弄巧成拙 Once Upon a Crime…（1992）

Last night between 1:00 and 1:30.
1点到1点半之间。
Between 1:00 and 1:30.
那个点嘛……
It just so happens at that hour…
我在酒店和我妻子嘿♥咻♥呢。
I was in my hotel making love to my wife.
我知道这是事实，因为她狂喜的尖叫……
I know this for a fact, because her screams of ecstasy…
吵醒了周边的邻居们，于是有人♥大♥声喊道……
woke up the neighborhood. Somebody actually shouted out…
“现在是凌晨1点到1点半!”
“it’s between 1:00 and 1:30 in the morning!
“饶了这个可怜的女人吧!” 我就这么做了。
“Give the poor woman a break!” And so I did.
你想坚持你的说法吗?
You wish to stand by that story?
哦，是的。您不觉得这故事挺好嘛！。– 很好。
Oh, yes. It’s a good story. – Very well.
我会详细调查每一个细节的。
I plan to investigate every detail.
你的护照将被扣留48小时。
I will hold your passport for another 48 hours.
行啊，你留着吧，我还有很多呢。
You can keep it. I have lots.
你看，这探长以为他在和一个白♥痴♥打交道。
You see, he thought he was dealing with an idiot.
他以为他设局把我困住了。– 那你做了什么？
He thought he had me trapped. – And what did you do?
我给了自己做了一个铁证如山的不在场证明。
I gave myself an ironclad alibi.
我告诉他案发时，我在你的床上。
I told him at the time of the murder, I was in bed with you.
但你没在我的床上。
But you weren’t in bed with me.
我知道这点，可也只有你知道这点呀…
I know I wasn’t, but you’re the only one who knows…
我没有在你的床上……
I wasn’t in bed with you…
这就是我不在场证明的美妙之处。
and that is the beauty of my alibi.
那如果警♥察♥询问我怎么办？
What if the police question me?
如果他们问你，你就说我和你一起在你的床上呗。
If they question you, you say I was in bed with you.
但如果警♥察♥细心点调查，他们就会发现…
But if the police investigate, they’ll discover…
那晚和我一起睡的不是你
it wasn’t you I was in bed with.
奥吉，你想让我怎么做？
Augie, how do you expect me to behave?
我又生气又受伤！我讨厌你的赌博。
I was angry and hurt. I’m sick of your gambling.
首先你花光了你父亲的钱…
First you run through your father’s money…
让他因此心碎而死。
till he died of a broken heart.
他体重600磅，还跑过马拉松。
The man weighed 600 pounds and ran a marathon.
现在你花光了我一半的钱。
And now you’ve run through half my money.
赌博才是你的真爱，不是我。
Gambling is your true love, not me.
夫人。
Madame.
奥吉，亲爱的，我很惭愧。
Augie, darling, I’m so ashamed.
我是做了很可怕的事。但你看，事实就是……
I’ve done something terrible. But you see, the truth is…
你不明白，老婆，这样一来，我的不在场证明没有了。
You don’t understand. I just lost my alibi.
弄了半天，你是因为这个才烦恼吗？
Is that all that’s bothering you?
你不明白吗？如果我说谎被发现…
Don’t you see? If I’m caught lying…
他们会认为是我杀了那个小…
they’ll think I killed the little…
那你可以放心了，我会确保你的不在场证明的。
You can relax. I’ll make sure your alibi’s secure.
没人会知道昨晚睡在我床上的不是你。
No one will know it wasn’t you in my bed last night.
你真愿意为我这么做？埃琳娜，我太惭愧，我配不上你。
You’d do that for me? Elena, I’m not worthy of you.
我开始同意了。– 我饿坏了，让我们吃点吧。
I’m beginning to agree. – I am famished. Let’s eat.
失陪了。晚安，阿方索。
A tout a I’heure. -Bonsoir, Alfonso.
他就是那个人？– 奥吉，拜托。
He’s the one? – Augie, please.
