怪怪家庭（2012）

明天我们没有早点吃了
There’s not gonna be any breakfast tomorrow
因为有人把早餐食物都吃光了
because somebody ate all of our breakfast food.
在我给你们
Would anybody like to say anything
讲思想政♥治♥之前
before we discuss community, responsibility,
有人想站出来吗
and Wildlife Honor?
我们都知道是谁
We all know who it was.
华♥莱♥士♥饮食严重失调
Wallace has had a serious eating disorder,
我们却视而不见
and we all ignored it.
我们没有视而不见 休伊
No one’s ignoring anything, Huey.
那就给他发个最佳身材勋章
Well, someone gave him an honors patch in personal fitness.
不好意思没看到你
Oh. I didn’t see you there.
华♥莱♥士♥
Wallace!
你打我的时候 我都能听到
I could hear whatever snack wrappers you have
你兜里饼干袋子哗哗响
in your pocket crinkling when you hit me.
那是我的吸汗内衬在响
The crinkle is stay-dry lining.
而且 偷吃东西的应该是动物
Also, whatever got into the foods was probably a wild animal,
比如熊宝宝
like a baby bear.
我看到你藏在高草丛里
I saw you hiding in the tall grass,
偷吃克朗奇上校饼干
eating a box of Colonel Crunch.
他还喊你了呢 -那饼干是我的
He called you out. – That was my Colonel Crunch.
不是我 我对草过敏
Wasn’t me. I’m allergic to grass.
首先 我们周围遍地是草
First, we’re surrounded by grass,
估计你是一过敏就饿吧
so I guess your grass allergies make you hungry.
其次
Second…
第三 你难道真以为我们能傻到相信你
And third, did you really think you could make us believe
说森林里边有什么熊宝宝
there was some mysterious wild baby bear out there
还偷吃我们的麦片
in the forest, eating all our sugar cereal?
艾迪·明斯特呢
Where’s Eddie Munster?
那野兽还在外面吗
Is it still out there?
怪怪家庭
知更鸟街1312号♥ 出♥售♥
我能问问为什么突然搬家吗
May I ask why the sudden move?
不能
No.
我们到了 这所房♥子是座感情馨宅
All right. Well, this, it’s an emotional property,
非常适合多世同堂的家庭
ideal for any multi-generational family.
我们可不是一般的家庭
We’re not just any family.
这所房♥子的采光
Well, the sun shines more on this house
也比附近任何一所都要好
than any other house in the neighborhood.
这可不是我们喜欢的特质
Not a feature we’re looking for.
那座怎么样
What about that one?
那一座 可有着截然不同的情感历史
It’s a very emotional property for entirely different reasons.
前主人是个臭名昭著的连环杀人犯
The former owner was a notorious serial killer
专门毒杀流浪者 -我买♥♥了
who poisoned hoboes. – I’ll take it.
那所房♥子不卖♥♥的 要拆了
It’s not for sale. They’re tearing it down.
这不是还没倒吗
But they haven’t yet.
那是个可怕的地方 发生过很恐怖的事
That’s a horrible place. Horrible things happened there.
后院发现了几十处坟冢
They found dozens of graves in the backyard.
好吧 或许清理完毕你就可以买♥♥了
Uh, maybe you could buy the lot once the grounds have been cleansed.
我姨妈和姨夫喜欢未经清理
My aunt and uncle prefer pre-cleansed.
小姐 墙里面可能会有无家可归者的尸体
Miss, there may be dead homeless people in the walls.
那他们终于也有了个家
Then they found a home after all.
真有家的味道
It already smells like home.
这次搬家太突然了
This whole move was very abrupt.
也算是不幸遭遇熊宝宝袭击系列事件
A happy confluence of events that happened
引发的一个幸运结局
to coincide with an unfortunate baby bear attack.
就一头熊宝宝 至于吗
A lot of fuss over a baby bear attack.
我都不记得了
I don’t even remember.
幸亏你不记得
Be glad you don’t remember.
它把你衣服扒光扔到了灌木丛里
It ravaged and tossed your naked body into the shrubs.
而且它还在逍遥法外
And that baby bear is still out there.
我们没必要搬走的 它又不会跟踪我
We didn’t have to leave town. It wasn’t gonna follow me home.
