
恰如其分的幽默
Reasonably funny.
截至到发布之时，我还有工作
Currently have a job, at time of posting.
我应该要再写点兴趣爱好
I should put some hobbies.
手办爱好者？
Figurine aficionado?
要不写“喜欢跟我毛茸茸的室友一起玩”？
How about hanging with my fluffy roommate?
可以吧？
Yeah?
这真是太蠢了
This is stupid.
你要知道，如果我真的带了别的女人回家
I just want you to know, if I ever manage to actually bring home another woman,
并不会影响我们之间建立的感情
it’s not gonna change what we’re building together.
没有个人经历，只有一个ins链接
No bio. Only an Instagram link.
这V领可真够深的
That’s a really deep V-neck.
你为啥要发合照啊？哪个人是你啊？
Why are you posting a group photo? Which one are you?
我的天，这家伙还真的在监狱里
Oh, my God. This guy is literally in prison.
“恰如其分的幽默”
“Reasonably funny.”
好的吧…我的天呐
Okay. Oh, my God. Wow.
你的狗倒是可以给满分
Your dog is a ten.
嘿
Hey.
注：向右滑即为表示喜欢或好感
看在你的份上，这家伙我就向右滑啦？
I’m gonna swipe right on this one for you, all right?
我勒个去
Damn.
这妹子我高攀不上啊
This girl’s out of my league.
不过，一位聪明绝顶的绝地大♥师♥曾说过
But, as a very wise Jedi Master once said,
注：星球大战中，尤达的经典台词
“要么放手一搏，要么果断放弃，没有尝试一说”
“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”
算了吧
Yeah.
克洛伊，你要明白，这妹子太辣了
Look, Chloe, you gotta understand, this girl’s hot,
我又有点奇葩
and I’m kinda odd.
不不不不不不
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
我去！我的天呐！
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
完蛋了
Oh, my God.
这是不是意味着我必须要去见她了？
Does this mean I have to actually meet up with her?
喔嚯
Whoo-hoo.
你哪里配得上她啊，老兄
She’s way out of your league, dude.
我当然知道，谢谢提醒啊 – 不过你也别担心
Yeah, man, thank you. I know that. -Well, don’t worry about it.
我有一招三板斧，保证可以帮助你
I got a three-step approach that is guaranteed
在约会时赢得对方好感
to help you score points on any date.
信我，你都知道我成功约过哪些女生啦
Trust. ‘Cause you already know the ladies I be bringin’ in.
不，我不知道
No, I don’t.
你不是听过我在情场上的丰功伟绩嘛
Well, I mean, you heard about my many stories of conquest.
没有啊，你瞎说什么….
No. What are you talk…
除了我之外 你是我这么多同学里，唯一一个还是单身的
You’re the only person I know from school other than me that’s still single.
好好记着
Take this down.
第一步 – 把我的手♥机♥还我
Step one. -Give me my phone.
你想和那位女士平起平坐，对吧？
You want to get on the lady’s level, right?
考虑的你的情况
Which in your case,
那你就得把她拉低到和你同一水平线
you’re gonna have to bring her down to your level.
所以你必须阴阳怪气地贬低她，让她时刻处于脆弱的状态
So you have to neg her to keep her vulnerable with, uh, veiled insults.
给她来个措手不及 – 羞辱她
That will keep her off guard. -Insult her.
你可以说一些类似 “噢，你的鞋是上一季的爆款啊”
So you want to say something like, “Oh, those shoes were hot last season.”
我都不知道“一季”是什么意思
I don’t know what a season is.
没关系，她知道就行
Doesn’t matter. She does.
第二步，既然你已经挫了她的锐气… – 嗯
Step two. Now you broke her down… -Yeah.
…那现在就要让她重拾自信
…you want to build her up now.
具体来说
Be specific.
评论下她的指甲油，说那个颜色很适合她
Talk about her nail polish and how that’s a great color on her.
好，她的指甲油 – 对，她会爱听的
Okay, her nail polish. -Yeah, she’ll love that.
接下来就不能光靠嘴巴说了 – 是嘛？
And then comes the physical part. -Yeah?
我最爱的一招
My favorite.
你准备好了吗？ – 嗯
You ready for this? Okay. -Yeah.
朝她的脖子吹气
Blow on her neck.
就像这样 – 什么？
Just go like this. -What?
这就是秘诀 – 啥？
That’s the secret. -What?
厉害吧
Yeah. Yeah.
这就是你单身的原因啊 – 才不是
That’s why you’re single. -No.
等等，你慢点，慢点走，你不该冲下台阶的
Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Slow down. You should never rush on stairs.
你有看到她吗？说实话，我有点忘记她长什么样了
Do you see her anywhere? Kind of forget what she looks like, to be honest.
卧♥槽♥！
Holy shit!
嘿
Hey.
走吧，没关系的
Come on. It’s okay.
什么情况？我的天！
What the fuck? Jesus!
来吧，我知道，那也太离谱了
Okay, come on. I know. That was insane.
不许闻！恶心心！
No, hey! Gross! Gross, gross.
我们等下要见人的，恶心死了
We’re expecting company. Disgusting.
她已经迟到3分钟了
She’s three minutes late.
她可能不会来了吧
She’s probably not gonna come.
你也没看到她吧？
You don’t see her, do you?
她不会来了
She’s not coming.
好吧，我…我们直接撤吧
Okay, we… we should just go.
这地方怪吓人的… – 那是克洛伊吧，你一定就是麦克斯了，你们好
This place is terrify… -That is Chloe, so you must be Max. Hey.
嘿…喽
Hey… lo.
嗨
Hi.
这位一定就是钱宁·塔图姆了 – 是的
This must be Channing Tatum. -Yeah.
“我不会放弃你的”（模仿钱宁·塔图姆）
“I’m not gonna give up on you.”
你说啥？
Wait, what?
这是…《特种部队：眼镜蛇的崛起》里的台词 – 哦对
It’s, uh, G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra. -Right, right.
不过我感觉他更像《魔力麦克》里的钱宁
Yeah, well, I think he’s more of a Magic Mike kind of Channing.
“我看上去像是有紧身裤的人吗？
“Do I look like I own tights?”
呃… – 这应该是《舞出我人生》里的
Uh…. -That might be Step Up.
对 – 应该是吧…我记不清了
Yeah – I think that is Step… I don’t know.
把电影搞混了，这不重要…
Movie confusion. Doesn’t matter. Um. so…
T恤不错啊
Cool shirt.
噢，这是…谢谢，是个乐队