怪宴（1976）

杀人于顷刻之间。
that kills instantly.
请观察。
Observe, please.
(ALL GASPING)
伟大的司各特！王先生，你救了我们大家！
Great Scott. Mr. Wang, you’ve saved our lives.
不一定，查尔斯顿夫人。
Not quite, Mrs. Charleston.
祝好胃口！
Bon appetit.
(ALL SCREAMING)
既然王先生是唯一能辨识这种毒药的人，
Only Monsieur Wang could detect the poison,
而且只有他的杯里被下了毒——
so only he was tested.
那么第五点：双先生同时具有淘气和……
Point five, Mr. Twain is both
凶残两种天性。喔喔喔……
beguiling and fiendish.
(GROANS)
哦！
Oh!
哦！赶快请医生！
Oh, get a doctor, quick.
不不……是我的缘故。
No, it’s all right.
我的酒没有毒，
My wine is not poisoned.
都因为当年的苦日子……
It was just a bad year.
干的漂亮，王先生。
Good work, Mr. Wang.
看来这顿晚餐我们要处处小心。
We must all be on our guard through every course of the meal.
你们都忽略了一件事。
You’re all forgetting one thing.
那个管家由此显得非常可疑。
This makes the butler suspicious.
因为酒是他倒的。
He poured the wine.
管家目不能视，
Except he is blind.
怎么能知道该把毒酒斟给谁？
How would he know which one to serve the poisoned glass to?
很简单。
That’s very simple.
盲人通常都有很好的嗅觉。
Blind people have a very keen sense of smell.
既然我们都是盎格鲁-撒克逊人种。
Since we’re Anglo-Saxon
王的儿子又是日本人，
and Mr. Wang’s son is Japanese,
那么嗅出个中国人应该不是很难的事。
it wouldn’t be hard to sniff out the Chinaman.
听我说，戴蒙德。你这个比喻很粗俗。
See here. That’s a tacky thing to say.
这本来就是个粗俗的世界，查尔斯顿先生。
It’s a tacky world, Mr. Charleston.
对不对，天使？
Isn’t that right, angel?
没错，山姆。
That’s right, Sam.
安静，管家过来了。
Quiet, please. Butler approaches.
很抱歉，让你们久等了。
I apologize for the delay.
我和厨师有些交流上的困难。
I’m having communication problems with the cook.
谁倒的酒？
Who poured the wine?
双先生倒的。他倒好后放在冰箱里一个托盘上，
Mr. Twain, sir. He left it in the refrigerator.
他告诉我把有草药味的一杯给王先生。
I was told to give Mr. Wang the glass with the sticky stem.
你也不问问为什么？
And you didn’t ask why?
我当时忙着找冰箱呢，先生。
I was lucky to find the refrigerator, sir.
现在我可以上汤了吗？
I will serve the soup now.
就等这句话了。
By all means.
(INAUDIBLE)
(INAUDIBLE)
不好意思，我快饿晕了。
Yes, I’m starving.
先别走，汤在哪儿？
One moment. Where is the soup?
在你的碟子里。
In your dish, sir.
我碟子里什么都没有……除了碟子。
There is nothing in my dish but my dish.
我不明白，先生。
I don’t understand, sir.
拿着，这是勺子，自己尝尝。
Take the spoon. Taste it yourself.
我明白你的意思了，先生。
I see what you mean, sir.
告退一会儿，
If you’ll excuse me,
我要去和厨师谈谈。
I need to talk with the cook.
“饿”杀我们，或许这才是他的把戏。嗯？
Murder by starvation. Maybe that’s his game.
你怎么想，山姆？
What do you think, Sam?
我哪知道，杰西。或许你该问问墙上的驼鹿，从我们进来时起它就一直在瞅着大家。
Ask the moose. He’s been watching us.
(ALL MURMURING)
十个人来赴宴，
Ten people for dinner,
可我一样热菜都端不上去！
and I’m serving hot nothing.
你算什么忙帮的。
You can’t get good help today.
你被解雇了，明白吗？解雇了！
You’re fired. Do you understand? Fired.
我要你出去，听见没？出去！
I want you out. Do you hear?
别再来了！
And stay out.
我忽然意识到，
Something just occurred to me.
座位安排的不对。
The seating’s all wrong.
怎么说，查尔斯顿先生?
How so, Mr. Charleston?
我怎么坐在朵拉旁边？
I’m sitting next to Dora.
那有什么不对？
What’s wrong with that?
她不是你妻子嘛。
She’s your wife, isn’t she?
就是因为这个，正式晚宴的餐桌上夫妻从不坐在一起。
At a dinner party, a husband and wife shouldn’t sit together.
