玛丽和马克思（2009）

Come back here, Vera Dinkle! You come back here!
尊敬的霍洛维茨先生 我叫玛丽·戴茜·町可
Dear mr m Horowitz, my name is Mary Daisy Dinkle
今年8岁3个月零9天
And I am 8 years old, 3 months and 9 days.
我最喜欢巧克力色
My favourite colour is brown and my favourite food is
我最喜欢吃巧克力味的甜炼乳
Sweetened condensed milk followed closely by chocolate.
我有一只叫艾瑟儿的小公鸡 这就是他
I have a rooster called Ethel that looks like this.
他现在不下蛋 但是以后会下的
He doesn’t lay eggs but will one day.
我妈妈喜欢抽烟
My mother likes smoking,
玩板球 喝雪利酒
Cricket and sherry and my father
我爸爸喜欢在车♥库♥里玩死鸟
Likes playing in his shed with dead birds.
美国的小孩从哪里来
Where do babies come from in america?
他们是从可乐罐里出来的吗
Do they come from cola cans?
在澳洲他们是藏在啤酒瓶里的
In australia they are found in beer glasses.
这是我的自画像
Here is a drawing of me.
我不太会画耳朵 但是很会画牙
I can’t draw ears proper but I’m good at teeth.
如果您能回信并和我做朋友就太好了
It would be great if you could write back and be my friend.
您真诚的玛丽·戴茜·町可
Yours “sincerealy”, Mary Daisy Dinkle.
另外 我希望你喜欢吃我随信寄去的
Ps. I hope you like the chocolate bar I’m also sending.
“熟樱桃”牌巧克力
It’s called a Cherry Ripe.
再见啦 一定要回信哦
Goodbye, letter. Don’t forget to write.
马♥克♥思♥讨厌礼拜四
Max hated Thursdays
要参加每周一次的匿名暴食者交流会
The day of his weekly overeaters anonymous meeting.
今晚他心里特别矛盾 因为回来的路上
And tonight he’d felt especially unsettled
他一口气吃了两块巧克力热狗
Because he’d eaten two chocolate hotdogs on his way there.
[禁食巧克力]
同学们
Ok, class…
[上帝不爱肥佬]
吃巧克力破坏规矩
Eating chocolate was breaking the rules.
他觉得这个晚上更难熬了
He’d found the night even more unbearable
因为马乔里·巴特沃斯那奇怪的眼神
Because of Marjorie Butterworth’s strange glances.
下课了
Class dismissed.
马♥克♥思♥很不擅长非语言交流
Max had trouble understanding non-verbal signals.
对于调情和慢跑 他一窍不通
Flirting was as foreign to him as jogging.
大多数人让马♥克♥思♥摸不着头脑
Max found most people very confusing.
马♥克♥思♥还不知道 今晚会
But little did Max realise his night was
更加令人困惑 更加扑朔迷离
About to become even more confusing and cryptic.
他读了4遍玛丽的信
He read Mary’s letter four times
然后一切行动照常
And then did what he normally did
却时时刻刻感觉到新奇和压力
Whenever confronted with something new and stressful.
马♥克♥思♥敏感的心灵又一次感到不安
Max’s fragile existence had once again become unsettled.
凝视窗外18个小时之后
And after staring out of the window
他最终做出了一个决定
For 18 hours he finally made a decision.
亲爱的玛丽·戴茜·町可
Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle,
感谢你的来信
Thank you for the letter,
晚上9点17分匿名暴食者交流会结束之后
Which I opened and read at 9.17pm
我看了你的来信
After my overeaters anonymous class.
[精神科 伯纳德·豪夫医生]
我正在努力减肥
I am trying to lose weight
因为我的精神科医生伯纳德·豪夫
Because my psychiatrist, dr Bernard Hazelhof,
说健康的身体和健康的头脑一样重要
Says a healthy body equals a healthy mind.
他说我的脑袋不怎么健康
He says my mind is not that healthy.
你的自画像把自己描绘的很有趣
Your drawing is an interesting visual portrayal of yourself.
我从未遇见过澳洲的人
I have never met anyone from australia.
首先 我回答你的问题
Firstly, I will answer your question.
非常遗憾 美国的小孩不是藏在可乐罐里的
Unfortunately, in America, babies are not found in cola cans.
4岁的时候我问妈妈
I asked my mother when I was four and
她说小孩是犹太祭司下的蛋
She said they came from eggs laid by rabbis.
如果不是犹太人 就是修女下的蛋
If you aren’t jewish, they’re laid by catholic nuns.
如果不信教 就是肮脏的 孤独的妓♥女♥下的蛋
If you’re an atheist, they’re laid by dirty, lonely prostitutes.
美国的小孩就是这么来的
So this is where babies come from in America.
我家里养了一条鱼 几只蜗牛
I share my home with a fish, some snails,
[霍金 爱因斯坦 牛顿]
我用著名科学家的名字为它们命名
Whom I have named after famous scientists…
我养了一只叫”饼干先生”的鹦鹉
..a parakeet called Mr biscuit and,
还有一只叫臭臭的猫
Finally, a cat called hal.