他很帅嘛。他是干什么的，斗牛士吗?
He’s very handsome. What is he, a bullfighter?
请你不要做疯狂的事。– 你弄错了，
Don’t do something crazy. – You’ve got that backwards.
如果我什么都不做，那才是疯了呢。
I’d be crazy not to do something.
嘿，你！是的，就是你。你睡了我老婆，对吧？
Hey, you! Yes, you. You slept with my wife, didn’t you?
得看情况了，你妻子是谁？– 埃琳娜。昨晚发生的，还记得吗？
That depends. Who’s your wife? – Elena. Last night. Remember?
埃琳娜，她嫁给你了? — 没错，你这风流小子。
Elena. She’s married to you? – That’s right, casanova.
我们就喝了几杯，其他什么也没有发生。
We had a couple of drinks. Nothing happened.
就喝点小酒，聊了一会儿，再见吧。– 放屁，她全都告诉我了。
A chat. A talk. Adios. – She told me all about it.
好吧，漂亮的黑小子，跟我来。
OK, tan boy, you’re coming with me.
请不要打坏我的脸，我求你了！我是靠脸吃饭的。
Please do not harm me. I beg you. My face is my fortune.
我泡过92个妞，
I’ve had 92 professional fights.
只有两次和男人，我都失去他们了 。
Only 2 have been with men. I lost both of them.
阿方索，你是怎么把你的媚术施展得这么厉害的？
Alfonso, how do you do that voodoo that you do so well?
我有我的秘密，奥古斯托。– 我知道。
I have my secrets, Augusto. – I’m sure you do.
埃琳娜，你还记得阿方索吧。– 你好，阿方索。
Elena, you remember Alfonso. – Hello, Alfonso.
原来是一个男人们的情人。。。…
Turns out to be a sweetheart of a guy…
他会支持我的不在场证明的。
and he’s going to back up my alibi.
坐，坐，坐，坐。来吧。– 你真好。
Sit, sit, sit, sit. Come on. – How nice for you.
不是吗？好了，艾尔，为了不让我们之间的线索交叉有疑点…
Isn’t it? Now, Al, so that we don’t get our wires crossed…
你说说看你什么时间到我房♥间的？
what time did you say you arrived in my room?
晚上11:30。– 然后呢？
11:30ish. – And then what happened?
埃琳娜就和我开始… — 跳过细节。
Well, Elena and I began to… – Skip the details.
你几点过去的？ — 你疯了，奥吉。
What time were you through? – You’re demented, Augie.
我得把事实弄清楚。
I’ve got to get the facts straight.
你什么时候收工的，11:45吗？
So what time did you wrap things up, uh, 11:45?
12点，嗯,，12:30。接近1点。
12:00. Uh, 12:30. Closer to 1:00.
我去，一个半小时？你怎么能坚持一个半小时？
An hour and a half? How can you do it for an hour and a half?
然后呢？– 我听到门口有脚步声。
So then what? – I heard footsteps at the door.
我自然以为是你，所以马上就溜走了。
Naturally I assumed that it was you, so I left immediately.
有人看见你吗？– 没有。我从窗户进出的。
Did anyone see you? – No. I went through the window.
客房♥服务呢？ — 你还叫了客房♥服务？
What about room service? – You ordered up room service?
啊，是的。在某个时刻吧……
Ah, yes. At a certain moment…
服务员给我们拿来一瓶干邑白兰地。
the waiter brought us a bottle of cognac.
这个我不会付钱的。
Well, I’m not paying for it.
我在认真回忆服务员有没有看到我的脸。
I’m trying to recall if the waiter saw my face.
使劲想想。
Think, man.
现在我想起来了。他敲门时，我只把门开了一条缝。
Now I remember. When he knocked, I opened the door just a crack.
然后我伸出胳膊，抓起了瓶子。
Then I put my arm out and grabbed the bottle.
