头条笑料 Punchline（1988）

妳家是哪一间? – 就在前面 我应该用走的
Which one’s your house? – It’s just up ahead. I think I should walk.
妳不会有事吧?
Are you sure you’re going to be all right?
他不会打妳吧? 都快天亮了
He doesn’t beat you up or anything like that? It is almost morning.
我到孩子的床上睡
I’ll slip into bed with one of the kids.
他会以为我整晚都睡在那
He’ll think I’ve been there all night.
然後呢?
What then?
我不知道
I don’t know.
妳可以跟我走
You could run away with me.
今晚谢谢你
Thank you for tonight.
我不会忘记的 – 妳… 妳很棒
I’ll never ever forget it. – You were brilliant.
那是因为你的关系
Because of you.
记住这点
Now, hold that thought. Okay?
莱拉 – 我要走了
Lilah. – I gotta go.
我有话要说 – 不要
No, I want to say something. – Don’t.
妳又不知道我要说什麽
You don’t know what I’m going to say.
说晚安就好
Just say good night.
妳应该让我说的
You should have let me say it.
晚安
Good night.
史帝芬! 你怎麽会在这里?
Steven! What are you doing here?
他们不把我的电♥话♥接过去
They won’t put my calls through to your office…
不过我想妳得吃午餐…
…but I figured you had to have lunch, so…
不行 我很忙
I’d love to, but I’m swamped lining this thing up.
我在俱乐部等 但是妳没来
I was waiting for you down at the club but you never came down.
我有打电♥话♥ 没收到我留的话吗?
I called. You didn’t get my message?
太离谱了 你不知道吗? 没人打给你?
I don’t believe it. You don’t know. No one called you this morning?
我不能进我的公♥寓♥ 什麽?
I’m locked out of my apartment. I don’t. What?
听着 我昨晚和一个…
Listen to this. I’m having dinner last night with this guy…
电视台的高级主管吃饭
…major network executive, top brass…
我说你很厉害 他应该见你
…telling him how incredible you are. Insisting he comes down to see you.
结果整个构想就发展成更大的计划
And the whole idea just explodes into something absolutely spectacular.
准备好了吗?
Are you ready?
两周後我们将带着摄影机…
Two weeks from today, we’re coming down with our cameras…
去拍摄一小时的特别节目
…to shoot a one-hour special.
是一个每周节目的首集 叫做 “公开试镜”
The pilot for a weekly series called Open Audition.
每周优胜者将能成为强尼卡森秀的来宾
The winner each week gets a guest spot on Johnny Carson.
觉得怎样? 很棒吧?
What do you think? Brilliant?
这跟妳答应我的不一样
I think it’s not what you promised me.
我答应你可以上镜头 这是有意义的
I promised you’d be seen. This is no aimless audition.
优胜者可以上强尼卡森秀
The winner gets a shot at Carson.
没人会来看我的 – 会 你是最棒的
No one’s coming to see me. – Of course they will. You’re the best there.
那是妳的看法 – 我的看法…
In your opinion. – In my opinion.
满有价值的
It’s worth something.
当然比妳的承诺有价值多了
It’s certainly worth a lot more than your word.
史帝芬 告诉你
Steven, for your information…
你的俱乐部老板 寄给我参加者名单
…the owner of your club sent me a list of submissions.
你的名字不在上面
The name Steven Gold wasn’t on it.
他说你 “情绪不稳定”
He said you were emotionally unstable.
我拼了命才让你列入其中
I had to exert pressure just to keep you in this thing.
别跟我发火
Don’t give me heat about my word.
还有谁在名单上? – 怎麽了?
Who else exactly is on this list? – Why?
妳可能忘了一个人
Because there’s someone good you might have forgotten.
你好心吗? 大家好
Aren’t you nice? Aren’t you nice? Hello, everybody.
欢迎收看全美最受欢迎的节目
And welcome to America’s favourite noontime show.
“女同志餐盒”
It’s the “Lesbian Lunchbox.”
许多女同志来参加本节目 我们跟她们谈谈
So many lesbians come to see the show I thought we’d talk to some lesbians here tonight.
这点子不错吧?
Doesn’t that sound like a wonderful idea?
妳是女同志吗? – 不是
Hi, you a lesbian? – No!
我觉得女同志反抗的太过火了
“Methinks the lesbian doth protest too much.” Just teasing.
喂
Hello?
这是电♥话♥公♥司♥ 克里西太太在吗? 有重要的事
This is the phone company. Is Mrs. Krytsick in? It’s important.
妈 电♥话♥公♥司♥
Mom, phone company.