“臭臭”取自他的味道 是口臭一词的昵称
“hal” is an abbreviation for halitosis, from which he suffers.
在一群孩子玩气♥枪♥射伤他的眼睛之后
He followed me home after a gang of
他跟我回到了家
Children shot his eye out with a beebee gun.
你养袋鼠当宠物吗
Do you have a pet kangaroo?
我出生的时候
When I was born,
父亲抛妻弃子 把母亲和我留在集体农场
My father left my mother and me on a kibbutz.
6岁的时候 母亲用我舅舅的枪自杀了
She shot herself with my uncle’s gun when I was six.
你喜欢巧克力热狗吗
Do you like chocolate hotdogs?
我发明了这种热狗的制♥作♥方法 可以寄给你
I invented the recipe for them And can send it to you.
我年轻时
When I was young,
幻想自己有一个叫拉乌利的隐形朋友
I invented an invisible friend called mr Ravioli.
医生说我不再需要他了
My psychiatrist says I don’t need him
所以他只是坐在角落里读书
Anymore so he just sits in the corner and reads.
上礼拜我捡了128个烟头
Last week I picked up 128 cigarette butts.
在纽约人们总是乱扔垃圾
People are always littering in new york.
真不明白人们为何破坏规矩
I do not understand why people break laws.
烟头有害 因为一旦被冲进了大海
Butts are bad because they wash out to sea
小鱼吸食之后就会有烟瘾
And fish smoke them and become nicotine dependent.
我只是在开玩笑
I am just joking because, because of course,
因为想在水下面点着烟是不可能的
It is impossible for a cigarette to remain lit underwater.
并且 小鱼也没有口袋装打火机
Also, fish do not have pockets to keep cigarette lighters in.
我44岁 有8套运动服
I am 44 years old and have 8 tracksuits
相同颜色相同尺寸
The same colour and size.
352磅重(319斤)
I weigh 352 lb…
6英尺高(1米8)
..and am as tall as a 6-foot tree.
欢迎您收看”纽约彩票”
Welcome to the new york lottery!
我喜欢买♥♥彩票
I enjoy entering the lottery
9年来买♥♥同一组号♥码
And have chosen the same numbers for 9 years.
本期的号♥码是3…1
Those numbers are 3… 1.
5…4
5…4.
6…25
6…25.
9…2
9…2.
11…7
11…7.
和12…8
And 12…8.
您中奖了吗
Are you a winner?
还是没中上
Or a loser?
我这辈子干过很多种工作
I have had many different jobs during my life.
第一份工作是在地铁下面收集纪念币
My first job was collecting subway tokens in the subway.
第二份是在
My second job was at
叶德尔犹太美味洁食店工作
Yiddel’s gourmet kosher supplies where
看守包装
I worked at the machine
安息布丁(犹太食品)的机器
That made pre-packaged noodle kugels.
我是犹太人 以前信上帝
I was born jewish and used to believe in god
但之后我读了很多书
But i’ve since read many books
书里证明上帝只不过是虚构的东西
That have proven god is just a figment of my imagination.
人们信上帝因为他回答了一些复杂问题
People like to believe in god because it answers complicated
比如说宇宙的出处
Questions like where did the universe come from,
小虫能否上天堂
Do worms go to heaven…
老太太为何会长青丝
..and why do old ladies have blue hair?
即使我不信上帝
Even though I’m an atheist,
我还是戴着圆顶帽 让自己的脑袋不受冻
I still wear my yarmulke as it keeps my brain warm.
第三份工作
My third job
是在一家为新奇产品印商标的公♥司♥
Was for a company that printed logos on novelty items.
看管飞盘商标印制机
I worked at the frisbee printing machine.
飞盘是一种
A frisbee is a circular plastic disc
人们可以相互扔来扔去的塑料圆盘
That people throw at each other.
很像回旋飞镖 但是不会飞回来
It is like a boomerang but it does not come back.
[纽约市刑事法庭]
第四份工作是被叫去当陪审员
My fourth job was when I was called up for jury duty.
没什么钱只得到了免费的饼干和咖啡
I didn’t get paid much but got free cookies and coffee.
陪审员都是社区的优秀社员
Jurors are outstanding members of the
他们没有谋杀过任何人
Community who haven’t murdered anybody.
有人在”惊喜”生日派对上杀死了所有的朋友
I made it to the short list for a trial where a man
我都已经进了那案子的陪审候选名单
Killed all his friends at his own surprise birthday party.
不幸的是 我没有被选进去
Unfortunately, i didn’t get selected because they found
因为法♥院♥查出来我曾经患有心理疾病
Out I’d been a mental patient at one point.
你尝试过悬挂式滑翔运动吗
Have you ever been hang gliding?
第五份工作是去捡破烂儿
My fifth job was as a garbage collector.