女性瘾者：第一部（2013）

我一直想去遇见他
I tried to meet him all the time.
我查到了他的住处
I found out where he lived,
当然 我从不敢按下门铃
but of course never dared ring his doorbell.
我花了很多时间写下一封信
I worked for a long time on a letter
我在信中倾诉了对他的感情
in which I told him about my feelings for him.
一个月后
A month would pass
我终于鼓起勇气
before I had built up enough courage
去送信了
to deliver it.
不好意思 这不是杰罗姆的办公室吗
I’m sorry. Isn’t this Jerome’s office?
很高兴这么说 这儿从来不是
I’m happy to say that this never has been
也永远不会是杰罗姆的办公室
and never will be Jerome’s office.
我身体不适时 由我侄子暂代我的职位
But my nephew has been standing in for me while I’ve been unwell.
这封信是给他的吗
Was that a letter for him?
-是的 -给我吧
– Yes. – Give it to me
我会转交给他的
and I will make sure he gets it.
我不能保证什么时候
I can’t promise when that might be,
因为他早就离开了
as he’s long gone.
年轻人到底拿什么钱
How the young finance
来满足他们抑制不住的旅行渴望
their irrepressible desire for travel
对我还真是个谜
is a mystery to me.
他离开了
So he’s gone?
抛弃了我们 是的
Deserted us, yes.
胡说着什么环球旅行
Raving about a trip around the world
-还有结婚 -结婚
– and married and all. – Married?
结婚 是的
Married, yes.
跟我的秘书突然私奔了
Flown the coop with my secretary.
莉兹
Liz.
那你的工作呢
And your job?
杰罗姆的叔叔需要有关这行
It turned out that Jerome’s Uncle demanded
更多一点的知识 所以…
a bit more knowledge about the business, so–
那爱就到此为止了
That was the end of love then?
也许没这么简单
Well, maybe it’s not quite as simple.
不过那是后话了
But more about that later,
正如小说里写的那样
as they say in the novels.
杰罗姆就突然消失了
And Jerome just disappeared?
是的 不过我想
Yes, though I tried to keep him,
大庭广众
in my own way, mentally,
在火车上自♥慰♥ 以此将他留在心里
as I masturbated on the train amongst other people.
你在火车上自♥慰♥
You masturbated on the train?
-在座位上吗 -是的 当然
– On the seat? – Yes, of course.
我拼起了七巧板
I did a Jigsaw puzzle.
七巧板
A Jigsaw puzzle?
我在其他乘客身上找到
I found details in the other passengers
能让我想起杰罗姆的细节
that reminded me of Jerome.
但终究
But in the long run,
我还是记不清这些细节
I couldn’t hold on to the details of him,
不论我有多努力
no matter how hard I tried.
也许这就是记忆吧
Maybe that’s how it is with memory.
只能记住轮廓和本质
You… you remember silhouettes, the essentials.
不过那也未必就是件坏事
But that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
当然 作为冬日的轮廓
Of course, as silhouettes in the winter,
-树木很难分辨 -看到这些芽了吗
– the trees are difficult to tell apart. – See these buds?
我父亲仍然义无返顾的
My father wrestled courageously
教我认识植物和树的种类
with his flora and tree type guides.
实际上
It’s actually…
冬日里 它们就是树的灵魂
The souls of the trees we see in the winter.
夏天 万物复苏 如田园诗般
In the summer, everything is green and idyllic,
但在冬天
but in the winter,
树的枝干就凸显出来了
the branches and the trunks, they all stand out.
你看这些树枝 多么盘根错节
Just look at how crooked they all are.
这些树枝必须让所有树叶
The branches have to carry all of the leaves
都沐浴在阳光下
into the sunlight.
这是为了生存下去的漫长斗争
It’s one long struggle for survival.
我父亲把裸♥露♥的枝干
My father surprised me
叫做树的灵魂 这让我感到惊讶
by calling the naked trunks the souls of the trees.