实际上我应该坐在餐桌的对面。
I should be on the opposite side of the table.
王先生，能和我换一下座位吗？
Mr. Wang, please change places with me.
现在就换？
Now?
现在就换。
Now.
(ALL SCREAMING)
我就料到了！下一道关卡会要了我们的命。
Just as I thought. Another test that almost killed us.
幸好我的教养救了我一命。
Saved only because I am enormously well-bred.
这么说幸好不是我，换了我此时肝都被刺穿了。
Lucky it wasn’t me. I’d be chopped liver now.
(ALL CLAMORING)
请保持安静，不要慌乱。
Silence, please. Do not panic.
大家不要离开座位！
No person move from place.
有人进来了。
Someone just came in.
大家安静！我闻到味了。
Quiet, everyone. I smell something.
什么味？
What is it?
老天爷，是豆子味！
Good God. Franks and beans.
恐怕今天晚餐只有这个了，先生。
I’m afraid that’s all we have, sir.
迪迪，你知道摸我那里我会有什么反应。
Dickie, don’t touch me there.
不是我，亲爱的。我的双手抄在口袋里呢。
My hands are in my pockets.
恐怕是抄到我口袋里了。
They’re my pockets.
噢，对不起。
Sorry about that.
迪迪，放尊重点儿！
Dickie, behave yourself.
晚上好，女士们先生们。
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
我是这里的主人——莱昂内尔·双。
I’m your host, Lionel Twain.
好家伙！怎么进来的？
Good God. What an entrance.
是不是有点儿过于戏剧性了，马布尔小姐。
A bit theatrical, Miss Marbles,
可我就是喜欢制♥造♥幻觉。
but I do love illusion.
请原谅我戴着帽子，我正在掉头发。
Please forgive my hat. I’m losing my hair.
我以为双这家伙年纪要更老些。比如说72，73岁。
I thought Twain was older. 72, 73.
确切点说，我76岁。戴蒙德先生。
Seventy-six to be exact, Mr. Diamond.
为什么我如此年轻？
How do I look so young?
很简单：每晚睡满十二个小时，
Quite simple. A complete vegetable diet, Twelve hours sleep a night
再加上一大堆、一大堆的化妆品。
and lots and lots of make-up.
我相信你们在这里都很舒心吧。
I trust you’ve all been made comfortable.
舒心，双先生？
Comfortable, Mr. Twain?
你把被人酒里下毒和差点被斩首称为舒心？
Do you call poison, a near decapitation, comfortable?
不，我把那些称作为奇思妙想。
No, I call it inspiration.
你必须讲清楚，双先生。那些机械的和厨房♥把戏是不是想要我们的命啊？
You still must explain the attempts on our lives。
双先生。
Monsieur Twain.
都是游戏啦，皮埃尔先生。
Merely games, Monsieur Perrier.
不是说吗，斗智斗勇啦。
Pitting wits with you, so to speak.
你这个小矮子要和我玩斗智斗勇，我保证整得你不认得回家的路。
Pit your wits with me and you won’t have wits to pit with.
山姆, 你的口水喷到护士脸上了。
You’re spitting on the nurse.
抱歉，老姑娘。
Sorry, old lady.
按理说这个点你早该上♥床♥睡觉了。
Crazy broad should be in bed.
双先生，我们已经抵达贵府已经四个多小时了，
Monsieur Twain, after four hours, we haven’t seen
热腾腾的晚饭也好，冰冷的尸体也好，影子也没见一个。
a hot dinner or a cold corpse.
鉴于此，只有告辞了。
I therefore bid you adieu.
我也告辞。
I bid one adieu, also.
谁也不许离开这座房♥子。
No one is leaving this house.
这什意思，双先生？
What meaning of this, Mr. Twain?
希望你能坦诚相告，王先生，
I will tell you, Mr. Wang,
if you can tell me
为什么一个人拥有本世纪最聪慧的大脑之一
why a man with such a brilliant mind
却搞不定英语中简单的前置词或定冠词。
can’t say his prepositions or articles.
“The”王先生，你漏了一个“the”。
“The,” Mr. Wang. What is “the” meaning of this?
我没漏，
That what I said.
我说“这什意思？”
What meaning of this?
这意思就是，
The meaning of this is
我要借此机会证明一下，
I have decided to prove beyond a doubt
让世人不再有任何疑惑，
that the greatest living criminologist in the world
当今最伟大的犯罪学家就坐在这张桌子前，
is sitting at this table,
而你们都在看着他。
and you are all looking at him.
不，不要互相张望。
No, don’t look at each other.
都看我！我是最伟大的！