头条笑料 Punchline（1988）

退到後面停
Great. Pull around back there. Park it.
节目2小时候才开始 走开
People, the show don’t start for two hours. Please get out of here.
利可 7号♥ 皮卓维 8号♥ 莱拉呢?
Rico, you’re seven. Petroviak, eight. Lilah, nine. Where’s Lilah?
她不知道有比赛吗? 史帝芬呢? 波尔呢?
Doesn’t she know there’s a contest? Where’s Steven and Ball?
我叫大家6点前要到
Didn’t I tell everybody to be here by 6:00?
他们到的时後告诉我 – 为什麽我是第一个?
Tell me when they get here. – Romeo, why do I have to go first?
总有人要当第一个
Somebody has to. Why not you?
我不要在波尔後面 – 搞叛变吗?
I don’t wanna go after Ball. – What is this, a mutiny?
我没有编号♥
I didn’t get a number.
比利 你怎麽会来?
Billy, what are you doing here?
比赛
The contest.
比利 我有一份名单
Billy, I had a list.
你没看吗?
I mean, didn’t you read the list?
比利 我很抱歉 只有十个名额
Billy, I’m terribly sorry. I mean, I’ve only got ten spots.
这是未来喜剧明星的电视台视镜会
It’s a network television audition. It’s for comics of the future.
我需要你当观众 我需要你的笑声
Come on, I need you in the audience. I need you for laughter.
我需要每个人表演时大家都会笑 我们是一家人 对吧?
I need everybody. Everybody’s gotta laugh at each other’s act. We’re a family, right?
放轻松 我晚点打电♥话♥给你们
Relax, I’ll call you later.
我有事宣布 猫王被取消了
I have an announcement. Elvis has cancelled.
请把票交回
Please turn in your tickets at the box office.
退後点 小姐们 狗来了
You want to move back a little bit, girls. Here come the dogs.
妈 甜点好了 爸要妳下来
Mom? Dessert’s ready. Dad wants you to come down.
妈
Mom?
爸做了一道特别甜点
Dad made a special dessert.
妳要去哪?
Where are you going?
俱乐部有一场表演
There’s a contest at the club tonight.
我要去参加
I want to be in it.
可是妳答应过爸爸
But you promised Daddy.
我答应他我会考虑 我考虑过了
I promised Daddy I would think about it and I have.
我要告诉你们我考虑的结果
Come in, I’d like to talk to you about what I’ve been thinking.
来
Come on.
过来
Come on.
我爱世界上3件事情
There’s three things in this world that I love:
我爱当妈妈
I love being a mom.
我爱当老婆
I love being a wife.
我还爱逗人们欢笑
And I love being able to make people laugh.
我一直都有这能力 即使小时候也一样
I’ve always been able to. Even when I was a little girl.
它总事使我感到快乐
And it’s always made me feel good.
现在还是一样
It still makes me feel good.
其实…
The thing is…
当妳表演得好 让大家笑
…when you do it right and you make people laugh…
感觉就像… 妳在做一件
…it feels like you’re doing something…
别人不能用妳的方法做得来的事
…that no one else could do quite the same.
会使妳感到…
It makes you feel…
很特别
…special.
如果妳们也发现一件
I’d be a happy mom if you found something…
感到特别的事 我会很快乐
…that could make you feel that way. Make you feel special.
明白我的意思吗?
You know what I mean?
但是如果我爱的人…
I’d be even happier…
帮我做那件事 我会更快乐
…knowing that the people who loved you were helping you to do that.
我想做妻子…
I want to be a wife.
想做妳们的妈妈
I want to be your mom.
也想当喜剧女演员
And I want to be a comedienne.
我知道
I know.
人在生活中 不见得事事如愿
People don’t always get everything they want out of life.
可是不去试试的话就太糟了
But it would feel terrible to not try.
我可以去看吗?
Could I see you?
等我回家
When I come home.
我是说 看妳做
I mean, do it.
我想看妳放手去做
I’d like to see you do it.
妈 说好
Say yes, Mom.
好
Okay.
各位 欢迎罗宾葛林
It’s Robyn Green, ladies and gentlemen.
别太靠近他 他很红
Let’s not get too close to Robyn, folks. Robyn’s a celebrity.
不想和我们这些人♥渣♥打交道
He doesn’t want to be bothered by scum like us.
看 他有个叫维克或托尼的保镳
Look, he’s got a bodyguard. I bet you anything his name is Vic or Tony.
打断人家骨头的工作还好吗?
How’s the bone-breaking business, Tony?
好帅的发型
Nice hair.
