弄巧成拙 Once Upon a Crime…（1992）

你叫什么名字？– 我吗？巴尔博亚·洛奇巴波亚。
What’s your name? – My name? Balboa. Rocky Balboa.
所以听着，尸体……在范·杜根别♥墅♥。
So listen. The body… it’s at the Villa Van Dougen.
康定斯基大道17号♥。
Boulevard Kandinsky, Numero 17.
快来吧，如果幸运的话…
Come on! – And if you a-hurry…
你还可以抓到凶手。– 凶手？
You can a-catcha the killer. – Killer?
是的，我看见了他的脚— 2个。
Yes. I saw his a-feet. 2 of them.
不，不是两个凶手，2英尺？我是在和一个白♥痴♥说话吗。
No, not 2 killers. 2 feet. I’m talking to an idiot.
不，是他。他们在追踪电♥话♥！
No, he is. They’re tracing the call!
再见。（意大利语）– 上帝！
Ciao. – God!
不好意思，我有点惊慌失措– 我可是在跟警♥察♥说话！
Well, excuse me. I panicked. I’m talking to the police!
对我来说，每个权威人士都让我不自然。
To me, every authority figure is still my vice principal.
写信会更快，上帝！
A letter would’ve been faster. God!
你能放轻松点吗？我演过的警♥匪♥片够多了……
Will you relax? I’ve worked in enough police films…
他们不可能这么快就能追踪到一个电♥话♥的。
to know they can’t trace a phone call that quickly.
所以他们不是法国人。
So they weren’t French.
哦，上帝。他正在给警♥察♥描述我们呢—- 这是你的形象。
Oh, God. He’s giving them a description. That’s you.
我希望如此。
I wish.
小狗。– 狗。
Un petit chien. – The dog.
我们死定了，快走吧。
We’re dead. Let’s go.
真不敢相信我们会对警♥察♥撒谎了，我觉得自己像个逃犯。
I can’t believe we lied to the police. I feel like a fugitive.
就像流沙一样，
It’s like quicksand.
挣扎得越多，陷得越深。
The more you struggle, the deeper you sink.
我说……如果我们继续带着这只狗周围走…
I’ll tell you… if we keep walking around with this dog…
我们还不如穿t恤……
we might as well wear t-shirts…
说：“嗨！我们就是凶手。”
that say, “Hi! We’re the killers.”
你说得有道理，我真的很讨厌这样做。
You’re right. I really hate to do this.
对不起，照顾好自己。– 你做了什么?
Sorry. Take care of yourself. – What did you do?
我把狗扔掉了，我们走吧。
I got rid of the dog. Let’s go.
你还扔掉了我们的饭票。
You also got rid of our meal ticket.
我本可以把他卖♥♥给火车上的那个人，6000美元。
I could’ve sold him to that guy on the train. $6,000.
我的避孕药。
My birth control pills.
从没想过我会说这些…
Never thought I’d actually say this…
但有确切的时间和地点…
but there is a time and a place…
它们在我的手提箱里。– 所以呢？
They’re in my suitcase. – So?
处方上有我的名字。– 你有问题吧。
My name’s on the prescription. – You got a problem.
我们必须回去。– 你疯了吗?
We have to go back. – What, are you insane?
警♥察♥现在可能已经在那里了。
The police are probably swarming the place by now.
如果警♥察♥还在，我们就走。
If the police are still there, we’ll leave.
凶手呢？
What about the killer?
你觉得凶手会在那待一整晚吗？
You think the killer’s going to hang around all night?
我又不知道他的社交生活属性。
I don’t know what his social life’s like.
我们别无选择，我们必须回去。
We have no choice. We have to go back.
我跟你说实话吧。
Let me be honest with you.
这是非常有趣的12小时。
It’s been a very interesting 12 hours.
我觉得你内心深处是个好姑娘，很聪明。
I think you’re a good chick down deep, very smart.
但我不会回去……
But I wouldn’t go back…
如果我的避孕药在那里–
if my birth control pills were there.
好吧，我自己回去。– 这不是针对个人隐私。
Fine. I’ll go myself. -It’s nothing personal.
我只知道我不适合和狱警呆在一起。
I just know that prison guards and me are not a good mix.
明白的，很高兴认识你。
I got it. So nice meeting you.
是啊，你也是！祝你好运。
Yeah, you, too. Good luck.
哦，上帝。
Oh, God.
她要离开我了，我知道她要离开我了。
She’s going to leave me. I know she’s going to leave me.
是的，她要离开我了，她会和我离婚的。
Yeah, she’s going to leave me. She’ll divorce me.
她不会带我走的……
She won’t take me, though…
因为我没有任何东西值得让她拿走!
because I got nothing for her to take!
她会再婚的。
She’ll get remarried.
会找一个西装笔挺，有车有车载电♥话♥的帅哥。
Some handsome guy with a car and a car phone. Suits.
他会带她出去庆祝我们的离婚纪念日。
Take her out for the anniversary of our divorce.
她会再婚的……
She’ll get remarried…
比和我在一起时，更幸福！
and be happier than she ever was with me.
我变成了什么？我……?
And what do I become? Me… Neil Schwary?
古怪的赌徒…失败的前夫。
The flaky gambler… loser ex-husband.
是啊，这名号♥会伴随我的余生了。
Yeah, I’ll wear that the rest of my life.