他有如此诗意的想法非常罕见
A poetic thought that was rare for him,
就他而言
as by his own account
他还是更相信经验科学
he preferred the empirical sciences.
那杰罗姆之后呢
And after Jerome?
我表现得
I reacted…
怎么说呢
Well, let’s just say,
太激进
aggressively.
怎么个激进法
How?
寻找男人的过程愈演愈烈
By intensifying my hunt for men.
你知道超♥市♥的自动门吧
You know these supermarket doors
开与关都是感应式的
that open and close by way of some kind of sensor?
现在这些门就好像我的阴♥道♥
Now compare these doors to my cunt
带有极度敏感的感应器
and add an extraordinarily sensitive sensor.
感应门一张开
My sensitive door opening
就使我有机会开展
gave me an opportunity to develop
从树叶到生殖器的
my morphological studies
形态组织学研究
from leaves to genitals.
从始至终 我的学习之旅
I embarked on a trip through
用儿童书籍的术语来说
what, in the lingo of children’s books,
其中一本可能叫《大黑鸟之国》
one might call The Country of The Big Black Cocks…
或者《小黄鸟之乡》
The Country of The Small Yellow Cocks
等等
and so on.
大多数时候 我都在与
And most of all, I battled my way
数不尽的割过包皮的阴♥茎♥战斗
through an untold number of circumcised cocks.
对了 你知不知道
By the way, did you know that
如果你把有史以来割下来的包皮连在一起
if you combine all the foreskin cut off through history
可以连到火星再连回来
it would reach to Mars and back again?
H夫人
Mrs. H.
第三章
H 夫 人
到目前为止 我的男人交际圈颇具规模
By now I had built up a sizeable circle of men…
很难记住他们谁都是谁
and was starting to have trouble remembering who was who.
宝贝儿 想见面吗
Hello, sweetheart. Want to meet?
我是费舍尔
It’s Fisher.
我躺在这儿 想你还有你说过的话
I’m lying here, thinking of you and what you said.
你要真那么想 我一点儿也不生气
I’m not angry at all if that’s what you think.
乔 又是我 罗伯
Hi, Joe, it’s Rob again.
上次见面真的很开心
I had a really good time seeing you.
给我…给我回电
Give me — give me a call.
乔 我之前留过很多次言
Hi, Joe, I left a couple of messages.
-你还好吗 -很快我就放弃了
– Is everything all right? – I quickly gave up
试图记起某段关系
trying to remember the individual relationships.
这根本不可能
It was impossible,
而且也无法预料到他们想听什么
and impossible to predict what they wanted to hear.
所以我想了个办法
So I invented a method.
一切都随机决定
It was all based on chance.
一表示 热情洋溢充满爱意的答复
A one meant an overly loving answer.
二表示 没那么激♥情♥但仍给对方以希望
A two, not quite as passionate but still positive.
以此类推 一直到五
And so on up to five,
就是完全拒绝
which was a complete rejection.
而六表示 不再回复
And six, no answer at all.
艾迪 是我
Hey, , it’s me.
我考虑了很久
Listen, I’ve given it a lot of thought
我想我们还是别再联♥系♥了
and I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re done.
再见
Bye.
这种方法的好处就在于
The trick with this method
我不用担心这种肉体关系
was that I didn’t have to worry about the individual relationships.
帕特里克 我是乔
Hi, Patrick, it’s Joe.
但取而代之的 这种方法完全不可预测
But instead became completely unpredictable,
会让人们更加疯狂
which of course drove the men even wilder.
你真的很烦
You’re quite annoying,
我不想再见你了
so I don’t want to see you anymore.
请别再打电♥话♥来
Please don’t call back.
听上去很有压力
That sounds rather stressful.
是的 压力很大
Yes, actually it was.
不过幸运地是 我有本小册子能帮我舒缓心情
But fortunately I had my little book of comfort.