伦敦生活剧场版

自带饮食的观众可以在观众席享用
Those who may have food or drink can eat it in the auditorium.
她盯着我
She just stares at me.
脖子变红了
And then her neck goes red.
我以前就见过一次她这样
I’ve only seen that happen once before.
她看向前方
Then she looks ahead of her.
我分了她一半三明治 她吃了
I give her half my sandwich, which she eats.
也许她没有厌食症
Maybe she’s not anorexic.
也许衣服就
Maybe clothes just…
小贱♥人♥
Bitch.
我们坐着边吃三明治边等
We sit and wait, eating the sandwich.
我读不懂她
I can’t read her.
从来就没能读懂过
I’ve never been able to read her.
她拿出了张老爸给的卡片
She pulls out a card from Dad,
放在我俩中间
puts it on the seat between us.
那卡片现在可能还在那
It’s probably still there.
《女性之声》即将开始
Women Speak is about to commence.
请到观众席就座
Please enter the auditorium.
演讲厅很大
The lecture hall is huge.
我们走到最前排坐下
We go right to the front and sit down.
还是读不懂她
Still can’t read her.
突然 她说
Suddenly, she says…
“我要去那他妈的芬兰”
“I’m gonna go to fucking Finland.”
“好的”
“Okay.”
“我讨厌套装”
“I hate these suits.”
“好的”
“Okay.”
“要多少钱才能保住波宝的咖啡馆”
“How much do you need to save Boo’s cafe?”
“大概五千”
“About five grand.”
“好的”
“Okay.
“我明天转钱给你
I’ll transfer the money tomorrow.
但我再也不回来了”
But I don’t wanna come to these anymore.”
“好的”
“Okay.”
“然后把上衣还给我”
“And I want my top back.”
“好的”
“Okay.”
“谢谢 克莱尔”
“Thanks, Clare.”
谢谢
Thank you.
天哪 谢谢你们所有人
Gosh, look at you all.
感谢来听演讲
Thank you so much for coming.
我简直不敢相信有这么多人来听演讲
I’m overwhelmed by how many faces I see before me.
我希望我今晚讲的东西
I hope I do your efforts justice
对得起你们的支持
with what I have to say this evening.
但在开始之前 我想问你们一个问题
But before I begin, I want to ask you a question.
这个问题也是我这次演讲的灵感
The same question that inspired me to give this lecture.
这个问题也向全国所有女性问过
The same question that was posed to women all around this country
坦白说 结果令人震惊
with, frankly, shocking results.
我不了解你们 我需要点保证
Now, I don’t know about you, but I need some reassurance.
所以
So.
今天我也问问在座女性这个问题
I pose the same question to the women in this room today.
如果你愿意用你5年的寿命
Please raise your hands,
来换取所谓的完美身材
if you would trade five years of your life
那么请举手
-for the so-called perfect body?
400个女的盯着我们看
Four hundred women stare at us.
恐怖如斯
Horrified.
我们真是女权主义者里的败类
We are bad feminists.
演讲结束后
After the lecture,
克莱尔说她要回家和马丁谈谈
Clare says she’s going home to talk to Martin.
我想请她在走之前和我喝一杯 但是
I want to ask her to have a drink with me before she goes, but…
我不知道该怎么开口 所以
I don’t know how, so…
我就看着她的辫子
I just watched her plaits
消失在地铁站外的人群中
disappear into the crowd outside the tube.
啮齿动物的短♥信♥
Text from rodent.
还是甜甜的微笑呢
Still smiling, smiley face.
天哪
Oh, god.
我回复”你现在有空吗”
I text back, “You free now?”
他有空 我们碰头后喝得烂醉
He is. We meet up and get very, very drunk.
我情不自禁地盯着他的小嘴巴
I can’t stop staring at his tiny mouth.
他在讲故事
He’s telling a story
但他好像不想让词从嘴里出来
like he doesn’t wanna let the words out.
