耍酷一族（1995）

你总在那里干嘛？
What do you do in there all the time?
你知道
Figure it out.
我指像以前那样，每个早晨你离开之前
No, I mean like before. Like every morning before you leave…
你在那里呆半个小时 而我听到的是水流声
you’re in there for like a half an hour
and all I ever hear is water running.
怎么？
And?
你不是在那里抚摸自己吧？
You’re not in there touching yourself, are you?
我看错你了，你真愚钝弱智
I was wrong about you. You’re crass and retarded.
你在那里干什么？
What do you do in there?
你真的想知道？
You really want to know?
我不是在问吗？我正在扮关心的角色
I asked, didn’t I? I’m playing the role of the concerned guy.
我哭泣
I cry-
– 你哭？ – 我流泪
You cry? I cry.
有何特别原因？
Any particular reason?
嗨
Hey!
我在想做出影响我们生活决定的人
I think about the people that make decisions that affect our lives.
在治疗疾病方面作贡献的医生
The doctors who make advancements in curing diseases.
设计摩天楼的工程师
The engineer that designs skyscrapers.
– 决定飞机航线的人 – 领航员
The guy that maps out a plane’s flight path.
我想那些人每天是如何
The navigator.
I think about how those people are out there every day…
作出贡献，轰轰烈烈
making a difference, leading big lives…
他们如何抵御…
and how they refuse to be intimidated
他们面对失败的巨大挫折
by the tremendous odds of failure they face.
他们是如何使自己关心同伴
And how they only concern themselves
with peers and company that apply…
关心实现他们的目标和崇高理想的公♥司♥
to their goals and noble causes.
我厌恶你说的，我想我在卫生间
Jesus! I’d hate to tell you what I think about when I’m in the bathroom.
我想到这些，我流泪了
I think about all that and I cry…
因为和你在一起，除了作♥爱♥，没有其它
because I have nothing better to do than fuck you.
你抛弃我？
You’re dumping me?
你干什么，发狂了？
What are you, crazy?
是因为我不把你介绍给我母亲？
Is this because I didn’t introduce you to my mother?
天啊！这不是我的兄弟吗
Holy shit! If it isn’t mon frère.
上次在美国有线新闻网上 我看到你向公务人员开枪
Last time I saw you,
you were on CNN taking shots at public officials.
奎特先生，奎特先生
Mr. Quint.
快走！
Move!
奎特先生，奎特先生
看来你在寻找避难所
So you’re looking for sanctuary.
整个早晨都这样
It’s been like this all morning.
你自己造成的，你能责备他们吗？
Can you blame them after the spectacle you made of yourself?
你打算如何？去服役吗？
What were you trying to do, anyway? Impress Jodie Foster?
我无意伤害州长 鲍迪，这是一个愚蠢的误会
I wasn’t gunning for the Governor, Brodie.
It was a stupid misunderstanding.
啊，你显然是懦夫
Ah. Now you’re crying patsy…
表现出了孤独古怪刺客的
thus demonstrating all the key characteristics…
所有的主要特征
of a lone nut assassin.
这里的规矩是: 不要碰东西，也不要被东西碰
Usual vault rules apply: touch not, lest ye be touched.
你真是个混帐的家伙
You’re such an anal-retentive bastard.
六年级时我想教你如何画漫画
Hey, I tried to teach you how to handle comics in the sixth grade, but, oh, no…
你却要参加小社团
you wanted to play Little League instead.
– 那是什么？ – 喜欢吗？你来之前刚框好的
What’s that?
Like it? I framed it before you got here.
哦，我的天！蕾娜抛弃了你！
Oh, my God! Rene dumped you!
对于一个女人厌恶世嘉，没必要恼怒
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega.
– 那意味着什么？ – 你在那里看看吧
What’s that mean? You had to be there. Just keep reading.
哇！瞧这一大堆的抱怨
Wow! Look at this laundry list of complaints.
没目标，没理想，没前途
You have no direction, no college ambition, no job prospects.
还说我没有鸡♥巴♥
Yeah. It also says I have no dick.
你可注意除了钱，再一次证明
But you’ll notice that follows the financial question, proving once more…
女人真正想要什么
what women really look for.
为钱你做了什么？
What do you do for money, anyway?
血库，精♥子♥库，现在考虑眼库
Blood bank, sperm bank, currently considering the eye bank.
– 哇，她认为你乳臭未干 – 你说这话严重
Wow, she calls you callow in here.
You say that like it’s bad.
– 这意味着胆小怕事，意志薄弱 – 真的吗？
It means frightened and weak-willed. Really?
我想那是这份信唯一称赞的地方
Shit. That was the only part of the letter I thought was complimentary.
是的，你算幸运
Yeah, well, you’re lucky.
不像你，我连一封写满形容词的信也没有
Unlike you, I didn’t even get a letter filled with obscure adjectives.
你来此里要告诉我什么？
What are you telling me here?
我现在也与你一样
I, too, now am in the framing business.
天啊！博兰蒂抛弃了你
Holy shit! Brandi dumped you.
