“Put your clothes back on.”
“没关系的 乔
“It’s okay, Joe.
我不会对你有看法的”
I’m not gonna judge you.”
“那个
“Yeah, uh…
我来这里是为了我的茶 亲爱的
I come here for my tea, darlin’.
顺便看你
And to see you.
发生在你朋友身上的事令人难过”
That was a sad thing that happened to your friend.”
“你真软弱”
“You’re weak.”
“是的 可能是吧 但是
“Yeah, that maybe true, but, uh…
我这就走”
I’m gonna go now.”
“哦 得了吧 乔 留下来
“Oh, come on, Joe, stay.
求你了
Please.
我差不多比你年轻了一半”
I’m nearly half your age.”
他停住了
He stops.
他把手从眼前放下 终于看着我了
He brings his hand down from his eyes and he finally looks at me.
“回家吧 亲爱的
“Go home, darlin’.
我很抱歉 但是
I’m sorry, but…
这不是我的风格”
this ain’t my bag.”
他从我面前经过 我抓住他的胳膊
I grab his arm as he walks past me.
他很瘦 皮肤松弛 被我抓住以后
He’s thin but baggy. His skin pinches
皮肤突然收紧 很恶心
in my grasp. It’s disgusting.
我在乔常坐的椅子上坐了一会
I sit on Joe’s chair for a bit.
这人好像有点不对劲
There’s something not right about that man.
希拉里又开始磨牙了
Hillary’s teeth are going again, crashing against each other.
噪音难以忍♥受
The noise is unbearable.
不停 不停地咯咯作响
It’s relentless, relentless chattering.
豚鼠在感到痛苦或者紧张的时候会磨牙
They do that when they’re in pain or distressed, or…
我受不了
I can’t listen to it.
把她从笼子中抱出来
I take her out of her hutch.
把她小小的身体抱在我赤♥裸♥的胸前
I hold her little body to my naked chest.
我能感觉到她的爪子
I can feel her claws.
感觉到她弯曲的骨骼
Her bones feel bent
她的呼吸很浅 但是她的牙齿还是在
and her breathing is shallow, but her teeth are going like…
我不行
I can’t…
我看着她毛茸茸的脸
I look into her face through her little punky bit.
我想象着用我的手指爆她菊花让她瞪眼
I imagine sticking my finger in to make her eyes pop out.
不 我在想什么 我居然在想这种事
No, I imagine that. I imagine doing that.
我的手从她的身上拿下来
And as my hand moves down her body, I…
我
I…
我最开始把她送给波宝的时候
When I first gave her to Boo,
她非常的小只
she was so tiny,
我把她放进廉价卡片商店买♥♥来的礼物盒里
I put her in this little gift box from a crappy card shop.
她就坐在小一团棉绒上
She just sat on this bit of cotton wool,
小小的眼睛观察着周围的一切
looking out through her tiny punky bit.
非常有意思
She was ridiculous.
这个过度兴奋的小毛球
This overexcited little fuzzball.
她坐在你的手里就像是
She just sit in your hand like…
波宝的脸
Boo’s face.
波宝打开礼物盒时的表情
Boo’s face when she opened that box.
她咧嘴笑 欣喜若狂
A huge grin spread over her whole body.
“这是一个
“Is this a…
这是一个 你是
Is this… Did you…
这是一只豚鼠吗 是吗
Is this a guinea pig? What?
你是买♥♥了一只 这是什么”
Did you get… What is this?”
“我不知道
“I don’t know.
某种可以疼爱的小东西吧”
Something to love?”
我开始哭泣
I’m crying.
我的手指紧紧握住她
My fingers are gripping her.
但是我不能
But I can’t…
我能感觉到她有多害怕
I can feel how scared she is.
她现在有多么痛苦
How much pain she’s in.
但是我不能
But I can’t…
我紧紧地握住她
I hold her to me tightly.
我握的更紧了
I hold her to me tighter.
握的更紧直到感觉到她的骨头裂开
I hold her to me tighter until I feel her bones crack against me
叫声停止了
and the chattering stop.
