爱你，西蒙

Come on, he’s like Jesus and chocolate.
你看他
Just look at him.
后来意识到根本与他们的音乐无关
Then I realized it really wasn’t about the music.
之后我交了第一个女友
And then there was my first girlfriend.
我想我爱上你了
I think I’m falling in love with you.
谢谢你 我去去就回
Wow. Thank you. Be right back.
那不是我最自豪的时刻
Wasn’t my proudest moment.
快来接我 大家都在喝酒
天啊 我这就赶来
妈妈
你呢 你怎么知道的
How ’bout you? How did you know?
热情的 雅克
Warmly, Jacques.
真诚的 雅克
Fondly, Jacques.
雅克
Jacques.
雅克 别担心
Jacques, don’t worry.
如果你最自豪的时刻发生在中学时期
If your proudest moment happened in middle school,
那挺可悲的
that would be pretty sad.
而我是在看《权力的游戏》时
For me, I realized I liked guys
发现自己喜欢男人
watching Game of Thrones.
我的朋友都屏住呼吸
My friends were all holding their breath
等着看龙妈的奶♥子♥
waiting to see the Dragon Princess’s boobs.
我却迷恋琼恩·雪诺
I was crushing hard on Jon Snow.
我从没告诉过别人
Well, I’ve never told anyone
我暗恋过丹尼尔·拉德克利夫 我们扯平了
about my Daniel Radcliffe phase so now we’re even.
而且我要说
And for the record,
琼恩·雪诺是很棒的性觉醒对象
I think Jon Snow is an excellent choice for your sexual awakening.
看来如果我想在学校里找到你
So I guess, if I want to find you at school
寻找《权力的游戏》狂热粉丝就行了
I just have to look for the Game of Thrones fanatic.
我刚刚在听M83乐队的《重聚》
I was just listening to that M83 song “Reunion,”
这首歌♥让我想起你
and it made me think of you.
你可能会觉得我的音乐品味很差
You’ll probably think my music taste is lame.
我跟喜欢音乐剧歌♥曲的莎莉姑妈
Kind of have the same taste as my Aunt Sally
品味很雷同
who loves show tunes.
显然我跟你说的一些关于我的事
Obviously, some of the things I’ve told you about myself
我从没跟别人聊过
are things I’ve never talked about with anyone.
你很特别 让我想对你敞开心扉
There’s something about you that makes me want to open up.
那让我有点害怕
And that’s slightly terrifying for me.
所以我在考虑
So I’ve been thinking,
也许万圣节我该扮成琼恩·雪诺
maybe I should be Jon Snow for Halloween.
你呢 你准备扮成谁
What about you? Who are you gonna be?
我不打算变装
I’m not dressing up.
对我来说 万圣节的意义
For me, Halloween’s all about the Oreos
就是橙子味夹心奥利奥
with the orange frosting in the middle.
瞧瞧那笑容 你容光焕发呢
Wow. Look at that smile. You’re glowing, man.
没有
No.
你在发光 看起来很开心
You are glowing. You look happy.
普通啦
Oh, just regular.
-是吗 -嗯
– Oh, yeah? – Yeah.
我也是 还好而已
Me too. I’m a little meh.
为什么”还好”
Why “meh”?
我昨晚跟约炮软件认识那妹子去约会 老天
Oh, I had my big Tinder date last night. Oh, God.
她不感兴趣
She was not into it.
毫无性趣
At. All.
-不是吧 太早了 -不
– Oh, come on. Too soon. – No.
这铃♥声♥真是扫兴
The bell is a buzzkill.
-回见 沃斯老师 -好吧
– See you, Mr. Worth. – All right.
谢谢你的帮忙 小姐
Well, thank you for your help, Fraulein.
不客气
You’re welcome.
为《歌♥厅》练的德国口音 保重 布拉德利女士
German accent for Cabaret. Yup. Take care, Ms. Bradley.
女士们
Ladies.
看看有什么新鲜事 互联网
Let’s see what you got, interwebs.
这是你的烤焦的马铃薯
Here are your burnt tots,
因为你品味糟糕
because you have horrible taste.
这是你的绿香蕉
Here’s your green banana,
因为你喜欢恶心的东西
because you like disgusting things.
你们真奇葩
Wow, you guys are weird.
对 他们就像广东双胞胎
Yup. They’re practically Cantonese twins.
