外星人报到（1999）

妈的 要脸你就给我出来
Come on! Show your face… if you have one.
跑哪去了
Where– Where’d he go?
蛋糕里加了什么
What the heck was in those brownies?
面对原始生物
When dealing with primitive life-forms,
有时必须使用原始手段
sometimes one must resort to primitive acts.
祖特 你在哪
Are you okay, Zoot?
我还想知道你跑哪去了
If you don’t mind my asking, where were you?
这小子想杀我
This alien was trying to kill me!
别你妈哭哭啼啼的
Don’t be such a wet blanket.
慢着 别把我老妈扯进来
Wait a minute. Leave my mother out of this!
你害我流落在这个可怕的
It’s your fault we ended up on this no-good,
过度氧化的星球
carbon-based, over-oxygenated, miserable excuse of a–
蒂姆
Tim?
又来一个
Oh, no. It’s another one!
我知道你还没睡
I know you’re not asleep yet.
是我 利兹
Tim, it’s Lizzie!
糟了 利兹
Blotz! It’s Lizzie!
谁是利兹
What’s a Lizzie?
我想说这是福特的T型汽车
I would say a Model T Ford,
但这一辆的轮胎更棒
but this one has better tires.
我知道女人是什么 – 但我要怎么对付它
Ah-ooga! Ah-ooga! – I know what a woman is, but what do I do with it?
救生员 我要淹死了 我需要嘴对嘴人工呼吸
Help, Mr. Lifeguard, I’m drowning. I need mouth-to-mouth.
跟她交换口液
Ugh, saliva exchange.
我可没那么不卫生
I would never partake in such an unsanitary interaction.
肯定有别的办法把她打发走
There must be some other way to greet a female and then be rid of it.
蒂姆
Tim!
我想你可以变成他的模样 – 蒂姆 开门
If it was me, I’d be he. – Tim, please.
祖特 好主意
Good thinking, Zoot.
蒂姆 我要用备用钥匙了
Okay, Tim, I’m picking up the hide-a-key.
我要开门了
Gonna open the door.
蒂姆
Tim?
利兹 欢迎光临寒舍
Lizzie! My dear friend or family member.
天哪
Uh, oh, my gosh.
太没礼貌了
Oh, inappropriate.
祖特 – 我说过要遮住那儿
Oh, boy. – I told you they cover their flingdat here.
利兹 我亲爱的朋友
Lizzie, my dear friend or family member.
听起来你好象是感冒了
You sound funny. Are you catching a cold?
感冒 病毒 没错
A cold, a virus? Yes.
我得了恐怖的瘟疫 你最好赶紧走
A contagious bubonic plague. You better leave.
什么
What?
你搞什么
What in the world–
你是太空迷吗
Are– Are you a Trekkie?
对 我是
Uh, yes, I am.
好了 这是怎么回事
Okay, what’s going on?
怎么回事
What’s going on?
蒂姆 你没事吧 你好象变了
Tim, are you okay? You don’t seem like yourself.
我就是我 没什么可怀疑的
Oh, I’m Tim, all right. Tim O’Hara, no reason to doubt it.
到底怎么回事
Uh, what’s going on?
没什么
Lots.
利兹
Lizzie.
怎么
Yeah?
你应该不是我妹妹吧
If you’re my sister, an explanation is in order.
不是
Yeah.
这是不是意味着我们
Does this mean that you and I are–
没错
Indeed.
对不起 失陪了
Now, if you’ll excuse me,
我还有事要做 你得走了 什么
I have work to do, and you need to go.
什么
What? Wha–
人类的感情 – 真是可笑
Human emotions. – Crazy monkeys.
你好 先生
Welcome, sir.
科利叶呢
Where’s Coleye?
检查粘液状的原生质
Examining mucus-type protoplasm.
含有盐分
Hmm. It’s saline-based.
很好 下次用显微镜吧
Good God, Coleye, put that on a slide next time.
仔细分♥析♥这香烟
I want this stuff analyzed and the cigarette dusted for prints.
即可找到香烟的主人
I want to know whose this was.
还有更多证据
There’s more, sir.