喂 – 莱拉 是我
Hello? – Lilah, it’s me.
史帝芬
Steven.
我在俱乐部’ 妳要来吗?
I’m at the club. What’s going on? Are you coming down?
你不该打来这里
You shouldn’t have called me here.
你没收到我的留言吗? – 有
Didn’t you get my message? – Yeah.
什麽意思 妳不能来?
I did. What does that mean, you can’t come to the club for a while?
我真的不能讲了
I really can’t talk.
等等 那比赛呢?
Wait a minute. What about the contest? You’re on the list.
什麽比赛?
What contest?
俱乐部的比赛 优胜者上强尼卡森秀
At the club. The winner gets a shot on the Carson show.
我在名单上?
I’m on the list?
对 我让妳上了名单
Yeah, I got you on it.
什麽时候? – 星期三之後的一个礼拜
When is it? – A week from Wednesday.
天啊 我不行
Oh, God. I can’t do it.
为什麽?
Why not?
我现在有点动弹不得
I’m kind of in a holding pattern here.
我老公要我放弃
My husband wants me to quit.
天哪 莱拉
Jesus Christ, Lilah.
妳还要忍♥多久?
How long are you gonna put up with this shit?
没有那麽简单
It’s really not that simple.
就是那麽简单 妳嫁错人了
It is that simple. You’re with the wrong guy.
他配不上妳
He doesn’t deserve you and you know it.
我不怕告诉他
I’m not afraid to tell that to his face.
妳应该跟我在一起
You should be with me. I’ll tell him that, too.
不… 电♥话♥没问题
No, the phone is working just fine.
马上给我过来
You get your ass over here right away, all right?
有点来不及了
It’s a little late for that.
谁? – 电♥话♥公♥司♥
Who is it? – It’s the phone company.
明天6点在咖啡店见
Tomorrow then. Meet me at the coffee shop at 6:00.
不行 我要去做头发
No, I couldn’t make that. I’m getting my hair done tomorrow.
不 我喜欢妳的头发!
I love your hair!
怎麽了? – 我不知道
What’s wrong with the phone? – I don’t know.
好 听着
All right, listen.
妳过来见我 不然我就过去…
You come and meet me or I’ll come over and tell your husband…
告诉妳老公我们深深相爱
…I’m crazy in love with you and you with me.
星期三 – 几点? 6点?
Wednesday. – What time? 6:00?
如果电♥话♥没坏别急着约时间
Don’t get hustled into an appointment if the phone’s okay.
给我 – 莱拉 6点?
Give it me. – Lilah, 6:00?
不要 – 给我
No. – Give it me!
不要
No! No!
莱拉
Lilah!
我不能讲了
I can’t talk right now.
原来是这麽回事
So that’s what this has been about.
不是
No.
只是一个朋友
It’s just a friend.
男的
A man?
喜剧演员
A comic.
我懂了
I see.
他对我有信心 认为我很会搞笑
He believes in me. He thinks I’m funny.
莱拉 虽然有可能太迟 但总有一天…
Some day, Lilah, and it may be too late…
妳会想起家人是爱妳的 不管妳会不会搞笑
…you’ll remember that we loved you whether you were funny or not.
现在7点半 妳高兴了吗? 我回家了
It’s 7:30. You happy? I’m home.
如果你不能赚钱…
If you can’t make money selling your services…
你能卖♥♥什麽? 你的身体!
…what are you going to sell? Your body!
到医院去估估看你值多少钱
You’re going to go down to this hospital to get an appraisal of your worth.
“肝四块半
“$450 for your liver. For your liver, $450.
2品脱的血? 我买♥♥了
“Two pints of blood? I’ll take it off your hands!
眼睛一角
“And I’ll take off your heads. For your eyes, $0.10.
今天不要鼻子 星期二在来”
“No noses today. No noses. Come back Tuesday.”
如果不是身体 你会卖♥♥什麽? 你的梦吗?
If you won’t sell your body, what will you sell, your dreams?
到梦诊所去
Go down to one of these dream clinics!
你能想像卖♥♥梦吗?
Can you imagine that, selling your dreams?
我是美发师 妳想弄成什麽样?
So what do you want? You know I’m a hair designer.
妳要魅力 庞克头都行
I can give you anything. Glamour, punk.
看看这些发根 妳看
Look at these roots. Look at that.
要保留自然发色吗? – 我要改变一下
Want to go back to your natural colour? – I just want a change.
全新的样子? 全新发型?
What, a whole new look? A whole new thing?
不一样的 我要改变
Different. I want a change.
我有很棒的想法
Okay, great. All right. I got a great idea.