头条笑料 Punchline（1988）

好了 各位 到楼下去
All right, you guys, let’s take it downstairs.
我们要等待…
We’ll wait for five minutes…
评审作出决定
…while this distinguished panel of judges makes up its mind.
为了缓和情绪 我们的酒免费招待
And in the meantime, to make it easier, we’ll all have a drink on the house.
莱拉
Lilah.
【我们之间的比赛结束了 妳赢了 爱妳的约翰】
是私人的 我老公写给我的
It’s just personal. It’s from my husband.
各位 时间到了
Okay, everybody, this is it.
我想告诉大家一件事
Now, I wanna tell you one thing:
这里没有输家 你们都是赢家
There are no losers here tonight. You’re all winners.
他们选出优胜者是因为…
Whoever they chose, they chose because they chose.
他们已经选了 他们改变了3次主意
They changed their minds three times. You know why?
废话少说 谁赢了?
Cut to the chase, Romeo. Who won?
我不能说
I can’t say. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.
他们要看到公布获胜者时你们的真实反应
They want you all on stage to get a real reaction when they announce the winner.
说什麽屁话? – 他们想看落败者
What is this shit? – They want to see the losers, man.
叫优胜者上去 – 他们要有惊喜
Just send the winner up. – They want it to be a surprise.
我们都知道谁赢了
Big surprise. We all know who won.
是吗? 谁? – 史帝芬
Yeah? Who won? – Steven.
错了 史帝芬没有赢 别说没有惊喜
Wrong. Steven didn’t win. Don’t tell me there are no surprises.
史帝芬 对不起 是你想要我废话少说…
Steven, I’m sorry. You wanted me to cut to the chase…
我就废话少说 每个人都有可能
…I’m cutting to the chase. It’s anybody’s ballgame.
请你们在此排成一排 史帝芬 你做个榜样
Now, I’d like you to line up here. Steven, I’d like you to set an example.
史帝芬为什麽没有赢? – 因为别人赢了
Why didn’t Steven win? – Because somebody else won.
但我们都看到了 他是最棒的
But we all saw. He had the best set.
他是第二名
He had the second best.
他得了2票 另一个人得3票
He got two votes of the five. Someone else got the other three.
别让我难堪
Now, look, don’t embarrass me, please.
我答应过宣布优胜者时…
I promised them you’d all be back on stage before I announced the winner.
你们都要上台 不上去的资格就被取消
Anybody who does not get on that staircase now is disqualified.
我说真的
I mean it!
史帝芬真的第二名? – 没错
Did Steven really come in second? – That’s what I said.
那我退出 取消我的资格
Then I’m out. Disqualify me.
莱拉 妳在干嘛? 她在干嘛?
Lilah, come on. What are you doing? Really? What is she doing?
万一我赢了 冠军就是史帝芬
Just in case I won, it’s Steven’s.
她在做什麽? 妳在做什麽?
What is she doing? What are you doing?
我要回家了 伊芙 叫我老公到外面等我
I’m going home. Eve, would you please tell my husband to meet me out front?
拜托 莱拉
Wait. Please. Lilah.
我也要退出
I’m out, too.
我也是 – 我留下
Me, too. – I’m in. I’m still in.
妳赢了
You did win.
不一样了 对吧?
Makes a difference, doesn’t it?
我真的赢了?
I really did win?
对 妳得了3票
Yes. You got three out of the five votes.
白发的评审很喜欢妳
The guy with the grey hair was crazy about you.
是不一样了
It makes a difference.
各位 再见了 – 莱拉 别这样
See you later, guys. – Lilah, don’t do this.
听他的话
Listen to Steven.
妳走出去他会得奖吗? 不会
Do you think they’re gonna give it to him just ’cause you walked out? No.
他冒犯到3个评审
Three of those judges didn’t even like him. They were offended by him.
他们会把奖颁给别人
They’ll re-vote and give it to someone else.
就算没有 妳想他会感激吗?
Even if they did give it to him, do you think he’s going to be grateful?
十年後 当妳坐在旅行车上
In 10 years, when you’re sitting in your station wagon…
妳会有他的消息吗?
…with curlers in your hair and groceries, are you gonna hear from him?
连明信片都不会有
Not even a postcard.
还是会有因妳离开而获胜的人消息?
Or any of these others who’ll get it because you walked out?
别傻了
Forget it!
别这样 妳赢得大好机会 上去领奖吧
Come on, you won the brass ring. Come claim it.
这才对
That a girl.
这样才对
That’s my girl.
看到没?
See? See?
我忘了我的皮包
I forgot my purse.
嘿 妳要继续在这里表演吗?
Hey! You wanna work in this club again?
我要
Yeah, I do.
疯子
Nuts.
你们都是疯子
You’re all a bunch of fucking nuts.
约翰
John.
莱拉
Lilah.
嗨
Hi.
妳输了?
Lost?
我赢了
I won.
妳赢了?
You won?
我赢了
I won.
妳赢了?
You won?
妳赢了?
You won?
妳怎麽不在里面?
Why aren’t you in there?
我还有时间
I’ve got time.
我有你们
I’ve got you guys.
谢谢你写给我的便条
Thank you for my note.
妳很棒
You were great.
真的吗? – 妳很棒
I was? – You were great.
我有听到你的声音 – 对 妳把我笑死了
I heard you laughing. – Yeah. You were hysterical.
你笑的比谁都大声 – 妳太棒了
I could hear you laugh. – You were wonderful.
知道我在想什麽吗?
You know what I was thinking?
妳可以说生凯莉的经过
You could tell the story of giving birth to Carrie.
妳在停车场说 “我是拉梅兹呼吸”
You were in the parking lot going, “I’m Lamaze! I’m Lamaze!”
这太棒了
That’s great!
可以用吗? – 我可以做一场拉梅兹的事
You think you could do that? – Yeah, I never thought of that.
从头说到尾 – 家里有一大堆故事
Start to finish. You know what I mean? – There are a million stories at home.
珍妮唱的 “圆约翰处子”
And Jenny with her “Round John Virgin.”
天啊 你还记得这个?
Oh, God, no! How can you remember that?
圆约翰处子 圣母与孩子
“Round John Virgin, mother and child”
这太棒了 我从来没想到
That’s great. I never thought of that.