怪宴（1976）

In the meantime,
我领你们去房♥间休息。
I’ll show you your room.
起来，起来。
Get up. Get up.
这个管家让人不放心，注意到没有，
I do not trust this butler.
他眼睛从来不看你。
Notice how his eyes never look at you.
他是盲人，先生。
He’s blind, monsieur.
胡说。
Nonsense.
就是这幢房♥子了。
There’s the house now.
(GROANS)
– 你怎么了?
– 我的脚疼死了。
– What’s the matter?
– My feet are killing me.
我去买♥♥汽油的时候，山姆，你干嘛不说我们还需要润滑剂？
Why didn’t you say we needed oil before I got the gas?
因为我给了你五十块钱，
Because I gave you a $50 bill
汽油只需五块钱就搞定了。
and the gas was only five bucks.
你可能回来，你也可能不回来。
Maybe you’d come back, maybe you wouldn’t.
我不能冒这个险，天使。
I couldn’t take that chance, angel.
你不信任我么，山姆?
Don’t you trust me, Sam?
信任你？
Trust you?
上次我信任一位淑女是在巴黎，1940年。
The last time I trusted a dame was in Paris in 1940.
她说要出去买♥♥瓶酒，
She went out to get some wine.
两个小时后德军就开进了法国。
Two hours later, the Germans marched into France.
很抱歉触动你的伤心事。
I’m sorry, Sam.
道歉免了，零钱还我。
Sorry, nothing. Give me my change.
晚餐在九点钟，先生。
Dinner is at 9:00, sir.
回头我叫女仆给你送巧克力来。
I’ll have the maid bring your chocolate.
先别忙着走，好伙计。
One moment, my good man.
什么事?
Sir?
谢谢，就这样吧。
Thank you. That will be all.
看来他真的看不见。
He’s blind all right.
刚才都是我的绝活儿。
Those were my funniest faces.
看来与CopaCabana大酒店还是有点差距。
Not exactly the Copacabana.
我有种不好的预感，山姆……
I don’t feel good about this.
或许今晚你不会再那么走运了。
Maybe tonight’s the night your luck ends.
也许吧。
Maybe so.
墙上的数字暗示我们都包括在内，
There’s a number on the wall for all of us, angel.
如果今晚我的运气不好，我也认了。
If tonight’s the night they pick mine, so be it.
你先行一步，心肝。
After you, sweetheart.
你得先吻我一下，山姆。
First kiss me, Sam.
我从不接吻。
I don’t kiss.
就破例吻一下嘛, 山姆?
Just this once, Sam.
我不喜欢接吻，你就饶了我吧！
I don’t like kissing. Now leave me alone.
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
天哪，他死了！
My God. He’s dead.
对不起，你说什么？
I beg your pardon.
山姆·戴蒙德躺在那儿，我的老板，他被砸死了！
Sam Diamond is lying out there, crushed to death.
啊！我要晕了！快扶住我！
I’m going to faint. You catch me.
夫人。
Madam.
夫人，你在哪儿？
Madam, where are you?
好啦，老实站那儿！
All right. Hold it right there. Freeze, blinky.
别动，狡诈的歹徒，把手举起来！脸朝墙壁站好！
Get your hands up. Face the wall.
好啦天使，你可以起来了。
Angel, you can get up now.
请转过脸来。
Turn around, Jeeves.
你那个混凝土圣诞礼物早到了两秒钟，
Your concrete Christmas present arrived about two seconds early,
不过那可不是你发善心。
no thanks to you.
我对所发生的事情道歉，先生。
I apologize for any unfortunate mishap, sir.
我可以把手放下来了么？
May I put my hands down?
想好事呢，莎士比亚。
Don’t test your luck, Shakespeare.
我接到邀请来参加晚宴……
I got your little invitation to dinner.
可我没意识到你们要对付的竟然是我。
I didn’t realize I was the main course.
我有个兄弟两年前也遇到这么个案子，一模一样的境况，
I had a kid brother who got it the same way two years ago.
那位老兄如能活到星期二，就该是63岁了。
That boy would have been 63 on Tuesday.
– 只要有人肯出两分钱我就一枪……
– 山姆，算了。
– For two cents, I’d take this…
– Sam, no.
别让我哪天逮着他！
Get him away from me.
要是让我逮着了……
Get him away.
我就把他当战利品，肚子里填满东西挂起来，
Get him away before I stuff him
就像我那些恶趣味同行沙龙墙上挂着的老虎标本。
like those tiger trophies his limey pals hang up on saloon walls.