四足变成两足
Quadroped becomes… biped?
他一定是变成人形了
It must have taken human form!
足迹消失在公路上
The footprints stop at the road.
肯定是有人把他带走了
We think someone may have picked them up.
坠落现场
Evidence of a crash,
却没有太空船 外星人变成了人形
no spaceship and alien in human form?
和196♥4♥年的现场一模一样
It’s just like the incident of ‘6♥4♥!
闭嘴 你这笨蛋
Keep your mouth shut, you idiot.
这可是最高机密
That incident is not only classified,
根本没那回事 懂吗 是 先生
but it never happened, you got it? -Yes, sir.
还有 这次没有外星人 也没有飞碟
Once again, we have no alien, no U.F.O.
再找不着证据
If you can’t get me either one,
你给我滚蛋
then you’d better start looking for another job.
听见了吧
Well, you heard him!
快找 外星人肯定藏在某处
Move it! It’s out there somewhere!
快点 找吧 – 是 长官
So, move it! Go! Move! – Yes, sir!
老天保佑那个 带走外星人的可怜虫
And God help the poor soul who picked him up.
闭嘴 低等生物
Silence, subculturer!
放我下来
Let me down!
看你做的好事
Look what you did to me.
野蛮人
Barbarian!
放我下来
Let me down!
如你所愿
As you wish!
你真是个笨手笨脚的小偷
For a thief, you are extremely clumsy.
小偷 我不是小偷
Thief? I’m not a thief.
我知道
So I see.
你叫蒂姆 是个记者
Tim O’Hara. You are a reporter.
记者 不 不
Reporter? No.
我是制♥作♥人 听我说
I’m a producer, pal! Let me tell ya, I– Aaah!
我不是小偷 我不明白你在说什么
Look, I didn’t steal anything, okay? I don’t know what you’re talking about.
好吧 好吧
All right, all right.
不 不 不
No! No!
蒂姆 我警告你 千万别试图出♥卖♥♥♥我
Warning, Tim O’Hara. Any attempt to expose me will be useless.
我们火星人 完全发挥大脑潜能
Martians use 100% of their brain capacity,
而你们人类尚不及10%
humans less than 10.
应该不止那么少吧
I think we use more than ten.
你们的太空人 还尿在自己身上呢
Your astronauts pee in their space suits.
没什么好说的了吧
Case closed.
好吧 好吧
Okay. Okay, just–
我肯定是在做梦 一个很糟的梦
Okay, it’s just a dream. It’s a very bad dream.
快醒来 快醒来
Just– Come on. Wake up. Wake up!
他这是怎么了
What’s with that?
我相信 这被叫做精神崩溃
I believe it’s called a nervous breakdown.
昨晚什么事都没发生 我不信有外星人
Last night did not happen. I don’t believe in aliens.
我听到了
I heard that!
对我们来说 你们才是外星人
To us, you are the alien.
如果你想知道 我来自你们所谓的火星
If you must know, I am from the planet you call Mars.
我可是来自天王星啊 – 我正要提到你呢
And what, I’m from Uranus? I never– – I was getting to you!
别那么急性子
Don’t get a crease in your Sputnik.
快把我介绍给这个笨蛋吧
Please, just introduce me to monkey boy.
这是我的祖特
This is my Zoot.
祖特3000型变形衣
A polymorphous Zootenex 3,000.
只许看 不许摸
Just look, don’t touch.
你的衣服会讲话
Your suit talks?
不停地讲
Incessantly.
人要衣装佛要金装 如何
Corduroys talk, nobody gives them grief. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
火星 等等
Mars? Wait a minute.
火星上没有生命 我们探测好几次了
There’s no life on Mars. We’ve sent probes.
我很想解释给你听 就怕你听不懂
I’d try to explain it, but you people still think “E” equals “MC” squared.
你们只知道分♥析♥火星岩石
You’re still trying to analyze our rocks. Ha-ha!
该死的沙子
Oh! Blasted sand particles.
把引擎全弄坏了
They’ve completely crystallized the vortex generator.
拜托你好吗
Hey, do you mind?