X计划（2012）

– 放松点 哥们儿 – 我们得去告诉托马斯
– Relax, man. – We need to tell Thomas.
T-瑞克喝多了 他大概都忘了吧
T-Rick’s so burned out, he probably forgot about it already.
太糟了
This is bad.
妈 爸 是我 托马斯
Mom, Dad, it’s me, Thomas.
嗯…
Um…
我喝醉了 我是说 那不是借口
I’m drunk. I mean, that’s not an excuse.
希望我们能再见面 我就能跟你们解释
Hopefully we’ll meet again, so I can explain things.
虽然我真不知道怎么解释…
I don’t really have an explanation…
是他妈考斯特让我这样做的 所以…
other than fucking Costa made me do it. So…
– 别他妈敲了! – 兄弟 是我们
– Fuck off! – Dude, it’s us.
我知道
I know.
你在这儿干嘛? 派对在外面举♥行♥啊
What are you doing in here? The whole party’s outside.
你♥他♥妈♥看我家都成什么样了?
Have you seen my fucking house?
我们有一整天时间收拾干净 就像新的一样 没事的
We have a whole day to fix this place up. It’s all good.
不 有事 好不好? 你看 这怎么办?
No, it’s not all good, okay?
如果我父母看到这一切怎么办?
I mean, what about this? What if my parents see it?
除了我们没人看见的 我保证
Nobody’s gonna see this shit but us. I promise.
这些人都他妈从哪儿来的?
Where did all these people even come from?
你知道一个男的告诉我…
You know a guy down there told me…
他他妈在杀手这个网站看到了我们的派对
he found out about the party on fucking Craigslist?
我爸和我后妈就在这网站上遇到的
My dad met my stepmom on Craigslist.
所以你♥他♥妈♥就把我地址放互联网上了?
So you put my address on the fucking Internet?
– 嗯 不止是互联网 – 他妈的你住嘴 J.B.!
– Well, not just the Internet. – Shut the fuck up, J.B.!
等等 他妈的他在说什么?
Wait, what the fuck is he talking about?
我让杰西·马克给大家发邮件 又让他打电♥话♥给一两个电台
I had Jesse Marco put out an e-mail blast and I may have called a radio station or two.
操♥你♥妈♥的!
You motherfuckers!
你不是很担心没人来参加吗
You were so nervous about people not showing up.
老兄 人们在吐 砸东西 搞不好还偷东西 好不好?
Dude, people are spilling shit, breaking shit, probably stealing shit.
都失去控制了
It’s out of control.
我没紧张 我想派对办的盛大 办的成功
I wasn’t nervous. I wanted the party to be big enough to be cool.
老兄 听我说 在皇后区时…
Dude, look, back in Queens…
我他妈不想听关于皇后区的事
I’m fucking sick of hearing about Queens.
我们知道 皇后区很了不起 我们就跟流浪猫一样 我他妈不在乎
We get it. Queens is awesome. We’re pussies. I don’t fucking care.
我就做我自己
I’m doin’ me
我现在在享受人生 哥们儿 我就要这么做
I’m livin’ life right now, man And this what I’m gonna do
无论发生什么事 我们都能搞定
Whatever happens, we can make this right.
如果有必要 我自己打扫这房♥子
I’ll fix this whole house myself if I have to.
你♥爸♥妈周日之前又不会回来 你得放松点 老兄
Your parents don’t even come home till Sunday. You just need to relax, man.
– 要我给你按♥摩♥一下吗 兄弟? – 不 不 停下
– You want a massage, bro? – No, no. Just, stop.
大伙儿 这是我最喜欢的歌♥
This is my favorite song, guys.
但是我的身体
But my body
我的身体
My body’s
无法相信 好像 你们害我成这样的
I can’t believe, like, you guys just did this to me.
我们为了你才这样做的
We did this for you.
听我说 老兄 我知道你不吸毒 我很尊敬你
Look, man, I know you’re not a drug guy, and I respect that about you.
– 但是现在 这才是你需要的 – 这是什么?
– But right now, this is what you need. – What is it?
让你狂喜的东西 不会让你这么神经兮兮的 吃了吧
It’s Ecstasy. It’ll put the brakes on your little freak-out. Just take it.
好吧 这个不会让我神志不清吧 会吗?
All right. This won’t totally, like, fuck me up, will it?
当然会 那才是我们要的效果
Of course it will, dude. That’s the whole point.
给
Here.
– 嘿 – 你来半片
– Hey. – You get half of one.
宝贝
Baby
好的 再给我10分钟
All right, just give me like 10 minutes.
他妈没门儿 老兄!
No fucking way, man!
– 哦! 下来 – 今晚主角是你
– Ow! Get off me. – This is your night.
关掉音乐 关掉 大家开心吗? 我是主持人 考斯特
Cut the music. Cut it. How’s everybody doing? It’s your host, Costa.
这是我最好的朋友 托马斯和J.B.
I’m gonna bring up my best friends, Thomas and J.B.
大家开始跳舞吧
Get your asses up here right now.
来吧 动起来
Come on, move your asses.
来吧 J.B.动起来
Come on, J.B., move your fat ass.
今晚你们是来参加托马斯·库布的生日派对
The reason you guys are here tonight is because it’s Thomas Kub’s birthday.
