玛丽和马克思（2009）

直到她们把像混着血和
Till they spurt out their
罐装意面的东西从”通道”里喷出
“vag-eye-ners” with blood and tinned spaghetti.
马♥克♥思♥ 你有没有女朋友 有几个老婆
Have you got a girlfriend, Max, or some wives?
你做过爱吗
Have you done sexing?
情人节快到了 我想给
Valentine’s day is soon and I want to
达米安一个礼物 他就会爱上我
Give Damian a present so he can love me.
你能解释一下什么是爱 怎样我才能被爱
Can you explain love and how I can be “lover’d”?
玛丽的来信引发了新一轮的焦虑
Once again, Mary’s letter had triggered an anxiety attack.
马♥克♥思♥对爱一无所知
Max knew nothing about love.
对于他来说 这和戴呼吸器潜水一样陌生
It was as foreign to him as scuba diving and
对于搞砸爱情他有一段可怕的回忆
He’d had an appalling history of getting it all wrong.
有一年情人节他送给塞尔达·古宁克
One valentine’s day he’d given Zelda
一件他认为非常合适的礼物
Glutnik a gift he was sure was appropriate.
直肠温度计
Rectal thermometer
唯一陪伴马♥克♥思♥ 为他暖床的
The only companion that had ever
是他的热水袋
Warmed Max’s bed was his hot water bottle.
浪漫和爱情是
Romance and love was a mysterious language
他早已放弃的神秘语言
He’d given up on.
要是玛丽问烤面包机怎么运转
If only Mary had asked how a toaster works
或者如何解释混沌科学就好了
Or asked for an explanation of the chaos theory.
要是有爱情方程式该多好啊
If only there was a mathematical equation for love.
他一边吃一边想
He kept eating and thinking.
[中♥央♥公园]
[纽约]
但爱情不像马♥克♥思♥的魔方
But love was not like Max’s rubik’s cube.
找不出解释
It could not be solved.
不论他怎么分♥析♥ 结果都是否定的
No matter how he analysed it, the results were negative.
滚 讨厌鬼
Beat it, creep!
他能感受到爱 却表达不出来
He felt love but couldn’t articulate it.
它的逻辑就像沙拉三明治一样无法理解
Its logic was as foreign to him as… as a salad sandwich.
星星看起来更有意义
The stars made more sense.
12号♥ 回复来电了吗 完毕
12, have you responded to the call? over.
焦虑和压力太沉重
The anxiety and stress were too much.
爱情的不可理解最终胜出
The inscrutability of love finally won,
马♥克♥思♥的大脑投降了
And Max’s brain gave in.
智障胖子被吊出来
Obese retarded man craned out
他被诊断为严重抑郁和过于肥胖
He was diagnosed with severe depression and obesity and
随后八个月都在收容机构卧床休息
Spent the next 8 months institutionalised and bedridden.
他们每天给他服大量的药
They marinated him in a cocktail of drugs
还执行了正常的”治疗”程序
And performed the usual “therapeutic” procedures.
同时 玛丽一直在思考中等待
Meanwhile, Mary wondered and waited.
也许马♥克♥思♥的打字机没有墨了
Maybe Max’s typewriter had run out of ink.
也许美国都没有墨了
Maybe america had run out of ink.
也许宠物吃了他
Maybe his pets had eaten him.
也许是因为她自己
Maybe it was her.
是不是太苛求 太无聊 太丑
Was she too demanding, too boring, too…ugly?
满怀着愤怒 迷茫和自我憎恶
Filled with anger, confusion and self-loathing,
玛丽决定永远忘记她的朋友
Mary tried to erase the memory of her friend forever.
[八个月后]
[宠物店 营业中]
马♥克♥思♥康复了
Max had recovered.
生活重新归于平衡 安全和对称
And life was balanced, safe and symmetrical once again.
不过玛丽仍然在他脑海中
But Mary still lingered in his mind. .
一半的他想马上给她回信
Half of him wanted to write to her immediately.
另一半则不想再变成精神病人
The other half didn’t want to end up a mental patient again.
至少拉乌利先生永远是他的朋友
At least there was always mr Ravioli to be friends with.
他是个更可靠的朋友
He was a much safer option.
他考虑玛丽此时会在干什么
He wondered what Mary was doing right now.
此时她在遥远的大洋洲 独自一人奋斗着
But she was far from content and struggled on by herself,
未雨绸缪地攒着钱
Saving her money for a rainy day.
日子一如既往地过着 马♥克♥思♥甚至觉得
Life went on as usual for Max and even though
[脚趾甲 1978 1977 1976]
自己的生活已经充满秩序与安定
He opted for order and stability,
可是 厄运从未远去
Misfortune was never far away.
