我的婚内情事（2022）

This kept Sergei under never-ending anxiety.
进入谢尔盖的消化系统几分钟后
A few minutes after entering Sergei’s digestive system
酒精的精神活性分子充斥了谢尔盖的大脑
the psychoactive molecules of alcohol flood Sergei’s brain
并附着在他的GABA-A受体上
and attach themselves to his GABA-A receptors.
这阻碍了他过度刺♥激♥的杏仁核之间的交流
This hinders communication between his overstimulated amygdala
他的前额叶皮质让他第一次感到安全
and his prefrontal cortex making him feel safe for the first time.
酒精还会刺♥激♥谢尔盖大脑奖励通路中
The alcohol also triggers the release of endorphins
内啡肽的释放
in the rewards pathway of Sergei’s brain.
它使谢尔盖体验到喜悦
It causes Sergei to experience bliss.
酒精分子的作用改变了谢尔盖的神经通路
The actions of the alcohol molecules alter Sergei’s neural pathways.
谢尔盖已经学会了如何走出痛苦
Sergei has learned how to step out of his suffering.
【谢尔盖 19岁】
Sergei: Age 19
大学宿舍有22层楼高
The University dormitory was 22 stories high
容纳了大约4000名学生
and hosted approximately four thousand students
其中大多数是男性
the majority of them MEN.
【19岁】我可以展示我的舞姿
I could try out my moves! Age 19
被关注的感觉很好
The attention felt good.
太多选择了
So many choices!
但这也很可怕
But it was also scary.
男人身上有一种非常阴暗的东西
There was something very dark about men.
就像饿狼一样 男人能够撕裂他们所爱的东西
Just like hungry wolves, men were capable of tearing apart the things they loved.
他们把我的微笑视为一种公开的邀请 可以为所欲为
They took my smile as an open invitation to take anything they wanted.
为了自我保护 我不得不扮高冷 难以接近
For self-protection I had to look cool and inaccessible.
为了出人头地 你需要建立一个基础
To get ahead you need to build a base,
所以在我们生活的某个时刻
so at some point in our lives
我们必须与同性结成联盟
we have to form alliances with the same sex.
和达娅在一起就很轻松 –
This was easy with Darya –
我们并不为同样的事情竞争
we didn’t compete for the same things.
我喜欢你的头发
I love your hair.
就像手指滑过闪闪发光的纯金线
It’s like sliding my fingers down glowing threads of pure gold.
辐射使我的手充满了光
The radiation saturates my hand with light.
哦 但是我确信我的头发又油腻又稀疏
Oh, but I am sure my hair is greasy and thin.
你想借一本被禁的帕斯捷尔纳克诗集吗
(帕斯捷尔纳克(1♥8♥9♥0-1960), 俄♥国♥诗歌♥巨匠)
Would you like to borrow a book of banned Pasternak poems?
好的
Sure.
你今天吃饭了吗?
Have you eaten today?
我吃了一些荞麦粥和奶酪
I have some buckwheat porridge with cheese.
我不想吃东西
I don’t want food –
它会毁了我的快♥感♥
it will kill my high.
我的朋友达娅 空闲时间都在喝酒吸毒
My friend Darya spent her free time drinking and doing drugs.
她喜欢男孩子气的男人 就像未完成的作业
She liked men who were boyish, like unfinished homework.
她想引导他们进入毒品的精神层面
She wanted to initiate them into the spiritual side of narcotics.
上帝在你的头发中
God is in your hair.
服用小剂量的迷幻药
Taking a small dose of LSD
降低了达娅整个默认模式网络的
lowered the blood flow and electric activity
血流量和电活动
throughout Darya’s default mode network,
正是这个模式网络形成了达娅的自我意识
which forms Darya’s sense of Self.
这导致达娅经历了自我的解体
This causes Darya to experience the dissolution of Self.
她敏锐地意识到她 达娅 此时此刻
She is keenly aware that she, Darya, is at the same time
就是泽尔玛头发的金色光芒
the golden glow of Zelma’s hair.
达娅的前额叶皮质把这解释为一种神秘的体验
Darya’s prefrontal cortex interprets this as a mystic experience.
20岁
Age 20
这就像一种直觉
It was like a hunch –
走右边
go to the right.
所以我向右走
So I went to the right.
左转
Turn left.
所以我左转
So I turned left.
