耍酷一族（1995）

Then at night, we’d take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus.
然后驾车去人迹稀少的海滩
Then I’d follow it all up with a drive to a secluded beach…
在那里开着收音机…
where I’d pop on the radio…
慢舞至日出
and then we could slow dance till the sun came up.
这是我从未听过的最长的废话！
That was the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard!
瞧你这德性，你是为性而乞求的那类家伙
I mean, look at you, you’re the kind of guy that would beg for sex.
我应该知道，因为我们臭味相同
I should know, we can smell our own.
一号♥求婚者
Suitor Number One.
如果我们恋爱，你如何向我求婚？
If we fell in love, how would you propose to me?
– 在大白鲨跃出水面的地方 – 什么？
When Jaws popped out of the water.
Excuse me?
我现在向你求婚
I’ll propose to you right now.
求你别让你父亲主宰你的生活
I propose you stop letting your father run your life…
忠于你自己而不放弃爱你的人
and be true to yourself and not give up on someone you know has value.
如果兴奋激动时要叫声，就脱掉你的袜子
Yeah, and take off your socks when you make whoopee…
他不喜欢你穿着袜子
or whatever that word is. He hates it when you leave them on.
– 什么？ – 这是假设
What? Hypothetically speaking.
一号♥求婚者，你很面善
Suitor Number One, you sound familiar.
– 也许像你的良心？ – 小姐，你不认识他吗？
Like your conscience, maybe?
Look, lady. You don’t know him, all right?
产生疑问了
Now make with the questions.
三号♥求婚者
Suitor Number Three.
你的吻像柔和的微风…
Is your kiss like a soft breeze…
有力的握手，还是手提钻？
a firm handshake, or a jackhammer?
那个好笑的家伙在作何手势？
What’s the funny guy doing with his hands?
我不想知道
I don’t want to know.
舞台上都在干些什么？
What the fuck is going on up there?
你去告诉拉科斯打电♥话♥给警♥察♥
Never mind. You go tell LaFours to call the police.
我要那该死的警♥察♥局来这里拘捕那些家伙
I want the fucking Department down here now to arrest those guys.
立即去
Now. Go.
一定是手提钻
Definitely a jackhammer.
做时我会用点力…
I’m in there with some pressure, and when I’m done…
你会与之前不同，你会有改变
you’re not the same as before. You’re changed.
你这是哪来的胡扯？
Where do you come up with this shit?
这是对诚实问题最低俗的回答
That is the cheesiest response to an honest question I’ve ever heard.
我见过你接吻，一点也不像那样
I saw you kiss and it wasn’t anything like that.
二号♥求婚者，没问你之前不可以作答
Suitor Number Two, you have to wait until
you’re addressed before you respond.
理查德·道森，回你的讲台去 除非现在你要参入挑战
Richard Dawson, go back to your podium
until it’s time to play the Feud, all right?
– 你看见我吻谁？ – 后台的一个家伙
Who did you see me kiss?
我不知道他是谁的，但他似乎一点也不佩服你
Some dude backstage.
I don’t know who he was, but he seemed unimpressed.
我发誓没跟后台的人接吻，我不是基佬
I didn’t kiss any guy backstage, I swear. I’m not gay.
嗨，小姐，这家伙很讨厌同性恋
Hey, Suitor-ette, this guy’s a homophobe.
你听到他有多憎恶
You heard how repulsed he sounded.
你愿跟这类家伙一同渡假？
Is this the kind of guy you want to spend a vacation with?
– 一个憎恨商？ – 我不厌恶同性恋！
This hate monger? I don’t hate gay people!
– 你爱他们？ – 是的！
So you love them? Yes!
– 我的意思是不爱！ – 经典的犹豫症，自我厌恶
I mean, no! Textbook closet case. Self-loather.
对自己的性倾向也不清楚
Can’t be comfortable with his own sexuality.
鲍迪叫我给你
Brodie said to give this to you.
你在看吗？节目一团糟
Are you watching this shit, man? It’s fucked up!
我不想在这里，这卷带…
I don’t want to be here when that tape
我能料到会引起什么
does what I think it’s going to do.
为什么不？那人是笨蛋
Why the hell hot, man? This shit is dope.
他妈的，他会杀了他
Holy fuck. He’ll kill him.
杀谁？
Who’ll kill who?
拉科斯，塞尔·鲍伯是我的死党
LaFours, man. Silent Bob, he’s my fucking board, man.
– 我该怎么办？ – 搞定他
What am I going to fucking do? Point him out.
小姐，可否回答我一个问题？
Miss Suitor-ette, how about you answer a question for me?