又一辆豪华礼车 那就代表
It’s another limousine, everybody. That can only mean one thing:
名人驾到! 让我们看看是谁
A celebrity’s inside. Let’s see who it is.
是… 某人!
It’s… Some guy!
是一位老男士和一位金发美女
It’s some older gentleman with some beautiful blonde babe.
两位停下来拍照好吗?
Folks, can you stop just for a photograph, please?
拜托! 拍张照就好了
Come on! Just for a lively little photograph.
那家伙是谁?
Who is that guy?
请退後
All right, stand back, please.
请退道人行道上
You’re gonna have to get off the street and onto the sidewalk.
比赛还没开始
Come on in, everybody. The contest hasn’t started.
这样是一场精彩的比赛
You’ll see a great show. I had to come up on stage.
我必须问声好 因为我爱你们
I had to say hello ’cause I love you. How much do I love you?
为罗宾葛林掌声鼓励 精彩的罗宾葛林
A hand for Robyn Green. The wonderful Robyn Green.
没时间再讲笑话了
We don’t have time for any more jokes, ladies and gentlemen.
说两个笑点就好 “乒乓球?”
Maybe a couple of punchlines. “Ping Pong balls”?
我以为你是说 “金刚球”
I thought you said, “King Kong’s balls.”
妳好漂亮 – 妳也是
You look great. – So do you.
见到妳真好
Good to see you.
妳好漂亮 – 谢谢
You look beautiful. – Thanks.
罗宾葛林在这台上起家 现在赶也赶不走
Robyn Green started on this very stage and now I can’t get him off.
下去… – 我得下场了 谢谢
Off, off, off. – I gotta go. Thank you very much.
很好 罗宾 太棒了
Very good. Very good, Robyn. That’s wonderful.
先生女士们 今天对加油站是非常重要的一夜
Ladies and gentlemen, this is a big night here at The Gas Station.
评审小组将会选出…
We have a distinguished panel of judges…
一名喜剧演员
…who are going to select one of our rising young comedians…
提供上电视节目的机会给他
…and give him an opportunity on a major network television show.
为评审小组鼓掌
I’d like to have a hand for our panel of judges.
记得他们在电影纽伦堡的演出吗?
You remember them from Nuremberg?
时间到了 开始吧
It’s time to roll, ladies and gentlemen. Here we go.
开始拍摄 – 开始拍摄
And the tape is rolling. – Tape is rolling.
我们开始了 – 开始了 现在吗?
We are on a “go.” – We are on a “go.” Okay. Now? Okay.
欢迎来到加油站的竞赛之夜
Welcome to contest night at The Gas Station.
停 停
“Stop, stop
停下来想想我
“Stop what you’re doing and think of me
停 停
“Stop, stop
停下来想想我
“Stop what you’re doing and think of me
我这麽成功
“I’m so successful
难道你看不出来吗?
“Can’t you see?
我喜欢拥抱自己
“I love to hug myself
那会为我狂喜不已
“It brings me ecstasy”
很多人以为黑人的老二都很大
You know, a lot of people think all black men are well-hung.
其实不是
This ain’t the truth.
有的兄弟只有3丶4吋长
You got brothers out there with three and four inches.
他们和白人女孩约会
Yeah, those are the ones that date white women.
有声音吗?
Is this thing on?
我在我女友家 她醒过来
So I was at my girlfriend’s house the other day, and she was waking up.
靠在我身上说
She leans over to me and she says:
“甜心 想吃早餐吗?”
“Sweet pea, want some breakfast?”
我很讨厌日本人
I am pissed off of a Japanese.
日本人让我很不爽 知道为什麽吗?
Japanese people piss me off. Yes, you know why?
为什麽? – 瞧这东西有多重
Why? – Feel how heavy this shit is.
男人对我们不好时…
When a guy is mean to us or if he cheats on us…
我们不能跟他说 “你是个混♥蛋♥”
…we can’t tell him, “You’re a bastard.”
我们会打电♥话♥给女性朋友 在每一个字後啜泣
We’ll call our girlfriends up, right? And with a syllable hysteria:
“他伤得我很重
“He-hurt-me-so-much…
我受不了了”
“…l- can’t-take-the-pain…
她快结束了吗? – 不知道
Is she almost finished? – I don’t know.
我是下一个 – 太好了
I’m on next. – Fantastic.
准备看好戏吧 – 准备就绪
Prepare for greatness. – All set.
知道我想做什麽吗? 我想惹火中东人
Do you know what I like to do sometimes? I like to piss off Middle Eastern people.
那叫 “打击恐♥怖♥主♥义♥”
It’s called punk terrorism.
我到市区的地毯店
And what I do, right, is I go downtown to carpet stores…