别让我走（2010）

因为
Because…
你忘了
you forget that
那时你的很多画作进了画廊
you got lots of stuff into The Gallery over the years,
如果我申请的话他们没什么东西可看的
and if I applied they wouldn’t have anything to go on.
都只是些传言和纸上空谈
It’s all just rumors and theories.
是啊 我知道
Yeah, I know.
汤米
Tommy.
吻我
Kiss me.
永远
And never
永远
Never
别让我走
Let me go
紧锁我的心房♥
Lock my heart
丢开钥匙
Throw away the key
感觉我的爱
Feel my love
我知道你想什么 凯茜
I know what you think, Kathy.
我知道你认为你和汤米
I know you think that you and Tommy
会是更天造地设的一对
would have made a more natural couple,
并且你相信可能有一天
and you believe that there’s a chance
汤米和我会分手
that Tommy and I will split up some day.
当我们分手之时
And when we do,
或许就是你和汤米在一起之际
perhaps that will be your chance with Tommy.
这次有机会把事情纠正过来
Chance to do it right this time.
但是凯茜 情况是
But you see, the thing is, Kathy,
尽管汤米很喜欢和你做朋友
although Tommy really likes you as a friend,
但他对你没那个意思
he just doesn’t see you that way.
他告诉了我那些色情杂♥志♥的事
He told me about the porno magazines.
我们笑了好久
We had quite a laugh about it.
他不明白你那时在干什么
He doesn’t understand what you were doing.
但我懂
But I did.
我说了再有五分钟就好
I said I’ll just be five minutes.
我想成为看护
I want to be a carer.
我是该向你申请吗
It’s you who I apply to, isn’t it?
是
Yeah.
我说我要申请
I said that I’m applying.
明天我把申请表带来
I’ll bring the forms tomorrow,
那是整个程序的开始
and that’ll start the process.
当露丝和汤米确实分开时
By the time Ruth and Tommy actually did separate,
我的看护训练已经开始了
my carer training had already begun.
所以我很少住在农舍小屋
So I was hardly ever at The Cottages.
我万万没想到
It had never occurred to me
我们如此紧密交织的生命
that our lives, which had been so closely interwoven,
会这么迅速地分开
could unravel with such speed.
如若我早知道
If I’d known,
也许我会更珍惜他们
maybe I’d have kept tighter hold of them
不会让暗潮将我们分开
and not let unseen tides pull us apart.
1994年终结
我开始看护那些捐献者后
Once I began working with my donors,
就没有太多时间想汤米或露丝
I didn’t have much time to dwell on Tommy or Ruth.
最终 这么多年过去了
Eventually, so many years had passed
我总觉得我再也不会见到他们了
I came to think I would never see them again.
很多看护认为他们就是走走过场
Many carers find themselves just going through the motions,
等着他们停止看护成为捐献者的那天
waiting for the day that they can stop and become donors.
但在很大程度上 做一名看护很适合我
But for the most part, being a carer has suited me fine.
我很享受游走于全国各地
I quite enjoy traveling across the country,
穿梭于各个中心和医院之间
shuttling from center to center, hospital to hospital.
给你
Here you are.
黑巧克力
Dark chocolate.
你不知道我跑了多少商店才找到的
If you knew how many shops I had to go to before I found those.
我想我在手术前是不许吃东西的
I thought I wasn’t allowed to eat so soon before the operation.
对 你不能吃 但我可以
Oh, you’re not. But I am.
手术之后
And after the operation,
你可以狼吞虎咽地一口气吃完整包
you can wolf down the whole packet in one go.
对我来说 做一名看护真正的挑战是
For me, the real test of being a carer
捐献者比预期更早地终结
is when a donor completes earlier than expected.
第二甚至第一次捐献时就终结
On the second or even first donation.
我能跟你说两句吗
Can I just have a quick word?
好的
Okay.
我在想今天谁来照看汉娜
I was wondering who’d be working on Hannah today.
我永远不会对终结这种事免疫
I’d never say I’ve become immune to the completions.
但这是我必须要接受的事情
But they are something I am able to live with.
你是汉娜的看护吗
You’re Hannah’s carer, aren’t you?
-汉娜的看护吗 -是
– Hannah’s carer? – Yes.
很遗憾 总是很难说出口 她终结了
I’m sorry, it’s always hard, but there were complications.
你需要我签字吗
You need me to sign the release?
请
Please.
你现在就走吗
Are you going to leave now?
我们很乐意今晚给你张床睡
We can quite easily provide you with a bed tonight
如果你车程很长的话
if you’ve got a long drive.
我两个小时就能到家
I can be back home in under two hours.
在家醒来总是更好 对吧
It’s always better to wake at home, isn’t it?
她是你认识的人吗
Is that someone you know?
对
Yeah.
事实上 我们一起长大的
Actually, we grew up together.
她怎么样了
How is she?
你们很亲近吗
Were you close?
我们快十年没见了
We haven’t seen each other now for almost 10 years.
露丝当前的身体状况
Well, Ruth isn’t as strong as we would hope,
比我们预期的要差
at this stage.
她完成了两次捐献
She’s done two donations.
是
She has.
你觉得她第三次会终结吗
You think she’ll complete on the third?
我认为她想终结
I think she wants to complete.
你也知道 通常谁想终结
And, as you know, when they want to complete,
就真的终结了
they usually do.
凯茜
Kathy.
这些年我一直在打听你的消息
I’ve been keeping tabs on you over the years.
还有汤米
And Tommy, too.
他有什么消息吗
What do you hear about Tommy?
他也做完两次捐献了
That he’s done his second donation, too,
情况不错
and apparently he’s doing very well on it.
很明显比很多
Apparently he’s in better shape
捐献一次的人体质还好
than some after their first donation.
好个汤米 我一点也不吃惊
Good old Tommy. I’m not surprised.
那你见了我吃惊吗
Are you surprised at me?
我看着很憔悴吧 凯茜
I expect I look a bit broken, Kath.
无所谓
It’s okay.
反正做完第三次捐献我也不想活了
I don’t think I’d want to survive my third donation, anyway.
你听说了吧
You hear things, don’t you?
听说什么
What kind of things?
也许做完四次捐献之后
Oh, you know. How, maybe, after the fourth donation,
医学上的死亡通常指脑干♥死♥亡
但此时人可能还有意识有心跳 还能呼吸
即使你已经在医学上被判定为终结了
even if you’ve technically completed,
但你可能还有些意识
you’re still conscious in some sort of way.
你会发现
And then you find out that
还要继续捐献很多器官
there are more donations, plenty of them.
再没有康复中心和看护了
No more recovery centers. No more carers.
只能静静地等死
Just watching and waiting.
直到他们把你的呼吸机拔了
Till they switch you off.
我可不想那样
I don’t think I fancy that.
都快天黑了吧
Is it the end of the day already?
知道吗 还挺可笑的
Do you know, it’s funny,
我这几个月几乎每天都在想你
I think I’ve thought about you every day for the last few months.
希望能再见你一面
Hoping I’d see you again.
我特别确信一定会再见
Do you know, I felt sure that I would.
觉得我终结之前
Seemed impossible that
不可能不见你最后一面
I’d complete without seeing you one last time.
这不是最后一面 露丝
It’s not the last time, Ruth.
他们给我提供了个床位
They offered me a bed.
今晚我会一直在这儿陪着你的
I was planning on staying the night anyway.
是吗
Well.
我就知道你是个特别称职的看护