我要去刷拔草测评了
I’ve got Yelp reviews to read.
好吧，我们走
Okay. Come on.
嘿，克洛伊
Hey, Chloe.
这是啥？
What is this?
我知道，我也很想她
Yeah, I miss her too.
你想去玩玩吗？
Do you want to play?
你没心情呀
You’re not in the mood.
我懂你
I get it.
等一下
Hold on.
先别走
Don’t pull.
华盛顿大学:
妮可你好
我们希望你能过来参加面试，
面试时间为2022年10月9日上午11点
我的天呐
Oh, my God.
嘿
Hey.
他们想见我啦！他们要面试我了！
They want to meet me. They want to meet me!
哎哟老兄，你本来做得很好啊！怎么就犯糊涂了
Ah, bro, you were doing so good! Then you lost it.
我不会再让你像之前那样疏远我了
I’m not gonna have you go dark on me as a friend again.
你知道男人到了30岁以后，交朋友有多难吗？
You know how hard it is for men to find friends in their 30s?
注： Jamba Juice是美国著名的健康饮品店
我能去哪社交呢？坚宝果汁吗？
Where I’ma go? Jamba Juice?
我一个人还过得更自在
Man, I’m better off by myself.
我什么都跟她说了
I told her everything.
我都跟她说了我被出过轨，可她却对我做出了同样的事
I told her about getting cheated on, and she just goes and does the same thing.
都没在一起怎么能叫出轨，你只是没有向她吐露心声罢了
But she never cheated on you. You just didn’t show her how you felt.
你能不能别挑我的错了…
Can you just stop judging me for…
我挑你的错？是你在挑所有人的错！
Me, judging you? You judge everyone!
你看谁都不顺眼，所以你才总是孑然一身
Nobody’s never good enough for you. That’s why you by your damn self.
事实就是，有克洛伊和妮可陪着你的时候，你的状态要好多了
The truth of the matter is, you do way better with Chloe and Nicole.
你得坦诚地接受这一点
And you need to be honest with yourself about that.
你要让她知道你的感受
You gotta tell her how you feel.
这世间的混乱纷杂永远不会停歇
The chaos of the world is here to stay.
你就面对这个现实吧
Bro, just face it.
跟她一起 携手面对
Face it as a pack.
你的小毛孩怎么样啦？
How’s your furry dependent?
我也说不好
I don’t know.
相比于现在和我待在一起，我感觉他跟克洛伊和麦克斯住的话会更开心
I feel like he would be happier with Chloe and Max than he is with me right now,
我也还没找到既可以养狗，又在我可承受范围之内的住处
and I still haven’t found an apartment I can afford that takes dogs.
你不会想告诉我，你觉得狗狗没有你会过得更好吧？
Are you really trying to tell me you think that dog is better off without you?
说不定大家对我的看法没错，也许我就是个自私的人
I mean, maybe everyone is right. Maybe I am selfish.
我现在感觉一团糟
I just feel like a fucking mess.
好吧，我有几句话想跟你说
Okay. I want to say something to you,
但我不希望你在我说话的时候，给我的脸来一拳
but I don’t want you to punch me in the face when I say it.
我就打过你一次 好吗？我们当时才5岁
That happened one time. Okay? We were five.
听着
Look,
自从你父亲去世之后，你的内心就筑起了一座高墙
since you lost your dad, you’ve put up some major walls.
这堵墙也许被你包装得很酷炫
And they may be really cool walls,
整面墙都是…彩色玻璃和复古面料
covered in, you know, stained glass and vintage fabrics,
但墙，始终是墙
but they’re still walls.
亲爱的，你真得扪心自问一下，这些墙给你带来了什么？
Babe, you really gotta ask yourself, what are these walls getting you?
谁啊？这大清早的
Who is it? It’s so early.
什么鬼？
What the hell?
我去！
Jesus!
嘿
Hey.
你好呀，你怎么会在箱子里？
Hi. What? Why are you in a box?
嘿
Hey.
你来干嘛呀？
What are you doing?
“我妈说她很抱歉!”
注：Glengholm应该是这个狗狗生产箱的牌子，但我没有搜到相关资料
你能去问问你妈妈，这个生产箱是不是正版的吗？
Can you ask your mom if this is an authentic Glengholm?
她在哪呢？
Huh? Where is she?
那个可是瑞典生产箱中的劳斯莱斯
That is the Rolls-Royce of Swedish whelping boxes right there.
可以为克洛伊提供最好的分娩环境
Only the best for Chloe’s delivery.
谢了
Thanks.
我们能聊聊吗？ – 好
Can we talk? -Yeah.
我是想说… – 麦克斯，你先听我说…
Look, I, uh… -No, Max…
我很抱歉
I’m sorry.
我越界了
I overstepped.
