开始的时候 有人对你说…
In the early hours, someone said to you…
“伊丽莎白 你有艺术家和女人所具有的一切
“Elisabet, you have everything as a woman and as an artist,
但没有慈母心。”
but you lack motherliness.”
你嘲笑是因为你觉得很荒唐…
You laughed because you thought it was ridiculous…
但你还是忍♥不住要想他所说的话
…but you couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said.
你越想越担心…
You grew more worried…
因此你要求丈夫让你怀孕
…so you let your husband make you pregnant.
你想当一个母亲
You wanted to be a mother.
但你发现已经成了定局时 你开始感到害怕
When you knew it was definite, you became afraid,
害怕负责 害怕被束缚
afraid of responsibility, afraid of being tied down,
害怕离开剧院…
afraid to leave the theater…
害怕痛苦 害怕死亡
…afraid of pain, afraid of dying,
害怕你日趋膨胀的身体
afraid of your swelling body.
但每时每刻
But all the time you acted,
你都装成是一个很幸福的母亲
played the part of the happy expectant mother.
每个人都说：“她从没这么漂亮过。”
And everybody said, “She has never been this beautiful.”
你几次试着打掉胎儿
You tried several times to get rid of the fetus.
但是都失败了
But you failed.
当你意识到已经无可挽回时 你开始憎恨这个小孩
When you knew it was inevitable, you started to hate the child
希望是个死胎
and wished it would be stillborn.
你希望那个小孩是死的
You wished that the baby would be dead.
你想要一个死了的小孩
You wanted a dead child.
那是一个长时间也很痛苦的分娩
It was a long and difficult delivery.
你痛了好些天
You suffered for days.
孩子是用镊子取出来的
The baby was delivered with forceps.
你厌恶的看着你哭叫的孩子
You looked with disgust at your screaming child
悄悄地说：“你能不能早点死？能不能早点死？”
and whispered, “Can’t you die soon? Can’t you die?”
但他活下来了
But he survived.
小孩一天到晚的哭叫
The boy screamed day and night…
你很讨厌他
…and you hated him.
你很害怕 你感到愧疚
You were afraid. You felt guilty.
最后 亲戚和奶妈照看这个小孩
In the end, relatives and a nanny took care of the boy,
你离开病床重返剧院
and you could leave your sickbed and return to the theater.
但痛苦并没有结束
But the suffering wasn’t over.
而这个小孩对却对他的母亲如此眷恋
The boy was seized by a massive and
unfathomable love for his mother.
你拼命的抵抗
You resisted desperately
因为你觉得承受不起这爱
because you felt that you could not return it.
你不断的尝试再尝试…
You try and try…
但你每次和他的见面都是如此冷酷、尴尬
…but the meetings with him are cruel and awkward.
你做不到
You can’t do it.
你冷漠 漠不关心
You’re cold and indifferent.
他看着你
And he looks at you.
他爱你 而且他很脆弱
He loves you, and he’s soft,
因为他死缠你不放 你甚至想揍他一顿
and you want to hit him for not leaving you alone.
你觉得他很讨厌 厚嘴唇 丑陋的身躯
You think he’s repulsive, with his thick lips and ugly body
含泪的祈求的眼睛
and his moist and pleading eyes.
你认为他令你厌恶 你很害怕
You think he’s repulsive, and you’re afraid.
你手里藏了什么？
What are you hiding under your hand?
让我看看
Let me see.
是你的小儿子的照片 你撕掉的那张
It’s the picture of your little boy, the one you tore up.
我们得谈谈
We have to talk about it.
告诉我 伊丽莎白
Tell me now, Elisabet.
那么 我来说吧
Well, then, I will.
那是在一个舞会的晚上 是不是？
It was an evening at a party, wasn’t it?
夜深而且很嘈杂
It was late and rather noisy.
开始的时候有人对你说…
In the early hours, someone said to you…
“伊丽莎白 你有艺术家和女人所具有的一切
“Elisabet, you have everything as a woman and as an artist…”
但你没有慈母心。”
“…but you lack motherliness.”
你笑了 因为你觉得很荒唐…
You laughed because you thought it was ridiculous…
但你还是忍♥不住要想他所说的话
…but you couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said.
你越想越担心…
You grew more worried…
因此你要求丈夫让你怀孕
…so you let your husband make you pregnant.
你想当一个母亲
You wanted to be a mother.
