黑衣人3（2012）

J是我的好朋友
“J was a friend.
他如今驾鹤西去 空余我惆怅独悲
Now there’s a big part of me that’s gone.
J 我有好多话想对你说
Oh, J, all the things that I should have said
但是我老了 脾气又臭又倔强
except I was too old and craggy and surly and just tight.
我是个老顽固
I was too tight.
我只能临风缅怀 缅怀你焦褐色的皮肤
Now I’m gonna just miss your caramel-brown skin.”
放心 我会临时发挥的
I’ll wing something.
K 我是O 我们接到报告
K, it’s O. We have reports of
有人感染了外星蛔虫
several humans suffering from intestinal worms of alien origin.
谢了 O
Thank you, O.
你是怎么变成这副德性的
How did you get to be like you?
肯定事出有因 到底怎么了 K
Seriously, something happened, K. What happened?
想知道我为什么能这么快乐吗
You know how I live such a happy life?
你还自以为”这么快乐”
How you live such a happy life?
对于不愿面对的问题 我从来不问
I don’t ask questions I don’t want to know the answer to.
真深刻
That’s deep.
杰弗里
Jeffrey.
我们认识吗
Do I know you?
这家店的服务是无所不能的
Your services are legendary.
听说从你♥爸♥开始就这样了
So says your father, Obadiah.
你在月桂冠监狱待过
You were in Lunar-Max.
没有哪个监狱能关得住我
There is no prison that can hold me.
帅呆了 你想要什么呢 大哥
Cool for you. What do you need from me, man?
时光穿梭仪
The device.
我要穿越回去杀个人
I’m going back in time to kill a man
在他把我的手臂打掉之前
before he takes my arm.
吴园酒家
钻石花♥园♥海鲜饭店
K J 你们好啊
K, J!
真高兴又见面了 坐老位置吗
So happy to see you. Mr. Wu get you your regular table?
不吃点东西吗
You no hungry?
我们要看看货仓
Show us the tanks, Wu.
没问题 你们随便看 都是新鲜的
Oh, sure, sure. You look. Very fresh.
我们要看最里面的那些
Show us the tanks in the back.
对不起 我英文不好 欢迎下次惠顾
So sorry. No speak English. You come back later, okay?
省省吧 这种骗旅客的废话 吴
Save the chop-socky bullshit for the tourists, Wu.
你们百般刁难 让我蛋疼 为什么
Hey, what you guys wanna bust my balls for, huh?
疼什么疼 你又没有蛋蛋
You don’t have no balls.
朋友 看来你像是来自
Man, you look like you come from the planet…
混♥蛋♥星球
Damn.
鲍勃 这一次你明显违反了
And Bob here is a clear violation of
健康法规第32条
Health Ordinance 32.
出♥售♥未经许可的
Selling unlicensed extraterrestrial
外星食材
foodstuffs.
那鱼可是地球品种
That is an Earth fish.
中国的传统菜肴
Very traditional in China.
你要是抓我 就是憎恨犯罪
You arrest me, that’s a hate crime!
那也得有个前提 你是中国人
It would be if you were Chinese.
K 拜托了 我还得养家糊口呢
K, come on. I got larvae to feed.
刺钉鱼是给谁准备的
Who is the Spiky Bulba for?
没给谁
Nobody.
给谁
Who’s it for?
我放着以备不时之需
I keep them in case!
-谁有这个需求 -我不知道
– In case what? – I don’t know!
谁都有可能啊
Anybody!
好吧 你个鼻涕虫
All right, you slug.
吴 他和我闹别扭 正在气头
Wu, he and I are having issues in our relationship right now,
不该让你受到牵连
but you shouldn’t have to suffer for that.
谢了 J
Thank you, J.
所以要想不被”鱼”扇耳光
So if you don’t like getting fish-slapped,
就给我乖乖地配合调查
I’m gonna need you to keep to our agreement.
给地球人上真正的地球鱼 别耍花招
Earth people get Earth fish. Real Earth fish.
可怜可怜我和卑微的孩子们
On behalf of my pathetic self and worthless children,
请你们留下
you stay.