天啊，上帝，是我…！我真的需要你的帮助。
God, it’s me… Neil Schwary. I really need your help.
我知道我不是经常去教堂，但如果你愿意…
I know I’m not a church-going man, but if you want…
我就把这周的高尔夫球改到周六打吧，很轻易的事。
I’ll switch my golf games to Saturday. No sweat.
看看，我也不需要你创造很多奇迹了…
Look, I know you don’t perform a lot of miracles anymore…
但是，我只需要一箱现金了。
but, boy, what I wouldn’t give for a suitcase full of cash.
谢谢你！
Thank you.
你好啊，尼尔。你怎么样? — 我吗？
Hello, Neil. How’d you do? – Me?
我得说我差不多不赔不赚了。
I’d say I broke about even.
那是什么? — 这?
What’s that? – This?
这个，呃，是…
This, uh, is, uh…
是的，赌场的钱都花光了…
well, at one point, the casino ran out of money…
他们只能开始分发行李了。
and they started giving out luggage.
发行李？你在胡说什么？
Giving out luggage? What are you talking about?
，行李，– 手提箱，是我偷来的，好吗？
Luggage. Bags. Suitcases. I stole it, OK?
我其实没有做到收支平衡。我输了很多钱，我失去了一切……
I didn’t break even. I lost big. I lost everything…
我们旅行的钱，甚至我们的积蓄。噢，玛丽莲，我真的很抱歉！
Our trip money, our savings. Oh, Marilyn, I’m so sorry.
请你在心里原谅我。
Please find it in your heart to forgive me.
我一定会补偿你的，我发誓，你要我做什么我就做什么。
I’ll make it up to you, I swear. I’ll do anything you ask.
你说话的时候我会认真聆听的。
I’ll listen to you when you talk.
我会看你画的小画。
I’ll look at your little drawings.
我带你去商场购物…
I’ll take you to the mall…
再也不会在商场催你了–
and never point to my watch again.
你想要什么都行。包括做♥爱♥的前戏，都可以。
Anything you want. Foreplay. Anything.
请别离开我，我觉得我承受不了的。
Just don’t leave me. I don’t think I can take it.
尼尔，你为什么要偷行李箱？
Why, Neil, would you steal a suitcase?
说。
Answer, please.
我不知道，我真不知道。
I don’t know. I don’t know, Marilyn.
我想也许里面有什么好东西。
I thought maybe there’d be something in it.
现金，或者什么可以卖♥♥的东西。– 我还有些钱，尼尔。
Cash. Something we could sell. – I have some money, Neil.
玛丽莲，你不明白！– 钱吗?
Marilyn, you don’t understand! Money?
你哪来的钱? — 我自己准备的钱…
Where’d you get money? – I put it aside…
我打心眼里知道你就是个傻瓜
knowing in my heart what a fool you were…
知道你会把我们的旅费都赌光的。
knowing you were capable of gambling away our trip money…
知道你有自毁的天性…
knowing you had the self-destructive nature…
你会耗掉我们的积蓄后，再跪爬到我这里来…
to lose our savings and come crawling in here…
再用一些愚蠢的说辞来自辩。
with some lamebrain scheme to save your ass.
你拿捏得我这么准?！
You knew that about me?
老婆大人，你才华横溢呀。
Marilyn. You’re brilliant.
别再让我说你一无是处。
Don’t ever let me tell you you’re anything less.
你是说，你不会再叫我侏儒大脑了吗?
You mean, like, don’t ever let you call me pygmy brain again?
噢，老婆，你怎么待我如此宽容？
Oh, Marilyn, how do you put up with me?
你是天堂派来的使者。
You are an angel, sent from heaven.
我无比聪明可爱的妻子。
My brilliant, darling wife.
你还有多少钱？
How much money did you put aside?
如果你能分给我一点点…
If you could lend me maybe just a portion…
我可以再回赌场扳本。
I could go back to the casino.
愚蠢的主意！ 天啊，你如此漂亮。
Stupid idea! God, you’re beautiful.
我们得把箱子还回去，尼尔。
We have to return the suitcase, Neil.
是的！我知道。
Yes! I know.
你说得太对了，老婆。
You’re taking this very well, Marilyn.
是什么？玛丽莲，怎么了？
What is it? Marilyn, what is it?
亲爱的，你不要尖叫，好吗?
Turn it off! Honey, you’re not going to scream, OK?
不要叫，好吗？
Don’t scream, OK?
闭嘴。
Shut up.
闭嘴，请安静！
Shut up, Marilyn! Be quiet, please!
哦！哦！我的……
Oh! Oh, my…
你想干什么，要杀了我吗？
What are you trying to do, kill me?
你想让两个女人死在你手上？
You want 2 dead women on your hands?
不，绝对不是！
No, definitely not!
我没法喘气了，快给我一杯水。
I can’t breathe. I need a glass of water.
给我一杯水! — 水。
Get me a glass of water! – Water.
你怎么敢这样！真是个白♥痴♥！
How dare you! What an idiot!
我敢说你一定会讲这个假期彻底完蛋了!
I guess you could say this vacation’s shot to hell!
哦，上帝。– 这个杯子怎么了?
Oh, God. – What’s wrong with this glass?
我们得离开这里!
We got to get out of here. Dead body parts!
冷静点！
Calm down!