我的婚内情事（2022）

还要保持你的房♥间整洁
And keep your room in order!
混乱就是死亡
Mess is death.
秩序就是生命
Order is life.
做个好妻子
Become a good wife.
我该怎么处理这些血
What do I do with this blood?
你为结婚而流血
You bleed to be married!
28天前 脑下垂体
Twenty eight days ago, the pituitary gland
释放了一种促卵泡激素
released a follicle- stimulating hormone.
与雌激素一起 它开始了如下过程
Together with estrogen it started the process
让泽尔玛的卵巢准备卵子
of Zelma’s ovaries preparing an egg
并使子♥宫♥内膜增厚
and thickening the lining of her uterus to provide
为可能的胎儿提供营养
nutrients for a possible fetus.
第十四天 一个卵子从她的卵巢中释放出来
On day fourteen an egg was released from her ovary
用于排卵、受精和怀孕
for ovulation, fertilization and pregnancy.
因为泽尔玛没有性♥交♥
Since Zelma didn’t have sexual intercourse,
没有精♥子♥使卵子受精
no sperm fertilized the egg
子♥宫♥内膜不再被需要 只能被排出(体外)
the uterus lining was not needed and is now discharged
这导致她的子♥宫♥第一次出血
causing her uterus to bleed for the first time.
14岁
Age 14
嘿 你
Hey you!
把你的钱给我
Give me your money.
我不想露怯
I was not going to show my fear
不就是一个胖仔拿着一把生锈小刀吗
to a corpulent teenager with a rusty pocket knife.
我考虑过我的选择
I considered my options.
我可以争斗 或许会输
I could fight and lose.
或者我可以逃跑 保留住我的两卢布
Or I could run and save my two Rubles.
但是逃跑太男人化了
But running would be too manly.
女人的做法就是恳求怜悯
The womanly thing was to plead for mercy.
我撒了谎 像个好女人一样
I lied like a good woman.
我没钱
I don’t have any money.
我不信
I don’t believe you.
让我看看你的背包
Show me your backpack.
我真没钱
But I don’t have any money.
他只会威胁别人 不会伤害别人
He only knew how to threaten not how to cut people.
以你的Communist荣誉发誓
Swear to your Communist Honor.
我曾向Communist Youth organization宣过誓
I had sworn to the Communist Youth organization
要永远诚实
to be honest at all times.
但与被抢劫的耻辱相比
But Communist Honor didn’t mean a thing to me
Communist荣誉对我来说并不重要
compared to the shame of being robbed.
我以我的Communist荣誉发誓
I swear to my Communist Honor.
好吧
Okay.
你可以走了
Off you go.
当我离开的时候
As I started to walk away
我回头看了看他身后蜷缩着的一群小男孩
I looked back at the pack of small boys cowering behind him
就像一群服从主人的小狗
like a pack of small dogs submissive to their owner.
我的灵魂伴侣比他的年龄小 有点矮
My Soul Mate was short for his age, a bit of a runt.
也许是因为他在课间休息的时候 每天在男厕所抽两包烟
Maybe because he smoked two packs a day in the boys’ room during class breaks.
我不指望在公园里有人抢劫我时 他会挺身而出
I didn’t expect him to defend me or voice objections to robbing me in the park.
没理由让人为我挺身而出 尤其是一个男孩
There was no reason why anyone would stand up for me, especially a boy
虽然他不知道自己是我未来的丈夫
who didn’t know he was my future husband.
但在那一刻 我突然意识到我错了
But in that moment, I suddenly saw that I had been mistaken.
这不是我的灵魂伴侣
This was not my Soul Mate.
我学做饭 不是为一个在公园抢劫女孩的男孩
I was not learning to cook for this boy who was robbing girls in a park.
我的灵魂比他更好
My soul was better than that.
我要保持我的纯洁
I was going to save my purity
留给我真正的灵魂伴侣
for my true Soul Mate.
为了你的男人 你必须优秀
You have to look great for your man!
这就是交易
That’s the deal!
练就你的性魅力
Exercise your sex appeal!
为了你的男人 你必须优秀
You have to look great for your man!
这就是交易
That’s the deal!
练就你的性魅力
Exercise your sex appeal!
我想被人追
I wanted to be desired.
15岁
Age 15
你真是太美了
You are so exquisitely beautiful
太神秘了
and so mysterious
就像蒙娜丽莎
Like Mona Lisa.
终于有人看到我很特别
Finally someone saw that I was special!
但我无法打破魔咒
But I couldn’t break the spell.
蒙娜丽莎不会动
Mona Lisa doesn’t move
她只会微笑
she only smiles.