打开这扇门
Open this door.
我就打开了那扇门
I opened that door.
谢尔盖做到了
Sergei made it.
谢尔盖是谁?
Who is Sergei?
就是派对上最受欢迎的家伙
You know, the most popular guy at the parties.
他有时画画
He draws sometimes.
他很有天赋
He’s very talented.
如果你想见他的话 他就在那边
He is over there, if you want to meet him.
就在那一瞬间 我明白了自己为什么会在那里
That very moment I knew why I was there.
你
You.
是你
It’s you.
那气味
That smell.
让我心神不宁
It blows my mind.
谢尔盖的气味是由分子组成的 这些分子含有
Sergei’s odor is made up of molecules that contain information
他免疫系统中称为”主要组织相容性复合体”的…
about the genes of his immune system called
基因的信息
the Major Histocompatibility Complex.
作为一个女人 泽尔玛的嗅觉细胞比谢尔盖多50%
As a woman Zelma has fifty percent more olfactory cells than Sergei
最重要的是 当泽尔玛在排卵期的时候
On top of that, when Zelma is ovulating
她的嗅觉会敏锐到极点
her sense of smell is heightened to the point
让她可以嗅到男人的气味
that she can detect the scent of men whose
他的主要组织相容性复合体和她自己的不一样
Major Histocompatibility Complex is different from her own
表明有更大的可能性生出健康的后代
indicating a greater possibility for healthy offspring.
谢尔盖的主要组织相容性复合体
Sergei’s Major Histocompatibility Complex
像手套一样适合她
fits hers like a glove.
你笑起来很好看
You have a nice smile.
他就是我自己的身体和灵魂 只是披着陌生人的外衣
He was my own body and soul under the cloak of a stranger.
现在伪装消失了 我可以看得很清楚
Now that the guises were off I could see clearly –
我们曾经一体
we were one.
我感觉不到自己身体的极限
I didn’t feel the limits of my own body,
因为我感觉不到他身体的极限
as I didn’t feel the limits of his body
我们合一就在无尽的世界里没有任何极限
and together we didn’t have any limits with the endless world.
过去就像被啃过的苹果一样枯萎了
The past had shriveled up like an eaten apple
未来在我们面前展开
and the future expanded in front of us
就像一个充满无限可能的星系
like a galaxy of infinite possibilities.
这样的爱情永远不会消失
Love like this never dies.
这样的爱情会硬化成一颗钻石
Love like this hardens into a diamond
一百万年后才会被发现
to be discovered a million years from now.
我们同呼吸
We breathed as one.
我们同心跳
Our hearts beat as one.
你是我的 只属于我
You are mine and only mine.
从现在起 我永远不会孤单
Now I will never be alone.
拜托 别睡
Please, don’t fall asleep.
睡眠会把我们分开
Sleep will separate us.
我希望你和我在一起 每时每刻
I want you to be with me at all times.
他爱我
He loved me.
遇见你之前 我并不存在
I did not exist before I met you.
我的灵魂空荡荡的
My soul was empty.
你让我充满了目标
You fill me with purpose.
这感觉很好
It feels good.
事实上 你是如此优秀
In fact, you are so good
相比于我之前的那些男人?
that all those men before me?
我原谅你
I forgive you.
但是…
But…
不管你做什么
No matter what you do,
我会永远爱你
I will always love you.
我永远不会让你离开
I will never let you go.
你愿意嫁给我吗
Will you marry me?
愿意
Yes!
愿意
Yes!
愿意
Yes!
我已经为他做了17次饭
I had cooked for him 17 times by now
洗了三次袜子
and washed his socks three times.
我想让他问我这个问题
I wanted him to ask me this question
我又害怕这个问题
and I was afraid of it.
但我没时间理清我的感受
But I didn’t have time to sort out my feelings.
当你要求一个男人给你时间考虑的时候 这是行不通的
It doesn’t work when you ask a man for time to think it over.
愿意
Yes!
你用我妈妈的食谱 味道就会好多了
It’s so much better when you use my mom’s recipe.
他喜欢我做的饭
He liked my cooking!
我将永远在你身边
I will always be there for you.
永远
Always.
泽尔玛爱上谢尔盖的那一刻
The moment Zelma fell in love with Sergei,
她的神经元开始释放三种神经递质
her neurons started to release three neurotransmitters:
去甲肾上腺素
norepinephrine,