职场心计文学梦（2020）

but it’s perfectly fine to wear trousers if you’re a woman,
夏天也不需要穿长筒袜。
and no need to wear stockings in the summer.
光腿就很好了。
Bare legs are perfectly fine.
如果杰瑞打电♥话♥来，你就说
And if Jerry calls, you just say:
“好的，杰瑞，我会告诉我老板的。”
“Yes, Jerry, I will let my boss know.”
杰瑞·塞林格吗？
Jerry Salinger?
当然是杰里·塞林格。
Well, of course, Jerry Salinger.
最重要的是，你永远，永远不要给他打电♥话♥。
And above all, you never, ever call him.
我为什么要给杰里·塞林格打电♥话♥？
Why would I call Jerry Salinger?
杰瑞不想听
Jerry doesn’t want to hear about
《麦田里的守望者》
how much you loved The Catcher in the Rye.
他也不想读你的故事。
And he doesn’t want to read your stories.
—我没有故事。—好。
– I don’t have stories. – Good.
作家是最差的助手。
Writers make the worst assistants.
开始工作。
Get to work.
业主特此授予
The proprietor hereby grants
出版商……
to the publisher…
……从本协议签订之日起生效
…starting from the date of this agreement.
经营者……
The proprietor…
我是休。你一定是乔安娜。
I’m Hugh. You must be Joanna.
是的，你好！很高兴认识你。
Yes, hi! Nice to meet you.
如果你需要什么，尽管找我。
If you need anything, I’m right here.
我负责合同，法律，版权，有趣的事。
I take care of contracts, legal, copyrights, the fun stuff.
塞林格的信件，粉丝来信。
Salinger’s letters, fan mail.
你需要用这些来回答。
You need to answer them using these.
每种类型的调查都有一个
There’s one for each type of inquiry:
应和、自传、
adaptation, autobiography,
签名，照片，面试……
autograph, photograph, interview…
名人拍卖♥♥。
celebrity auction.
“塞林格先生不希望收到读者的邮件。
“Mr. Salinger does not wish to receive mail from his readers.
因此，我们不能把您的好意转达给他。”
Thus we cannot pass your kind note on to him.”
1963年？
1963?
从那一年起，他不再亲自回复了。
That’s the year he stopped responding himself.
你需要在此基础上，逐字输入新的。
You need to type the new one based exactly on this, verbatim.
没有变化。
No change.
塞林格没收到他的信吗？
So, Salinger doesn’t get any of his mail?
一个都没有，你用碎纸机撕碎了。
Not one, you shred them in the shredder.
你应该经常阅读它们。
You should always read them.
是的，确实。
Yes, indeed.
—以防万一。—以防万一。
– Just in case. – Just in case.
以防什么？
In case of what?
马克·大卫·查普曼那件事之后我们就特别小心了。
We’ve been extra careful since the Marc David Chapman thing.
约翰列侬的刺客。
John Lennon’s assassin.
当警♥察♥到达达科塔时，
When the police arrived at the Dakota,
他们发现查普曼平静地坐在人行道上
they found Chapman calmly sitting on the sidewalk
《麦田里的守望者》
reading Catcher in the Rye.
在他的审判中，
At his trial,
查普曼说他很像霍尔顿·考尔菲德。
Chapman said that the big part of him was Holden Caulfield.
而他的小小一面……
And the small part of him was…
魔鬼。
the devil.
查普曼给塞林格写信了吗？
Did Chapman write to Salinger?
我们永远不会知道，因为我们会扔掉邮件。
We’ll never know, since we throw away the mail.
阅读一切彻底。
Read everything thoroughly.
使用你的判断。
Use your judgment.
我经常想起霍顿。
I think about Holden a lot.
当我第一次想起他的时候，
When I first think about him,
我会傻笑，你知道……
I get a stupid grin on my face, you know…
想着他是一个多么有趣的人。
thinking about what a funny guy he is and all.
但我通常会非常沮丧……
But then I usually get depressed as hell…
因为我只想到霍顿
’cause I only think about Holden
当我情绪激动的时候……
when I’m feeling very emotional, and…
我很容易激动。
I can get quite emotional.
“我会变得很情绪化。”
“I can get quite emotional.”
这个男孩很认真。
This boy is so earnest.
他就是个大输家。
A major loser is what he is.
