外星人报到（1999）

蒂姆
Tim!
怎么了
Now what?
谢天谢地 我有证人了
Thank God, an eyewitness.
证人 不行
Eyewitness? Negative.
你不能告诉任何人 – 别紧张 老兄
You must tell no one. – No offense,
你的太空船可是停在 我家客厅呀
but your ship is double-parked in my living room.
你的出现肯定是人类 发展史上最轰动的新闻
You’re the biggest story in the history of mankind!
宇宙里确实存在 其他智慧生物
There is intelligent life out there in the universe!
我想你不应该算是智慧生物吧
I hope you’re not including yourself in that statement!
蒂姆 很抱歉这么早吵醒你
Tim, listen, I’m sorry to bother you so early in the morning,
我拿了你的信 我想
but I got a hold of your mail, and I wanted–
布朗夫人 麻烦你
Could you just– please,
进来看一看 快进来
come here. Take a look at that!
蒂姆 你真该请个人来打扫一下
Tim, you definitely need a maid!
你好
Oh, hello!
你好
Greetings.
不好意思 你还穿着 睡衣
Oh, I’m sorry to catch you in your… pajamas.
睡衣
Pajamas?
太空船呢
Where’s the spaceship?
太空船
Spaceship?
在这里
Right here.
要捐出来义卖♥♥的
Oh, for the rummage sale!
有没有附带玩偶
Does it come with an action figure?
我就是
You’re looking at him.
我们好象还没见过面 你好
Oh. I don’t believe we’ve met.
不 别碰他
No, don’t touch him!
他是火星人 – 怎么回事
He’s a Martian. – Tim, what’s going on?
什么 他叫马丁 – 是的 我叫马丁
I beg your– Mart– Martin? – Yes. Martin. –
不 不 不
No, no, no, no!
他是 – 马丁 叔叔
He’s a– uh– – Uncle! Martin.
很高兴见到你
Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you.
他能隐形 他的衣服还会说话
He turns invisible, okay? His suit talks– he’s got a talking suit.
他的头顶还会冒出天线来
He’s got these things that pop out of his head– You just–
快让她看 来吧 伸出你的中指
Show her. Go ahead. Come on, give her the finger.
蒂姆
Tim!
我不是那个意思 我也不知道我在说什么
No, I didn’t mean that. I don’t know what I mean.
算了吧
Forget it.
原谅他吧 布朗夫人
You’ll have to forgive Tim, Mrs. Brown.
他刚刚失业精神就要崩溃了
He lost his job last night, and he’s experiencing a nervous breakdown.
可怜的人 他还付得起房♥租吧
Oh, poor dear. I hope it doesn’t affect the rent.
别担心 我会照顾他的
Don’t worry, I’m here to look after him.
他能有你这样的好叔叔 真是幸运
He’s very lucky to have an uncle like you in his life, Martin.
而你就象我无底黑洞中 一颗闪亮的明星
And you, Mrs. Brown, are like a brilliant quasar in the black hole of my day.
叫我萝丽
Oh! Call me Lorelei.
萝丽 听上去就象
Lorelei. The sound of pure mountain spring water
地心涌出的清泉
from the center of the Earth.
天哪
Oh, my.
太不好意思了 我向你道歉
I obviously misconstrued a custom. I apologize.
我来自
I’m from…
纽约
New York.
没事 没关系的
No, actually, it’s– It’s fine.
这样很好
It’s perfect.
天哪
Oh, brother.
马丁
Oh, Martin?
怎么了 萝丽
Yes, Lorelei?
我先生几年前去世了
Um, Mr. Brown… passed away several years ago.
我想你可能知道我的意思
I thought you might like to know that.
再见
Au revoir.
下一次握握手就可以了
Just for the record, a handshake will do for me.
你以为我喜欢舔女人的手吗
You think that I actually enjoyed tasting that female’s exoskeleton?
这是我参考资料库后 找到的最不会让人怀疑的方法
I merely used my data on your primitive species to determine the optimum way to avoid suspicion.
那请你找一下回家的路
Yeah, but what’s the optimum way to get home?
讨厌 我不知道 祖特
Blotz! I don’t know, Zoot.