尤其是你还为我做了这么多
Especially after everything you’ve done for me,
甚至把你前任的事 都毫无保留地告诉了我
and how you opened up to me about your ex.
而我却…
And I’m not…
我知道我们不是男女朋友之类的，但…
I know that we’re not a thing or whatever, but…
我那样做很不厚道，我也真的很后悔
I mean, it wasn’t cool and I really regret it.
是我对不起你
And I’m sorry.
我很后悔没有更好地处理这件事，我也很抱歉
Well, I really regret not dealing with it better, and I’m sorry.
你当时说的话还挺对的
What you said was kinda true.
嗯，你对我的评价也挺准确的
Yeah, I mean, you were pretty accurate about me too.
也许这就叫一个巴掌拍不响吧
I guess we both kinda got some things.
是啊，确实是这样
Yeah. Yeah, I’d say we do.
我很喜欢生命中有你的陪伴
I really like having you in my life.
嗯，我也是
Yeah, me too.
说实话，还挺难的…
Honestly, it’s just hard…
当你知道一个人 随时都有可能
It’s hard to care about someone when you know
离你而去的时候，就很难再去投入感情了
that they can just be taken away from you.
我就是太害怕了，麦克斯
I’m just scared, Max.
我知道
I know.
他俩这就勾搭上啦？
Are you kidding me?
我可以帮你搬箱子的呀 – 我可以的
I could have helped with the box.- I got it.
好了克洛伊，进去吧
Okay, Chloe. Go ahead.
乖啦乖啦
Good girl. Good girl.
我想着挂上去会挺好看的
I thought they looked good there.
我可真是想死你们了
Oh, my God. I missed you guys so much.
嘿，你能把鞋给脱了嘛？ – 好的
Hey, can you take your shoes off? -Yeah.
预产期：还有3天
这些说明书全是瑞典语啊
These instructions are in Swedish.
没事，我们只需要用“ryka”，将“golv”…
Yeah, we’ll just attach the “golv” to the “vagg”…
我的天呐 – …接到“vagg”上…
Oh, my God. -…using the “ryka.”
好吧，我们就即兴发挥吧 – 嗯
Okay, we’ll just wing it. -Yeah.
虽然我看不懂瑞典语…
I can’t read Swedish, so…
注：vagg有女性小妹妹的意思
但我并不认为那个词是“vagg”
And I don’t think it says “vagg.”
好了，第一步
All right, step one.
等狗崽出生之后，我会很想念现在的室友生活的
I’m gonna miss this whole roomie sitch after the puppies are born.
嗯，我也是
Yeah, me too.
蓝调酒吧
开放麦之夜
你准备好了吗？
You ready?
准备啥？吃晚饭吗？
For what, dinner?
不，当然不是啦
No. Absolutely not.
我还以为我们只是要去吃顿室友之间的便饭
I thought we were just gonna have a casual roommate’s dinner.
麦克斯，你帮我申请了华盛顿大学，这次轮到我逼你一把了
Max, you helped me fill out my U-Dub app. This is me pushing you.
我不想被逼着干这种事，我…
All right, I don’t want to be pushed to do this. I…
麦克斯，你现在适应得很好了
Max, you are doing so good.
但…这会让我们功亏一篑的，我说真的
But I don’t… This would ruin everything. Seriously.
万一我有什么不测呢？万一这是我人生在世的最后一晚呢？
Well, what if something happens to me? What if this is my last night alive?
你的想法为啥这么阴暗啊？
Why do you have to go so dark?
因为我知道这么做 可以让我们得到自己想要的结果
Because I figured out that it makes you do what we both want.
进去吧
Come on.
我们看表演就行了吧
We can watch.
嘿，你们好呀，请在这里报名
Hey, guys, how’s it going? Sign up right here.
别帮我报名，如果他们叫到我，我绝对不会上台的
Do not sign me up. I’m not doing it if they call me.
再来一遍！
One more time!
不好意思
Sorry.
这家伙什么来头啊？ – 唱得多好啊
What is this guy? -It’s great.
这都不是一般人啊，我不合适，这家伙太离谱了
This is not normal. This isn’t right. This guy’s insane.
他肯定是职业歌♥手之类的
He’s gotta be, like, professional or something.
嘿，你可以的 – 不行啊，这就像他的个人演唱会一样
Hey, you’re gonna be fine. -No, but this is, like, his concert.
嘿 – 这哪里是开放麦啊
Hey.-This is not open mic.
唱得也太好了吧！
That was spectacular!
谁接得住这样的表演啊，朋友们！
I mean, I would not want to follow that, people!
这太炸了…
That was…
接下来要上场的是…
Next up we have…
麦克斯·斯蒂文森
Max Stevenson.
不不不不，我们才刚到
No, no, no, no, no. We just got here
嘿，没事的 – 我才不要上去