Um…
所以这确实有点打击到了我的自信心
So, yeah, that kind of messed with my whole confidence thing.
我想也是 – 嗯
Yeah, I bet. -Yeah.
然后我遇到了一个女孩…
Then I met a girl who, uh…
她不介意我这些问题
didn’t really care about my issues.
她似乎爱上了最真实的那个我，这让我很动容
She seemed to love me for who I was, which was cool.
我真的很感动
Really cool, in fact.
我当时…已经准备向她求婚了
And I was, um… I was gonna propose to her.
哇哦！
Oh, wow!
直到我得了新冠
Until I got COVID.
是她…她传染的
Fr… Um, from her.
这样啊 – 而她是被另一个男的传染的
Okay. -Which she got from a dude.
噢
Oh.
哦不！她出轨了？ – 是的
Oh, no! She was cheating on you? -Yeah.
所以虽然我一个人在家隔离了将近2年
So, you know, I quarantined, um, solo for, like, two years.
但我其实很喜欢独处，你知道吧？
But I actually really liked being alone, you know?
我意识到，我一个人反而更自在
I’m better off by myself, I’ve realized.
但也许，这也能解释我为什么会…这么无趣
But it, you know, perhaps explains my, uh, lameness.
麦克
Max.
嘿，我并不觉得你是个无趣的人
Hey, I do not think you’re lame.
真的，你一点都不无趣
Seriously, at all.
其实我真的很高兴能多了解你一点
I’m actually really enjoying getting to know you.
真心话
Seriously.
而且我会…噢
And I will… Oh.
天呐，我..。 – 对不起
Oh, my God. I… -I’m sorry.
没事啦，我是想… – 我..
No, I thought… -No, I…
抱歉，我是想要借你靠一下… – 是我对不起你
Sorry, I was trying to lean… -No, I’m sorry.
不用道歉啦 – 你干嘛要道歉？
Don’t be sorry. -Why would you say sorry?
我刚刚亲了你的脸颊 – 嗯…
I just kissed your chin. -Yeah, it’s…
我应该…
I should…
很抱歉我侵占了你的世外桃源
Look, I’m sorry for taking over your sanctuary.
没事的… – 麦克斯，我真心感到抱歉
No, look… -Seriously, Max.
你能让我住在这真的很好心
It’s really nice that you’re letting me stay here
狗崽生出来之后，我会马上去租新住处的
and I will sign a new apartment lease right after the puppies arrive.
我还可以帮你做家务呀
And I can even, you know, help out around the house.
我可以负责做饭
I can cook.
不用啦 – 也是，最好还是别让我下厨了
That’s okay. -Okay, probably for the best.
呃…
Um…
行啊，那就这么定了，成交
Okay. Yeah, um, all right, offer accepted.
好极了
Great.
搞什么鬼？我的毛巾都他妈去哪了？
What the fuck? Where the fuck are the towels?
哎哟，毛巾呢？
Oh, my God. Where are the towels?
她把毛巾都拿哪去了？
What the hell has she done with them?
我勒个去！
Oh, my God!
干嘛？咋了？
What? What?
出去！搞什么…快出去！
Get out! What… Get out!
好咯！
Okay!
下次记得锁门啊，老兄
Lock the door next time, dude.
把门给我关上！ – 你说啥？
Close the goddamn door! -What did you say?
咋了？ – 没事，没事了，快走！
Yeah? -No, no. Go!
哦，你搞得我好懵逼喔 – 走
Oh. You are so confusing. -Go.
操蛋，好吧伙计们，快出去，走，出去！
Goddamn it. Okay, guys. Come on, dogs. Go, go! Out.
动作快，出去吧
Come on. Out, out.
走
Go.
天呐，我真♥他♥妈♥服了
God. For fuck’s sake.
嘿，麦克斯？ – 干嘛？
Hey, Max? -What?
挺雄伟啊
Not bad.
好了伙计们
Okay, guys.
准备好吃饭了吗？
Ready?
不含防腐剂和填充剂，纯天然的
No preservatives or fillers or anything artificial.
画得真好啊
That’s, like, really good.
别说了，这太傻了，你看，钱宁和克洛伊
No, this is silly. Look. Channing and Chloe.
哪里傻，这很棒啊…你的绘画水平很高啊
No, I mean, it’s good… I mean, all your art is awesome.
