月亮上的男人（1999）

这是替我妈妈打的 这是替我爸爸打的
And this is for my mother, and this is for my father!
这是替我祖父打的
And this is for my grand father!
我希望你有个小家
I hope you have a small family.
– Ohh! – Whee-ooh!
– 谢谢 – 谢谢 – 谢谢
– Thank you very much. – Thank you very much. – Thank you very much.
谢谢
Thank you very much!
– 我要辞职 – 什么?
– I’m gonna quit. – What?
一场比一场糟糕
Every show is worse than the last one.
考夫曼,每天有四千万人在观看你的屁♥股♥
Forty million people are watching your ass every week, Kaufman.
– 他们知道什么? – 没什么事,那是很美的
– What do they know? – Absolutely nothing! And that’s the beauty.
老兄,绝对可信
Man, look, it’s credibility.
你让他们爱上了你 那么稍后
You make them love you now, and then later on,
在你的专题里 你可以搞他们的头
on your special, you can fuck with their heads.
机遇是有限的,老兄
The sky is the limit, man.
我不在乎
Oh, yeah? I don’t care!
先生，考夫曼的特别节目 有点问题
Sir, there ‘s a problem down on the Kaufman special.
– 他们说技术条件达不到 – 技术?
– They say he’s not following the technical requirements. – Technical?
谢谢你来到我的演出现场
Thanks for coming on my show.
很荣幸跟你一起演出,安迪
Thanks for having me on your show, Andy.
– 马上关掉 – 不
– Right now, roll it! – No.
是我的特别节目 我有权力控制，关掉
It’s my special! I have creative control. Now roll it!
– 不! – 演啊,老兄
– No! – Do it, man!
– 嗨,安迪,你好 – 小心点
– Hey, Andy! Hi. – Be careful, please.
只有正面
Only positive energy allowed beyond this point.
我一直在听关于 特别报道的事情
I’ve been hearing fabulous things about the special.
我们打了那个小家伙?
What, did we hit a little speed bump?
他的名字叫科林
Mm-hmm, and his name is Colin.
他让我捣乱
Kid Genius told me to mess with the vertical hold.
– 让我看看 – 让他看看
– Show me. – Show him.
让他看看,科林
Show him, Colin.
谢谢你让我上你的节目,安迪
Thanks for having me on your show, Andy.
这真是…
Boy, it sure…
太好了， 人们以为他们的电视坏了
It’ll be great. People will think their TV is broken.
他们会离开电视前 走上前
They’ll get out of their chairs, walk over to the TV,
打电♥话♥给电视台
twist the knobs, call the TV store.
“我付了那么多钱”
“I paid a lot of money for that TV!”
他们会拍电视， 但是怎么也弄不好
They’ll bang on the television, but they won’t be able to fix it!
安迪,安迪
Andy. Andy.
我们不想观众离开电视
We don’t want the viewers to get out of their chairs.
可这很有趣
But it’s funny.
这是恶作剧
It’s a practical joke.
观众一定能看节目
The viewer must be able to see the program.
但… 它只有30秒
But… But it’s only gonna be for 30 seconds.
– 五秒 – 20秒
– Five. – Twenty.
l0秒
Ten.
成交
Deal.
好了,安迪,l0秒? – l0秒,好啊
– Okay, Andy. Ten seconds, huh? – Ten seconds, okay.
– 好的 – 好的
– Okay. – Okay.
– 我只想要l0秒 – l0秒是最好的
– Ten seconds is all I really wanted. – Ten seconds is perfect.
你知道，霍迪 当我是孩子时就一直在关注你
You know, Howdy, I’ve been watching you since I was a little boy.
我甚至不知道电视是什么
I didn’t even know what television was.
看他多可爱,很精彩,不是吗?
Oh, look at how cute he is, huh? Isn’t this great?
– 很感人 – 你个其它的真人在屏幕上演出
– That is so moving. – You’re as real as anyone else on the show.
我爱你,我真的很爱你
And I love you. I really do.
这没意思
This is not funny.
一点也不可笑…
This is artsy-fartsy shit. I mean, what…
这是节目里的神秘部分 呆会就会好的
This is the magical part of the show. The show’s not all like this.
真可笑,真有趣
It’s hysterical. It gets very funny.
看在上帝的份上， 我们是因特网的一员 难道我们付不起钱?
For Christ’s sakes, we’re the number one network. Can’t we afford a decent TV?
不,不,那是节目的一部分
No, no, no, th-that’s part of the show.
– 这是节目的一部分? – 是我
– This is part of the show? – Yes.
你什么意思， 这是节目的一部分?
What do you mean, it’s part of the show?
那是安迪想要的
Th-That’s the way Andy wants it, with the rolling.
