伦敦生活剧场版

“And, anyway, that’s the very reason
“铅笔的末端安了橡皮的原因啊”
they put rubbers on the ends of pencils.”
“你说啥
“What? Uh…
为了操仓鼠吗”
What, to fuck hamsters?”
“不 不是
“No! No.
那是因为
Because…
人会犯错”
people make mistakes.”
但是现在 波宝走了
But now, Boo’s gone.
咖啡店死气沉沉 没人来了
It’s a death cafe, so no one comes in anymore.
希拉里在笼子里缩成一团
Hillary sits on her hutch like a lump.
盯着我
Staring at me.
我不知道该拿她怎么办
I don’t know what to do with her.
六点钟
Six o’clock.
两个瑜伽女郎走进了咖啡店
Two yoga body girls come into the cafe
点了意大利调味饭
and order risotto off the menu.
我跑到乐购超♥市♥买♥♥了经济餐
I popped the Tesco
用微波炉加热
microwave their economy meal.
两个女孩在聊她们有多不想生孩子
The girls are talking about how they never wanna give birth
因为这会影响性生活
because the effect it’ll have on their sex lives.
还是没有我姐的消息
Still haven’t heard from my sister.
我在微波炉里放了一个空薯片袋子
I put an empty crisp packet in the microwave.
看着它变皱
Watch it shrivel.
玩了下手♥机♥
Play with my phone for a bit.
你好 我是波宝 我现在不能接电♥话♥
Hi, this is Boo. I can’t come to the phone at the moment.
可以留言 我会回复
But leave a message and I’ll get back to you.
真该有人取消这留言提示
Someone should probably disconnect that.
我开始给地铁遇到的啮齿男发短♥信♥
I start texting tube rodent.
我一遍又一遍地道歉
I apologize and apologize,
最后给他发了一张咪♥咪♥照片
and eventually sent him a picture of my tits.
他也给我回了一张
He sends me one back.
应该是他的鸡♥巴♥
I think it’s of his cock.
我在哈利之前的那个男朋友
My boyfriend before Harry used to
经常让我发”小妹妹”的照片
make me send him pictures of my vagina,
不管我人在哪
wherever I was.
一天10或11次
Ten or eleven times a day.
我常常要冲进残障厕所
I used to go and have to lunge in a disabled toilet,
给我的”小妹妹”拍张好看的照片
take an attractive picture of my vagina,
这可不容易啊
which isn’t easy on the whole.
特别是他要求仰视的角度
Especially as he always wanted the worm’s eye view.
照片看起来有点像
It often looks a bit like
有人掉了一个小面包卷
someone had dropped a little bap…
侧面朝上
on its side…
它还刚好掉在理发店的地上
on the floor of a hairdresser’s.
然后有人给它拍了张照片
Then taking a photo of it.
在一个美丽的早晨
One tempting morning,
他让我把我最喜欢的身体部位拍给他看
he asked me to send him pictures of my favorite bits of my body.
我走进残障厕所
I go to the disabled loo.
天啊 太辣了 再来一张
Oh, that is so hot. Send another one,
你个让人热血沸腾的婊♥子♥
you beautiful bitch.
然后再说点下流话
Now, say something so dirty you’ll shock yourself.
再发一张
Send me another picture.
爽 我要♥射♥了♥
Oh, god, I’m wanking.
太累人了 但是不得不拍
It exhausted me, but you gotta do it.
不能让他看别人的
Can’t have them looking elsewhere.
老板敲厕所门
The boss banged on the disabled loo door.
那是我早上第四次上厕所
It was my fourth visit that morning.
“一切好吗”
“Um, is everything all right in there?”
他是澳大利亚人
He’s Australian.
“没事”
“Uh, yeah.
“那啥 我得膀胱炎了”
I just… I’ve, I’ve got cystitis.”
“不是吧 你个小可怜
“Oh, no, you poor chickadee.
我老婆好像也得这个病了
Oh, I wonder if my wife gets that all the time.
你得喝点红莓汁
Cranberry juice, that’s what you need.