“你知道吗”
“You know…”
他告诉我他姐姐失聪
He tells me that his sister is deaf,
这是他让我知道
which is his way of letting me know
他很有趣且敏感的方式 挺好的
that he’s interesting and sensitive, which is fine.
但是 之后他说他是他家
But then, he is the only one in his family
唯一一个没学手语的人
who didn’t learn sign language.
貌似是因为他们是一起长大的
Apparently, because they grew up together,
她能机智地读懂他的唇语
she can lip-read him brilliantly.
尽管我一直好奇她觉得他在说什么
Which makes me wonder what she thinks he’s saying all the time.
因为就我而言 看起来就像
Because, to me, it just looks like…
“在楼梯上
“…up the stairs,
其实他是被捉弄了
and he’s been fooled, really.
他甚至都不知道
And he didn’t even know.
你知道我的两个朋友现在在干什么吗
You know, what two, two of my friends are doing right now?
我觉得这家餐馆菜不错”
I’d say this one is a good restaurant.”
他告诉我她姐姐直觉相当准
He tells me his sister is so instinctive.
她是如何聪慧地读懂大家的话
How she can read people brilliantly.
她甚至可能读懂我
How she’d be able to read me.
他玩得很开心
He’s having an excellent time.
哈利的直觉准得惊人
Harry has terrible instincts.
有一次
Once.
我觉得这可能是他有史以来最准的一次了
I think this might be the best thing he’s ever done.
一次他在餐馆里 他很害羞
Once, he was in a restaurant, he’s quite shy, really.
他在餐馆里
He was in a restaurant,
前一天晚上我们在外面玩得很嗨
having had a filthy night out with me the night before.
第二天 他酒还没醒
I mean, the man was hanging.
就去和一些重要的网站工作人员共进午餐
And he was having lunch with these really important website bots.
他突然 来了感觉
When, suddenly, it hit him.
第一道菜上了一会儿
Halfway through the starter, the…
“是的
“Yeah.
是的 他感觉想吐
Yeah, he was gonna be sick.
是的 就是现在”
Yeah, like now.”
所以他提前走了
So he excused himself.
哈利风风火火地闯进厕所 却发现
And Harry walks to the loo, only to burst in to discover
隔间都锁着 小便池也都被占了
that all the cubicles were locked and all the urinals were taken
可这位君子不能让自己吐在洗手池里
and he couldn’t bring himself to spew in one of the sinks.
他急眼了 一脚踹开了一间隔间的门
So, in a panic, he kicked down one of the cubicle doors,
里面有个男人在拉屎
revealing a man having a shit.
“恶心心”
“Ugh!”
然后 嘣得一声
And then, boom!
他全吐了
It just all came out.
吐了拉屎男一身
He puked all over this guy.
拉屎男的脸上 胸上 蛋蛋上
His face, his chest, his balls,
脚上 墙上
his feet, on the walls.
都湿透了
Drenched him.
然后 最精彩的来了
But then, and this is the best bit.
发完疯后 哈利的脑子清醒了
In the frenzy of it all, Harry rationalized,
“天呐 我吐了这人一身
“Oh, god, I just puked on this guy,
他要揍我了”
He’s gonna punch me.”
所以他一拳打在拉屎男脸上
So he smacked him in the face!
简直妙不可言
Isn’t it beautiful?
更好笑的是
It was particularly good
他给我和波宝讲的时候 还不觉得
’cause when he first told me and Boo, he didn’t know…
“这事好笑吗”
“It was a funny story?”
这事再也没法讲得那么好笑了
It will never be heard like that again.
“这事很严肃”
“It was such a serious story.”
他很羞愧
And he was mortified.
波宝超爱厕所趣事
Boo loved poo stories.
而这趣事又是百年难得一见
So she couldn’t actually deal with the glory of this one.
那时候她震惊到目瞪口呆
She just stared open-mouthed,
因为太开心而无法动弹
paralyzed with joy, as he told it.
几周前的一天
A few weeks ago,
哈利以为我在睡觉
when Harry thought I was sleeping,