现在是不会 等29天再看
Not right away, but wait 29 days.
29天后会怎么样
What happens in 29 days?
熊宝宝一般都需要29天
That’s about how long it takes
才能恢复元气
for a baby bear to regroup.
我都没跟他们说再见
I didn’t get to say good-bye to anybody.
离开就是说再见
Moving away is a form of good-bye.
不算是
Mm, not really.
爷爷又要吃人了吗
Did Grandpa try to eat somebody again?
所以我们才搬走的吗
Is that why we had to leave?
不是爷爷
No, not Grandpa.
里边要是有死流浪汉
If we see any dead hoboes,
我就给他们检测指纹 帮他们找家人
I can run a fingerprinting patch and find their families.
流浪汉没有家人
Hoboes don’t have families.
爷爷说我有点小状况
Grandpa said I had a condition.
是吗
He did, did he?
他讲话的方式就跟当年
He said it like he says when he says
说玛丽莲有点小情况一模一样
Marilyn has a condition,
但他说我的情况已经明朗了
but he said my condition cleared up.
你的情况肯定和玛丽莲不一样
Well, I’m sure it’s a different condition.
可是我喜欢做正常人 像玛丽莲一样
But I like being normal, like Marilyn.
这话别对爷爷讲
Don’t say that in front of Grandpa.
说你想像爸爸一样
Say you like being like your dad.
我保证这话同样让他心烦
I promise it will be just as annoying.
而且你的状况是从我这里继承的
And you do get that condition from me.
哪一个你
Which one of you?
这一个我
This one of me.
你心跳好诡异
Your heart feels funny.
这样我才能从众多拼凑成我的人当中
That’s how I know who I am
找到真正的我
when I’m made of so many different people.
欢迎来到历史悠久的知更鸟街
始建于1846年
真冷
应该是冰激凌吧
不是冰激凌
赶紧卸车
有东西在动
我的天呐
Ay, dios mio.
等等我
Espere! Espere me!
爷爷 穿上衣服
Grandpa, cover yourself.
不然邻居们该怎么想
What will the neighbors think?
应该是邻居们担心我的想法
The neighbors should be more concerned with what I’m thinking.
你好啊 莉莉
Hello, Lily.
你好 赫尔曼
Hello, Herman.
欢迎来到新家
Welcome to your new home.
当初要是我来哺乳 是不是就不会这样漫长
I wonder if this would’ve happened sooner if I breastfed.
看来你一定是在说艾迪
I have to assume you’re talking about Eddie.
显然哺乳很重要
Evidently it’s important.
你姐姐对玛丽莲做了那件事后
You were so nervous about holding him
[玛丽莲小时候她母亲曾试图吃掉她]
你一抱起他就紧张得不行
after what your sister did to Marilyn.
那是产后焦虑
Well, that was post-partum.
哺乳的母亲跟孩子更亲近
Mothers who breastfeed are closer to their babies.
这是事实
It’s a fact.
婴儿的吮吸能影响母亲的大脑
A suckling baby changes the mother’s brain
使得母爱更加浓烈
and makes them love harder.
你对艾迪的爱够浓烈了
You couldn’t love Eddie any harder.
要是我当初给他喂奶会更浓烈
I could’ve if I breastfed.
他是那么粉嘟嘟 胖乎乎的一团
He was just so pink and plump.
不要再把他当做易碎品或者食物来谈了
You have to stop thinking of him as fragile and/or edible.
他开始问问题了
He’s asking questions.
我不希望他知道
I don’t want him to know.
他终究会发现的
He’s gonna find out.
至少再发生两起熊宝宝袭击
We have at least two more baby bear attacks
他才会起疑心
before he gets suspicious.
他需要有个人跟他谈谈
He needs someone to talk to.
可以跟爷爷谈啊
Well, he can talk to Grandpa.
我听到了 要当心 赫尔曼
I heard that. Be careful, Herman.
你爱得太用力
You love too hard.
去新学校很兴奋吧
Are you excited for your new school?
可以交到很多新朋友 不兴奋吗
All the new friends you’re going to make? Isn’t that exciting?
干吗东拉西扯的
Why are you small-talking me?
这不算东拉西扯
I’m not small-talking.
也算不上正经事
Well, you’re not big-talking.
你怎么穿这身衣服
Why are you wearing that uniform?