我们要为他唱”生日歌♥” 一 二 三
And we’re gonna sing a little “Happy Birthday” for him. One, two, three.
祝你生日快乐
Happy birthday to you
祝你生日快乐
Happy birthday to you
祝亲爱的托马斯生日快乐
Happy birthday dear Thomas
祝你生日快乐
Happy birthday to you
谢谢大家来参加我生日派对 我们跟着音乐跳起来吧!
Thanks, everybody, for coming. Let’s get the music rocking!
等等 等等
Wait up. Wait, wait.
等等 我也想来首生日哥 可以吗托马斯
Wait up, wait up. I wanted to do a birthday song too, if I can, Thomas. Is that cool?
没问题 兄弟
It’s all right with me, brother.
你来打拍子 我来说唱 啊哈
Will you drop a beat so I can do a birthday rap? Ahem.
嘿 托马斯
Yeah Hey, Thomas
生日快乐 如果你饥渴就来舔我老二
Happy birthday You can suck my dick if you thirsty
欢迎各位来度假 我刚扫空了冰箱
I’m glad your folks are on vacation I just raided the fridge
还在厨房♥便便
And shit in the kitchen
乔·佩西 滚回纽约去
Jew Pesci, go back to New York
你就是那傻十三
You look like smorgasbord of dorks
老二还没发育
Yeah, and I bet you got baby dick
多半还有艾滋
The kind that got many AIDS and shit
嗨J.B 你好吗 想舔我老二吗
And J.B., what’s up? You wanna suck my dick
来你♥爸♥的车厢吧 你这肥货
In the back of your dad’s truck You fat fuck
我的乖乖 我要把你扔进车后厢
You tub of love I’m gonna put you in the back of the truck
给你来个后拽 耶
And give you a back tug Yeah
打打你的飞机
That’s a penis hand job
小鬼抱着泰迪熊找奶吃去吧
You look like a little gremlin And a teddy bear had a baby
如何? 操♥你♥娘♥的 都来舔我老二
What? Fuck you guys then, man. You all can suck my dick.
妈的
Fuck off.
抱歉各位 那货喝高了
Sorry about that, everybody, that dude’s whack.
继续狂欢吧 来吧DJ 杰西·马克 摇滚吧
Get this shit rolling again. Come on DJ Jesse Marco. Run it!
我们他妈一起放松吧
Let’s fucking lose it
一起疯狂吧
Get out of your mind
一起疯狂的折腾吧
Get out of your mind Fuck that shit
操 耶! 这个贱♥人♥咋地啦? 操蛋的
Fuck, yeah! What’s up in this bitch? Fuckers.
嘿 宝贝儿 怎么了? 想要嘛?
Hey, baby, what’s up? Want some of this?
耶! 你们他妈看什么看?
Yeah! The fuck you guys looking at?
喔!
Whoa!
– 你想说啥? – 老兄 什么…? 什么…
– You got something to say? – Buddy, what…? What the…
放开我! 妈的!
Let me go! Goddamn it!
别关上…
Don’t shut that…
那个黑鬼死了没?
Scuffin’ shell-toes Is that nigga dead?
嘿 看见托马斯了吗?
Hey, have you seen Thomas?
我们也在找他
We’re looking for him.
嗯 你们如果找到他 告诉他我要送东西给他 好吗?
Well, when you find him, can you tell him I’ve got something for him?
进来
Jump in.
你违反了游戏规则 知道吗
You’re breaking the rules, you know.
哎 呵
Ew. Heh.
你为什么不下来?
Why won’t you get in with me?
好像我已经不情愿地下过一次水了
It’s just, like, I already went swimming once against my will.
弄湿了
Wetness.
哈 哈 喔
Ha, ha. Whoa.
那 托马斯 你开心吗?
So, Thomas, are you having fun?
– 不开心 – 一点也不开心吗?
– No. – Not at all?
– 是的 – 你看起来很嗨
– Yes. – You look pretty fucked up.
– 我是有点嗨 – 但是你看起来还不错
– I’m a little fucked up. – But you look good.
– 你走运了吗? – 我现在就很走运
– Have you gotten lucky at all? – I’m pretty lucky right now.
慢慢来 兄弟
Slow down, dude.
好 把那个给我
Fine. Give me that.
– 你玩儿的开心吗? – 我玩的非常开心
– Are you having fun at this party? – So much fun.
这只是个小聚会 应该会很冷清
It’s just that it’s a small get-together. It should be basically chill.
看看多冷清 没什么 我是说 有俩个DJ
Look how chill this is. It’s no big deal. I mean, there’s two DJ’s.
没关系的 对吧? 你父母什么时候回家?
That’s not a big deal, right? When do your parents get home?
我不知道
I don’t know.
托马斯? 托马斯 睁开眼
Thomas? Thomas. Eyes up here.
– 你膝盖不错 – 谢谢
– You have great knees. – Thanks.
大伙没那么容易满足 柯比
People don’t tell you that enough, Kirby.
J.B.快滚过来
J.B., get your fat ass up!
烤箱里有个侏儒 快走 快
There’s a midget in the oven. Let’s go. Come on.
– 什么? – 什么? 他说什么?
– What? – What? What did he say?
我听到的是”烤箱里有个侏儒”
I heard, “midget in oven.”
快他妈让开!
Move the fuck out of the way!