耍酷一族（1995）

威拉
So, Willam…
你是否知道他们为何搭舞台？
would you happen to know what this stage business is all about?
不是舞台！
It’s not a stage!
即使看瞎了，也要看到
I’m gonna see it if I have to go blind trying.
是那边的那个舞台
No man, this stage over here.
那东西？我想今天在商场有游戏节目
Oh, that thing? I think some game show in the mall today.
电视会转播，好象叫“真诚之约”
I think it’s going to be on TV.
It’s called Truth or Date or something.
哦，天啊！那是博兰蒂父亲的节目
Oh, my God! That’s Brandi’s father’s game show.
– 是什么？ – 是冒牌的“约会游戏”
What is it? It’s this cheesy Dating Game rip-off thing.
其实是大学的玩笑
Supposed to be for college kids.
用70年代把戏吸引90年代的年轻人
Just trying to capture the ’90s youth market
with a staple of ’70s television.
他们何不恢复或重作更好的节目
Why can’t they bring back or remake good shows…
像贝宁与熊
like BJ and the Bear?
有一项设想，我拿不准: 一个男人和他的猴子
Now there’s a concept I can’t get enough of: a man and his monkey.
你们会闭嘴吗？
Would you guys shut up?
– 你们令我分心 – 对不起，威拉
You’re breaking my concentration. Sorry, Willam.
现在我又要重新开始
Now I have to start all over again.
– 祝你好运 – 记住，放松你的眼睛
Good luck with that thing.
Remember, relax your eyes.
– 哇，一只帆船！ – 闭嘴！
Wow, a sail-boat!
Shut up!
这星期可真够倒霉？
Could this week get any worse?
她要在一个商场的电视实况转播上被拍卖♥♥
Now she’s going to be auctioned off on live TV from a mall.
不是“一”个商场，对吗？ 是“这”个商场，这表示尊重
Not “a” mall, all right?
“The” mall. Show some respect.
假如我们去破坏，就不会举♥行♥了
It doesn’t have to go down like that, if we trash the thing.
夺回她的唯一方法就是
There’s a unique way of getting back in her good graces,
破坏她父亲的节目
by ruining her father’s show.
– 你真聪明！ – 我可找人去做
You’re a clever one. I can get someone to do it for us.
我们无过失，而博兰蒂不能上节目
We’ll be blame-free and Brandi won’t be able to do the show.
– 这个想像的打手是谁？ – 打手
Who is this imaginary hatchet man?
Hatchet men.
别弄了！
Knock it off!
小猫，小猫！
Kitty, kitty, kitty!
看那俩位，他们在合计
Look at these two. $10 says they’re trying to figure out…
决定哪个掐脖子，哪个用割草机
which one they’re gonna bury up to its neck
and run over with a lawn mower.
– 小猫，小猫！ – 嗨，杰伊！
Kitty, kitty, kitty! Hey, Jay!
鲍迪，嘿！斯洛捷-博杰斯
Brodie, man! Nootchy nootchies!
来我们这里有何贵干？ 美国先生大多自己有愿望
And, holy shit, what do we have here?
Mr. America’s Most Wanted himself.
我的步♥枪♥缠住了我女朋友的头发
I had a musket tangled in my girlfriend’s hair.
– 是前任女朋友 – 他在做什么？
Ex-girlfriend. What’s he doing?
上星期他看过“帝国和杰迪”后
Oh, shithead here watched Empire and Jedi last week…
他一直想做杰迪的意念把戏
and ever since, he’s been trying to do the Jedi mind trick.
愚昧地认为用他的意念可浮起东西
Crazy fuck thinks he’ll levitate shit with his thoughts.
别弄了！
Knock it off!
– 此人的力气很大 – 你这家伙，别怂恿他
The Force is strong with this one.
我正跟T.S说要找杰伊和塞尔·鲍伯
Dude, don’t encourage him.
So I was telling T.S. here we gotta find Jay and Silent Bob.
能帮助我们的人
If there’s anyone that can help us out…
只有这俩人
it’s the two guys that have even less to do than us.
这是怎么回事？今天人人来找我们
What is this shit? Everyone’s looking for us today.
我们刚避开婕丝，她想跟宽带网谈她的视频结构
We’re ducking Tricia ’cause she wants to talk
to Obi-Wan about her video set-up.
– 为何找他？ – 塞尔·鲍伯是电子天才
Why him? Silent Bob’s an electrical genius.
他将他妈妈的按♥摩♥器变成CD唱机
He won the science fair in eighth grade by turning his mom’s vibrator…
在八年级时嬴得了科学展览会
into a CD player, using chicken wire and shit.
“妈妈傻瓜”像马盖先 不，“妈妈傻瓜”比马盖先好！
Motherfucker’s like MacGyver. No, motherfucker’s better than MacGyver!
别弄了！
Knock it off!
我们正需要这种天才，对吧？
And it’s that kind of smarts we need, right, mopey?
别算我
Leave me out of this.
我们需要你们为T.S的爱，帮一点小忙
We need you to embark on a little sabotage mission
on behalf of T.S.’s love life.
你们知道这里将要举♥行♥的节目吗？
You know about this game show thing they’ve got going on here?
我们需要你们使其不能举♥行♥
We need you guys to somehow ensure that it doesn’t happen.
仅此而已？我们打算做
Is that it? We were gonna do that anyway.
– 真的吗？为什么？ – 我们还可干什么？
Really? Why? What else are we gonna do?
