每一颗牙齿都刷一遍。
I think he and Sharon should hit it off.
我想他和莎伦应该会合得来。你说呢?
– Yeah?
– You don’t think so?
– 是么?
– 噢,你不这样认为么?
He’ll probably calm down by tonight.
唔…也许到了今晚,他就平静下来了。
I wish she’d seen me before.
我希望她以前就认识我。
I hate to be there on a blind date
when the girl first sees me.
我讨厌经人介绍和姑娘约会,
到那儿时她才第一次见到我。
What if she’s disappointed
and she laughs or screams?
要是她失望了怎么办?
要是她大笑或尖叫怎么办?
Ridiculous.
太荒谬了。
Has a girl ever once reacted
by laughing or screaming?
有女孩见到我的反应
是大笑或尖叫的吗?
Once. A co-ed from Brooklyn College.
有一次。有个“布鲁克林学院”的女生,
Came to the door,
saw me and passed out.
来到我门口,
看到我就晕了过去。
She was weak from dieting, though.
当然,因为节食她身体很弱。
What the hell?
怎么了嘛?
Bogart was short.
That never seemed to bother anybody.
鲍嘉也很矮,
好像没人说他什么。
You’re starting off on the wrong foot.
你这样出场可不行,老弟。
– Yeah, negative.
– Sure.
– 是啊,你是说会留下坏印象。
– 是的。
She’s getting the best of you
before the game starts.
你应该在好戏开场前
就给她展示你最好的一面。
What’s that stuff you put on your face?
我说,你脸上都抹了什么?
– Canoe. It’s an aftershave lotion.
– What about that other stuff?
– 那是“独木舟”,一种须后水。
– 是吗?其他的那些玩艺儿呢?
Lavoris, Mennen spray deodorant
and baby powder.
呃…“拉副勒斯”漱口水、“曼能”除体味喷雾、
和“强生”婴儿爽身粉。
You’re gonna smell like
a French cathouse.
老天哪,你闻起来会像是
法国妓院的味道,老弟。
– I need them.
– Why? Are you ashamed of sweat?
– 我需要这些。
– 为什么?你会因为出汗而不好意思?
I want to make an impression.
我想给她留下好印象。
You know, kid, somewhere in life
you got turned around.
你知道,老弟,有时在生活里,
你得反其道而行之。
It’s her job to smell nice for you.
那是她该做的,让你觉得她好闻。
Don’t tell her you don’t drink,
she’ll think you’re a boy scout.
不管你做什么,千万别跟她说你不喝酒,
那会让她觉得你还是个童子军。
And don’t get nervous.
还有,别那么紧张。
The only bad thing is
if she turns out to be a virgin
你能碰到的唯一糟糕的结果是
她到头来还是个处♥女♥,
or a cop.
或是个警♥察♥。
With my luck,
she’ll turn out to be both.
以我的运气,
结果可能她两者都是。
You know he’s right.
你知道他说得对。
A lot of women are turned on by
a masculine, earthy quality.
许多女人会对
雄浑的粗陋气质产生兴奋。
I shouldn’t have put
so much Binoca under my arms.
我不应该在腋下抹那么多
“比诺卡”漱口水。
Wouldn’t it be great
if we hit it off at first sight?
要是莎伦一见到我
就来电就好了。
Why not?
They say that dames are simple.
为什么不会?
他们说女人都很简单,
I never met one who didn’t understand
a slap in the mouth
我还从没遇上过一个女人,
会不理解在嘴巴上扇一巴掌,或…
or a slug from a.45.
…从点45手♥枪♥射出的子弹的意思。
Come here, Sharon.
到这边来,莎伦。
You are fantastic.
噢,艾伦,你太奇妙了!
Up until tonight, the doctors had
told me that I was frigid.
今晚以前,所有医生都跟我说
我是性冷谈。
I want to thank you
for proving them wrong.
噢,我要谢谢你
证明他们都错了。
You got any girl friends with
the same problem, bring them over.