你俩不是要去佛罗里达州？
Wait a second, aren’t you two supposed to go to Florida?
今天早晨该去的，但没去成
Should’ve left this morning. Oh, it gets worse.
– 我要向她求婚 – 在哪里？
I was gonna propose to her. Where?
– 在环球影城 – 开玩笑！那里？
On the Universal tour. You’re kidding! What part?
大白鲨跳出水的地方
When Jaws pops out of the water.
我从未听过这么浪漫的地方
That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.
可惜我不打算与你结婚
Too bad I’m not trying to marry you.
我问你，在她面前放过吗？
Let me ask you something. Did you ever fart in front of her?
你为什么问？
Why do you ask?
我从未在蕾娜面前放过
I never farted in front of Rene, not once, all right?
上星期放过，今天她就抛弃了我
Then last week I let one slip. Today she dumps me.
你以为那是蕾娜抛弃你的原因？
You think that that’s why Rene dumped you?
她才没那般肤浅，鲍迪
She’s not the shallow type, Brodie.
当时她在替我口♥交♥
She was going down on me at the time.
– 闭嘴！ – 我能说什么？我觉得非常松驰
Shut up! What can I say? I was feeling very relaxed.
当我被放松的时候，就喷出了
When I’m relaxed, I squirt.
她不过抛弃你，算你走运
If all she did was dump you, you got off light.
我不相信这种胡扯
I can’t believe this shit.
为什么我们坐在这里设法去寻找
Why are we sitting here trying to figure out…
我们问题所在，及我们某些重要的事
where we went wrong with our significant others?
我们刚找到你的问题
We just nailed it, in your case.
不，外面某些东西
No, there is something out there that can help ease our simultaneous double loss.
定使能减轻我们双倍的损失
– 自杀仪式？ – 不，白♥痴♥，逛商场！
Ritual suicide?
No, you idiot. The fucking mall!
我宁愿自杀
I prefer ritual suicide.
去吧，一定好玩，饼干柜台有新产品
Oh, come on, man! It’ll be great.
They got these new cookies at the cookie stand.
非常好吃，你一定要试试
You have to try them, they’re awesome.
你以为一块饼干就能引诱我
You think the promise of a cookie is gonna lure me…
去做我不感兴趣的事？
into doing something I have zero interest in?
我多大了，5岁吗？
What am I, 5 years old?
奎特，不是一个小姑娘，对吗？只是去而已
Quint, don’t be such a pussy, all right? Just go.
我将告诉你
All right, I’ll tell you what.
我们可以在博兰蒂家停留 如果这会使你感觉好很多
We can stop off at Brandi’s if that’ll make you feel better.
你可以和她谈谈，也许能平息这件事
You can talk to her, maybe patch this thing up.
奎特先生，我是佛烈德·毕晓普 国家广播公♥司♥
Oh, Mr. Quint, I’m Fred Bishop with NBC.
我们公♥司♥想购买♥♥你的故事
The network would like to buy the rights to your story…
去编导风趣的电视节目
to make a tasteful telepic.
奎特先生，汤姆·查克，哥伦比亚广播公♥司♥
Mr. Quint, Tom Drucker, CBS.
我们会支付更多的钱 我们会要德鲁·巴里穆尔扮演你的女朋友
We’ll pay more money and we’ll get Drew Barrymore to play your girlfriend.
嗨，后退
Hey, back off.
– 我们可以在博兰蒂家逗留，对不对？ – 是的
We can stop at Brandi’s, right? Yeah.
穿衣
Get dressed.
爵士健美操？为什么你母亲的车里有一卷增氧健身带？
Jazzercise? Why does your mother have an aerobics tape in her car?
我们甩掉他们了？
We lose them?
在视线内的不是一辆新闻车
Not a news van in sight.
有人告诉你开这样的强盗车吗？
Damn, anyone ever tell you you drive like the Bandit?
哦，妈的！这么多人找博兰蒂
Oh, shit! So much for seeing Brandi.
别理睬他们，进去吧
Just ignore them and go in.
开玩笑？ 是“硬新闻”，那是小报电视
You kidding? That’s Hard Edition. That’s tabloid TV.
他们见到我在这里，会认为这是 “雪佛兰邦妮和克莱德重聚
They see me here and it’s “Suburban Bonnie and Clyde reunite…
在家中杀害父亲”
“to slay father in his own home.”
我不知道你在嚷什么
Man, I don’t know what you’re crying about.
我在电视上会把胡说减少一半
I’d cut one of my nuts in half to be on TV.
那你就进行表演吧
That’d get you on this show.
你可以绕道后面
All right, tell you what. You go round the back…
我去绊住这些第四阶级(指新闻记者)
I’ll run interference with the fourth estate.
– 你先去，我随后？ – 你去后面
You got my back? Your back is got.
好的
All right.
你们在干嘛？
So what’s this all about?
我是“硬新闻”的托莱·梅斯格
I’m Tori Metzger from Hard Edition.
我们希望能见见博兰蒂·斯维林