谢谢你,安迪,我也爱你
Thanks, Andy. I love you too.
告诉考夫曼， 这个网络不再转播这个节目
Tell Kaufman this network will never air this program.
嗨,那是安迪·考夫曼
Hey, that’s Andy Kaufman.
想打赌吗?
Do you wanna bet?
嗨,嗨
Hey. Hey.
请问你是安迪·考夫曼吗
Hey, excuse me. Are you Andy Kaufman?
我一直叫安迪·考夫曼
I get that all the time.
安迪
Andy.
真是荒唐
This is ridiculous.
拿掉围裙
Take off that apron.
不，我宁愿呆在这而不愿回ABC。
No. I’d rather work here than at ABC.
– 对不起，他们都是一群混♥蛋♥ – 是的
– Ah, I’m sorry. They’re a bunch of assholes. – Yeah.
我们做的是有创意的工作 没必要分明什么人喜欢什么人不喜欢
We work in a creative business. There’s no telling what people are gonna like or dislike.
我这样做的唯一的理由…
The only reason why I did Taxi… the only reason…
是我想要我自己的专集
was so that I could have my own special.
我知道，我告诉你
I know. I’ll tell you what.
我给你安排在一些大学演出
Let me book you some colleges now,
然后把这些专集带过去
and then I’ll take the special around.
给人们看看这些专集 看是否有人愿意买♥♥
I’ll show it to people and see if anybody wants to buy it.
我们有一车♥库♥的专集要出♥售♥ 不，我要结束了
We’ll have a garage sale. No, I’m over and out.
– 你知道，你没结束 – 我结束了
– You know, you’re not over and out. – I am over and out.
– 你不能结束 – 我结束给你看看
– You can’t be over and out. – I’ll show you over and out.
你跟ABC有个协议 你应该尊重它
You’ve got a deal with ABC. You’ve gotta honor it.
好吧，合同的日期还剩多久?
All right. How much longer’s left on my contract?
你签了五年，
You signed for five years, so…
还有四年七个月
four years and seven months.
谢谢大家
Thank you.
来到这真的很高兴
It’s really great to be here.
今晚 一定有场精彩的演出
We’re gonna have a great show tonight.
真的很精彩
Really good one!
首先，我们要唱一些歌♥
We’re gonna… We’re gonna start by singing some songs.
– 演拉特卡！ – 是的，拉特卡
– Do Latka! – Yeah, Latka!
快演拉特卡
Come on, Latka!
拉特卡，拉特卡，拉特卡
Latka! Latka! Latka!
– 拉特卡，拉特卡 – 对不起离开一会
– Latka! Latka! – Excuse me for one second.
– 我看到了 – 什么?
– I saw that. – What?
– 给我剧本 – 什么剧本?不，我不会给你剧本的
– Give me the book. – What book? No, I’m not going to give you the book.
– 有什么事吗? – 没有，一切都很好
– Is something wrong? – No, everything’s okay. Fine.
我可以勉强演演你的主人翁， 谢谢
– Can I squeeze your nuts? Thanks. – Ohh!
他们要这个
They’re askin’ for it.
女士们先生们， 由于你们是如此…
Ladies and gentlemen, since you’re such a…
热情…
special audience…
Yeah!
我第一次演出
I’m going to reveal for the very first time,
真实的自我
ever, the real me.
好
That’s right.
我实际上是英国人
Ahem. I’m actually British.
虽然我演小丑， 可我发现这是如此的粗野
And though I dabble in clowning, I do find it so boorish,
所以…各位
so… American.
我更喜欢美术…
I prefer the fine arts, henceforth, today…
我要与你们分享…
I am going to grace you with a reading…
一篇伟大的著作
of one of the greatest novels ever written,
由菲茨杰拉克写的“了不起的盖茨比”
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
开始
Please.
“在我年轻容易受到伤害的时候
“In my younger and more vulnerable years,
我父亲给了我很多忠告 我一直深深的记在我的大脑里
my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.
无论你什么时候受到挫折 他告诉我
‘Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,’ he told me,
– 拉特卡 – 只是记住世界上所有的人…
– Latka! – ‘just remember that all the people of this world…
– 拉特卡！ – 不比你占优势
– Latka! – haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.’
但他总是以一种沉默的方式交谈
But he’d always been unusually communicative in a reserved way,
可我明白他的意恩…
and I understood that he meant…
比说更有价值
a great deal more than that.”
谢谢大家
Thank you very much.
Yeah!
结果
“In consequence,
我保留了所以的判断
I’m inclined to reserve all judgments,
– 一种无所谓的性格
– a habit that has opened up many curious natures to me…
让我成了枪下的牺牲品
and also made me the victim of not a few veteran bores.”
– 快点 – 不，不