爱你，西蒙

给别人看什么
Show anyone what?
你把我的邮件打印出来了吗
Did you print my emails or something?
不 没有
Oh, no, no.
我截图了
I screenshot them.
-你截图了我的邮件 -对
– You screenshotted my emails? – Mm-hmm. Yeah.
我来跟你谈谈
Let me talk to you for a second.
-布拉德利女士 -你好 马丁
– Oh, Ms. Bradley. – Hello, Martin.
-你打薄头发了吗 -没
– Did you feather your hair? – No.
看上去不错
Looking good.
这排书不错
This is a good section.
天啊
Jeez.
你为什么要截图我的电邮
Now, why the hell did you screenshot my emails?
你和艾比·苏索是好朋友 对吧
Ah, well, you and Abby Susso are good friends. Right?
对 我们认识
Yeah. We know each other.
这跟其他事有什么关系
What does that have to do with anything?
我需要你帮我跟她搭话
Well, I need you to help me talk with her…
跟她一起玩之类的
and hang out with her and stuff, you know?
我为什么要帮你
Why would I help you do that?
你在威胁我吗
Are you blackmailing me?
别这么戏剧化 西蒙
Oh, shh! Okay. Don’t be so dramatic here, Simon.
你好 泰勒
Sup, Tyler?
你好啊 泰勒 是巴塔哥尼亚的外套吗
What’s up, Tyler? Is that a Patagonia?
不错 我只是喜欢她
Nice. I just like her.
我觉得你能帮我
And I think that you could help me.
是吗 如果我拒绝呢 马丁
Yeah, what if I say no, Martin?
你打算怎么办
I mean, what are you gonna do?
你打算告诉全学校 我是…
You gonna tell the whole school that I’m…
你打算泄露我的邮件吗
You’re gonna leak my emails?
你打算发到溪木镇树洞上吗
You’re gonna post ’em on CreekSecrets?
我只是觉得以我们现在的状况
I just think that we’re in a position here,
可以互相提供帮助
where we could help each other out is all.
考虑一下吧
So think about it.
聊得真愉快
Good talk.
我以前从没把辣椒
You know, I never thought of a pepper
当成蔬菜
as being a vegetable…
但完全说得通
…but it makes perfect sense.
我喜欢香菜 有点墨西哥菜的意思
I like the cilantro. A little Mexican flair, huh?
非常有创意 孩子
Very creative, kiddo.
你讨厌辣椒 是吗
You hate the peppers. Don’t you?
不 辣椒很棒
No. The peppers are great.
我出去透透气
I’m just gonna get some air.
雅克 有些话我必须得说
Jacques, I have to get something off my chest.
那天你问我
The other day, you asked me
万圣节打算穿什么
what I was wearing for Halloween
我说我不打算装扮
and I said I wasn’t dressing up.
我撒谎了 实话是
I lied. Truth is,
我不想让你知道我穿什么
I didn’t want you to know what I was wearing
因为我不想让你知道我是谁
because I don’t want you to know who I am.
此时此刻 这些邮件
Right now, these emails,
就感觉像安全的避风港一样
they feel like this totally safe place.
我还没准备好颠覆自己的世界
I’m just not ready for my whole world to change.
希望你能理解
I hope you understand.
好的 小蓝 我理解
Yes, Blue. I understand.
如果你想让我帮你撮合你和艾比
Okay, if you want me to help you with Abby,
你不能吃那个
you cannot eat that.
这么说你打算帮我
So you’re gonna help me?
对
Yeah.
西蒙 那太好了
Simon, that is fantastic news.
我真认为我和艾比是天生一对
I really think that Abby and I are meant to be together.
真的吗
Really? Do you?
外表并不决定一切 西蒙
It’s not all about looks, Simon.
所以你在指望
Okay. So you’re banking on your great,
用你那了不得的敲诈型人格搞定吗
blackmaily personality to get the job done?
-我们要去哪 -你家
– Where are we going? – Your place.
我们来看看你到底有没有
We’re gonna see if you have anything
什么东西让人不想给你一拳
that doesn’t scream, “Punch me.”