我不知道在这个野蛮的星球上
Where on this barbaric swamp of a planet
到哪里去找电子加速器
can we find the makings of an electron accelerator?
或许你的新女朋友会有
Maybe your new girlfriend has one.
这太可笑了
Oh, that’s very funny.
很抱歉 两位
Excuse me. Fellas,
我不是有意打岔
I don’t mean to interrupt, but…
只是我觉得我或许 可以找到电子加速器
I- I, you know, I think I might be able to help you find that electron thing.
我们惨了
We’re toast.
我真不敢相信
I don’t believe this.
你能用这些破烂 修好你的太空船
You really think you can repair your ship with all this junk?
所有这些东西都可能是
Everything has been carefully chosen
电子加速器的组成原料
for its potential to fashion a crude vortex electron accelerator.
这个拣粪勺除外
Except for this. A pooper scooper.
我搞不懂它的用途 不过它很有趣
I have no idea what it does, but it’s fascinating.
请问
Excuse me.
核能内爆联结器在哪
Where are your nuclear implosion couplers?
用来浇花吗
For a garden hose?
我觉得我无法离开 这个星球了
I’m never going to get off this infernal planet.
全都是笨蛋
The I.Q. of a pancake.
没错 人类是宇宙中 最低能的生物
You’re right. Humans are truly the amoebas of the universe!
跟衣服讲话的人更低能
Yeah, this from a guy who talks to his tin foil suit.
你打我♥干♥嘛
Hey, what was that for?
不是我 是祖特
It wasn’t me, it was Zoot.
等我一会儿 听我说
Come here a sec. Listen,
你才到地球没有多长时间 这里并没有那么糟糕
you’ve been on Earth, what, all of ten minutes? It’s not so bad here.
尼涅特也这么说 – 谁
That’s what Neenurt said. – Who?
就是他 火星最聪明的科学家之一
Exactly. One of my planet’s most gifted scientists,
他不见了 了无踪影
and now he’s gone without a trace.
他196♥4♥年来到地球
He arrived on Earth in 196♥4♥,
我想可能是被你们的政♥府♥抓走了
and, I presume, was abducted by your government.
想到他受到的折磨 我就胆战心惊
I shudder to think what they did to him in the name of science.
你们在笑什么
What are they laughing at?
你好 太空人
Hey, space man!
我被发现了
I’ve been discovered!
对不起
Sorry about that.
天啊 – 怎么回事
Oh, my– – What happened?
他们什么都不知道 只是笑你这身打扮
They don’t know anything. They were just making fun of your–
笑我 我在火星上可是最时髦的
Making fun. I’m one of the best-dressed beings on my planet.
很象猫王嘛
Yo, Elvis! Nice suit.
抱歉 我真不想这么说 但别忘了你是在地球上
Well, Dorothy, I hate to tell you this, but you’re not in Kansas anymore.
好啊 我刚一转身
That’s great. The minute I turn my back,
你就变心了
you’re getting into someone else’s pants!
我必须融入人群
I need to blend in,
你也太显眼了吧
and you stand out like a putt stick at a blackbell convention.
你继续说啊 我早就知道
I should have known by the way
你一见到T恤就会流口水
you’ve been gawking at every T-shirt and sweat pant we pass.
别跟我来这套
Don’t come apart at the seams!
为什么我总是到最后才知道
Why is Zoot always the last to know?
好了 好了 好了
All right, all right, all right!
火星人实录 1
Martian footage, take one.
祖特 我也不好受啊
Zoot, this is tearing me apart too.
我知道我不再年轻了
I know I’m not what I used to be.
皱纹什么的都有了
I mean, a stretch mark here, a line stain there.
变♥态♥
Pervert!
嘿
Hey!
变♥态♥
Pervert!
美女老是被骚扰
It’s not safe for a woman around here!
我这样打扮怎么样
I’m ready to blend in now.
很好嘛
Outstanding.
你看上去很可笑
Martin, that outfit looks ridic–
很时髦嘛
Stylin’, bro!
谢谢
Thanks, bro.
太酷了
Real cool.
我是横跨两个星球的酷哥
I’ve got the touch on two planets.
我太落伍了
I gotta get out more.
祖特怎么样
How did your Zoot take the–
他智商很高 能理解我
Zoot, he’s highly intelligent. He understands.