那个男人称赞泽尔玛是有原因的
There was a reason why the man gave Zelma the compliment.
泽尔玛的卵巢分泌雌激素已经一年多了
Zelma’s ovaries have been producing estrogen for over a year now.
再加上钙 维生素D 其他矿物质和激素
Together with calcium, vitamin D, other minerals and hormones,
雌激素一直促进泽尔玛的骨骼发育
estrogen has been working to build Zelma’s bones.
这种生殖激素水平的提高也使得泽尔玛的嘴唇更加丰满
Increased levels of this reproductive hormone also make Zelma’s lips fuller
她脸颊上的皮肤更加柔软和红润
and the skin on her cheeks softer and redder.
它向潜在的伴侣发出信♥号♥♥ 暗示她可以生育
It sends cues to potential mates that she is fertile
并能够繁衍后代
and able to carry offspring.
【16岁】我在当地一家迪斯科舞厅对高中生
I tried my newly-learned woman’s powers
【16岁】尝试了我新学到的女人超能力
on high school seniors at a local discotheque. Age 16
跳完三支舞后 他们总是想到附近的公园呼吸新鲜空气
After three dances, they always wanted to get fresh air in a nearby park
在公园里 他们会试图把新鲜空气从我的肺里吸出来
where they would attempt to suck it out of my lungs.
接吻让我觉得自己很强大
Kissing made me feel powerful.
他们的欲望让我觉得一切尽在掌握
Their desire made me feel in control.
但他们让人为难的急不可待…
But their unforgiving urgency…
求你了 不要
Please, don’t.
我不能
I can’t.
我不想
I won’t.
那好吧
Okay then.
我们回去吧
Let’s go back.
让我感到无能为力
Made me feel powerless.
随着青春期的到来 泽尔玛的前额叶皮层
With puberty Zelma’s prefrontal cortex,
即大脑中控制冲动和情绪的部分
the part of the brain that controls impulses and emotions,
开始生长新的突触 导致她的大脑
started to grow new synapses causing her brain
进行重大的神经重构
to undergo major neural restructuring.
与此同时 她的伏隔核（又名:阿肯伯氏核）
At the same time her nucleus accumbens,
即奖励回路的关键参与者 变得异常活跃
the key player of the rewards circuit, became hyperactive.
这使得泽尔玛很容易对她平常的环境感到厌烦
It made Zelma easily bored with her usual surroundings
并激励她去寻找新的令人兴奋的体验
and motivated her to look for new exciting experiences.
此刻 她尚未发育完全的脑前额叶皮层
At this moment her underdeveloped prefrontal cortex
本应能够控制住她投入未知世界的冲动
which should control her urges to plunge into the unknown,
但却被伏隔核的要求完全压制了
is overwhelmed by the demands of the nucleus accumbens.
因此 泽尔玛更倾向于冒险行为
As a result, Zelma is prone to risky behavior.
我一直有种不适应的紧迫感
I had been having an urgent case of feeling out-of-place,
所以我坐了一夜火车去另一个城镇 但是那个镇上的人…
so I took an overnight train to another town. But the people of that town,
在我过去回家时 是如此充满色彩和个性
so full of color and character when I was back home,
而当我到达时 他们却变得莫名的灰暗和平凡
upon my arrival became inexplicably gray and ordinary.
因此 怀着寻找当地特色的希望
So in the hope of finding local flavor,
我去了一家美术馆
I went to an art gallery.
【17岁】
Age 17
那么 你觉得怎么样?
So, what’d you think?
他成熟而沉稳
He was old and composed.
我受宠若惊 一个那个年龄的陌生人想听听我对艺术的看法
I was flattered that a stranger of that age wanted my opinion on art.
但最有可能的是 他是在做科研
But most likely he was doing scientific research
研究新一代是怎样的不成熟和无知
on how immature and ignorant the new generation was.
我决定接受他的测试
I decided to take his test
让他大吃一惊
and surprise him.
我喜欢这些颜色 但这些人物有点太抽象了
I like the colors, but the figures are a little too abstract.
如果能在裸体中看到更多的性感 那就太好了
It would be good to see more sensuality in the nudes.
性感? 嗯哼
Sensuality? Hmm.
你的观察很中肯
Your observations are right on the mark.
其中一幅画赢得了布拉格双年展大奖
One of these paintings won a Grand Prix at Prague Biennale.
你知道是哪一幅吗?
Can you tell which one?
这一幅非常不错
This one is pretty good.
你真的很有眼光
You really have a great eye.
你是艺术家吗?
Are you an artist?
不是
No.
我是 这些都是我的画
I am. These are my paintings.
这老头是个艺术家
The old man was an artist!