头条笑料 Punchline（1988）

纽约难得看得到
Something you don’t see very often in a New York City hospital.
你是医生? – 是的
You are a doctor, sir? – Yes, I’m a doctor.
你是哪一科的?
And what is your field of speciality?
这是我的第一年 我还不知道
This is my first year. I don’t know yet.
可以推荐你从事焊接吗?
Could I recommend a career in welding, perhaps?
只是建议而已
Just a suggestion.
喜欢吗? 你喜欢?
You liked that? You liked that one?
你叫什麽名字? – 山姆
What is your name, sir? – Sam.
你是个开心的人 山姆
You’re a happy guy, Sam.
他们灌什麽到你的鼻孔?
What are they pumping into your nostrils?
这是什麽? 你脸色怎麽发青了 山姆
What is this concoction? You’re turning blue, Sam.
怎麽回事? 你脸色都发青了
Why is that? You’re turning blue.
天啊 我站在他的通气管上
Good God, I’m standing on his air hose.
对不起
I’m sorry.
你快没气了 我也是
You’re running out of air. And so am I.
各位 你们是很棒的观众 真的
Folks, you have been a great audience. Really.
很棒的观众
You’ve been a good audience.
你们也很病态
You’ve been a sick audience, folks.
谢谢 早日康复 各位
But thank you very much, everybody. Get well, everybody.
你表现得很好
You were really good.
谢谢
Thank you. That’s very nice of you.
你实在太棒了
You were terrific.
谢谢妳的赞美 – 谢谢
Thank you. That’s very nice of you. – Thank you.
上周如何?
What about last week?
我想是六万
I think it was 60,000.
四万五
45,000.
四万五?
45,000?
我知道了
I see.
这样是好的
That’s good.
计程车!
Taxi! Oh, God!
计程车!
Taxi!
等等!
Wait! Oh, my God.
计程车!
Taxi!
这里停
Okay, stop right here.
哈罗!
Hello!
哈罗?
Hello?
我回来了!
I’m home!
别靠近我 我回来了
Don’t come near me! I’m home.
妈 妳在干什麽? – 怎麽了?
What are you doing? What’s the matter? – Where are you going?
我爱妳们 别档路
I love you. Stay out of my way.
珍妮呢? – 去看电影
Where’s Jenny? – At the movies.
看电影? 好 很好
At the movies? All right, that’s it.
她被禁足了 再让我看到她 就别想出门
She’s grounded. If I ever see her again, she’s grounded.
妳们两个快去换漂亮衣服
I want the two of you to go and put your nice dresses on.
好吗? 还在干嘛? 快去! 穿上漂亮的衣服!
All right? Okay? What are you doing? Go! Put your nice dresses on.
快去!
Go on, now, put them on!
帮我!
Help me!
她说快一点
She said, “Hurry!” Come on.
我的鞋子呢?
Where are my shoes?
天哪!
Oh, my God!
我的裤♥袜♥呢?
I can’t find my tights.
天哪!
Oh, my God!
孩子们 快 走了
Girls, come on! Let’s go!
干嘛用跑的? – 我扣不到扣子
Why are we running? – I can’t button this dress.
妈 可以帮我一下吗? 妈 帮我!
Will you help me with my hose? Mom! Help me!
妳们要互相帮忙
You two are just going to have to help each other.
天啊!
Oh, Jesus!
让开! 让开!
Out of my way! Out of my way!
海蒂 接住
Heidi, go long.
小心
Heads up.
放到面包篮里! 餐具柜
Bread basket! Pantry.
拿着! – 怎样?
Carry! – Yeah?
不 凯莉 过来这里帮我拿
No, “carry.” Come here. Help me carry.
拿大盘子 有人要拿豌豆
Take the big platter. There you are. Somebody man the peas.
海蒂 拿豆子
Heidi, the peas.
凯莉 一个盘子放一条餐巾
Carrie, napkins. One on each plate. Here we go.
海蒂 把面包撕开
Heidi, break the bread.
凯莉 点火柴
Carrie, light a match.
放中间 点火柴
Spoons. Centrepiece. Light that match.
