弄巧成拙 Once Upon a Crime…（1992）

那张支票上没我的名字。
I don’t see my name on that check.
那支票上应该咋写？朱利安·彼得斯和菲比?
Who should he make it out to, “Julian Peters and Phoebe”?
我们是什么，空中飞人吗?
What are we, a trapeze act?
我本来打算和你分钱的。
I was going to share the money with you.
是的，对的。
Yeah, right.
是的！就是这个人。
Yes! This is the man.
这是您的支票，很抱歉给您添乱了。
Here’s your check. Sorry for the confusion.
哦，没有添乱。
Oh, there’s no confusion.
我不要支票。我只想要这只狗。
I don’t want the check. I want the dog.
这个价格可以买♥♥10条狗了，为什么非要选这个?
You can buy 10 dogs for that price. Why this one?
我妻子有一款这样的母狗。
My wife has a female of this breed.
我们还需要一款这样的公狗。否则，我不会买♥♥它的。
She was looking for a male. Apparently, I won’t do.
先生，我需要这只狗。请把支票拿回去。
Mister, I need this dog. Please take your check back.
但是很抱歉，交易就是交易。
I’m sorry. A deal is a deal.
再说了，我已经答应过这条小狗狗他会上♥床♥的–
Besides, I already promised the dog he’d get laid.
海关检查。这是谁的狗？
Customs. Whose dog is this?
我的。– 我们的。
Mine. -It’s ours.
如您所见，先生，这条狗是我的。
As you can see, sir, the dog belongs to me.
你有这狗的检疫证明吗?
Do you have the dog’s papers?
检疫证明？
Papers?
是的，如果没有检疫证明的，你必须下火车。
If you don’t have papers, you must leave the train…
让兽医部门给狗检查一下。
and have the dog examined by a veterinary authority.
哦，这是他们的狗。
It’s their dog.
我只是让它舔一下我。
I was just letting him lick me.
晚安，各位。-请拿好你们的行李下车。
Good night. – Get your luggage, please.
去拿袋子。先生，等等。”!
Get the bags. You-hon, signore’.!
我还是对这只狗非常感兴趣。
I’m still interested in the dog.
失陪一下好吗？我要被赶下火车了。
Would you excuse me? I’m being kicked off this train.
我希望火车能开慢一点了。
I’d like to ask the conductor to slow down.
如果你们改变主意……
If the owner should have a change of heart…
请来蒙特卡洛找我
come to me in Monte Carlo.
我会把狗从你手上接走。
I’ll take the dog off your hands.
奥吉·莫洛斯科，巴黎饭店。
Augie Morosco. L’Hotel de Paris.
谢谢你！
Thank you.
范·杜根夫人吗？我是朱利安·彼得斯。
Madame Van Dougen? This is Julian Peters again.
不，我们只是被耽搁了…
No, we just got held up…
因为我们不得不让兽医给它做检查…
because we had to have a veterinarian examine him…
因为我们没有它的检疫证明。
because we didn’t have his papers.
兽医，呃，…小狗医生。
A veterinarian, uh, to ex… a doctor de puppy.
对，这样我们就能越过边境了。
Right, so we can cross the border.
不，它非常健康，真的。
No, he’s in perfect health, he really is.
他当然在这里，不，他现在咖啡馆。
Of course he’s here. No, he’s at a cafe.
你要和它谈谈？好的，当然可以。
You want to talk to him? All right, sure.
坚持下去，美好的生活。
Hang on. Nice life.
你听到了吗？它一听到你的声音就喜形于色。
You hear that? He lit up at the sound of your voice.
听着，我们错过了最后一班火车，所以我们得坐公共汽车。
Listen, we missed the last train, so we have to take a bus.
是的，是的，公共汽车，对。
A busso. Bustee. Bussee. The bus, right.
我们要一会才能到了，大概一点钟吧。
So we’ll be there in a while, about 1:00.
我们当然可以过去，但现在去……是不是有点晚了?
We can come over, but isn’t that a little late for…
范·杜根夫人？你不舒服吗?
Madame Van Dougen? Are you sick?
是在做♥爱♥吗?
Is she having sex now?
你还好吗？
Are you OK?
你能说慢一点吗?
Can you just talk a little slower?
我听不懂。
I’m having trouble understanding.
范·杜根夫人？喂？
Madame Van Dougen? Hello?
尼尔，你错过了这个！太美了!
Neil, you’re missing this! It’s so beautiful!
太浪漫了…… — 浪漫，没错。
It’s so romantic… – Romantic, right.
亲爱的，你会花很长时间的。
Look, honey, you’re going to take forever.
你为什么不直接去赌场找我呢？
Why don’t you just meet me in the casino?
我只要几分钟就好。
I’ll only be a couple of minutes.
玛丽莲，别折磨我。你让我一直坐在这里…
Marilyn, don’t torture me. You make me sit here…
你却还没想好要穿什么!
while you figure out what you’re gonna wear!
来吧，我很想马上坐在桌子旁边！
Come on, I’m itching to hit the tables!
尼尔，这是我们的旅行用钱吗?
Neil, is that our trip money?
我不会把五千元美金留在酒店房♥间里的。
I’m not leaving $5,000 in cash in a hotel room.
我们是在欧洲，这些人会抢瞎你的。
We’re in Europe. These people rob you blind.