求你了!
Please.
他的脾气可真吓人。
He has a dreadful temper, hasn’t he?
(CLOCK CHIMING)
9点啦，晚餐时间！
9:00. Time for dinner.
都准备好了吗？
Is everything ready? Hmm?
(SNIFFING)
我好像没闻到什么。
I don’t smell anything.
你是不是不喜欢多放调料？
Very light on the seasoning, are you?
把汤盛在钵里，炖鸡的火小一点儿。
Put the soup in the tureen and keep the squabs on low.
我先去给客人倒鸡尾酒。
I’ll serve cocktails.
当你听到铃响……
When you hear the bell,
就把冷冻的芦笋拿出来，
bring out the chilled asparagus
再把炖鸡的火苗调大。
and turn up the flame on the squabs.
听明白没有？
Have you got that?
你还没说我今天看上去怎么样，迪迪。
You didn’t tell me how l look, Dickie.
这套装束就像换了个人似的，亲爱的。非常迷人。
No different than always, absolutely ravishing.
你爱我崇拜我么？
Do you love and adore me?
我爱你崇拜你。
I love and adore you.
你举手投足间还有一种贵族“风韵”。
You still have a great tush.
那是多年骑马练出来的，亲爱的。
Years of horseback riding, darling.
准备去底楼么，查尔斯顿?
Getting to bottom of things?
– 啊, 王！亲爱的你一定还记得……
– 我当然还记
– Ah, Wang. Darling, you remember…
– Of course.
好久不见，啊, 王！
Nice to see you, Ah Wang.
不胜荣幸，查尔斯顿夫人。
Always a pleasure, Mrs. Charleston.
你这身长袍太漂亮了。
What a beautiful gown.
一定要告诉我哪里可以买♥♥到
Where did you get it?
这是件旧衣服。
This an old dress.
穿了好几年了。
Had it for years.
请允许介绍，养子威利。
Please to meet adopted son, Willie.
哈，东西方大汇合，
Ah, East meets West
竟然在这种古怪的地方。
in a most bizarre setting.
– 皮埃尔!
– 查尔斯顿.
– Perrier.
– Charleston.
没想到你也在被邀请之列。
I didn’t know you were invited.
– 你认识王么？
– 当然。
– You know Wang.
– Ah, yes.
很多年前在上海曾荣幸与王稽查共餐。
I dined in Shanghai long ago with Inspector Wang.
夯-青-曲-卡-当-五-凤
(SPEAKING FAKE CHINESE)
哦，你还记得，有这回事。
Oh, you remember. Yes.
你当时要的是“夯青曲”，
You had hong ching chu,
我要的是“卡当五凤”。
and I had cow dung wu fong.
我妻子，朵拉。皮埃尔探长。
My wife Dora, Inspector Perrier.
（法语）太迷人了！
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
(COUGHING)
真对不起，我的房♥间尘土太多。
I’m sorry. Our room is so dusty.
我的错。我应该先吹一下。
My fault. I should have blown first.
介绍一下我的秘书兼司机，马歇尔·柯赛特
May I present my secretaire-chauffeur, Marcel Cassette?
刚刚受伤痊愈么，马歇尔?
Recovered from your accident, Marcel?
(RESPONDS IN FRENCH)
是啊，先生。可……你怎么知道的？
How did you know?
从你鞠躬的姿势。
From the way you bend.
我猜想出车祸时你的右半边身子被雪铁龙挤了。
Your right side was smashed in by a Citroen, I imagine.
我还听到了轻微的金属喀嚓声，
I heard a metallic sound,
由此推断你一定装了一个假臀。
so l think you have an artificial hip.
– 是钢制品？
– 铝制品。
– Steel?
– Aluminum.
你还是那么敏锐，查尔斯顿。
You’re still quick, Charleston.
而你，查尔斯顿先生，不赞成查尔斯顿夫人染头发金发？
And you, Mr. Charleston, did not approve of Mrs. Charleston dyeing hair blonde?
不明白你的意思。
I beg your pardon?
查尔斯顿夫人头发红的，
Mrs. Charleston hair red.
你的肩上有根金发。
You have blonde hairs on shoulder.
这说明她曾把红发染成金发，
That means she has dyed red hair to blonde
又变回了红发。
and back again to red,
如若不然，你肩上那根头发……
or else you have been…
哦，对不起。王……说错话了。
Ah, so sorry. Wang is, ah, wrong.
我们是否该下楼用餐了？