事实上 我有游泳课
Actually, I’ve got swim lessons.
取消掉
Cancel it!
好吧 但我得先给我妈打电♥话♥
Okay, I just have to call my mom first.
领别人回家得先经过她同意
She has to approve everybody that comes in the house.
好了 快来
All right. Here we go.
好了 我们到了
All right. And here we are.
这里就是魔法发生的地方
This is where the magic happens.
纠正一下
Ooh. Correction.
这里才是魔术[魔法]发生的地方
This is where the magic happens.
我最近在尝试近距离幻觉魔术
I’ve been dabbling in close-up illusions.
艾比喜欢魔术吗
Does Abby like magic?
不 马丁 我觉得她不喜欢魔术
No. Martin, I don’t think she does like magic.
但是 和某人一起笑
But, um, there’s a really thin line
与嘲笑某人只是一线之间
between laughing with someone, and laughing at someone.
而你就是那条线
And you are that line.
如果你想让艾比喜欢你
So, if you want Abby to like you,
你需要做的就是
what you have to do is you have to
让她看到你…
make her see you as more of a…
性感的一面
As sexy Martin!
对 没错 我能性感
Yeah! Yeah, I could be sexy.
你喜欢男人 告诉我
You like dudes. Tell me.
你觉得我哪部分最性感
What part of me do you find the hottest?
-不 我不要 -快点
– No. I’m not doing this. – No. Come on.
不 马丁 我不想回答
No, Martin. I don’t want to answer that.
听着 如果你说是我的肩膀
Look, if you said my shoulders
我就突出展示一下
I would dress to accentuate. You know?
知道吗 给你第一条建议
You know what? Here’s your first tip.
线条不错
Ripped.
女孩们不想读你衣服上的字
Girls, they don’t want to read your clothes.
我才不鸟你
我觉得你错了
I think you’re wrong about that one.
你到底有多少这种衣服
How many of these do you have?
停下 快停下
Please, just stop! Hey! Stop!
我不想让你帮忙改变我
Look, I don’t want your help in changing me.
我想让你帮忙让艾比爱上本来的我
I want your help in getting Abby to like me for me.
听着
Look. Um…
这周六有个派对 在布拉姆家
there’s a party this Saturday. At Bram’s.
你想跟我和我朋友一起去吗
Do you want to go with my friends and I?
想
Yes!
当然想 太简单了
Yes! So simple.
一定是因为这样大家才叫你头脑”简单”西蒙
Must be why they call you Simple Simon.
没人这么叫我 马丁
Nobody calls me that, Martin.
你想留下过夜吗
Hey, uh, do you want to, like, sleep over?
不想
Nope.
你好
Oh, hello.
你们好
Hey, what’s up?
-不错吧 -尼克
– Nice, right? – Nick.
不错吧
Good?
即便是你 这也算懒出新高度了
This is, like, a new level of laziness, even for you.
什么意思 我扮的C罗
What do you mean? I’m Cristiano Ronaldo.
你连把背上纸条的颜色涂满
And you couldn’t even be bothered
都懒得弄吗
to fill in the letters on the back?
不 过来 给我
No, come on. Give me that.
你真是恶霸
You are a bully.
别这么跟洋子说话
Hey. Don’t talk about Yoko that way, man.
如果你这样 你就滚出乐团吧
Because if you do, you’re out of the band.
你们扮的是谁
Who are you guys supposed to be?
约翰·列侬和小野洋子
John Lennon and Yoko Ono.
我以为她是《午夜凶铃》里的那个女孩
Oh! I thought she was the girl from The Ring,
你是耶稣呢
and you were Jesus.
耶稣 不 耶稣为什么穿白西装
Jesus? No. Why would Jesus be wearing a white suit?
不知道 你来告诉我啊
I don’t know. You tell me.
是你决定把自己扮成精致耶稣的
You’re the one who decided to dress up like fancy Jesus.
天啊 好了 过来
Oh, my God. Okay. Come here.
-转过身 -我在这呢