已经开始想你（2015）

杰西 我很抱歉
Oh, Jess, Im so sorry.
拐杖? 真的吗?
A cane? Seriously?
转移性脑瘤
“Metastatic brain tumours.”
顾问医师说 他好像能看到一些癌细胞
The consultant said he thought he could see some of them
就藏在我眼球后面
lurking behind my eyeballs.
像牡蛎一样
Like oysters.
黏糊糊的生牡蛎
Raw, slimy oysters.
好吃
Delicious.
我也是个瞎子了 所以你才戴着…
I’m legally blind, also. Is that why ure wearing those…
新饰品
New accessories.
你是怎么过来的 开车
How did u even get here? I drove.
太好了
Oh, great.
脱线先生 就这样…
Mr Magoo. Just like…
我开超慢 你确实有点像诶
Im going so slow its… U do look a little Magoo-ish.
为什么不能把肿瘤切掉呢?
Why cant they just take the tumour out?
他们说那得摘掉我的脑子 你的胸部 脑子
Theyd have to take my brain out. Well, ur tits, ur brain.
真的 为什么不能考虑放射治疗或是类固醇
Seriously, why cant u talk about radiotherapy or steroids or…
他们的能力有限
Theres only so much they can do.
我身体自己放弃了
My bodys kind of just giving up.
谢谢你让我回来看好戏
Well thanks for bringing me back for the good bits.
过来
Come here.
可是你的头发长出来好漂亮
But ur hair grew back so pretty.
你怎么样了?
What is happening with u?
没什么好说的 不 你别给我装可怜
u know, nothing much to say. Oh, no, dont u dare be a martyr.
你才刚告诉我你的了脑癌
U just told me u had brain cancer.
请原谅我没有炫耀我的内外痔 超大
Excuse me for not bragging about my double haemorrhoids. Huge.
我现在长了个狒狒屁♥股♥ 好惨
I have the arse of a baboon right now. Its awful.
他们给了我一个坐垫 就像…
They gave me a pillow to sit in. It looks like a…
甜甜圈 没错
Doughnut. Yeah.
我熟
Familiar.
其实 孩子也不是很好
Actually things arent brilliant with the baby.
为什么 怎么了?
Why, what happened?
我在约克夏荒原上跑
Well, I was running through the Yorkshire moors
摔了一跤
and I had a fall.
对不起
I’m sorry.
受不了任何的冲击
Not allowed any more shocks.
比如你的闺蜜突然冒出来
Like ur best friend just popping in to…
告诉你 她要挂掉了
…let u know shes gonna croak.
你和克特怎么样?
How are things with Kit?
我和克特 一摊”谢特”
Things with Kit are mighty shit.
跟他和好吧
Make it right with him.
嘿 宝贝 你好吗
Hey, baby. How u doing?
今天做B超怎么样?
How was the scan today?
猜猜怎么着? 米莉出现了
Guess what? Milly showed up.
什么 在B超里?
What, on the scan?
扩散了
Its spread.
她病得很重
Shes so sick.
请你回家来吧
Please come home.
嘿 亲爱的 不会很久了 好吗
Hey, sweetheart, its not long now. OK?
我想你 我想你
I miss u. I miss u.
给我看看咱的大肚子
Show me our bump.
我们的宝宝在里面呢
Thats our baby in there!
杰?
Jay?
杰?
Jay?
该死
Damn it.
我坐在淘气台阶上(惩罚孩子不乖)
I’m on the naughty step.
你准备好谈谈了?
Are u ready to talk?
我不是个好人
Im not a good person.
我伤害了你
I’ve hurt u and…
我没有任何借口
…I have no excuses.
我认识他吗? 不认识
Do I know him? No.
结束了吗 你跟他?
And its done? Its over with?
是的
Yeah.
我一直都无法直视你的眼睛 自从…
I havent been able to look u in the eye since…
自从你根本不敢看我
Since u couldnt look at me at all.
我需要被注视 我知道
I needed to be looked at. I know.
一切都变了 我不知道该怎么去爱你
Everything changed. I didnt know how to love u any more.
天啊 真蠢
God, such an idiot.
我们浪费了时间 我们的时间
Weve wasted time. Our time.