但你发现已经成了定局时 你开始感到害怕
When you knew it was definite, you became afraid…
害怕负责 害怕被束缚
…afraid of responsibility, afraid of being tied down,
害怕离开剧院…
afraid to leave the theater…
害怕痛苦 害怕死亡
…afraid of pain, afraid of dying,
害怕你日趋膨胀的身体
afraid of your swelling body.
但每时每刻
But all the time you acted,
你都装成是一个很幸福的母亲
played the part of the happy expectant mother.
每个人都说：”她从没这么漂亮过。”
And everybody said, “She has never been this beautiful.”
你几次想打掉这个小孩
You tried several times to get rid of the fetus.
但都失败了
But you failed.
当你知道一切都无可挽回时
When you knew it was inevitable…
你开始憎恨这个小孩
…you started to hate the child…
希望是个死胎
…and wished it would be stillborn.
你希望这个小孩是死的
You wished that the baby would be dead.
你想要一个死了的小孩
You wanted a dead child.
那是一个长时间也很痛苦的分娩
It was a long and difficult delivery.
你痛苦了好些天
You suffered for days.
孩子是用镊子取出来的
The baby was delivered with forceps.
你厌恶的看着你哭叫的孩子
You looked with disgust at your screaming child
悄悄地说：“你能不能早点死？
and whispered, “Can’t you die soon?
能不能早点死？”
Can’t you die?”
小孩一天到晚的哭叫
The boy screamed day and night,
你很讨厌他
and you hated him.
你很害怕 你感到内疚
You were afraid. You felt guilty.
最后 亲戚和奶妈照看这个小孩
In the end, relatives and a nanny took care of the boy…
你离开病床重返剧院
…and you could leave your sickbed and return to the theater.
但痛苦并没有结束
But the suffering was not over.
而这个小孩对却对他的母亲如此眷恋
The boy was seized by a massive and
unfathomable love for his mother.
你拼命的抵抗
You resisted desperately
因为你觉得承受不起这爱
because you felt that you could not return it.
你不断的尝试再尝试…
You try and try…
但你每次和他的见面都是如此冷酷、尴尬
…but the meetings with him are cruel and awkward.
你做不到
You can’t do it.
你冷漠 漠不关心
You’re cold and indifferent.
他看着你
And he looks at you.
他爱你 而且他很脆弱
He loves you, and he’s soft,
因为他死缠你不放 你甚至想揍他一顿
and you want to hit him for not leaving you alone.
你觉得他很讨厌 厚嘴唇 丑陋的身躯
You think he’s repulsive, with his thick lips and ugly body
含泪的祈求的眼睛
and his moist and pleading eyes.
你认为他令你厌恶 你很害怕
You think he’s repulsive, and you’re afraid.
不
No.
我不是你 我的感觉和你不一样
I’m not like you. I don’t feel the same as you.
我是艾玛护士 我到此是来帮你的
I’m Sister Alma. I’m only here to help you.
我不是伊丽莎白·沃哥
I’m not Elisabet Vogler.
你才是伊丽莎白·沃哥
You’re Elisabet Vogler.
我想要…
I would like to have…
我喜欢…
I love…
我没有…
I haven’t…
我学过很多
I’ve learned quite a lot.
我们瞧瞧我能维持多久
Let’s see how long I can hold out.
我永远都不会像你 我一直在改变
I’ll never be like you. I change all the time.
你可以做你想做的事 不要打扰我
You can do what you want. You won’t get to me.
什么都不用说…对着光做检查
Say nothing… cut a candle.
不是现在 不 不
Not now. No, no.
永恒的警告 无法预料的…
Warning and timeless. Unforeseen…
如果它注定要发生 却没有 那么就是…失败
When it had to happen, it didn’t, so… failure.
你站在那儿 但本应该是我
You stand there, but I should be.
不要插嘴 不要靠近…
Not inward, not close…
集中精力劝告其他人
Say collect and advise others.
绝望的 或许…
Desperate, maybe…
我接受…是的 但最近的…
I take… yes, but what is the closest…
叫什么？不
What is it called? No…
我们 我们 我 我…
Us, we, me, I…
许多厌恶的言词
Many words and disgust,
无法忍♥受的痛苦 恶心
unbearable pain, the nausea.
试着听我说
Try to listen to me.
跟着我念
Repeat after me…
没什么
Nothing.
没什么
Nothing.
不 没什么
No, nothing.
没什么
Nothing.
好的
There.
是的
That’s right.
就应该这样
That’s how it should be.