多喝点 要我帮你去餐厅拿点吗
Buckets of it. Shall I get you some from the canteen?
要吗
Huh?
人呢
Hello?
你在哭吗”
Are you crying?”
我决定不再脱毛了
I’m gonna stop waxing.
有一次我碰到一个男的说
I met a man once who said…
与其说是说的 不如说他用喊的
I say said, it’s more of a yell, really.
他非常喜欢茂密的”灌木丛”
How much he loved a full bush.
他说现在都不常见了
And how rare they are these days.
虽然当时不太适合聊这个
Even though it was inappropriate, at the time,
他是我妈葬礼上的亲友
a family friend at Mom’s funeral.
这也让我感觉到了什么
It filled me up with something.
希望
Hope.
安慰
Relief.
我也说不清
I don’t know.
我天生没这些感觉
Can’t bring myself to actually grow one.
我给啮齿男打电♥话♥
I called tube rodent.
他带了一瓶酒来到咖啡店
He comes to the cafe with a bottle of wine.
我们把酒喝了 他低声对我说
We drink it. He whispers to me…
“我的小♥弟♥弟♥特别大”
“I have an enormous penis.”
我说
I say…
“真的吗”
“Really?”
他说
He says…
“真的”
“Yeah.”
我说
I say…
“那你撞大运了
“Well, that’s lucky.
我的小妹妹也很大”
Because I have an enormous vagina.”
他说
He says…
“牛逼”
“Awesome.”
我们在柜台后面做♥爱♥
We fucked behind the counter.
他骨瘦如柴 到处都是棱角
He’s very bony, all corners.
就像在和量角器做♥爱♥
It’s like having sex with a protractor.
他没有高♥潮♥
He doesn’t cum.
他说我太紧张了 我也不懂他啥意思
Says I’m being too intense, whatever that means.
我们把灯关了 屋里很黑
We turn the lights off, so it’s quite dark now.
他穿上裤子 找他的手♥机♥
He’s pulling on his trousers, trying to find his phone,
准备问问他朋友要不要出来玩
see if his friends are going out later.
他戴了一条有紫色印花的粉色围巾
He’s wearing this pink and purply paisley scarf.
打扮得像个女士
He looks like a lady.
他跳到窗户旁边
He hops over to the window,
靠在窗台上
leans on the sill,
打开了手♥机♥ 然后他尖叫起来
turns his phone on, then he screams.
非常大声
Really high-pitched.
他手♥机♥的光照在希拉里的眼睛上
The light from his phone had made
在黑暗中映出红色
Hillary’s eyes flash red in the darkness.
一定是在我们做♥爱♥的时候
She must have wandered over
她悄悄爬过去了
to the window when we were having sex.
那下 我被他的反应整笑了
For a second, I laugh at his reaction.
但是她动了 他又开始尖叫
But she moved and he screams again.
她往我这边跑 但是她太紧张了
She tries to run towards me, but panics,
就从边上滑下来了
and sort of slips off the side.
她肚子着地 挣扎了一下
She lands on her stomach and struggles a bit.
但是啮齿男看到红光 踢了她一脚
But tube rodent sees red and kicks her.
她砰地一声撞在墙上
She flies against the wall with a thud.
他凝视着地上的一团毛
He just stares at the furry pile on the floor.
然后那团毛开始抽搐
But she twitches.
他又跳起来踢了她一脚
It makes him jump and he kicks her again,
她在地板上飞了过去
and she goes flying across the floor.
我动弹不得
I can’t move.
我想起波宝
I think about Boo.
想起她们俩一起玩
I think about them playing together.
啮齿男惊慌失措
Tube rodent’s panicking
嘟囔着说他有什么老鼠恐惧症
mumbling something about a rat phobia.
我让他走 他就消失了
I tell him he can go and he disappeared.
希拉里面部朝下 背对着我
Hillary’s on her front, but her back is to me.
她看起来就像
She looks like a…
毛茸茸的子弹
a furry bullet.
她还活着 但是