甘草披萨（2021）

我的天 你在咳嗽吗
Oh, my God, you’re, like, coughing.
我觉得还不错 嗯 是不错
I actually like it. – Yeah, I like it.
年鉴拍照日通告
This is an announcement about Picture Day.
高一年级 九点三十分开始
Freshmen class portraits at 9:30.
高三年级 午餐时开始
Juniors will be during lunch.
又没有多难
That wasn’t hard.
闭嘴 贱♥人♥
Shut up, bitch.
你闭嘴
You shut up.
很有男人味哦
Feel like a man.
像个大人物
Like a giant.
樱桃炸♥弹♥来啦
Cherry bomb!
需要梳子吗
Comb?
需要镜子吗 需要梳子吗
Mirror? Comb? No?
需要镜子吗
Mirror?
需要梳子吗
Comb?
万岁 – 噢
Bonzai! – Oh!
滚开 小混♥蛋♥
Fuck off, asshole.
该死 – 我需要
Ugh! – I’ll take it.
你叫什么名字
So what’s your name?
你很健谈啊 我喜欢
Talkative. I like that.
你今天过得怎么样
How’s your day going?
嗯
Yeah.
晚上一起吃饭吗
Dinner tonight?
你在约我吗
Are you asking me out?
是啊
Yes.
我不会跟你约会的 你才十二岁
I’m not going on a date with you. You’re 12.
你这开上玩笑了不是 我十五岁
You’re funny. I’m 15.
你多大了
How old are you?
你怎么能问这种问题
You’re not supposed to ask that.
你不应该问女士的年龄
You’re not supposed to ask a girl how old she is.
真烦
Annoying.
嗯 你说得对 你的年龄并不重要
You’re right, it doesn’t matter to me.
我们吃饭 你拿什么付钱
How are you gonna pay for dinner?
如果我答应了你 跟你去约会
If I say yes and we go on a date for dinner,
你拿什么付晚饭钱
how are you gonna pay?
你一句话总说两遍诶
You say everything twice.
我没有一句话说两遍 – 你有哦 你有的
I don’t say everything twice. – You do. You do.
什么叫一句话说两遍
What is this, “Say everything twice”?
回答我啊 你怎么付钱
Come on. How are you gonna pay?
你看电影吗
Do you go to the movies?
当然
Of course I go to the movies.
你看过欢乐满堂吗
Did you see Under One Roof?
看过
Yeah.
里面的Tony就是我演的
You’re looking at Tony.
那电影里的小孩多了去了
There’s, like, a million kids in that movie.
我不记得有叫Tony的小孩
I don’t know a Tony.
我想跟你约饭 是想让你认识我 不是我的作品
I want you to have dinner with me, not my work.
我也没有炫耀
I’m not trying to brag,
只是你问我要怎么付饭钱 我要回答啊
but you did ask how I was gonna pay for dinner.
你真的一副演员做派
You’re such an actor. You’re such an actor.
你还演过什么
What else have you been in?
闹鬼灵屋 – 没有吧
This House is Haunted. – No.
两床两卫 – 嗯
Two Beds, Two Baths. – Mmm-mmm.
我在Merv Griffin电视秀演过三个节目
I’ve done three sketches on The Merv Griffin Show.
还有 你看过…
Did you ever see me on the…
行了 不要再炫耀你的履历表了
All right. Don’t list your whole resume, it’s braggy.
我是不会跟你约会的 大哥 你才十五岁好吧
I’m not going on a date with you, man. You’re 15.
你叫我大哥
“Man.”
我喜欢
I like that.
孩子 这样行了吧
“Kid,” how about that?
我是不会跟你约会的 孩子 你才十五岁
I’m not going on a date with you, “kid.” You’re 15.
不要说这是约会 这不是约会
Don’t call it a date. It’s not a date.
你来打个招呼就行
Just come say hello.
我喜欢你的样子
I like the way you look.
我喜欢跟你聊天
I like talking with you.
你住哪里
Where do you live?
恩西诺
Encino.
这么巧 我也住恩西诺 你家在恩西诺哪里
Encino? I live in Encino. Where in Encino?
哈特拉斯
On Hatteras.
哈特拉斯哪里 – 变♥态♥
Hatteras and what? – Ugh. Creep.