你有考虑过把它作为职业吗？
You ever think about doing it professionally?
你有考虑过把那个作为职业吗？
You ever think about doing that professionally?
我现在已经金盆洗手了
Okay, I’m retreating now.
♪霸占我的家，征用我的东西♪
♪ Take my home and take my things ♪
♪我将一切奉献于你♪
♪ I give my all to thee ♪
♪将其永远奉献于你♪
♪ Take them for eternity ♪
♪我亲爱的妮可~♪
♪ Dearest Nicole-y ♪
♪妮可~妮可~♪
♪ Nicole-y, Nicole-y… ♪
好了好了，别唱了
Okay, okay. All right, all right, all right.
我懂了
I get it.
我原本想去华盛顿大学读艺术和设计专业的
I wanted to go U-Dub for art and design,
但我爸生病了，我就没去成，后来他去世了，我就混成今天这样了
but my dad got sick, so I didn’t, and then he died, and now I’m here.
明白了
Okay.
就是这样
Okay.
谢谢你能跟我说这些
Thanks for telling me that.
既然我跟你说了我的过往，你就正经给我弹首歌♥吧
I showed you mine. Play me a real song.
不行，想都别想
No, that’s not gonna happen.
我正要把琴给关了
I’m turning it off, actually.
非常感谢您的收听
Thank you very much.
不过我很喜欢你的音色 – 闭嘴吧
Hey, I really like your tone, though. -Shut up.
洗个牌
Shuffling the deck.
每个人都记住他们抽到的牌 – 不许作弊！
Everyone has their card locked in. -No cheating!
没有作弊，看到了吗？
No cheating. Okay?
我没有动过这副牌 – 别玩花样
I have not altered the deck of cards. -Don’t do any funny business.
施展一点魔法
A little bit of magic.
这张是你的牌吗？
Was this your card?
这不可能！
No way!
就是这张吧？
It was, huh?
你怎么做到的？
How did you do that?
这太离谱了
That’s crazy.
看傻了吧，克洛伊
Blew your mind, Chloe.
有这个必要吗？
Really?
赶紧放进来
Just put it in.
您应该来看看我们这的课程
You should check out the classes we offer.
啥，狗狗的拉马兹心理助产法？
Wait. Lamaze for dogs?
大学申请网址
”立刻申请吧“
华盛顿大学
我的天
Oh, my God
放进嘴里就行，快放进你嘴里！
Just put it in your mouth. Just put it in your mouth!
天呐！成功了！
Oh, my God! It worked! Oh, my God!
你拍到了吗？拍下来了吗？
Did you get it? Did you get it?
有了有了，我拍到了
I got it. I got it. Got it. Got it.
拍下来了 – 你们可真棒！
I got it. -Good job, guys!
我拍得真好
Mine is good.
今晚要出来玩吗？
出不来，要在家带狗狗
见到你可真高兴啊，老兄
Happy to see you, man.
你感觉怎么样？ – 挺好的
How are you feeling? -Yeah, good.
还适应吧？ – 嗯
All right? -Yeah.
我没打算炒掉你
I wasn’t gonna fire you.
出门啦 – 好孩子！
Okay. – Aw, good boy!
乖仔！你有没有…
Good boy! Did you…
等一下，你…. – 别急
Oh, wait. Did you… Oh! -Okay.
我的天
Oh, my God.
怎么会发生这种事？ – 等一下，我来解开，我来吧
How does this even happen? -Hold on. I got it. I got it. I got it.
好了，等一下，别急，我来解
Okay. Hold on, I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.
抱歉… – 没事
Sorry. It’s… -It’s okay.
好啦
Okay.
噢
Oh.
狗狗的拉马兹课程
糟糕，我们要迟到了
Crap, we’re gonna be late.
是时候去上我们铲屎官的课了
Time to go to our class full of dog people.
嗯，走吧
Mm, all right.
等一下，你…
Wait. Are you…
你确定去上课不会让你感到焦虑吗？
You’re sure that that won’t make you anxious?
不会，应该没问题
No, I think I’m good.
你们好，欢迎来到你们的第一堂狗狗拉马兹课程
Hello, and welcome to your first Doggie Lamaze session.
当我说“谁把狗放出来啦？”的时候
When I say, “Who let the dogs out?”
你们就说“汪汪汪汪汪”
you say, “Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff!”
这也太蠢了吧