Hey. Hey. -I’m not going up.
我他妈真不行，我没在开玩笑 – 听我说！
I fucking can’t. I’m not kidding. -Listen. Shh, shh!
我不去，我说真的 – 听着，你看着我的眼睛
I’m not. I’m being serious, okay? -Listen. Look me in the eye.
想象台下的观众只有我，克洛伊和钱宁·塔图姆就行
Just imagine that it’s me and Chloe and Channing Tatum.
麦克斯·斯蒂文森，上来吧伙计！ – 好吗？
Max Stevenson. Come on, buddy, let’s go! -Okay?
你已经准备好了
You’re ready for this.
上来呀 – 去吧
Come on. -Go.
哎哟
Oh, God.
大家好，我是麦克斯
Hi, I’m Max.
我准备唱首歌♥
I’m gonna sing a song.
一首我很喜欢的歌♥
A song I like.
BGM：《All Through the Night》——Cyndi Lauper
♪穿过黑夜♪
♪ All through the night ♪
♪我将不眠不休，守候在你身旁♪
♪ I’ll be awake and I’ll be with you ♪
♪穿过黑夜♪
♪ All through the night ♪
♪分秒都如此珍贵♪
♪ This precious time ♪
♪时间重新开始♪
♪ When time is new ♪
♪穿过漫漫长夜♪
♪ All, all through the night ♪
♪今时今日♪
♪ Today ♪
♪彼此心有灵犀♪
♪ Knowin’ that we feel the same ♪
♪无需言语♪
♪ Without sayin’ ♪
♪心有灵犀♪
♪ The same ♪
♪无需多言♪
♪ Without sayin’ ♪
♪我们没有过去♪
♪ We have no past ♪
♪无需回头张望♪
♪ We won’t reach back ♪
♪继续向前，穿过黑暗♪
♪ Keep with me forward all through the night ♪
♪一旦开始♪
♪ And once we start ♪
♪仪表开始嘀嗒作响♪
♪ The meter clicks ♪
♪整夜都会不停转动♪
♪ And it goes running all through the night ♪
♪直到终点♪
♪ Until it ends ♪
♪然而并无终点♪
♪ There is no end ♪
♪穿过黑夜♪
♪ All through the night ♪
♪一只流浪狗在哀鸣♪
♪ Stray dog is crying ♪
♪另一只流浪狗以歌♥声回应♪
♪ So stray dog sings back ♪
♪在这白色街灯下♪
♪ Under those white street lamps ♪
♪或许存在一丝机会♪
♪ There is a little chance they may see it ♪
♪一个他们能够领悟的契机♪
♪ A chance they may see it ♪
♪请你和我共度这慢慢长夜♪
♪ Stay with me all through the night ♪
太棒了！
Yeah!
该走啦
Okay.
你准备好去面试了吗？
You ready for your interview?
“锦鲤附体！”
“轻松拿下！”
准备好了 – 是嘛？
Yeah. – Yeah?
好可爱啊
Aw.
太贴心了吧，谢谢你们
That’s so sweet. Thank you, guys.
你确定你可以开车送我吗？我现在好紧张
Are you sure you don’t mind driving me? I’m, like, really nervous.
没问题，我们仨都是可以在情感上支持你的哺乳动物
Yeah, of course. All right, we’re your emotional support mammals.
放开她 – 太好了
Get off her. -Yes.
走吧，公路旅行去咯
All right, road trip.
你肯定会表现很好的，能面试你是他们的荣幸
You’re gonna do so great. They’re lucky they get to meet with you.
你有闻到一股异味吗？
Do you smell something funny?
什么？没有啊 – 哎哟
What? No. -Oh, man.
咋了？ – 好像有只狗尿尿了
What? -I think one of them peed.
尿在车里了？
In the car?
我就知道我应该买♥♥塑料座椅套的
I knew I should have just got the plastic covers for the seats.
我感觉是克洛伊拉的，她昨天晚上也在地毯上尿了
I think it was Chloe. She went on the carpet last night too.
你怎么没跟我说啊，你用了… – 是的，我用了“天然奇迹”牌除味喷雾
You didn’t tell me that. Did you, uh… -Yes, I used the Nature’s Miracle.
他们在后面闹啥呢？ – 我不知道，他们突然变得好激动
What’s going on back there? -I don’t know. They’re getting zoomies.
能不能尊重下我的汽车座椅啊？
Can we please be respectful of the seats?
她一直在舔她的小妹妹
She keeps licking her hoo-ha.
什么意思？啥情况？ – 我的天呐
What do you mean? What? -Oh, my God.
我感觉她可能要生了
I think that she might be in labor.
不会吧！ – 真的！
No! No! -Yeah!
我觉得那个不是尿
I don’t think that that was pee.
像是她的羊水破了 – 不
Like, I think that her water broke. -No.
还有三天才到预产期啊！ – 是啊，但这又不一定准
She’s not due for three days! -Yeah, but it’s not like an exact science.
操，我们得去找个兽医 – 什么？
Shit, we gotta get to a vet. -What?
去找啥兽医啊？你的面试怎么办？
What do you mean, a vet? What about your interview?
早产是很危险的
A premature delivery can be really dangerous.
我们得赶紧去兽医那！
We gotta go, like, right now!
好好好 – 等一下，我们要去哪啊？
Okay, okay, okay, okay. -Wait, where are we even going?