尼尔，答应我你不会拿我们的旅行钱去赌博吧。
Neil, promise me you won’t gamble with our trip money.
我保证，我保证! — 好!
I promise, I promise! – OK!
说得好像我会赌掉5000美金似的。
Like I’m going to blow $5,000 gambling.
我就是一个白♥痴♥吗。
Like I’m some kind of idiot or something.
我在考虑会穿范思哲的那件……
I’m thinking about wearing the Versace sample…
有亮片的黑色那件?
The black one with the sequins?
继续做梦吧，亲爱的，也许是5年前吧?
Dream on, Mare. Maybe 5 years ago, huh?
别忘了– 把床底下的衣服袋给藏起来……。
Don’t forget to hide… – The garment bag under the bed.
这次别让衣架突出来，好吗?
And don’t let the hangers stick out this time, all right?
听着，别再点瓶装水喝水了…
And listen, don’t order more of that bottled water…
一罐14美元。你可以直接开水龙头喝水的。
at 14 bucks a pop. You can drink out of the tap.
从你遇见我的那天起，我做过什么正确的事吗?
Have I since the day you met me ever done anything right?
当然，宝贝。你嫁给了我。
Of course, doll. You married me.
谢谢你，尼尔。你总是那么支持我，慷慨大方。
Thank you, Neil. You’re always so supportive, so giving.
亲爱的……祝我好运吧。
Baby… wish me luck.
谢谢。
Merci.
700000法郎，请。
700,000, please.
先生。
Monsieur.
谢谢！
Thank you.
五十法郎。– 五十法郎?
50 francs. -50?
我得买♥♥些小记号♥笔。
I’ll have to get the smaller markers.
你是打算在儿童赌场里使用吧。
They use them in the children’s casino.
快点给我。–50。
Just give me the markers. -50.
等等，你搞错了。我说是5000。
Wait, you made a mistake. I said 5,000.
法郎? — 美元。美元。
Francs? – Dollars. U.S. Dollars.
那家伙以为我说的是50法郎。
The guy thought I said 50 francs.
你说完了吗? — 没有。你是瑞典人吗?
Are you finish? – No. Are you Swedish?
我说完了吗？我才刚刚开始！我说完了吗？不可能，大胖子！
Am I finished? I’ve just begun! Am I finished? No way, big boy!
香烟吗？– 不，谢谢，我不抽烟。
Cigarette? – No, thanks, I don’t smoke.
我知道这是一个弱点；对我来说，很多。。。
It is a weakness, I know. For me, one of many…
恐怕，其中一个最重要的是一个美丽的女人。。。
I’m afraid, not the least of which is a beautiful woman…
比如你– — 谢谢。我结婚了。
such as yourself. – Thank you. I’m married.
有趣的…已婚的女人。
Interesting… the married woman.
生命中常被误解的生物之一…
One of life’s misunderstood creatures…
没有人配得上她。
to whom no man is truly worthy.
庇隆·德拉佩纳愿为您效劳，夫人。
Peron de la Pena at your service, madame.
我想我最好去找我丈夫。
I think I’d better find my husband.
你可以叫我阿方索。
You may call me Alfonso.
丑陋的美国人在赌红色!
The ugly American is betting on red!
红色，亲爱的！红色，亲爱！红色，红色，红色。
Red, baby! Red, baby! Red, red, red.
红色。
Rouge.
是的！哈，我爱它，我爱它。
Yes! I love it, I love it, I love it.
过来吧，来吧。嘿，我赢了!
Bring it over here. Come on. Hey, I won it!
我只是想确认一下，因为我是美国人。
I just want to make sure because I’m American.
我知道你讨厌美国人，但是记住…
I know you hate Americans, but just remember…
如果不是我们，你现在就应该说德语了!
if it wasn’t for us, you’d be speaking German right now!
把我的筹码给我！马提尼吗?
So gimme my chips! Martini?
是的！马提尼,。– 那是100块小费，伙计。
Yes! Martini, yes. – That’s 100 bucks, buddy.
马提尼的小费，真♥他♥妈♥好啊?
That’s a damn good tip for a martini, huh?
好了，我们又要开始做大餐了。
All right, we’re cooking now.
谢谢你，先生，这是给你的，亲爱的。
Thank you, sir. This is for you, my dear.
去买♥♥件t恤，好吗?
Get a t-shirt for those, will you?
我看看，我的系统里有什么?
Let’s see, what’s in my system?
嘿！别偷看我的机密。
Hey! Keep your face out of my system.
这花了我一大笔钱的。噢，天哪，玛丽莲…
This cost me a fortune. Oh, boy, Marilyn…
你看上去魅力十足呀。– 你好，尼尔。
This is working like a charm. – Hello, Neil.
先生，您想下注吗？（法语）
Voulez-vous miser, monsieur?
是的，我赌黑色，美国人赌黑色。
Yes, I’m betting on black. American on black.
我穿得好看吗?
Well, what do you think?
这不像原来的你啦，亲爱的。是的，仅此而已。
It’s not you, honey. It’s not you, that’s all.
可这正是我喜欢这套服装的地方。
But that’s what I like about it.
亲爱的，你随便在四周乱逛！
Honey, you’re hanging out all over the place!
都能有所收获的。
You’re going to catch something.
什么？– 又是红色。
What? – Rouge.