幸运的是
Luckily,
法官撤销了他的谋杀指控
His manslaughter charges were dismissed
因为据说他智力有缺陷
Because he was labelled mentally deficient
也没有杀死默剧演员的动机
And unlikely to have a motive for killing a mime artist…
这和大多数人不一样
..Unlike most people.
从那时起
From then on,
马♥克♥思♥用不同方法给自己降温
Max cooled himself differently
一切回到正轨
And things went back to normal
直到四十八岁生日那天
Until after his 48th birthday,
他的号♥码终于出现了
When his numbers finally came up.
欢迎收看”纽约彩票” 以下是
Welcome to the new york lottery and these are
今晚的中奖号♥码 3 5 6 9 11和12
Tonight’s winning numbers – 3, 5, 6, 9, 11 and 12!
[烹调巧克力]
马♥克♥思♥对于天降横财很理智 买♥♥下了
Max was sensible with his sudden wealth and had bought
够吃一辈子的巧克力
A lifetime supply of chocolate
和全套”诺布利特一家”的玩偶
And the complete noblet collection.
人生中两大目标已达成
Two of his life goals had come true.
不过还剩下很多钱 他决定都给艾薇
But he still had a lot of money so decided to give it to Ivy…
[巨型屏幕 降价销♥售♥]
她也非常理智
..who was also very sensible…
[鱼子酱]
[牙医]
[菲利帕·洞医生]
[每周一洗]
[结肠灌洗]
[安息吧 艾薇]
[1901-1979]
[露比·贝文 立]
直到她自己的号♥码也出现了
..until her own numbers came up.
艾薇把财产都捐给当地流浪猫救助站
Ivy willed everything to the local cat shelter,
救助站主人把她的善款 转到了自己的账户
Whose owner relocated her kind donation to his bank account,
买♥♥来了他老婆的人造胸脯 一辆法拉利
His wife’s new breasts, a Ferrari
还有足够开到墨西哥去的汽油
And enough fuel to get to mexico.
虽然人生的目标都达成了
Despite achieving all his life’s goals,
[鱼食]
马♥克♥思♥仍然觉得有些缺憾
Max still felt incomplete. .
拉乌利先生再也不剪胡子了
Mr Ravioli just wasn’t cutting the mustard
而且似乎对自己的书更感兴趣
Anymore and seemed more interested in his self-help books.
玛丽让马♥克♥思♥体会到了真正的友谊
Mary had given Max a taste of real friendship
这是无可比拟的
and there was just no comparison.
她也很挂念他 但她不再为了去找他而攒钱
She missed him too but no longer saved to see him. .
[整容手术]
[祛除胎记]
[隆鼻]
[隆胸]
现在她是为了别的事而攒钱
She now saved for a different reason.
某天 拉乌利先生走开了就再也没有回来过
One day Mr Ravioli got up, left and never came back.
马♥克♥思♥想起了豪夫医生的建议
Max sought Dr Hazelhof’s advice.
他告诉马♥克♥思♥ 真正的友谊是在心底
He told Max that true friendship is seen through the heart,
而不只是在眼前
Not through the eyes,
他给玛丽写信时 就是这样的毫无保留与释放
And that it was time he wrote to Mary to reveal his true self, warts and all.
马♥克♥思♥终于理解了
Max understood.
亲爱的玛丽·戴茜·町可 有些事我要告诉你
Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle, there is something I have to tell you
关于我为何这么久没有写信给你
Which will explain why I have not written.
每次我收到你的信
Each time I received one of your letters,
我都会焦虑担心
I had a severe anxiety attack.
因为最近 我一直都在精神病院
This is because recently, while I was in a mental institution,
他们认为
They diagnosed that
我患了亚斯伯格症
I have a new thing called Asperger’s syndrome,
一种慢性神经
Which is a neurobiological, pervasive,
发展性能力丧失
Developmental disability.
我将它简称为”亚斯伯格”
I prefer “Aspie” for short.
下面我会介绍亚斯伯格的一些症状
I will now list some of the traits of an aspie.
[牙医]
第一 我感觉现在世道很混乱
No.1 – I find the world very confusing and chaotic
[请坐]
因为我的头脑思路很清晰
because my mind is very literal and logical.
第二 我对辨别表情
2 – I have trouble understanding
有些认知障碍
The expressions on people’s faces.
我年轻时
When I was younger,
自己做了本表情谱 对照识别
I made a book to help me when I was confused.
但有些我还是搞不清楚
I still have trouble with some people.
艾薇的表情就不好辨别
Ivy was hard to understand
因为她有很多皱纹
because of her wrinkles
而且眼眉也是画的
And because her eyebrows weren’t real.
[投诉]
[市政厅]
[纽约 多格街]
第三 我写字很难看