我不想走
I dont want to go.
我不想一个人离开 我不想就这么走了
I dont wanna go without u. I dont wanna go without me being…
上楼去
Get upstairs.
脱掉内♥裤♥ 上楼去
Get ur knickers off and get upstairs.
现在
Now.
这是男孩还是女孩 我都分不清了
Is that a girl or a boy? I cant tell any more.
我知道 现在的人都好中性
I know. People are so androgynous.
别跟她画胡子 我们喜欢她的
Dont draw a moustache on her. We like her.
不 我们不喜欢 我们讨厌她
No, we dont, we hate her.
她肯定比我老多了 她得有20了吧 你看
Shes gotta be way older than me. She looks about 20. Look.
那个小乳环
The little nipple ring.
杰西 墓碑上可以不写年纪吗
Jess, is it allowed not to have ur age on ur gravestone?
我想那种情况下 你想怎么样都可以
I think u can do whatever u want, under the circumstances.
不过像那种壮烈的女英雄也挺好
Although I guess there is that tragic heroine mileage
可以让别人以为你是英年早逝
u can get out of people knowing u died so young.
不过没你说的那么年轻
Although not as ung as u said u were.
很难抉择
Its a tough one.
我真的希望有天堂
I really want there to be a heaven.
是不是很悲哀?
Is that pathetic?
不会
Not pathetic.
虚伪还差不多
Hypocritical, maybe.
我真的希望有飘着白云的天堂
I really want there to be a white-clouds-and-all heaven.
你说他们会收我吗?
Think theyd let me in there?
除非他们降低了入会要求
Not unless theyve lowered the entry requirements.
我今天去看了一家疗养院
I went to see a hospice today.
疗养院 为什么?
A hospice? Why?
享受一下奢华的水疗 你以为呢?
For a luxury spa break. Why do u think?
不
No.
进了疗养院 你就出不来了
If u go into a hospice, ull never come out.
你要习惯 杰西
U get used to it, Jess.
我已经习惯了
I have.
你出生的时候 宝贝 我静静躺着
When u were born, my darling, I lay quietly…
在你缝了23针之后 对 没错
After ud had ur 23 stitches. Yeah, after that.
我看着你 就知道我爱你胜过这世上的一切
I looked at u and I knew I loved u more than anything else in the world.
比本还多?
More than Ben?
和本一样啦 尽管当时他还不存在
Well, the same as Ben, though he didnt actually exist at that point.
我看着你 对你做出了一个承诺
I looked at u and I made u a promise.
我承诺 不管发生什么
I promised that, no matter what happened,
我都会一直照顾你
I would always look after u.
可问题是 亲爱的
But the thing is, my darling…
我没办法一直在身边照顾你了
…I wont always be here to look after u.
为什么啊
Why not?
妈妈的身体没有好起来
Well, mummy isnt getting better any more.
可是化疗不是会治好你吗
But I thought that was what all the chemo was for,
还有那些药 我以为会让你好起来的
and all the pills. I thought it was all making u better.
是有用了一段时间 亲爱的 但是…
They worked for a while, honey. But…
后来就没有了
…theyve stopped making me better.
那…你不会死的 对吧
So, er… ure not going to die, though, are u?
不! 谁来照顾我们啊
No! Whos gonna look after us?
等我长大了 需要女孩子东西的时候呢
What about when I grow up, when I need girl things?
有爸爸在呢 太好了
Daddy will be there. Oh, great.
嘿 我也懂女孩子的事的 你还有米兰达和杰西
Hey, I know about girl things. And ull have Miranda, and Jess too.
你也许不会死的
U might not die.
亲爱的
Oh, my darling.
你要知道 我的灵魂永远都在你身边
U just have to know my spirit will always be with u.
你在说什么啊 这话是什么意思?
What are u talking about? What does that even mean?
我做的对吗 妈妈 折得很好呢 亲爱的
Did I do it right, Mum? Thats very good folding, sweetheart.
你不能去疗养院 你个笨蛋
U cant go to the hospice, u bumhead!
她怎么样
How is she?
注射了吗♥啡♥ 有点迷糊
Shes a bit out of it on morphine.
孩子们怎么样
How are the kids?