爱你，西蒙

– Turn around. – I’m here.
-转过去 -好了
– Turn around. – Okay.
-好了 -好看吗
– Okay. – Is it good?
-强多了 -真的
– Way better. – Is it?
对 现在我们得处理下这个鸡窝头了
Yeah. Now, we need to do something about this hair.
梳到后面怎么样
Maybe slick it back?
不行 它不往后倒
It doesn’t do that. It doesn’t slick back.
神奇女侠驾到
Wonder Woman in the hizzy!
我编了个口号♥
I made up a catchphrase,
因为神奇女侠自己没有
’cause Wonder Woman doesn’t have one.
那个词的意思是房♥子
“Hizzy” Means house.
-对 -当然
– Right. Yeah. – Yeah.
艾比 你看上去棒极了
Oh, Abby, you look amazing.
谢谢
Thank you!
你看上去棒极了
Yeah. You look awesome.
我去弄那些冷冻披萨
I’m gonna go make those frozen pizzas.
好
All right.
我去帮忙
Yeah, I’ll help.
这行头真不错 真的
That’s a nice costume, for real.
谢谢 你是… C罗
Thank you. What? Cristiano Ronaldo!
你记得我们以前上学时
Do you remember when we went to school
扮成霹雳娇娃吗
dressed as Charlie’s Angels?
天啊 记得
Oh, my God, yes.
然后尼克的蛋蛋从小短裤漏出来
And Nick’s balls fell out of his booty shorts
就在我们蹲下做招牌动作的时候
when he, like, dropped down to do the gun pose?
你怀念去讨糖吃吗
Mm. Do you miss trick-or-treating?
你是说不喜欢现在参加热闹的派对
What, you mean instead of, like, going to loud parties
假装喜欢啤酒的味道
pretending to like the taste of beer
感到太扭捏 没办法跳舞吗
and feeling too self-conscious to dance?
我不知道你为什么感到扭捏
I don’t know why you feel self-conscious.
你显然是
I mean, you are very clearly
学校里最酷的人了
the coolest person at our school.
我很确定只有你这么觉得
I’m pretty sure you’re the only one who feels that way.
但是谢了
But thank you.
那是谁
Who’s that?
我邀请了马丁
I invited Martin.
-马丁·艾迪森 -为什么
– Martin Addison? – Why?
是要帮他完成愿望吗
Is this a Make-A-Wish situation?
不 他挺好的
No, he’s cool.
看上去不错
Oh, looking sharp.
-伙计们 -你扮的是谁
– Guys. – What are you supposed to be?
难道不是很明显吗
Isn’t it obvious?
我是弗洛伊德衬裙[错误]
Ah! I’m a Freudian slip.
指受潜意识影响而出现的错误
艾比 神奇女侠
Abby. Wonder Woman.
快选一首歌♥
Just pick a song already.
尼克 你能别催我吗
Hey, Nick, uh, can you not rush me?
老实说 我选不了 太多了
Honestly, I can’t choose. There’s so many.
就像网飞一样
That’s like Netflix.
就像在网飞上选一部电影
You know, trying to pick a film on Netflix.
我就说 “我是想看贾德·阿帕图
I’m like… “Am I in an Apatow mood,
两人均为好莱坞知名导演
还是比利·怀尔德
or am I in a Billy Wilder mood?” You know?
放公鸭的歌♥
Ooh, play Drake. Yes.
不 他的歌♥现在放超没劲
Uh, no. Drake is, like, super played out at this point.
说唱天王的歌♥怎么会没劲 不可能
You can’t play out a rap god. Doesn’t happen.
-不可能 -首先 他不是说唱天王
– Impossible. – First of all, he’s not a rap god.
第二 我在找碧昂斯的歌♥
And second of all, I’m looking for some Beyoncé.
就是找不到《柠檬水》了
I just can’t find “Lemonade.”
我有个有趣的问题
Hey. Here’s an interesting question.
我喜欢碧昂斯
I love Beyoncé.
什么东西会让你们怀旧
What makes you guys feel nostalgic?
我觉得每个人或多或少都喜欢她
I mean, I think everybody kinda likes Beyoncé.
葡萄汽水会让我感觉很怀旧
Grape soda makes me feel very nostalgic.