客厅!
Living room!
客厅! 凯莉 把花架上的东西拿走
Living room! Carrie, get your things off the planter.
我要放哪? – 拿走
What should I do with them? – Get rid of them.
拿走
Here, get rid of it.
鱼缸怎麽了? – 别管了
What happened to the fish tank? – Don’t say that again.
水变少了
But the water went down.
我叫妳别管了
I told you not to say that.
孩子们
Kids.
亲爱的
Yes, dear?
我的家人
My family.
晚安
Good evening.
黑色金鱼不见了
The black goldfish is missing.
是 我还在
Yes, I’m still holding.
不能让她听电♥话♥吗?
Why don’t you just put me through to her? I don’t…
什麽餐厅?
What restaurant?
她说会带一个男士来俱乐部见我
She told me herself that she was bringing a gentleman down to the club to see me.
俱乐部 加油站
The club: The Gas Station.
好吧
All right.
请你留言给她
Would you give her that message…
请她打来这里
…and have her please call me down here?
加油站 谢谢 换你们打了
The Gas Station. Thank you. Phone is free.
牧师 你在纽泽西出生吗?
Were you born in New Jersey, Reverend Young?
是的
Yes.
我也是
So was I.
我也是 我们都是 – 一起的
So was I. We both were. – Together.
我们没有一起出生
We weren’t born together.
再来点酒? – 好
Care for some more wine? – Yes.
我有个新笑话 妈
I got a new joke, Mom.
真的吗 宝贝?
You do, baby?
我想应该够成熟了
I think it’s grown-up enough.
我想肯定是的 – 她喜欢说笑话
I’m sure it is, sweetheart. – She loves to tell jokes.
卡萝跟我说的
Coral told it to me.
真的?
Did she, dear?
说了些什麽
Tell it, Heidi.
一个杂种跟另一个杂种说了什麽?
What did one cocksucker say to the other?
滚回家! – 贝琪罗斯说 “我有13颗星星…”
Go home! – Betsy Ross says, “I have 13 stars.”
听着 这个很好笑 我们班上爱死了
Would you listen to this? This is funny. My class loves this.
你知道她今晚在哪吗?
Do you have any idea where she is tonight? Is this her service?
她有计画到加油站吗?
Do you know, did she plan to come down to The Gas Station tonight?
谁要来? 经济人吗?
Who you got coming? An agent?
跟她说史帝芬高德有打来
Okay, no, never… Just tell her that Steven Gold called…
我还在等她和那位先生
…and that I’m still expecting her and the gentleman at the club. Thank you.
如果有星探来 你应该告诉我们
If you have a talent scout coming, you’re supposed to tell.
那不是星探 – 那是谁打来的?
I don’t have a talent scout coming, Albert. – Really? Who tried to call?
有人打电♥话♥给我? – 我听说是这样
Did somebody try to call me? – That’s what I heard.
有我的电♥话♥吗? – 有
Did I have a call? – Yeah.
你怎麽没告诉我? – 我找不到你
Why didn’t you tell me? – I couldn’t find you.
是谁? – 不知道
Who was it? What did you say? – I don’t know.
他想知道你的表演时间
He wanted to know when you perform and what time you go on.
所以是星探
So it is a talent scout.
你跟他说什麽?
He’s coming down. What did you tell him?
你每天都有表演 可以再打来
I told him you’re here every night and if he wants to know what time, to call back.
他会在打来? – 他说 “谢谢”
He said he’d call back? – He said, “Thank you.”
他会来? – 不知道
But he said he’d come? – Don’t know.
把这些写下来 – 走开
Why don’t you write these things down? – Why don’t you take a hike?
那是谁? 跟我说是谁 我会注意的
Who is it? Just tell me who it is and I’ll watch for him.
听着 这真的很好笑
If you listen, it’s going to be real funny.
乔治华盛顿下马…
Now, George Washington gets off his white horse and…
乔治华盛顿最烂了
George Washington sucks.
先生 你有你老婆的裸照吗?
You, sir, do you have any naked pictures of your wife?
开玩笑的
Only kidding.