他有可能认出了你的手臂，戒指，手表，手镯之类的–。
He could’ve recognized your arm, a ring, a watch, a bracelet.
不。我什么都没穿……除了你的睡袍。
No. I was wearing nothing… except for your robe.
我的锦袍？– 是的，就是那件。
My brocade robe? – Si. That one.
哦，完美！超级完美的！
Oh, perfect! It’s perfect!
这一切结束后，我保证会修补你受伤的心。
When this is over, I promise to mend your broken heart.
我会日日夜夜陪着你。
I’ll be with you night and day.
我们将去巴黎，我们会在杜伊勒里宫散步。
We’ll go to Paris. We’ll walk in the tuileries.
我们会在那家啥蒙啥尔的—有趣的小咖啡馆吃饭。
We’ll eat in that funny little cafe in Monmom.
蒙马特尔。– 当然是蒙马特尔了。
Montmartre. – Montmartre, of course.
天啊，我喜欢你随时纠正我的各种错误。
Oh, God, I love it when you correct me.
亲爱的，我知道我让你很失望……
Oh, darling, I know I’ve been a disappointment to you…
但我一切会改的……现在开始。
but I’ll change… beginning now.
好，白兰地。
Good, the cognac.
小心！拉痛我了。– 亲爱的，我们有客人了。
Careful! It’s attached. – Darling, we have guests.
很高兴见到你，探长先生，警♥察♥先生。
Nice to see you, inspector, detective.
请允许我向您介绍，我的妻子莫洛斯科夫人。
Let me introduce you to my wife Madame Morosco.
你好! — 这是你妻子？
How do you do? – This is your wife?
为什么人们总要问我这个问题？
Why do people keep asking that?
莫洛斯科夫人，原谅我…
Madame Morosco, forgive me…
但我必须问您一个可能很尴尬的问题。
but I must ask a potentially embarrassing question.
昨晚和你在一起的人，是谁？
Who was in this room last night with you…
在午夜到一点半之间。
between midnight and 1:30?
我的丈夫。
My husband.
晚上好，先生。– 嘿，看看谁来了
Bonsoir, monsieur. – Hey, look who’s here.
这是安东尼。进来，我的好小伙子。
It’s Antoine. Come in, my good man.
你能不能告诉探长…
Would you mind telling the inspector…
昨晚午夜到一点半谁在这个房♥间里？
who was in this room last night between midnight and 1:30?
莫洛斯科先生。我给他带了一瓶加斯顿·拉格朗日。
Monsieur Morosco. I brought him a bottle of Gaston de Lagrange.
他穿着现在同样的袍子。
He was wearing this very same robe.
谢谢你，安托万。这是给你的，我的好兄弟。
Oh, thank you, Antoine. And this is for you, my good man.
拿上干邑，先出去吧。
Now take the cognac and get out.
谢谢，先生。– 现在，走吧。
Merci, monsieur. – Now. Move.
很好的服务，就像他昨晚那样。
Very nice waiter. As he was last night.
很好，你的不在场证明完美无缺。
Very well. Your alibi is intact.
哦，你怀疑过我的，探长。
You doubted me, inspector.
这么多年来，我学会了永不说谎……
I’ve learned over the years to never lie…
面对执法人员。
to an officer of the law.
警♥察♥永远是你的朋友。
The policeman is always your friend.
周末愉快。
Have a nice weekend.
那些傻瓜。
Those fools.
还有一个小细节。
There is one other small detail.
当然可以，乐于效劳。
Of course. Always eager to help.
跟我来。– 走吧。
Come with me. – Go.
昨晚，凌晨一点整…
Last night, at exactly 1 A.M…
旅馆车♥库♥的机械师…
the mechanic in the hotel garage…
看到一个人影从窗户里爬出来……
saw a figure come out this window…
然后从防火梯下去– 我猜是你吧。
and go down the fire escape. I assume that was you.
那必须是我。– 好的，我明白了，很好。