我的婚内情事（2022）

爱把我带到了一个深藏之处
Love had brought me to a deep hidden place
在那里我发现了如此多的愤怒、怨恨和暴♥力♥
where I found so much anger, resentment and violence
我或许会发动一千场战争
I could start a thousand wars.
必须停下
It had to stop.
我发誓我再也不会去爱了
I vowed that I would never love again.
你一个人是做不到的
You will never make it alone.
独自一人
Alone!
没有我 你就是一个没有馅的饺子
Without me you are a dumpling without a filling.
没有馅
No filling!
25岁
Age 25
我得想出C计划
I have to come up with plan C.
第三部分 – 重新考虑
Part three – RECONSIDERATION
【波 8岁】波的父母前一天晚上开了个聚会
Bo: Age 8 – Bo’s parents had a party the night before
在上班之前没有时间清扫
and didn’t have time to clean up before leaving for work,
因此 公♥寓♥乱糟糟的
so the apartment was a mess.
通常 波和他的妹妹被禁止进入他们父母的卧室
Usually Bo and his sister were barred from entering their parent’s bedroom,
就好像这是一个避难所 只有成年人才能进入
as if it was a sanctuary, where only adults were permitted.
现在 卧室的门半开着
Now the door to the room was half open.
他想起母亲参加聚会时穿的那件裙子
He remembered the dress his mother wore to the party
就迫不及待地想看看
and had an urge to look at it.
这并不适合他 但就是想穿
Nothing fit, but with a gnawing feeling
那是如此惬意 如此美好
that this was so right and so good,
波转到墙上的镜子前
Bo turned to the wall mirror.
当他看到自己镜中影像的那一刻
The moment he saw his own reflection,
他感到完整 与世界融为了一体
he felt complete and at one with the world.
还是胎儿的时候 波经历了…
As a fetus Bo experienced fluctuating levels
性激素水平
of estrogen,
睾丸激素水平
testosterone,
和其它激素水平的波动
and other hormones.
这对他的大脑产生了影响
This left an impact on his brain.
28岁
Age 28
(拉脱维亚 里加)
人们总是喜欢知道恋人是如何相遇的
People always like to know how lovers met
他们是如何坠入爱河的
and how they fell in love.
似乎这能给他们一张自己命运的地图
As if it could give them a map to their own fate.
苏联迅速垮台
The Soviet Union went down swiftly,
(拉脱维亚 里加)
给我们所有人蒙上了一层灰尘
covering us all with dust.
经济崩溃了
The economy collapsed,
然后又崩溃了
then it collapsed again
当你认为不可能更糟的时候
and when you thought it couldn’t get worse,
经济再次崩溃了
it collapsed again.
只有少数人知道如何与其他处于有利地位的人谈判
Only a few men knew how to negotiate with other well-positioned men
以在这个世界上谋生
to make a living in this world
公共财产被关系最密切
where public property was appropriated
行动最迅速的人在暗中侵占
in the shadows by the most connected and quick.
新贵们出现了 挑衅地炫耀着他们的财富
The new rich showed up, defiantly flashing their wealth,
让诚实的工作看起来像是一件愚蠢的差事
making honest work seem like a fool’s errand.
在苏联 妇女被认为是劳动力的一部分
In the Soviet Union women were considered part of the workforce.
现在我们被视为一种商品
Now we were looked on as a commodity.
当然 你必须穿着得体才能得到服务报酬
And of course, you had to dress a certain way to be paid for your services.
聪明的女人看起来柔弱
A smart woman looks weak
好像她不能谋生
Like she can’t make a living.
聪明的女人谦恭
A wise woman is meek
靠男人维持生计
And thrives on a man’s giving.
啊哈
Aaaaah – Aaaaah
聪明
Smart
柔弱
Weak
智慧
Wise
谦恭
Meek
(周一 周二 周三 周四 周五 周六 周日)
我没有男人 新贵也不了解我的工作
I didn’t have a man and the new rich didn’t understand my work,
(周一 周二 周三 周四 周五 周六 周日)
所以我只能勉强维持生计
so I barely made a living.