哈特拉斯哪里 哈特拉斯哪里
“Hatteras and what? Hatteras and what?”
拜托 我不会告诉你我的家庭住址的 变♥态♥
I’m not telling you where I live, creep. Come on.
今晚我在鸡尾餐馆等你 – 随便 我不关心
I’ll be at the Tail o’ the Cock tonight. – I don’t care where you’ll be.
我每周四都会到那家餐馆吃饭
I go there every Thursday for dinner.
你吃什么跟我没关系 对了 你父母呢
I don’t care where you eat. Wait, where are your parents
你出来约会 你父母不管你吗 – 他们有事情要忙
while all this is happening? – They’re working.
他们很忙的 你来打个招呼嘛
They’re working. Just come say hi.
闭嘴吧
Just shut up.
我给你说说我晚上要怎么过
I’ll tell you what I’m doing.
六点半 我带我弟弟Greg去快餐店吃饭
I take my brother Greg to Tastee-Freez around 6:30,
七点半他就睡了
he’s in bed by 7:30.
等等 你要从恩西诺大老远跑到鸡尾餐馆去吃饭
Wait, you go all the way from Encino to Tail o’ the Cock for dinner?
我家住谢奥区
I live in Sherman Oaks.
行了吧
Oh, come on.
六点半 我带我弟弟Greg去快餐店吃饭
I take my brother Greg to Tastee-Freez around 6:30,
七点半他就睡了
he’s in bed by 7:30.
然后我再到鸡尾餐馆去吃自己的
I slip around the corner to Tail o’ the Cock for my dinner.
我今晚就会去那里
That’s where I’ll be.
我也没有逼你去的意思
I’m not trying to pressure you.
你确实在逼我去啊
You are pressuring me.
你一直在给我压力
You are. That’s what you’re doing.
如果你晚上想来打个招呼
If you wanna come and say hello,
如果你的日程允许的话
if it’s convenient within your plans,
我很想见你
I’d love to see you.
如果我的日程允许的话
“Convenient within my plans”?
等等 你留你弟弟一个人在家没问题吗 他多大年纪
Wait, you leave your brother alone? How old is he?
八岁 九岁吧
He’s eight. He’s nine.
你太搞笑了吧
You’re hilarious.
你连编故事都编不清楚
You can’t even keep your own stories straight.
你到底是什么人啊
What are you? You’re like a little…
你以为自己是罗伯特古莱 迪恩马丁（美国笑星）
Robert Goulet, Dean Martin or something.
你住哪里 – 谢奥区
Where do you come from? – Sherman Oaks.
哈 原来是谢奥区
Ha! Sherman Oaks.
嗨 Alana – 嗨 Cindy
Hi, Alana. – Hi, Cindy.
看见这小子没有 他可是电影明星
Did you know we got a big movie star here?
Gary Valentine
Gary Valentine.
你姓Valentine
Your name is Valentine?
Valentine
Valentine.
我是不是应该要个签名
Should I get an autograph?
不用
Don’t bother.
我在这个学校这么多年
I’ve been right here the whole time.
我有种感觉 我命中注定认识你 Alana
I get this feeling I was meant to know you, Alana.
我二十五岁了 拜托
You know I’m 25, right?
做朋友还行 但我不可能做你女朋友的
I can be your friend but I can’t be your girlfriend.
违法的
That’s illegal.
你给我希望了啊 – 闭嘴吧
You give me hope. – Shut up.
是命运让我们在这里相见
This is fate that brought us together.
是命运啊 – 闭嘴
This is fate. – Shut up.
卡片拿来
Card.
这里 – 我是说
Right here. Okay. – I mean, I’m trying
我只是想跟你认识
to spend my time with you. – Oi, oi.
难道不可以吗 – 别聊天了
Is that bad? – Stop, stop that. Oi.
把腿转过来
Turn your legs around.
不要低头 向上看
Not too down, so look up, look up. Uh…
嘴巴闭上一点
Close your mouth just a little bit.
露出一点点牙齿就够了
Just see a little bit of teeth.
就一点点牙齿
Little bit of teeth. Little bit of teeth.
像小老虎一样 行了 走吧
Go on, like a tiger. Off it. Go.
下一个
Next. Next.
我以前怎么会没见过你 怎么可能不认识你
How have I never seen you before? How have we never met?