让我以无上的光荣
Allow me most honorable benefit
为你们煮一碗心爱的面条吧 K
of serving you favorite noodles, K?
谁要吃你那烂面条 吴
Don’t nobody want your nasty-ass noodles, Wu.
你♥他♥妈♥的就是一坨屎 犯贱
You’re a piece of shit, Wu.
加点虾和白菜
Shrimp and bok choy.
我们要在这儿待上一会儿
We’re gonna be here for a while.
有点儿过了
That was just mean.
你刚才对吴做的
What you did to Wu back there.
把他的裙子都给剥了
Snatched his skirt off.
真是无礼
That’s just disrespectful.
我以前和我爸玩过一个游戏
I used to play a game with my dad.
叫做 “最后的晚餐吃什么”
What’ll You Have For Your Last Meal.
比起这个来 可好多了
You could do worse than this.
这么说来
Okay.
我也和我爸爸玩过一个游戏
I used to play a game with my dad,
叫做 “接球”
called catch.
只不过 我是把球对着墙壁扔
Except I’d throw the ball and it’d just hit the wall
因为他是个虚拟人
because he wasn’t there.
别说你老爸的坏话
Don’t badmouth your old man.
我没在说他坏话 我只是从来不了解他
I’m not badmouthing him. I just didn’t really know him.
不对
It’s not right.
当然不对了 哪个小孩不需要父亲
Damn right it’s not. A little boy needs a father.
1号♥桌什么都没点
Table one hasn’t ordered a thing.
3号♥桌一直在喝鸭酱
Table three over there just drank his fourth cup
喝第四杯了
of duck sauce.
K 今天上午坠地的飞船 是来自
K, the crashed ship from this morning was stolen from
月桂冠监狱
Lunar-Max Prison.
孽畜鲍里斯干的
Boris the Animal.
你怎么知道的
How did you know?
他对刺钉鱼情有独钟
He has a taste for Spiky Bulba.
容后再议 头儿
Give us a minute, will you, chief?
我们有活干了
We’re in a situation.
是啊
Oh, yeah.
我去干掉克罗洛普
I take the Chloropod.
你对付塔兰塔比
You take the Tarantabee.
还有那儿的海德洛尼安
And the Hydronian over there.
我负责厨房♥
I’ll take the kitchen.
然后在街上会合
Meet you on the street.
我正处在人生中的迷惘期呢
This is a very confusing time in my life.
把嘴闭上 把头低下
Keep your mouth closed, keep your head down.
你好 K
Hello, K.
孽畜鲍里斯
Boris the Animal.
叫我 鲍里斯
It’s just Boris.
你还是老样子
You haven’t changed very much.
我打断的胳膊 还是当初的样子
I see the arm I shot off is still shot off.
是啊 我的胳膊
Yes, my arm.
40年了 我们彼此都对那一刻
We’ve thought about that moment
每天念念不忘呢
every day for the last 40 years.
这可不是积极的生活态度
Well, that’s just not living a full life.
我保证会比你活得更长
I can promise you it will be longer than yours.
也更孤单
Lonelier too.
你是最后一个伯格罗蒂特人了
Since you’re the last Boglodite standing.
这可不好说
We’ll see about that.
不过 我要先杀你为快
But first, I want the pleasure of killing you.
喂 K
Yo, K.
-你上哪儿去了 -钓鱼
– Where the hell have you been? – Fishing.
你可能还不知道 K 你早就死了
You don’t know it, K, but you’re already dead.
你没事吧
You all right?
各位 请注意
May I have everyone’s attention, please?
谢谢
Thank you.
你们的孩子
You know how your kid
从学校跳蚤市场赚回一条金鱼
won the goldfish in that little baggie from the school fair
但你们觉得恶心 不想把它放在屋里
and you didn’t want that nasty thing in your house,
于是就骗孩子说它跑了
so you told your kid it ran away
而事实上是把金鱼扔进马桶冲掉了
but what you really did was flush it down the toilet?
看吧 这就是后果
Well, this is what happens.
明白吗 所以说 别骗小孩子
Okay? See what I’m talking about? Don’t lie to your kids.