女性瘾者：第一部（2013）

错综复杂的情感毁于旦夕间 不是玩笑
over 20 years is no joke, I can assure you.
如果三人太拥挤的话 那对这位漂亮小姐来说
If three’s a crowd, then seven must be a bit
七个人肯定是个挑战
of a challenge for the pretty miss.
我必须说 我很难想到她享受孤独的时刻
I must say I have a hard time picturing her enjoying loneliness.
我觉得我们该借机离开了
I think we’d better grab the chance to get away,
在事情变得荒谬之前
before things become grotesque.
走吧
Come on.
-不要 爸爸 -不 不 不行
– No, dad! – No. No. No.
走吧
Come on.
你不想让你父亲
You wouldn’t want to give
现在受到良心的谴责吧 对吗
your father a guilty conscience now, would you?
那么这章对你的生活有什么影响
So how did this episode affect your life?
完全没影响
Not at all.
-一点也没有吗 -没有
– Not at all? – No.
不打破鸡蛋就煎不了蛋卷
You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.
那倒是
Oh, that’s true.
有些人
Some people…
会批判瘾君子
blame the addict.
其他人则对瘾君子感到同情
Other people feel sorry for the addict.
但我成瘾是因为淫欲 而非必须
But I was an addict out of lust, not out of need.
就知道你会这么说
You would say that, wouldn’t you?
我每到一处
And lust that led to destruction around me…
毁灭就接踵而至
Everywhere I went.
成瘾有时候会导致
Well, addiction sometimes leads to an…
同情心缺失
absence of empathy.
你不能一边和狮子战斗
You can’t fight a lion
一边给你的孩子擦鼻涕
and blow the noses of your children at the same time.
对我来说 性♥欲♥成瘾就是麻木不仁
For me, nymphomania was callousness.
你很顽固
You’re very stubborn.
但你自己呢
But what about yourself?
经历这些你有什么感觉
How did you feel during all this?
感觉很美好
Did you feel good
还是感觉很糟糕
or did you feel bad?
关于孤独 H夫人说得对
Mrs. H was right about the loneliness.
如果我否认
I’d be lying if I said
孤独与我形影不离 那一定是在说谎
it hadn’t been my constant companion.
在睡过这么多男人后
So you were with all these men
你还是觉得孤独吗
and you still felt alone?
我不想和你说这个的
I didn’t want to tell you about it…
但你把我诱入陷阱里了
but you’ve led me into a trap.
这是一种真实存在的感觉
It was a certain feeling.
所有事都这么微不足道 多可怕啊
Oh, how awful that everything has to be so trivial.
我七岁时 得做一场手术
When I was seven, I had to have an operation.
不严重 但需要麻醉
Nothing serious, but it did require anesthesia.
我打过麻药后
I had already been pre-medicated
感觉一切正常
and was feeling all right.
但当我看到房♥间里医生护士们
But when I looked into the room where the doctors and nurses
在准备手术时
were preparing for the operation…
感觉就像我得独自通过
It was as if I had to pass through
一扇无法通过的大门
an impenetrable gate all by myself.
那不只是想妈妈的感觉
It wasn’t just that I missed my mom.
我并不想爸爸
I don’t think I missed my dad,
虽然他对我更好
even though he was the nice one.
那种感觉好像整个宇宙只有我
It was as if I was completely alone
形单影只
in the universe.
就好像我整个身体都充斥着孤独和泪水
As if my whole body was filled with loneliness and tears.
我还是不能同情你吗
And I’m still not allowed to feel sorry for you?
我们继续吗
Shall we go on?
你在看什么书
What are you reading?
实际上我不是在看书
I’m not reading really.
我只是重新熟悉一下埃德加·爱伦·坡
I’m just reacquainting myself with Edgar Allan Poe.
我不了解他
I don’t know him.
不 他是个
No. Well, he was a…
很焦虑不安的人
a very anxiety-ridden man.
他的死法 是你所能想到最恐怖的
He died in the most fearful way you can imagine,
叫震颤性谵妄
in something called delirium tremens.
这种病是因为长时间酗酒
It occurs when a long time abuse of alcohol
然后 突然戒酒
is followed by… by a sudden abstinence.
你的身体会过敏性休克
And your body goes into some kind of a hypersensitive shock.
你会产生最恐怖的幻觉
You can see the most horrifying hallucinations
像是看到耗子 蛇和蟑螂
like rats and snakes and cockroaches
从地板里爬出来 虫子在墙缝里蠕动
coming out of the floor and worms slithering in the walls.
人体的整个神经系统都处于高度警戒状态
One’s entire nervous system is on high alert
你会陷入持续的恐惧和妄想症
and you have a constant panic and paranoia.
接下来人体的循环系统就会崩溃
And then the circulatory system fails.
但是恐惧
But the panic and horror
却会一直持续到你死亡的一刻
remains until the moment of death.
我知道震颤性谵妄是什么
I know what delirium is.
“在那年秋季
“During the whole of a dull, dark, and soundless day
枯燥 灰暗而暝寂的某个长日里
in the autumn of the year,
沉重的云层低悬于天穹之上
when the clouds hung oppressively low in the heavens,
我独自一人策马前行
I had been passing alone, on horseback,
穿过这片阴沉的异域般的乡间土地
through a singularly dreary tract of country,
最终 当夜幕缓缓降临的时候
and at length found myself,
我发现自己
as the shades of the evening drew on,
站立于厄舍府清冷的景色前”
within view of the melancholy house of Usher.”
第四章
震颤性谵妄
爸
Hey, dad.
宝贝
Hey, luv.
你好吗
How are you?
我跟妈吵架了
I fought with mom.
她 她不来了
She’s — she’s not coming.
你不应该跟她吵架
You ought not to fight with her.
你知道凯害怕医院
You know Kay’s fear of hospitals.
我知道她不会来的
I know she’s not coming.
我们已经把该说的话都说完了
We already said everything we needed to say.
我和凯在家道过别了
Kay and I said goodbye at home.
我根本不想让她来
I don’t want her here at all.
我无法接受
I can’t accept that.
你必须接受
You’ll have to.
她就是个懦弱愚蠢的婊♥子♥
She’s a cowardly stupid bitch.
不 不是的
No, she’s not.
-她就是 就是 -不 她不是的
– Yes. Yes. – No, she’s not. No, she’s not.
她就是 而你一直都不明白
Yes, she is, and you’ve never understood that.
你不害怕吗
Doesn’t it scare you?
不怕
No.
不怕
No.
你怎么能不害怕呢
How can you not be afraid?
我见过太多人去世了
I’ve seen so many die.
再说不是还有那句
Then there’s that
伊壁鸠鲁说的关于不畏惧死亡的名言嘛
Epicurus quote about not fearing death.
“当我们在世时 死亡还未来
“When we are, death has not come.
当死亡来临时
When death has come…
我们也已不在了”
we are not.”
我们知道会发生什么
We know what’s going to happen.
我还知道医生都能给我开什么药
I also know all of the drugs the doctors have to offer.
所以不
So no…
我不
I am not —
我不怕
I am not afraid.
我的闺女真漂亮
A beautiful girl.
爸爸也很帅
Beautiful dad.
凯
K-Kay!
爸爸 没事了
Daddy, it’s okay.
凯
Kay?
爸爸
Daddy.
会没事的
It’s gonna be okay.
你去散会步好不好
Don’t you want to take a little walk?
我陪你♥爸♥待会儿
I’ll stay with your father in the meantime.
你陪他
You’ll stay?
-你在这陪他 -是的
– You’ll stay here? – Yes.