要是你有其他的女性朋友
有同样的问题,那就把她们带来。
When Dick and Linda spoke of you,
they used terms like,
当迪克和琳达说起你时,
他们用的词汇是诸如…
“brilliant” and “genius”
…“卓越”和“天才”,
but they didn’t say
that you were also an animal.
但他们没说
你同时还是头野兽。
Sorry I had to slap you around,
sweetheart,
对不起,我不得不
扇了你那么几下,亲爱的,
but you got hysterical
when I said “No more.”
可当我说“不再扇了”时,
你却变得歇斯底里。
Oh, Allen! Oh, Allen!
噢,艾伦!噢,艾伦!
It’s Linda.
– 谁呀?
– 是我,琳达。
Linda?
琳达?
I’m alone. Sharon’s with Dick,
they’re out parking.
是的,我一个人。莎伦和迪克在一起,
他们在外面停车。
He sent me in
to make sure everything’s OK.
他让我先进来,
看一下是不是一切都好。
I didn’t realise it was so late.
一切都好,
只是我没意识到已经那么晚了。
Did you break a bottle
of shaving lotion?
嘿,你做了什么?
把须后水的瓶子打翻了?
– I’m wearing too much?
– It’s a touch strong.
– 你开玩笑?我抹得太多了吗?
– 唔,是有点强劲,不过还能忍♥受。
Once we get out into the air,
you won’t notice.
一旦我们出门走到露天,
就没人会注意了。
I better set this place up quickly.
我最好赶快把这地方布置一下。
It’s fine.
We’ll just have a quick drink and go.
这地方很好。
我们只是很快喝点什么然后就走。
A few carefully-placed objects
create the proper impression.
一点点精心放置的东西
会创造出良好的印象。
You can’t leave books lying around
like you’re reading them!
你不能把那些翻开一半的书弄得到处都是,
好像你正在读它们似的!
– It creates an image.
– You don’t need an image.
– 我是没读,但这样可以创造出个形象。
– 艾伦,你不需要什么形象。
Got just the thing,
my 100-yard-dash medal.
– 对了,还有件东西,我的100码短跑奖章。
– 噢,你开玩笑?
– You can’t leave out a track medal.
– Why? I paid $20 for it.
– 你不能把田径奖章放在外面。
– 为什么不能?我花了20美元买♥♥的。
I got a big decision to make.
Do I go with Oscar Peterson
还有个重大的决定要做:
我是放奥斯卡·彼得森的爵士钢琴呢?
or Bartok String Quartet No. 5?
还是巴尔托克的《弦乐四重奏第5号♥》?
Play Oscar Peterson and leave Bartok
out so everybody can see it.
你为什么不一边放着你的奥斯卡·彼得森,
一边把巴尔托克摆得到处都是,人人得见?
That’s a good idea.
这是个好主意。
I’ve never seen anybody go to
so much trouble to impress a date.
你知道,我还从没见过什么人,
为了给约会对象留下印象而如此折腾的,
这只是一次随意的约会而已。
If you devoted so much time to Nancy,
I don’t see why she left.
我是说,如果你对南希也这么用心投入的话,
我看不出她有什么理由要离开你。
I used to write her poems, take her
to restaurants and order in French.
我以前常写诗给她,
带她去烛光餐馆,并用法语点餐。
The waiter would bring the wrong things.
可侍者总是上错菜。
If you just leaned across
and kissed her…
也许,你正确的做法应该是
从烛光上探过身去亲吻她……
I tried. She used to say,
“Not here, everybody’s staring.”
我试过,可她说:
“天哪,别在这里,大家都盯着呢!”
Once, my sleeve caught fire…
有次在联合大街的一家小酒馆里,
我的袖子被火点着了……
See, you laughed. It’s funny, right?
瞧,你笑了。很可笑,是吗?
She took it
as a symbol of my clumsiness.
她将这看成是
我笨手笨脚的象征,我想是的。
Tremendous poise.
I’m an absolute master.
沉着镇定,
我就是绝对的主人。
Come on in.
嗨,快进来!
Allan, this is Sharon.
– 艾伦,这是莎伦。
– 你好。
I’ve got friends on this block,
right across the street.