我有一种不祥的预感
I had a sinking feeling that my life
我的生活正在变成一种缓慢的死亡
was turning into a slow death.
喂
Hello?
找你的
This is for you.
哪位?
Yes?
我好想你
I miss you so much!
一个有钱的赞助人一直买♥♥我的作品
A rich patron keeps buying my work.
我钱花不完
I can’t spend all the money.
请回来吧
Please come back.
你不会后悔的
You won’t be sorry.
钱可以解决我的很多问题
Money could solve a lot of my problems,
但它能改变我的本质吗?
but could it change the essence of me?
泽尔玛
Zelma
你不是一个长相不好的女人
you are not a bad looking woman.
如果你修修眉毛
If you plucked your eyebrows
穿上短裙
and wore short skirts
你就能找到一个有钱人
you’d be able to get a rich guy
他会照顾你的
who would take care of you.
嗯嗯
Uh-uh.
我把你的名字写在去丹麦参加
I put your name down for a trip to Denmark
艺术开幕式的名单上了 你会去吗?
for an arts opening. Will you go?
这是我第一次去西方旅行 我穿上了最好的衣服
This was to be my first trip to the West. I put my best clothes on.
丹麦 维堡
我不敢碰托盘上的食物
I was afraid to touch the food on the trays.
太陌生了
It was so unfamiliar.
我第一次注意到我的族人的皮肤有一种绿灰色的色调
For the first time I noticed that the skin of my people had a greenish gray tint.
是因为我们家乡的食物
Was it because our food back home
特别缺乏营养吗
was particularly deprived of nutrition?
然后我注意到我的衣服是多么不合适
Then I noticed how ill-fitting my clothes were.
由于担心西方的完美人士
Fearing that the perfect people of the West
会发现我的其他缺点 我就躲到了一边
would discover my other flaws, I stepped aside.
这幅画不错
It was nice work –
既乖张又天真
perverse and innocent at the same time.
这一刻 后来我一遍又一遍地重新审视
This was the moment that later I kept reexamining over and over and over,
仿佛是含有解药的毒药
as if it were the poison that also contained its antidote.
这个人我一点也不熟悉
There was nothing familiar about this man.
他可能是个外星人
He might as well have been an alien.
我感觉到有人对我的敌意
I sensed a hostility towards me.
我不喜欢他
I didn’t like him.
你会说英语吗?
Do you speak English?
说起我学英语的能力
Now, about my abilities to learn English.
以下是我的英语老师说的
Here’s what my English teachers had to say.
不会语法
No grammar!
不会发音
No pronunciation!
不会理解
No comprehension!
你永远不会说英语
You will never speak English!
这些话没那么鼓舞人心
That was not very motivating,
所以我决定在睡梦中学习英语
so I decided to learn English in my sleep.
英语…
English…
会一点儿
mini.
我的…名字…叫…波
My… name… is… Bo.
我…是…瑞典人
I am… from… Sweden.
这是…我的作品
This… is my work.
哦 他很有才华
Oh, he was very talented.
泽尔玛
Zelma.
离他做工完美的衣服这么近
Being so close to his perfectly made clothes
让我为自己是东方人而感到羞耻
made me ashamed to be from the East.
他一定是看不起我的破鞋子
He must have despised my falling apart shoes,
接缝歪歪扭扭的自♥制♥裙子
self-made skirts with crooked seams
还有我又大又不像女人的脚
and my big, unwomanly feet.
你…愿意…
Would… you… like to…
跳舞吗?
dance?
但是他很友善地邀请我和他跳舞
But he was kind to ask me to dance with him.
这给了我一个机会来证明我还擅长某件事
It gave me a chance to show that I was good at something.
因为我不太会说英语
Since I didn’t speak much English
接吻就成了另一种交谈方式
kissing was another way of having a conversation.
感觉…很有趣
It felt… interesting.
我能品尝到我们的文化差异
I could taste our cultural differences.
因为我不喜欢他 我觉得自己可以掌控一切