塞尔·鲍伯刚从木匠那里偷了舞台的图样
Silent Bob just stole the schematic of the stage from some foolish carpenter…
发现了弱点，就像死亡之星
and found a weakness, just like the fucking Death Star.
他认为只要把这个横粱拉出
He figures if you pull this crossbeam out…
整个舞台就会倒蹋
fucking bickety-bam, the whole stage comes crashing down.
我们想这是简单
We were thinking about something simple…
你们要毁了舞台，我们也赞成
but if you want to destroy the stage, we’re all for that.
– 唯一问题是拉科斯 – 拉科斯是谁？
Only problem is LaFours.
你不知道谁是拉科斯？ 他们不知道谁是拉科斯！
Who’s LaFours?
You don’t know who LaFours is?
They don’t know who LaFours is!
他是商场里最令人恐怖的保安
He’s only the most feared security guard in the business, man.
逮捕过460人，全部判定有罪 听说他甚至杀过两个人
460 collars, all convicted.
I hear he’s even got two kills.
我今天不想见到
Holy shit! I never thought I’d see the day…
你俩如此有名的恶作剧者
when two such highly reputable mischief-makers as yourselves…
见到商场保安会畏缩
douse their drawers at the sight of a mall security guard.
我们定会把舞台毁了
Shit, bitch! We’re gonna bust out that stage like a high-school kegger.
我们要智胜拉科斯，做X战警
We’re just gonna outwit LaFours, X-Men style.
我是不是称你为洛根？X战警
Should I call you Logan, Weapon X?
不，叫金钢狼！
No, Wolverine! Snicky, snicky, snoine.
他在模仿金钢狼用金刚爪攻击
What he’s doing is imitating Wolverine’s berserker attack with his Adamantium claws.
– 我才不会猜测 – 你们身负使命
I never would have guessed.
All right, guys. You have your mission…
– 去大肆破坏吧 – 再见，小猫
go forth and wreak havoc.
Bye, baby kitties.
塞尔·鲍伯，表示一下
Damn, Silent Bob, show some heart.
Pss,pss_.
这比较好，我们开工去
That’s better. We’re on the job.
谢谢
Thanks.
我必须承认，你不阻止我感到吃惊
I have to admit I’m shocked you didn’t try to dissuade them.
我才不信他们会去干
I would if I actually thought for a second they could pull it off.
真没信心，要吃饼干吗？
Oh, ye of little faith, want a cookie?
他在做什么？
What’s he doing?
如果你盯着看几秒钟，隐藏的图案就会出现
If you stare at this poster for a few seconds, a hidden picture appears.
我们能看吗？好吗？
Can we do it? Please?
好吧，但要快点，还要去看复活节兔子
Go ahead, but hurry, the Easter Bunny’s waiting.
哇，是双桅帆船！
Wow, it’s a schooner!
蠢才！不是双桅帆船，是一只帆船
You dumb bastard! It’s not a schooner, it’s a sail-boat.
笨蛋，双桅帆船是帆船的一种
A schooner is a sail-boat, stupidhead.
你知道什么？根本没有复活节兔子！
You know what?
There is no Easter Bunny!
那边只有一个穿制♥服♥的家伙！
Over there is just a guy in a suit!
– 他们已订婚了 – 不要紧，不可能成事
But they’re engaged. It doesn’t matter, it can’t happen.
为什么不能？一定会成事
Why not? It’s bound to come up.
不可能，洛伊斯决不会有超人的孩子
It’s impossible. Lois could never have Superman’s baby.
你认为她的输卵管能接受他的精♥液♥吗？
Do you think her fallopian tubes can handle his sperm?
我肯定他的精♥液♥像散弹猎枪那样可射穿她的背
I guarantee he blows a load like a shotgun, right through her back.
她的子♥宫♥呢？
What about her womb?
她的子♥宫♥有能力怀他的孩子吗？
Do you think it’s strong enough to carry his child?
当然能，有何问题？
Sure. Why not?
他是外星人！
He’s an alien, for Christ’s sake!
地球的阳光会增强他的氪化生物机能
His Kryptonian biological make-up
is enhanced by Earth’s yellow sun.
如果洛伊斯晒太阳，孩子会踢穿她的肚子
If Lois gets a tan, the kid could kick right through her stomach.
只有神奇女俠才有能力怀他的孩子
Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid.
他与普通少女性♥交♥的唯一方法是用氪制避孕套
The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a Kryptonite condom.
但这会毁了他
But that would kill him.
我本该在佛罗里达跟博兰蒂作♥爱♥
How did I go from the verge of hot Floridian sex with Brandi…
怎么在美食广场跟你辩论钢人的性♥交♥
to Man of Steel coital debates with you in the food court?
– 饼干柜台不属于美食广场 – 当然是
Cookie stand is not part of the food court.
Of course it is.
美食广场在楼下，饼干柜台在二楼
The food court is downstairs, the cookie stand is upstairs.
我们不是在讨论量子物理学
It’s not like we’re talking quantum physics here.
饼干柜台是简便饮食店 简便饮食店是美食广场的一部份
The cookie stand counts as an eatery,
the eatery’s a part of the food court.
胡说
Bullshit. Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs…
楼下的那些简便饮食店
才称得上美食广场
qualify as food court.
其它以外的
Anything outside of said designated square…
只是商场之中的小吃
is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking.
如果你要增长这方面的知识…
Now if you’re gonna wax intellectual about the subject…