文科恋曲（2012）

说不上来
Oh, I don’t know.
来年的教职员大会
Another year of faculty meetings,
我就不在那栋高楼里工作了
I’d throw myself off that nine-story building.
那招生工作可怎么办 伙计
So how’s the admissions game, buddy?
“招生工作可怎么办”
“How’s the admissions game, buddy?”
那是费尔菲德教授吗
Whoa, is that Professor Fairfield?
没错
Yeah.
她看起来风韵犹存
Wow, she looks fantastic!
那可是位教授啊
Professor!
她怎么样 很严厉吗
What is she like? Is she cool?
她确实不怎么平易近人
She’s definitely not warm.
我可喜欢她讲的英国浪漫主义文学课了
I loved her British Romantic lit class.
她可是我大学里最喜欢的老师
She was, like, the best teacher I had here.
她也就算我大学里第二喜欢的老师
She was, like, the second best teacher I had here.
蒙谁呢
Unbelievable.
油嘴滑舌的家伙
You are unbelievable.
哪有
What?
告诉她你的感受
Tell her how you feel,
杰西 这是我的女儿 姿碧
Jesse, this is my daughter, Zibby.
你好
Hey.
你好
Hi. Hello.
彼得 我们要跟着你们去吗
Peter, should we follow you?
如果你觉得这是明智之举的话
If you think that’s wise.
他说 我受够美国了
And he’s like, “I had it up to here with America
压抑 退化 简直就是法♥西♥斯♥
and it’s repressive, regressive, fascist,” whatever.
我是那么说的吗 有那么说过吗
I sound like that? That’s how I sound?
可不是 你就是那样说的
You do. You sound like that.
然后他又走到教室前
And he gets up in front of the class.
说道 我受不了了
He says, “I just, I couldn’t take it anymore,
所以我搬去了法国重拾生活
so I picked up my life, and I moved to France.”
事实可并非如此吧
This is being ludicrously misreported, by the way.
于是我举手提问道
So I raised my hand.
等一下 等一下 彼得
I said, “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Peter.
你是说由于你对这个国家不满
“You’re telling us you got so angry at this country
才搬到法国去的吗
that you moved to France?”
然后彼得说 好吧
And Peter says, “Yeah.
是因为我拿了富布莱特奖学金
Well, I had a Fulbright.”
好吧 好吧 要是我抖搂出
Yeah, well, yeah, if I told you
这个傻瓜上学时的老底
what this putz was like when he was here,
他会夺门而哭的
he’d run out of the room crying.
这倒是
That’s probably true.
你上学时什么样
Well, what were you like when you were here?
我当时英俊潇洒 有没有
I was very handsome, wasn’t I?
我没说错吧
Am I remembering that correctly?
没印象了
No, I don’t remember that.
我就记得毕业周时
But what I do remember is you being a real jerk
你对你父母耍无赖
to your parents on graduation weekend.
他不想离开
He didn’t want to leave.
可不是嘛
It’s true.
我埋怨我的爸妈 还有继父继母
And I blamed my parents, weirdly, all four of them.
都怪他们终结了我的大学生涯
Like it was their fault college was ending.
你可别这么对我们
Don’t do that to us.
-不会的 -别看她现在答应得好好的
– No, I won’t. – She says that now.
你父母说你参加了即兴表演社团
So your parents told me you’re in the improv group?
是的
Yeah.
怎么样
How’s that?
特别好 我很喜欢
It’s the best. I love it.
喜欢在哪儿
What do you love about it?
我喜欢那种令人生畏的感觉
Um, I think I love how terrifying it is
在里面没有”不”字可言
and how you have to say “Yes” to everything.
抱歉 不太明白你说的
Uh, sorry, what does that mean?
即兴表演的唯一规定
It’s, like, the only rule of improv.
永远不能说”不”
You can never say “No.”
你必须接受并相应地添加些东西
You have to say “Yes” and then add something.
比方说
Like, uh-like, look.
妈妈 你和我已经在沙漠里游荡数日
Um, okay, Mom, you and I have been wandering in the desert for days,
奄奄一息
and we’re about to die, okay?
好吧
Ok.
我说 把那个柠檬递给我
Okay, and I say, “Hand me that lemonade”,
把那个柠檬递给我
So hand me that lemonade.
上帝 苏珊 把那个柠檬递给她
Jesus, Susan, hand her the goddamn lemonade.
算了
Never mind.
杰西 把那个柠檬递给我
Jesse, hand me that lemonade.
谢谢
Thank you.
好吃 我喜欢
Sweet, just the way I like it.
我领会精髓了
I nailed this.
这不对啊 我们不是在沙漠嘛
It doesn’t make sense. We’re in the desert.
哪儿来的柠檬
I mean, where would we get lemonade?
幸会幸会
It’s great seeing you guys.
你学的什么专业
So what was your major?
主修英语 辅修历史
I was English with a minor in history,
都是找不到工作的专业
just to make sure I was fully unemployable.
-是啊 -你呢
– Right. – What about you?
戏剧
Drama.
不是正式地学
I mean, not officially yet,
因为我爸爸不同意
’cause my dad’s not totally thrilled with the idea,
所以还应该算是艺术史专业吧
so maybe also art history?
你时不时地去社团还是挺好的
I’m just happy you go to clan occasionally.
没准你一整天都在即兴表演
I thought maybe you just improvised all day long.
没有吧
Nope.
倒也没准
I mean, I do, I guess.
你想过吗
Have you ever thought about that?
想过什么
About what?
生活中的每件事都是即兴发挥的
How everything in life is basically improvised?
没有剧本
There’s no script.
一切都是自编自演
We’re just making this up as we go.
有道理
That’s true.
是啊
So yeah.
即兴表演的学问可大了
Well, improv is deep, man.
我们要走了
Well, we’re about to head out.
-幸会 杰西 -我也是
– Pleasure to meet you, Jesse. – Yeah. Yeah. You too.
保重 再见
Take care. Bye.
后会有期
So I’ll, I’ll see you around, I guess.
-后会有期 -好的
– Yeah, yeah, see you around. – Okay.
幸会
It was nice to meet you.
我也是
Yeah, you too.
-再见 -再见
– See you later. – Okay, bye.
好好享受大学生活
Enjoy college.
你今晚会正装出席吧
You wearing a tie tonight?
真的 怎么说呢
What can you say, really?
人们聚在一起 念你的好处
People get up and say all this great stuff about you.
我就在想
You know, I’m thinking,
他们说的究竟是谁
“Who in the hell are they talking about?”
时间怎么过得那么快
Wow, just, where does the time go?
难以想象
This seems impossible.
37年
37 years.
37.
人生在世免不了会经历挫折
There comes a time in a man’s life,
不如意的时候就做做数学题
when it hurts to do the math.
我怕自己在这儿当惯了英雄
You know, I worry that I’ve been hero so long
到了别的地方会耐不住平凡
that I’ll be lousy being any place else.
这种日子很快就会到来
Oh, well, I guess I’ll find out very shortly.
感谢有美味的鸡肉相款待
Um, hey, thanks for the chicken.
有点凉 但我…
It was a little cold, but still I…
我走了都念着点我的好
Think nice thoughts about me when I’m gone,
如果可以的话
if you can.
不 他们在马卡莱斯特实施了
No, they did it at Macalester.
我觉得在这儿同样奏效
I really think it could work here.
听着不错
Well, it sounds great.
不如我们周一再说吧
I tell you, talk about it on Monday.
好的