-是暹罗 -对 暹罗
– Siamese. – Yeah. Siamese.
对 求同存异吧
Yeah, agree to disagree.
我觉得这不是那种
I don’t think that’s one of those things
可以求同存异的事
where you can agree to disagree.
这样就是对的
It’s just right.
对个人来说
To each his own.
奥利奥
Oreos.
天啊 我太爱了
Man, I love those.
万圣节限♥量♥版是最棒的 对吧
Halloween ones are the best, right?
嗯
Yeah.
各位 我有个好消息
Er, so, guys, I have great news.
我姨妈的男友开着她的车
My aunt’s boyfriend just took off
拿着她的珠宝跑路了
with her car and all her jewelry.
布拉姆 这太糟了
Bram, that’s terrible news!
我知道 但是
I know, but it’s like,
这差不多在她身上发生第三次了
the third time it’s happened to her.
她对男人品味很差
She has really bad taste in men.
总之 我妈要去奥兰多处理这件事
Anyways, my mom is going down to Orlando to deal with it
也就是说 我能办场万圣节派对了
which means I get to throw a Halloween party.
太棒了
Awesome!
好
Nice!
谢谢你 布拉姆的蠢姨妈
Thank you, Bram’s dumb-ass aunt!
伙计们 肯定会很棒的
All right, this is gonna be epic, you guys.
我可以带上我的K歌♥机
I can bring my karaoke machine.
好了 伙计们 周五晚万圣节派对
All right, hey, guys, Halloween party Friday night!
周五晚 万圣节派对 在布拉姆家
Friday night, Halloween party, okay? Bram’s house!
你真搞起来了
You really set this in motion, man.
对啊
I know, right?
-小家伙 -我
– Hey, little guy. – Me?
万圣节派对 周五晚 布拉姆家 记得来
Halloween party. Friday night. Bram’s house. Be there.
你会把他吓坏的
You’re gonna freak him out, man.
我知道 他看上去也就九岁
I know. He’s, like, nine years old.
我们都喜欢奥利奥 真是让我松了口气
Very relieved that we’re in agreement on Oreos.
不然我可能会因为这件事跟你闹掰
That would have been a deal-breaker for me.
但抛开饼干不谈
On a totally different, non-cookie related note…
我完全不知道你长什么样子 但却一直
is it weird that I have no idea what you look like,
忍♥不住想亲你 还真是奇怪
but I can’t stop thinking about kissing you.
西蒙 西蒙
Simon. Simon.
眼睛别乱看
Eyes on your own test.
别因为我停下 罗伯和布里安娜
Don’t stop on my account, Rob and Brianne.
这是我这几周见到的最精彩的动作场面了
That’s the most action I’ve seen in weeks.
你们在做什么 哇
What do we got here? Ah!
等我们完成 这看上去将像
When we’re done, it’s gonna look
真正的德国性俱乐部 别问我怎么知道的
like a real German sex club. Don’t ask me how I know.
喷漆是用来作画的
Hey! Hey! The spray paint is for painting,
不是用来闻的
not for huffing.
你不会想擅长那个的
You don’t want to get good at that.
好了 你们觉得我该把头发染灰
Okay, do you guys think I should dye my hair grey
-来演施耐德小姐吗 -当然
– to play Fraulein Schneider? – Sure.
真的 但我的头发算是我的标志
Really? But my hair is kind of like my thing.
我去买♥♥个汽水
I’m gonna go get a soda.
你需要带点什么吗
Do you want anything?
不用
No.
你让我恶心
You disgust me.
西蒙
Simon!
-马丁 -兄弟
– Hey, Martin. – Buddy.
我之前在你后面用了图书馆的电脑
Hey, um, I used the computer in the library right after you.
好的
Okay.
我打开邮箱 是你的账户
Well, I went to Gmail, and it pulled up your account.
我看了一部分你的邮件
And I, uh, read some of your emails.
我知道我不该看
I know I probably shouldn’t’ve,
但它们就在我眼前
but they were, like, right there.
你会对我哥哥是同性恋感兴趣的
So you’ll be interested to know my brother’s gay.
不 马丁 我没兴趣知道
No. Martin, that wouldn’t interest me to know.
好吧 别担心 我不会给别人看的
Okay. Don’t worry. I won’t show anyone.