赶紧搜一下！ – 我在搜了
Google something! -I am.
她还好吗？ – 她还在舔她的小妹妹
Is she okay? -Well, she’s still licking her hoo-ha.
她的小妹妹没事吧？我们能不能别用这种和谐词了？
Is her hoo-ha okay? And can we please use proper terms?
他马上都要生了，我们得专业一点
She’s about to give birth. We need to be technical.
好吧，从专业上讲，她在舔她的外阴
Okay, technically, she is licking her vulva.
噢，开去那里试试 – 妮可！
Oh, I want to try that spot. -Nicole!
别急！等一下
Okay! Wait.
好了，现在右转
Wait. Okay, turn right. Now.
很好，我们好像拐错弯了
Very good. I think we made a wrong turn.
什么？她没事吧？ – 她…
What? Is she okay? -Well, she’s…
卧♥槽♥！她要生了！
Oh, my God! It’s happening!
动作快！
Okay, let’s go!
你为啥要吐啊？ – 从杂物箱里把手套拿出来！
Why are you puking? -Get the gloves out of the glove box!
好的好的，在哪里啊？
Okay, okay, wait. Where are they?
在杂物箱里啊！ – 你需要喝口姜汁汽水吗？
In the glove box! -Do you need, like, a ginger ale?
我♥干♥嘛要喝姜汁汽水！ – 喝点有气的？
I don’t need a ginger ale! -Something bubbly?
乖了乖了
Good girl.
去拿毯子，把毯子拿来铺好
Okay, get the blanket. Get the blanket and lay it out.
快点快点，把它铺好！ – 好，我拿到了
Come on, come on. Lay it out! Here. -Okay, I got it.
把毯子铺到地上 – 好
Put the blanket down. -Okay.
等一下，把教学视频打开
Wait, pull up YouTube. Pull up YouTube.
你们在干嘛呀？
What are you doing?
没什么，狗狗累趴了 – 只是要打个盹，睡觉时间
Nothing. The dogs are tired. -Oh, just nap time. Sleepy time.
该午睡了 – 对，你可能也该去午睡了
Nap time. -Yeah. It’s probably your nap time now.
快去睡吧 – 我点播放了
Go ahead. -All right.
雌性鬣狗（土狼）的…
The female hyena’s birth canal…
你找到了吗？ – 找到了
You got it? -Yeah, I got it.
你就只能找到鬣狗的视频？ – 对啊，鬣狗也是狗嘛
That’s the best you could find? -Yeah, I mean, it’s hyenas.
你们不能在这里，还有两分钟就要放学了
You can’t do that here. Recess starts in two minutes.
我们没时间去找最理想的接生点了，女士！
Well, we didn’t seek out the most idyllic birthing spot, lady!
但孩子们都在看啊 – 他们马上就能上一节生物课了！
But there’s children. -They’re about to get a biology lesson!
你现在有点激动，淡定点，老师说的也没错…
You’re, like, at a ten. Bring it down. What the teacher said. Like…
哈！
Ha!
我就知道你们是后院狗贩子！
I knew you were a breeder!
滚远点！ – 注意用词！
Fuck off! -Language!
她从哪冒出来的？ – 我也不知道
Where did she come from? -I don’t know.
要生了，要生了，婴儿露顶了
It’s happening. It’s happening. It’s happening. She’s crowning.
太恶心了吧！ – 卧♥槽♥
That’s gross!-Holy shit.
出来了！要出来了！ – 我勒个去
It’s coming! It’s coming! -Oh, my God.
要出来了！要生了
It’s coming! It’s happening.
我的天呐，那是…
Oh, my God. That’s like…
那是只小奶狗
That’s a puppy.
是小奶狗，那是小狗的头
That’s a puppy. That’s a puppy head.
维托·柯里昂·斯蒂文森-马修斯（教父角色）， 迈克·柯里昂·斯蒂文森-马修斯（教父角色）
Vito Corleone Stevenson-Matthews, Michael Corleone Stevenson-Matthews,
桑尼·柯里昂·斯蒂文森-马修斯（教父角色），塔金总督·斯蒂文森-马修斯（星战角色）
Sonny Corleone Stevenson-Matthews, Grand Moff Tarkin Stevenson-Matthews…
还有巴布·弗里克·斯蒂文森-马修斯（星战角色）
And Babu Frik Stevenson-Matthews.
你这是啥声音？ – 巴布·弗里克就是这样说话的
What is that? -That’s Babu Frik.
噢 – 请无视我
Oh. -Don’t worry about it.
你联♥系♥上招生办公室了吗？
Were you able to, um, talk to the admissions office?
能重新安排你的面试时间吗？ – 直接转到语♥音♥信箱了
Could you reschedule your interview? -Voice mail.
他们也还没回复我的邮件
They haven’t responded to my emails.
我很抱歉 – 没事的
I’m sorry. -No, it’s okay.
我爸以前总是说 事出必有因
My dad always said that everything happens for a reason.
现在的我，就注定要当狗狗的奶奶
And right now, I’m meant to be a doggie grandma.
我对此感到非常满意
And I’m happy with that.
妮可
Nicole.
嗯？
Hmm?
怎么了？
What?
克洛伊，克洛伊 – 啥？怎么了嘛？
Mm. Chloe. Chloe. -What? What is it?
克洛伊在盯着我们看 – 噢
Chloe’s looking at us. -Oh.