一片死寂
Everything is quiet.
她终于安全了
And she is safe.
好的 请离开
Okay, please leave.
什么 但是
What? But…
-你不懂 我需要这 -请离开
– But you don’t understand. I need this… – Please just leave.
-变♥态♥ -荡♥妇♥
– Perv. – Slut.
-请离开 -你 请离开
– Please leave. – You… please leave.
这是我的办公室
It’s my office.
那又怎么了
Yeah?
好吧
Okay.
等一下
Wait!
到底有什么好笑的
What made you laugh?
什么
What?
看到我的简历以后
On my CV.
你说它很有趣
You said it was funny.
你拥有唯一一家为豚鼠开的咖啡馆
Um, you owned the only cafe for guinea pigs.
是的 好吧 那不太对 好吧
Right, okay, that’s not strictly… Right, okay.
这就是你觉得好笑的地方吗
Yeah, but that made you laugh?
是的 我从来没想过豚鼠
Yes, I suppose. I never thought guinea pig…
-这是豚鼠主题的咖啡馆 -原来如此
– It was guinea pig-themed cafe. – Oh, right.
-对的 对的 -这才对劲嘛
– Yeah. Yeah. – That makes sense.
如果我写上我把咖啡馆开到破产
What if I wrote that I fucked that cafe into liquidation?
我的家庭一团糟呢
That I fucked up my family?
我害死了我的朋友因为我和她男友上♥床♥
That I fucked my friend by fucking her boyfriend?
除了做♥爱♥以外我感觉我不到我还活着
That I don’t feel alive unless I’m being fucked.
只有做♥爱♥才让我感觉我能控制自己的人生
I don’t feel in control unless I’m fucking
它让我觉得自己和这世界紧密相连
’cause fucking makes the world tighten around me.
从我在网上搜索黄♥片♥开始
And I’ve been watching people fuck
我就在看别人做♥爱♥
for as long as I’ve been able to search for it.
我也知道我的身体 目前来说
And I know that my body, as it is now,
是我唯一拥有的了
really is the only thing that I have.
等到这身体也慢慢年老色衰了
And when that gets old and unfuckable,
我大概就要自杀了
I may as well just kill it.
有的时候 我真的希望
And then, sometimes, I wish that
自己不知道还有做♥爱♥这回事
I didn’t even know that fucking existed
因为这样对我来说 也比发现
’cause, somehow, there isn’t anything worse
没人想要操♥我♥要强得多
than someone who doesn’t wanna fuck me.
我搞砸了一切
That I fucked everything.
但是这一次 这一次 我真的没有
But this time, this time, I really wasn’t… I genuinely…
好像每个人都这么觉得
Either everyone feels like this a little bit…
只是他们嘴上没说
and they’re just not talking about it.
要么就是我他妈真的是孤单一人
Or I am completely fucking alone.
这他妈一点都不有趣
Which isn’t fucking funny.
现在好像不太适合口吐芬芳
That really wasn’t appropriate.
对 是的
Right, yeah.
对不起
Sorry.
听着
Look.
三个月前 我在派对上揩了我同事的油
Three months ago, I touched a colleague’s breast at a party.
这不是第一次了
Not for the first time.
我花了一辈子建立起来的
It ruined the reputation of the business
良好的公♥司♥声誉毁于一旦
I’ve been doing my whole life
我的家人与我断绝联♥系♥
and has completely alienated me from my family.
你为什么要这么做
Why did you do it?
我犯了一个
It was a terrible…
错误
mistake.
-是人都会犯错 -是的 人人都会
– People make mistakes. – Yes, they do.
这就是铅笔末端的橡皮存在的原因
That’s why they put rubbers on the ends of pencils.
你在跟我开玩笑吗
Is that a joke?
我不知道
I don’t know.
我们重新面试一次吧
Shall we start this interview again?
好的
Okay.
感谢你今天的到来
Thanks for coming in.
很荣幸收到你的简历
Really appreciate you sending in your CV.
应该的
No problem.
它很有趣