– 我觉得那… – 你的信念有多强？
Um, I don’t think that–
How strong are your convictions?
Hi.
你对心理行为研究感兴趣吗？
Would you be interested in partaking
in some psycho-behavioral research?
你在说什么？
What are you talking about?
你会轻易放弃吗？ 假如你跟我们其中一个拍拖
How easily do you quit? Say you wind up with one of us.
希望不是拉什·林柏
Hopefully not Rush Limbaugh, over here.
我不像拉什·林柏！
I’m not like Rush Limbaugh!
为什么不像，是因为他胖？ 你又歧视肥胖的人？
Why not, because he’s fat? You got something against fat people, too?
斯洛捷-博杰斯！
Snootchy bootchies!
你准备好了吗？
Are you ready?
如果我有信念，我不会放弃
Uh.
If I have a conviction, I stick to it.
你爱过吗？
Were you ever in love?
– 事实上爱过 – 真的？
Yes, as a matter of fact. Oh, really?
你的男朋友呢？
What happened to your boyfriend?
– 我们分手了 – 为什么？
We broke up. Why?
– 只是相处不下 – 你不快乐吗？
It just didn’t work out.
I mean, were you unhappy?
– 有时 – 为什么？
Sometimes. Why?
我不知道，很平常
I don’t know. The usual baggage.
他缺乏浪漫感
He lacked a sense of romance.
他几乎毁了我父亲的事业
He almost ruined my father’s career.
他使我牵涉一宗谋杀案
He got me implicated in an attempted murder.
那是意外事件
That was an accident.
T.S？
T.S.?
嗨，我们其余人怎么办？
Hey, what about the rest of us?
你为什么不问我？
Why don’t you ask me a question?
二号♥求婚者
Suitor Number Two.
– 嗨，还有我呢？ – 葛，他妈的，闭嘴！
Hey, what about me? Gil, just shut the fuck up!
第二位求婚者
Second Suitor…
你会当众发出兴奋时的叫声吗？
would you ever make whoopee in public?
我今天已经做了一次
I already did once today.
但是我表弟沃尔特真的当众自♥慰♥过
But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story.
他在去新墨西哥的飞机上
He was on a plane to New Mexico,
当时突然失压
when all of a sudden the hydraulics went.
飞机开始打转，失去控制
The plane started spinning around, going out of control.
他认为这下完了，便拿了出来
He decides it’s all over, whips it out
就在那里开始弄
and starts beating it right there.
其他乘客也跟着效法
All the passengers take a cue from him,
他们疯狂地弄着
they whip it out and start beating like mad.
所有乘客都在自♥慰♥
So all the passengers are beating off,
他们的厄命运即将降临…
plummeting to their certain doom…
突然…
when all of a sudden…
气压恢复正常，飞机平稳
the hydraulics kick back in and the plane rights itself.
安全地着陆
It lands safely…
每个人穿戴好并下机
and everyone puts their pieces, or whatever, away and deboard.
没有人向别人提此事
Nobody mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
他达到高♥潮♥吗？
Did he come or what?
上帝，葛！
Jesus Christ, Gil!
有一些事你不可当众提
There are just some things you do not mention in public.
第二位求婚者
Second Suitor…
如果你是漫画角色，你会是哪一个？
if you were a comic-book character, what character would you be?
哇，这问题太棒了
Wow, that’s a great question.
问题有点难，答案拿什么做标准？
A tough one, though. What does one gauge his response on?
英勇过人？敏锐的观察技能？
Physical prowess? Keen detection skills?
有战胜超级坏人的能力？
The ability to banter well with super villains?
你的漫画书收集得怎样，鲍迪？
How’s your comic-book collection, Brodie?
不错，我是指…
Oh, it’s going good. But, I mean–
连环画！你在说什么？
Oh, comics! What are you talking about?
我不收集连环画，那是孩子看的！
I don’t collect comics. Comics are for kids!
我知道了
I knew it.
一号♥求婚者
Suitor Number One…
– 你就是不知道何时放弃吗？ – 不
you just don’t know when to quit, do you?
不，但你确实放弃，我以为你在恋爱
No.
No, but you sure do. I thought you were in love.
没错
I was.
– 但你搅乱了我的生活 – 怎会如此？
But you complicated my life.
你把我置身与这样该死的
How so?
Well, you placed me in such a damned
难堪的困境，还牵涉我父亲
uncomfortable position with my father…
有两次事件，我能不这样做吗？
Twice even. What was I supposed to do?
至少表现些勇气
Show a little backbone.
我准备表现些勇气
I was ready to show a little backbone.
然后你与神奇小子出现在那里