嘿！他不是！
Hey! He is not!
他是。
He is.
他很甜。
He’s very sweet.
他有点搞笑，
He’s a little funny,
但他很贴心，也很在乎。
but he’s sweet and he cares so much.
我不能给他寄一封信，上面写着
I can’t send him a letter that says:
亲爱的孩子，塞林格先生对你没兴趣，
“Dear kid, Mr. Salinger has no interest in you,
所以请滚开！”
so please fuck off!”
看，这个来自荷兰
Look, this one is from the Netherlands:
我和我的妻子在纽约追踪霍顿的足迹。
“Me and my wife traced Holden’s steps around New York.
“你知道中♥央♥公园的鸭子
“Did you know that the ducks in Central Park
待过冬天吗？”
stay through winter?”
天啊，他们真是一群强迫症怪胎！
Oh my God, they’re literally a bunch of obsessive freaks!
我还没读过《麦田里的守望者》
I haven’t read Catcher in the Rye.
你在开玩笑吧。
You’re kidding.
我没读过塞林格的书。
I haven’t read any Salinger.
哇！
Wow!
每个人都或多或少读过吧。
Everybody’s read Catcher at the very least.
好吧，可能要让你失望的是，
Yeah, well, at the risk of disappointing you,
其实有一些作家我还没读过。
there are actually a few writers that I have yet to read.
嗯，我震惊了。
Well, I’m shocked.
听着，这个女孩已经准备好和他上♥床♥了。
Hey, look, this girl is ready to go to bed with him.
他70年。
He’s 70-something.
不要太天真！
Don’t be naive!
好的文学作品是一种强大的催情剂。
Good literature is a powerful aphrodisiac.
我从没有过青少年时期的塞林格时刻
I never had that teenage Salinger moment.
我们在学校时没有读过《麦田里的守望者》
We never read Catcher in the Rye at school,
后来我热衷于艰涩难懂的小说。
and later, I was interested in difficult, gritty fiction.
嘿，亲爱的！
Hey, honey!
珍妮现在不在。
Uh, Jenny’s not here right now.
哦！我在厨房♥。
Oh! I’ll be in the kitchen.
我想象着塞林格的书
I imagined Salinger’s books
是那种无法忍♥受的可爱，古怪和珍贵
to be insufferably cute, quirky and precious.
我没有想从中获得消遣，
I didn’t want to be entertained.
我想被激发。
I wanted to be provoked.
每天早上！
Every morning!
我背了那么多手稿，肩膀都疼了。
My shoulder hurts from carrying all those manuscripts.
—嘿，乔安娜！—你好！
– Hey, Joanna! – Hi!
哦！我从烂泥堆里给马克斯找了个作家。
Oh! I found a writer for Max out of the slush pile.
这些故事太好了。
The stories are so good.
我昨晚看的，看完我都哭了。
I read them last night, and I was sobbing by the end.
什么是烂泥堆？
What’s the slush pile?
泥堆吗？
The slush pile?
好吧，这是最神奇的
OK, it’s like the most amazing
也是我们工作中最可怕的部分。
and most horrible part of our job.
没人想读的一堆堆手稿。
The stacks of manuscripts nobody wants to read.
基本上，就是那些不请自来的询问信，
Basically, it’s all the unsolicited query letters,
没有推荐的人会写信给冰冷的探员。
people with no referral who write to agents cold.
那堆烂泥简直是百分之九十九的疯狂，
The slush pile is, like, 99% crazy shit,
虽然有些情节非常搞笑。
though some of it is seriously hilarious.
但偶尔，你会发现一些惊人的东西。
But very, very occasionally, you find something amazing.
你的老板不让你读书？
Your boss doesn’t let you read?
我可以读手稿，
I can read manuscripts,
这是你感兴趣的事吗，
should that be something that interests you,
当然，在我的空闲时间在家！
at home on my free time, of course!
手稿吗？
Manuscripts?
不。
No.
标签，错了。
Tabs, wrong.
边距，是错误的。
Margins, wrong.
文档名称，是错误的。
Profi names, wrong.
真的，一切都错了。
Really, everything wrong.
你今天就可以开始重新打字了。
You can start re-typing today.
这里，作为奖励，是今天的听写。
And here, as a bonus, is today’s dictation.
那
That…
忘记手稿。
Forget about manuscripts.
你需要做对。