-你在说什么 -什么东西会让你怀旧
– What are you talking about? – What makes you feel nostalgic?
艾比
Hey, Abby.
我敢说今晚你的行头最棒
I bet you’re gonna have the best costume tonight.
-谢谢 -不客气
– Thanks. – Nah, you’re welcome.
搞什么 斯皮尔
What the hell, Spier?
为什么尼克还在和艾比调情
Hey, why is Nick still flirting with Abby?
我不知道 马丁
I don’t know, Martin.
也许你不该穿裙子来
Maybe you shouldn’t have worn a dress.
你看上去像个变装皇后
You look like a drag queen
还围了一条磁体诗
rolled around in magnetic poetry.
艾比
Hey, Abby!
你什么时候需要续杯
Whenever you need a refill of your drink,
我就是你的专属酒保
I’ll be your designated bartender.
别担心
So don’t worry.
克洛伊 过来
Okay. Hey, Chloe, come here!
约翰·列侬
Hey. John Lennon?
-对 猜对了 -不赖
– Yeah. You got it. – Nice.
尼克
And, um, Nick…
-你扮的自己 -不不 我是C罗
– You’re Nick. – No. No. I’m Ronaldo.
-我的错 -很明显
– Oh. My bad. – Obviously.
你扮的是谁
Who are you supposed to be?
我是总统任期结束的奥巴马
Oh. Uh… I am post-presidency Barack Obama.
在夏威夷度假 喝鸡尾酒
So I’m just chillin’ in Hawaii, drinking Mai Tais,
写回忆录
writing memoirs
希望特朗普别把我的功绩毁于一旦
and hoping Trump doesn’t destroy my legacy.
太棒了
That’s awesome.
谢了 我们去吧台吧 快来
Thanks. Now let’s go to the bar. Come on.
盖瑞特 别这样
No, Garrett, no.
好了 我们应该敬一杯
All right, we should have a little toast.
不了谢谢 我要开车
No, thanks. I’m driving.
西蒙不怎么喝酒
And Simon doesn’t really drink.
不 我喝酒 没关系 我喝
No, I drink. It’s cool. I drink.
-这才是我的兄弟 -真的吗
– All right, that’s my man. – Really?
莉亚的家宴上
You wouldn’t even have a glass
你都不肯喝一杯葡萄酒
of Manischewitz at Leah’s Seder.
这可是万圣节 是特殊场合
It’s Halloween, man. It’s a special occasion.
没错
True that.
干杯
Cheers.
Never Fall in Love – Jack Antonoff
你还好吧
You okay?
艾比是我见过的最性感的神奇女侠
Abby is the hottest Wonder Woman I have ever seen.
我愿意让她拿套索对我用那招
The shit that I would let her do to me with that lasso.
我知道
Oh, I know, man.
把我捆绑起来之类的
Just, like, tie me up with that thing.
你没喜欢上艾比吧
You’re not into Abby, are you?
不 不
No, no, no.
我又不… 她是很可爱
I mean, it’s not like I… She’s cute…
但她不算是我的菜
…but she’s just not really my type.
不是因为她是黑人 我喜欢黑人女生
Not because she’s black. I love black women.
但不是对黑种女人有特殊癖好
Not like, you know, I have a thing for black women,
我只是喜欢所有女人
I just love all women.
-我要约她出来 -什么 不行
– I’m gonna go ask her out. – What? No.
-不行 -不行
– No? No? – No.
-你不能约她出来 -为什么
– You can’t ask Abby out. – Why not?
因为… 她没跟你说乔纳森的事吗
Because. She didn’t tell you about Jonathan?
她没跟你说
She didn’t tell you about that?
-没有 -他比你大
– No. – He’s older.
大学生
In college.
经验丰富
He’s really experienced.
你知道我只做过一次爱吧
You know I’ve only had sex once, right?
我知道
I know that.
没人告诉过你
You know, it’s like no one tells you
一切是多么黑暗
how dark everything is
到处都滑溜溜的
and how slippery everything gets, and, you know,
你以为是正确的部位
the parts you think are the right parts
其实是错的 然后…
are actually the wrong parts and…
好了 我要吃点东西冷静下
All right, I’m gonna go eat my feelings away.
-我很抱歉 -不 没关系 别放心上
– Man, I’m sorry… – No, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.